Chapter 34
The dorm room was not brightly lit. They looked at each other in that dim setting, the warm yellow light reflecting off the walls and illuminating Xie Ning’s clear, cool features.
Xie Ning said, “You’re too clingy.”
Pei Zhi froze for a moment.
Then Xie Ning added, “Can I go to the bathroom first? I really need to go.”
It was obvious that Xie Ning truly had been pushed to his limit.
He had never been forced into this kind of situation before. He had needed to use the bathroom, yet had been blocked at the door for so long that he still had not managed to go, and now he even had to say something like that so bluntly. He was not especially thick-skinned to begin with, and now a layer of pink floated over his fair cheeks, with even the corners of his eyes showing traces of moisture.
From Pei Zhi’s angle, he could clearly see Xie Ning subtly pressing his knees together, then seeming to rub them lightly again. It was such a tiny movement, yet it was like a bomb thrown into the sea of his heart, throwing him into instant chaos.
“Mm.” Pei Zhi immediately let go. He moved too quickly and stumbled back two steps. He fell to the floor, then awkwardly braced himself and stood up again. “If you’re in a hurry, then of course you should use the bathroom first.”
The line came out of nowhere.
Xie Ning was both flustered and embarrassed. He shut the door with one push, then, still not reassured, locked it before quickly dealing with his physical need.
Outside the door, Pei Zhi looked like he had lost his soul. He returned to his seat, still wearing his usual cool and composed expression, but his thoughts had already drifted into the bathroom, and even the tips of his ears had turned completely red.
The dorm’s soundproofing was average at best. Any little noise from the bathroom could be heard very clearly outside. Pei Zhi had never paid attention to such things before. More accurately, he had never wanted to pay attention.
Listening to the sound of someone else using the bathroom?
What kind of pervert would that make him?
And yet now, in the quiet surroundings, every sound of running water was magnified again and again.
Right after that came the deafening pounding of his own heartbeat.
It felt as though Pei Zhi’s chest were under immense pressure. His heart was beating too fast… If anyone had told him before that he would one day eavesdrop on the sounds of someone else in the bathroom, he would only have thought that person was an idiot.
But now, he really had become that sort of person.
When Xie Ning came out of the bathroom, his head was slightly lowered. A layer of pink still lingered on his pale skin, not yet fully faded. Calmly, he sat back down in his seat. “Alright, let’s continue.”
“I really have been busy lately. It’s not that I won’t let you drive me, it’s just that my classes are all pretty early. Even when I don’t have morning classes, I want to get to the studio early. It would delay you from getting to class. That’s also why I haven’t been eating with you,” Xie Ning said. “I’m not deliberately neglecting you.”
From Xie Ning’s beautiful collarbones to his flushed face, Pei Zhi’s Adam’s apple slid as he swallowed. “Really?”
“Really.”
Pei Zhi asked carefully, “Then can we have dinner together later? I’ll book a restaurant right now.”
When he reached for his phone, his fingers almost brushed against Xie Ning’s knuckles. Xie Ning reacted almost like a startled reflex, pulling his hand back before they could touch.
“That won’t work. I already made plans with someone.” Xie Ning said softly, “Next time, alright? I’ll treat you to a meal next time.”
One sentence from Xie Ning was enough to send Pei Zhi, who had only just managed to calm down, right back into anxiety.
It felt as though they had returned to the time when they had just met. Xie Ning was especially polite with him, keeping a certain distance and sense of moderation in everything, always measured, always mindful of boundaries.
And that made him deeply uneasy.
Xie Ning glanced at the time. “The food I ordered for you should be arriving soon. Remember to eat lunch later. I’m heading out first—my friend is waiting for me.”
Qi Ran had messaged him, saying he was almost at the school gate. Cars were not allowed to park on campus, especially not outside vehicles, so Xie Ning had to head out in advance.
After leaving the dorm, Xie Ning let out a breath of relief.
So close… They had almost touched again just now. He had only just managed to suppress the cravings from his skin hunger again, and he had nearly lost all that progress.
Luckily, he held back.
…
Xie Ning was lying.
Xie Ning was deliberately neglecting him.
