Chapter 33
Xie Ning woke up once in the middle of the night.
When he came to, his brows were tightly furrowed. He felt a little short of breath, as if he were drowning; the suffocating sensation made him extremely uncomfortable.
He quickly figured out the cause.
His face was buried in Pei Zhi’s neck, while Pei Zhi’s large hand was firmly clasped over the back of his head, pressing him against his skin with an overbearing, forceful strength. Of course he could not breathe properly in that position.
At the moment, Pei Zhi was fast asleep. Xie Ning shifted slightly. In his sleep, Pei Zhi seemed displeased by the struggle; his hand slid downward and gently stroked the back of Xie Ning’s neck, as though telling him not to fuss.
The moment that sensitive nape was touched, a current-like sensation ran beneath his skin, and Xie Ning fell into a brief daze. Still, he was finally able to breathe normally again.
Xie Ning realized that not only was his face buried in Pei Zhi’s neck, but his arms were wrapped around Pei Zhi’s throat as well. If there had not been a blanket between them, he probably would have been clinging to Pei Zhi like a koala.
Still muddled with sleep, he felt a little embarrassed.
Xie Ning did not know what Pei Zhi had been thinking when he chose to wrap him up in the blanket, but at this moment, he rather agreed with the decision.
To him, intimate physical contact was far too tempting. Yet now that some distance had been kept, he found himself feeling reluctant to part from it.
His cheeks still retained the comfort brought by skin-to-skin contact. Deep inside, it seemed as though a voice was clamoring, urging him to seek even more physical closeness. He felt like someone scorched by the sun, desperate to keep drinking water to quench his thirst.
He wanted more and more, but that was not allowed.
In the past, Xie Ning had always been able to control this impulse well. But why was his self-control growing weaker lately? Why? It seemed to be because Pei Zhi had been constantly by his side recently. They had been in contact all the time, and that excessive, frequent closeness had spoiled him.
This was not a good sign.
No one stayed together forever. Even if he and Pei Zhi were on good terms now, after graduation they would each have their own careers. Perhaps later, they would not even live in the same city. The time they spent together would inevitably decrease more and more. If he really did develop a dependence on contact with Pei Zhi, it would surely bring bad consequences.
He could not keep indulging himself like this. He had to know when to stop.
Xie Ning thought that it was time to keep some distance from Pei Zhi.
…
The next day, when Pei Zhi woke up, his whole body felt feverish, and his throat was painfully dry. The moment he opened his mouth, a violent cough burst out.
Xie Ning had just finished washing up and getting dressed. Seeing the sickly look on Pei Zhi’s face as he lay in bed, he lifted one leg and placed his knee on the mattress, leaning in with the motion.
Pei Zhi had been feeling dizzy and heavy-headed, but the moment he saw Xie Ning’s face drawing closer, he instantly sobered up.
Xie Ning reached out and touched his forehead, then his cheek and the base of his ear. Pei Zhi’s breathing turned hurried; it felt as if steam were about to rise from the top of his head.
“You seem to have caught a cold,” Xie Ning said. “You might have a bit of a temperature.”
Pei Zhi felt very hot to the touch, but Xie Ning could not be sure, because Pei Zhi’s body temperature had always run warm.
“A cold?” Pei Zhi’s expression changed slightly. He immediately backed away several steps, then wrapped himself tightly in the blanket until not even his head was exposed. In a muffled voice, he said, “I’ll go take my temperature later. Don’t come near me for now.”
He could not let the cold spread to Xie Ning.
Pei Zhi put on three layers of masks. The same person who had always insisted on sticking close to Xie Ning now took the initiative to keep his distance. He could feel that he probably really had caught a cold.
It was probably because last night he had been too busy holding Xie Ning and had not kept the blanket over himself properly.
He did not know whether Xie Ning might already have been infected…
After they returned to school, Xie Ning accompanied Pei Zhi to the infirmary. After his temperature was taken, it was confirmed that Pei Zhi had a cold, though he was not running a fever. The doctor prescribed some medicine and told him to take it on time.
Xie Ning listened very carefully. He sorted the medicine that needed to be taken twice a day and three times a day into separate groups and labeled them. Lifting the plastic bag, he said, “Let’s go.”
“Wait,” Pei Zhi said. “Get two more packs of masks.”
Xie Ning found it strange. “Why buy so many masks?”
“I’ll need to wear them in the dorm too,” Pei Zhi said. “Your bed is right next to mine. I’m afraid I’ll pass the cold to you.”
“That won’t be necessary. You can just act like usual,” Xie Ning said. “As long as we keep the room ventilated, you don’t need to wear a mask in the dorm.”
If Pei Zhi had to keep a mask on even after going back to the dorm, it would be terribly uncomfortable for him.
But Pei Zhi insisted on buying several more packs of masks just in case. Xie Ning could only agree. After they returned to the dorm, the moment Pei Zhi sat down in his chair, Xie Ning picked up a thermos cup and headed outside.
Pei Zhi immediately stood up. Beneath his messy fringe, the corners of his eyes looked a little red from the cold. In a hoarse voice, he asked, “Where are you going?”
His tone was so tense, as though he were a poor dog about to be abandoned. Xie Ning raised the thermos in his hand. “I’m going to get some hot water. Your medicine needs to be dissolved.”
So he was not leaving?
Pei Zhi’s anxiety eased a little, but he still was not reassured. He pushed his chair aside and followed after him. “I’ll go with you.”
It was just getting some water, not a big deal at all. Did he really need to accompany him for that too? But there was no helping it. Sick people came first.
Pei Zhi followed behind Xie Ning the whole way, always keeping a certain distance. He looked very much like he wanted to get closer, but he was afraid of passing the cold to Xie Ning, so he held back the urge.
Xie Ning filled one cup with hot water and another with warm water. The moment he turned around, he met Pei Zhi’s burning gaze.
“Let’s go,” Xie Ning said. “I’m done.”
Pei Zhi immediately followed behind him. “Mm.”
Their dorm was the kind with bunk beds above and desks below, a room for four people. Xie Ning’s desk was right next to Pei Zhi’s.
Xie Ning sat down and took out the medicine Pei Zhi needed to take later, placing it all together. He also prepared the medicine in advance.
“It may be a little hot right now, but medicine works better when it’s hot,” Xie Ning thought that should be the case. When he was little, his mother had always told him that when he drank medicine. Then he added, “This one is warm water. If your throat feels bad, you can drink it.”
Pei Zhi sat in the chair wearing three layers of masks. The heat had already dampened his fringe with sweat. The discomfort of being sick made his mind sluggish and muddled, yet the moment he looked at Xie Ning, he could always become instantly alert.
He listened carefully to Xie Ning’s words. That clear, gentle voice sounded especially pleasant in his ears.
“Xie Ning,” Pei Zhi suddenly called.
When he saw Xie Ning slowly lift his head, he said hoarsely, “I really want to hug you.”
Xie Ning spread his arms. “Then hug me.”
Giving a sick person an encouraging hug was nothing much.
If it had been before, Pei Zhi would already have embraced him. In truth, even now, it was difficult for him to resist such temptation. Irritation and reluctance flashed across his face. He casually undid one button, then asked very seriously, “Can I owe it for now?”
“When I’m better, I’ll hug you then,” Pei Zhi said. “I’ll get well very quickly.”
“All right,” Xie Ning said. “But first you need to take your medicine.”
“Okay.” Pei Zhi took the medicine very quickly. After finishing it, he put the masks back on again.
“I need to go out this afternoon. My advisor asked for me,” Xie Ning said. “Why don’t you take a nap this afternoon? You might get sleepy after taking the medicine.”
Pei Zhi really was very tired, not just physically but mentally as well. He asked, “Will you be gone long?”
Xie Ning thought for a moment. “Maybe an hour? If it goes quickly, then half an hour.”
His straight, dark lashes slowly lowered. Standing in front of Xie Ning, Pei Zhi wanted to get close, but he was afraid of passing the cold to him. He hid off to the side, like a large dog that did not want to smear its muddy paws on its owner.
“But I’ll miss you,” he said.
“I’ll come back as soon as I can,” Xie Ning said. “Maybe by the time you wake up, I’ll already be back.”
“When I wake up, I’ll see you?” Pei Zhi asked.
“When you wake up, you’ll see me,” Xie Ning replied.
Those words were like a shot of reassurance to Pei Zhi. He answered with a “Okay,” then said, “I’ll walk you to the elevator.”
At first, Pei Zhi only escorted Xie Ning to the elevator, but then he thought, since he had already come this far, he might as well walk him downstairs too.
When they reached the first floor, he thought, since they were already on the first floor, he might as well walk him to the building entrance. But once they really got to the entrance, he found himself thinking that the teaching building was not far from the dorm either, so perhaps…
Xie Ning did not even need to guess to know what Pei Zhi was thinking. He said, “Just see me off here. It’s windy outside. Since you’ve got a cold, don’t come out.”
Pei Zhi looked as though he wanted to say something but stopped himself. Xie Ning glanced at him lightly. “Be good, all right?”
His cool gaze carried very little emotion, and even his voice was soft. Pei Zhi stared at Xie Ning’s face; his Adam’s apple bobbed, and a strange sense of satisfaction rose amid his sickly brows.
He greatly enjoyed the process of being managed by Xie Ning.
“Okay. I’ll wait in the dorm for you to come back.” Pei Zhi reached out, clearly wanting to touch Xie Ning, but in the end he only lightly brushed the edge of Xie Ning’s sleeve with his fingertips. “I’ll miss you a lot.”
…
When Xie Ning arrived at the office, his advisor was parking in the underground garage.
He sat alone in the office waiting, his thoughts wandering.
How had Pei Zhi suddenly gotten sick? But courtesy demanded reciprocity. Before, when his foot had been injured, Pei Zhi had taken care of him the whole time. Now that Pei Zhi was sick, he should take the initiative as well.
The problem was that he had no experience taking care of others. The only thing he could think of was to make Pei Zhi drink more hot water, which was why he had poured so much warm water for him.
And he did not know whether it was just his imagination.
But Pei Zhi when sick… seemed even clingier than usual.
No matter what Xie Ning did, Pei Zhi followed him everywhere. Yet at the same time, Pei Zhi was afraid of passing the cold to him, so he always kept some distance. If Xie Ning took two steps forward, Pei Zhi would quickly follow with two steps of his own.
It reminded him of the large dogs in apartment complexes that walked behind their owners without a leash.
The door was pushed open.
Professor Liu saw Xie Ning and looked delighted. “Have you been waiting long? I don’t know why the garage was so crowded today. It took me forever to find a parking spot.”
Xie Ning stood up. “I just got here too.”
After sitting down, Professor Liu pulled out a handful of snacks from a drawer. “Here, have some. My son brought these over last time and said they were really good. You should try them too. The main reason I called you here today is actually for two things. First, in order to encourage student creativity, our department has decided to hold a small competition. But many of the teachers do not have time right now. It happens to clash with proposal defenses, and many teachers are busy supervising graduating students. So I was thinking of having a few students with stronger professional skills serve as judges. They could also offer some guidance to the first-year students.”
“I just don’t know whether you have the time. I remember your group has been preparing for another competition recently too. But this one won’t take very long, so you can think it over.”
“As for time, there’s no problem,” Xie Ning said, “but my professional level still isn’t high enough to be guiding others.”
“You’re too modest.” Professor Liu smiled. “Your skills are very strong, more than enough. If I get the chance, I hope you’ll do your postgraduate studies under me.”
“But you’ll most likely go abroad for further study, won’t you?”
Most art students eventually chose the path of studying overseas. And with Xie Ning’s family background, they could certainly afford it.
“Maybe,” Xie Ning said.
“Then think a little more about the judging matter? Treat it as experience.” Professor Liu took a sip of hot tea. The more he looked at Xie Ning, the more he liked him. “How is your competition preparation going?”
Xie Ning showed Professor Liu his work. At first glance, Professor Liu was stunned.
Xie Ning’s use of design elements was bold and highly personal in style. The wildness and force of it struck head-on, instantly carrying the viewer to the vast grasslands, to enjoy the wind and freedom beneath nature itself.
Especially the model Xie Ning was currently using—his looks and figure matched the design perfectly. The model’s proportions were excellent, no less impressive than those of top-tier fashion models. It was also clear, however, that there was a trace of inexperience in his movements and bearing. Yet that very inexperience added a touch of primitive wildness to the mysterious garments.
It was as though a male lion from the grasslands had just stepped into the human world, and at the moment the photographer captured him, he turned his head for a backward glance. A beast entirely out of place in modern society, yet possessing a savage charm uniquely his own.
“You really are…” The more Professor Liu looked, the less he could hide the admiration in his eyes. At first, he had thought he should avoid praising a student too much and making him arrogant. But now he could not wait to praise him. “You have inherited the strengths of both your parents. I truly have a feeling that you will become the first undergraduate student to enter the central exhibition hall in A City.”
The people who could exhibit there were usually designers with some fame already, or university professors with enough social standing. Undergraduates like Xie Ning were normally just there to fill out the numbers.
“Still,” Professor Liu said, “there are a few places where I think you could make some slight adjustments.”
Professor Liu was very professional. From both his own perspective and that of a judge, he offered Xie Ning several suggestions.
Xie Ning took notes seriously. He was smart and grasped things the moment they were pointed out. “I understand. I’ll revise it again.”
“It’s already very good, actually,” Professor Liu said. “But if you want to win an award, you still need to cater just a little to the judges’ tastes.”
After chatting with Professor Liu a little longer, Xie Ning finally left the office.
Having considered Professor Liu’s suggestions, Xie Ning had some new ideas. Some parts would be easy to revise, while others would take more time. From here on, he would probably need to keep running to the studio. But he still had quite a few classes coming up… Luckily, he did not have evening classes. After his afternoon lessons ended, he could head straight back to the studio.
But if he kept commuting back and forth like this, it would be very inconvenient. Once he started working, he often worked late into the night, likely past the dorm curfew.
But if he stayed at the studio directly, he had morning classes the next day, and there was still some distance between the studio and school. He would have to wake up much earlier, sacrificing sleep.
Maybe he should temporarily rent a place somewhere between school and the studio? Or stay in a hotel?
In the past, he would have made such a decision without hesitation.
But now, he actually thought of Pei Zhi.
Pei Zhi had been sick lately, which was exactly when he needed someone to take care of him. When Xie Ning had been injured before, Pei Zhi had even fed him water by hand. If he simply left him alone now, it would seem rather heartless.
Forget it. He would ask around first, just in case. Anyway, it was not certain that he would even find a suitable place.
Xie Ning asked Qi Ran whether he knew any reliable agents, with the location set somewhere between the studio and the school.
Qi Ran sent back an “ok.”
When it came to finding a place, Qi Ran had plenty of experience. After starting university, he had not been able to get used to dorm life, so he had moved out and lived on his own ever since. He was rather picky and had high standards for housing. Back then, he had asked about many apartments and looked through many agents before finally settling on his current place.
There was no problem asking him.
[Q: I think so. An agent sent me a few listings, and they look okay. Free later? I’ll take you to check them out.]
[Ning: In a few days. I’ve got something to do these next two days. My friend is sick.]
[Q: ? If he’s sick, he should see a doctor. What’s that got to do with you?]
Xie Ning did not reply.
He had spent forty minutes in Professor Liu’s office. It would take about ten minutes to get back to the dorm. Right now, if he placed an order on the app for medicinal food from a restaurant, what else should he buy?
Maybe some nutritional supplements? And a thicker blanket too.
By the time he reached the dorm building, Xie Ning had already ordered everything he meant to buy and arranged for it to be delivered.
When he pushed open the dorm door, he froze for a moment. Pei Zhi was not asleep after all—or perhaps he had already woken up.
Many branded shopping bags and gift boxes were scattered across the dorm floor. Pei Zhi appeared to be organizing the wardrobe, stuffing clothes into it. Because he was sick, his senses were not as sharp as usual. He only noticed Xie Ning had returned after Xie Ning pushed open the door and walked in.
The listlessness in his brows and eyes instantly lit up. Pei Zhi put down the hanger in his hand. “You’re back? Are you cold? Should I turn the air conditioner up?”
“No need. This is enough.” Xie Ning looked at his desk in surprise. “Why is there so much stuff on my desk?”
Xie Ning had never planned to stay in the dorm long-term, so he had left very few things there. His desk had been especially bare—apart from a few textbooks and some tissues, there had basically been nothing else.
He did not even keep his computer in the dorm.
The once-empty desk was now filled with many reference books, some cute blind-box figurines, and potted plants. There was even an extra basket on the top shelf, full of the cereal and bread he liked to eat most often, along with snacks for when he got cravings.
More than half of his desk space had been filled, and it now looked deeply lived-in.
“Your desk was too empty,” Pei Zhi said. He had taken a nap, and his condition looked much better now, though his voice was still hoarse. Looking at Xie Ning, he said, “Even if you suddenly left and never came back, I might not notice.”
Xie Ning was startled by how perceptive Pei Zhi was. He had only just thought today about moving out, and Pei Zhi had already sensed it. Even though he knew it was just a coincidence, he still found it astonishing.
“How did it go with your professor?” Pei Zhi changed the subject, then added, “Your wardrobe is still empty, right? Mind if I use it? Mine won’t fit everything.”
“That’s fine, go ahead,” Xie Ning said. “The talk went pretty well. If I manage to get my work into the exhibition later, I’ll definitely invite you to see it.”
“I’ll go to every one of your exhibitions,” Pei Zhi said.
“So nice of you?” Xie Ning said. “Then I’ll wait for you. If you break your promise, then…”
Pei Zhi saw him stop speaking, so he carefully repeated, “Then?”
Xie Ning smiled. “I don’t know either. What do you think should happen?”
On this matter, Pei Zhi seemed to have complete confidence in himself. He said with certainty, “I won’t break my promise.”
I’ll go to every one of your exhibitions.
The last people who had given him such a promise were his parents.
And his parents had indeed kept it. Whenever his work was shown in a major exhibition, no matter how busy they were, they always went. But later on, he rarely told them such news anymore.
Flying back specially from abroad cost too much time, money, and energy. And his parents were very busy as well.
Xie Ning had entered many competitions, too many to count, large and small. Some awards were not even particularly prestigious; he had submitted to them casually, and there was no need to ask his parents to come see those exhibitions.
Pei Zhi continued sorting out the wardrobe, stuffing clothes into Xie Ning’s wardrobe. Gradually, Xie Ning realized something was off.
“These aren’t your clothes, are they?” Xie Ning looked at the sizes. They were too small for Pei Zhi. He frowned. “Why did you buy me clothes? I already have clothes.”
“Your clothes aren’t in the dorm, and it’s troublesome to keep bringing them back and forth. A brand happened to send me some new ready-to-wear pieces, so I asked for your size along the way.”
Then he said, “You don’t need to feel burdened, and you don’t need to be embarrassed. I didn’t spend a single minute on it. I swiped my dad’s card.”
Pei Zhi added, “Your mom bought my plane ticket, and I used my dad’s card to buy you clothes. That’s what you call returning courtesy for courtesy.”
“…”
Xie Ning truly did not know what to say.
He did not like owing people favors; favors were the hardest things to repay. But with Pei Zhi, it felt as though he kept endlessly “owing” him things, which was why he always felt a little guilty toward him.
In Pei Zhi’s eyes, he really did seem important—an extremely important friend. In return, he should probably treat Pei Zhi with even more importance too.
Xie Ning walked to the desk in small steps and checked the water in the thermos. It was all gone.
Leaning against the wardrobe, Pei Zhi folded one arm across his chest. Two masks were layered over his face, leaving only his deep-set brows and eyes visible. In that posture, his legs looked especially long, giving him a youthful, spirited air.
Seeing Xie Ning’s movement, he raised his brow slightly. “Don’t worry, I drank it all. If it’s water you poured for me, how could I possibly not drink it?”
“Mm,” Xie Ning said. “Then I’ll go pour you more. When you’re sick, you need to drink more hot water.”
Xie Ning spoke in a very serious tone, but on that overly cool face, it somehow gave off an innocent, earnest childishness. It was adorable.
Pei Zhi felt awful all over, yet now he could not stop his mood from lifting, and the corners of his lips curled up as well. He raised his hand, wanting to touch Xie Ning’s head, but the moment he remembered he was sick, he withdrew it.
“Dummy,” Pei Zhi said.
“What?” Xie Ning had not heard clearly.
Pei Zhi smiled. “I said, you’re so good to me.”
Then he deliberately dragged out the last syllable. His voice was husky from illness, as if it had been steeped in wine, making it sound lingering and intimate.
“Baby Ning,” he called.
Xie Ning lifted his lashes in slight surprise, then frowned. His palm-sized face looked puzzled, as though he truly could not understand why Pei Zhi would call him that at a time like this.
The little expression on his face was vivid and alive. He even seriously thought about it for a moment.
Pei Zhi really wanted to laugh. Around Xie Ning, his emotions were always stable and peaceful; everything felt comfortable. He walked over to Xie Ning’s side and lightly hooked a finger around a strand of his hair. “So cute.”
The soft strands slipped through his fingertips. Pei Zhi seemed unable to tire of it, twining Xie Ning’s hair around his finger again and again.
He did not dare touch Xie Ning directly, so he only dared touch his hair. Seeing that Xie Ning seemed somewhat speechless, he said in that same childish way on purpose, “What should I do? I’m feeling a little bad again. After I’m better, can I add one more hug?”
“…” Xie Ning said, “You should just drink more hot water.”
…
Being sick really could win people’s sympathy.
Pei Zhi came to understand this very deeply.
Every day, Xie Ning reminded him to take his medicine exactly on schedule, like clocking in for work. In particular, some of the times Xie Ning messaged him were during class.
And Xie Ning never looked at his phone during class.
That kind of special treatment filled Pei Zhi with immense satisfaction. He was certain that he was special, that he was different.
At the very least, he was different from many other people.
And being sick also made people more fragile and emotionally sensitive. During this period, Pei Zhi could not have close physical contact with Xie Ning, so he constantly worried that someone else might steal Xie Ning away.
If only Xie Ning could grow onto him, he thought. Eat together, live together, do everything together.
Pei Zhi was like a dragon lurking in a dark cave, keeping constant watch over his treasure, afraid that someone might covet it.
But he was naturally strong, and his cold cleared up quickly. By the second evening, he already felt mostly fine.
Still, he should wait a few more days, until the cold was completely gone. He had a strong constitution; when he caught a cold, he would recover in a few days. Xie Ning was not like him. If Xie Ning got sick, it would probably drag on for a long time.
Even if the chance were only one in ten thousand, he still did not want Xie Ning to suffer for it.
As time passed, Pei Zhi sharply noticed something else.
Lately, Xie Ning’s attitude toward him had become very cold.
Every day Xie Ning came back late. After returning to the dorm, he showered and then went straight to sleep, and there was hardly any time for them to talk. Even when he sat at his desk, he looked as though he had endless messages to reply to, and sometimes he would suddenly smile.
That scene looked very familiar.
Whenever Gu Nian chatted with someone he was flirting with, he wore the exact same smile every day.
Pei Zhi gradually became wary and uneasy.
Because of the cold, he still could not sleep under the same blanket as Xie Ning. They had very little time alone together each day, perhaps only ten-odd minutes.
Whenever Pei Zhi wanted to go find him, Xie Ning turned him down. Even when he asked to eat together, Xie Ning refused, saying he was very busy.
He knew that Xie Ning truly was busy, but he could not stop himself from overthinking, imagining all sorts of bad possibilities.
For example…
Did Xie Ning already have someone else outside? Someone he liked even more?
…
Xie Ning had been very busy recently and had no time to personally watch Pei Zhi take his medicine, so he usually just sent a message when it was time. After two days of running back and forth between the studio and school, he felt he could not quite manage it anymore.
He should rent a place after all.
The commuting, the travel time—it all cost too much energy. Xie Ning wanted to save that time and use it on things that mattered more.
[Ning: Are you free today? I want to go look at apartments after class this afternoon.]
[Q: okok, I’ll drive over to pick you up. Oh right, did you see it? The video in the family group chat. I laughed to death! How is my cousin’s daughter’s kindergarten performance this funny? I nearly died laughing when I saw it.]
[Ning: I saw it. Just laugh in private. Don’t laugh at her in front of her face. Little kids have strong self-esteem.]
[Q: Who would dare laugh at her in person? She’s like a little ancestor. Alright, alright, I have class now. I’ll come find you at school later.]
[Q: Actually this one is even funnier. [forwarded a video]]
Even though laughing at children was not nice,
Xie Ning still tapped on it.
The video had been filmed in a kindergarten. A group of children were holding hands and performing, while his older cousin’s daughter, who was hosting on stage, had picked up the wrong microphone.
Another child beside her was holding the microphone.
She herself was holding a carrot.
Halfway through speaking, she even took two bites out of it.
That bewildered, innocent expression, that sweet and adorable little face, that soft babyish voice. After watching it, Xie Ning could not help laughing again.
The moment Pei Zhi entered the dorm, he saw Xie Ning looking at his phone with a gentle smile—a smile he had never seen on him before.
By now, Pei Zhi had mostly recovered, so he was no longer wearing a mask. Pretending to be casual, he walked over behind Xie Ning, wanting to secretly see who he was talking to, but by then Xie Ning’s screen had already gone dark.
Xie Ning turned his head, looking at him in confusion. “Why did your training end so early today?”
Pei Zhi’s lashes fluttered slightly. “The weather’s gotten colder, so the training schedule changed.”
So that was why. Xie Ning nodded. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
“I’ll come too,” Pei Zhi said, following him.
Just as Xie Ning was about to shut the door, Pei Zhi tried to squeeze into the bathroom with him. One hand braced against the doorframe, his face—filled with stubbornness and surprise—appeared in the crack of the door.
Looking at Pei Zhi standing outside with that insistently stubborn expression, Xie Ning asked, “What are you doing? I’m going to the bathroom.”
Because of the difference in their class schedules, the amount of time he saw Xie Ning each day was growing less and less. Xie Ning had never liked chatting online much to begin with, and now he was even busier.
Every day, the only thing Pei Zhi could do was save Xie Ning’s photos from the campus forum and look at them over and over again, imagining that the Xie Ning in the photos was right there beside him. But the more beautiful those imagined scenes were, the crueler reality became.
Pei Zhi missed Xie Ning so much that he was beginning to feel half-crazed. Every day, he could only suppress the surging urges inside him by increasing the intensity of his training. Later, his coach reminded him to take it easy and shortened his training time, which also counted as giving him some rest.
If only he could install a camera on Xie Ning.
That way, whenever he missed him, he could watch the monitor and see what Xie Ning was doing, whether he had rested well, eaten well, and slept well. Best of all would be a camera that could track Xie Ning’s movements, so he would know where Xie Ning had gone all day.
Of course, he would install one on himself too, and let Xie Ning watch him in return. He liked being watched by Xie Ning. He did not find it restrictive.
On the contrary, he liked the feeling of being controlled and kept in line by Xie Ning.
Just thinking about it made his scalp tingle.
If only Xie Ning could become smaller, he thought once again.
Then he could carry Xie Ning around in his pocket. Whenever he wanted, he could slip his hand in and touch him, just to make sure Xie Ning was right there by his side…
His thoughts were drifting too far.
Pei Zhi pulled himself back. As he bent down, his tall, strong body seemed to reveal a hint of weakness. His brows and eyes dimmed with disappointment. “You haven’t been paying attention to me lately.”
“Me?” Xie Ning said in surprise. “When have I ignored you?”
“You won’t let me walk you to class, you won’t eat with me, and at night when you come back, we don’t talk either.” Pei Zhi listed each point one by one. “Do you not like me anymore?”
Those words struck Xie Ning one after another, leaving him momentarily stunned. Not because of anything else, but because… the conversation sounded so strange no matter how he listened to it.
Holding the doorframe, Xie Ning shook his head. “Didn’t I already tell you? I’ve been really busy lately, running between school and the studio. I truly don’t have the energy to spare.”
“I said I could drive you,” Pei Zhi replied.
“But you were still sick,” Xie Ning said. “I can’t trouble someone who’s ill. That would be too rude.”
“You can be rude to me. I don’t mind,” Pei Zhi said. “Even if I’m sick, it doesn’t stop me from driving you. Even if I’m sick, you can still use me. As long as you need me, I can be there.”
“But you don’t need me at all.”
Xie Ning found himself unable to understand Pei Zhi’s train of thought.
Was Pei Zhi feeling wronged because Xie Ning had not “troubled” him? Yes—his tone really did sound aggrieved. Because Xie Ning had not asked him to drive him, had not shown any need for him, Pei Zhi felt wronged.
But… why would Pei Zhi feel wronged over that?
A large hand came down onto the doorframe, and Pei Zhi slid one leg into the bathroom. Xie Ning did not dare push too hard for fear of hitting him. All he could do was say helplessly, “I want to use the bathroom. Can we talk after that, okay?”
“We haven’t spent time together in a long time,” Pei Zhi said. “I miss you a lot.”
“I can stay with you while you use the bathroom, okay?” Pei Zhi promised. “I won’t do anything. I’ll just stay by your side. I won’t make a sound, and I definitely won’t disturb you.”
After hearing it described so specifically, heat suddenly rushed across Xie Ning’s face. A trace of red was forced out at the corner of his eyes as he looked at Pei Zhi in disbelief.
The bathroom in the dorm was only this big, and there was nothing much separating them. Pei Zhi wanted to stay with him while he used the bathroom? How exactly? Stand there and watch him?
Even if they were both men, he still could not accept that. And there was no way he could relieve himself under someone’s gaze.
Xie Ning tried to push Pei Zhi out. But the moment his hand touched him, Pei Zhi’s tall, sturdy body gave way instantly, as soft as cotton, and was pushed aside at once.
“You pushed me.” Pei Zhi looked at Xie Ning with a gaze full of grievance. “You care less and less about me now.”
Xie Ning looked at him acting like this. He used to think Pei Zhi was easy to understand, but now he realized he did not understand him at all.
And then he suddenly noticed something.
Because he had been so busy before, he had not had the time to think about anything else. But today, with the two of them standing so close together, no one else around, and the surroundings quiet—
He had spoken with Pei Zhi for so long, yet he had not heard Pei Zhi’s inner voice even once.
It seemed that… for the time being, he could no longer hear Pei Zhi’s thoughts.