Pei Zhi’s intuition had always been accurate, and he trusted it very much. Besides, the difference in Xie Ning’s behavior before and after was simply too great.
Before, Xie Ning had clearly liked having physical contact with him. But now it was as if he had become a completely different person. Whenever they were just about to touch, Xie Ning would pull his hand back first.
Did Xie Ning dislike him? Did he think he was dirty?
Or maybe… was he just too clingy?
Xie Ning had said that line just now. To Xie Ning, it had only been a casual tease, but to Pei Zhi’s ears, it carried another meaning entirely.
Had he done something wrong recently? Or had he upset Xie Ning somehow?
He began carefully reflecting on himself, listing out everything he had done one by one, and in the end he even made a table.
Then Pei Zhi discovered that it seemed he had done everything wrong.
Xie Ning was already so tired when he got back—how could he just ignore that? He should have taken the initiative to massage Xie Ning’s shoulders and legs, to help ease his fatigue.
Xie Ning had said he did not need him to drive him, and he had really just stopped driving him? Why had he even asked in the first place? Why had he not simply driven him anyway? Xie Ning was so polite—knowing Pei Zhi was sick, how could he possibly let him keep picking him up and dropping him off?
Xie Ning said he did not want breakfast delivered, and he had really stopped bringing it? It was like giving a gift—you were not supposed to ask whether someone liked it or wanted it. You were just supposed to give it.
Xie Ning had also said he did not want to be hugged, and he had really stopped hugging him?
Well… alright, that one he really would stop, because he listened to Xie Ning.
Pei Zhi slumped against the chair in utter dejection.
Only through this self-reflection did he realize how terribly wrong he had been. No wonder Xie Ning was angry. No wonder Xie Ning was ignoring him. He had brought all of it upon himself.
There had to still be a chance to fix things…
Pei Zhi quickly grabbed his coat and rushed out of the dorm. There was still time. He could still explain. Lately, he had been overthinking everything, so afraid of angering Xie Ning that he had ended up making such a stupid mistake.
He should not have kept asking.
He should have just given.
Like giving a gift.
Where was Xie Ning now? His messages had not been answered… so he was probably at the school gate, right?
If Xie Ning was going to meet a friend, whether the friend was picking him up or he was taking a taxi, he would have to get in at the school gate.
Pei Zhi hurried across campus. On the way, he ran into Gu Nian, who had just finished a date. Gu Nian waved to him.
“Brother Pei! Are you going to find Beauty Xie? I just saw him. Why aren’t you two going out together…?”
Gu Nian had assumed the two of them were going out together.
Pei Zhi immediately changed direction. Looking anxious, he strode over to Gu Nian. “You just saw Xie Ning? Where is he? Is he heading to the main gate?”
“Yeah.” Gu Nian was startled by Pei Zhi’s attitude. “Weren’t you two going out together? He said the car was waiting at the gate, so I thought it was your car…”
“It’s not my car.”
Throwing out that line, Pei Zhi quickened his pace and ran toward the school’s main gate.
On the way, he actually ran into Shen Ye.
Pei Zhi had no intention of paying attention to him. But as Pei Zhi passed by, Shen Ye said maliciously, “He dumped you, didn’t he? I knew it. There’s no way he’d date you. That would break his rules.”
Pei Zhi stopped in his tracks. The cold wind had blown his hair a little messy, but it did nothing to blunt the sharpness of his features. Slowly, he turned to the side.
“Rules?”
“You didn’t know?” Shen Ye said with obvious schadenfreude. “Xie Ning doesn’t like mixing personal matters into work. He always keeps them clearly separate. When I confessed to him back then, he immediately cut off our collaboration. Otherwise, you and I would still be ‘colleagues’ now.”
“That’s also why I never dared to tell him how I felt directly. I knew that once he found out I liked him, our relationship would be over. We wouldn’t even have the most basic professional arrangement anymore.” Shen Ye tugged at the corner of his mouth mockingly. “But I didn’t think Xie Ning would be that heartless. After that, he never paid me any attention again… I thought at the very least, at the very least, since we’d worked together for a while, we should count as friends…”
Pei Zhi cut off his fantasy.
“You’re not his friend. Stop dreaming.”
“I’m not? And you are?” Shen Ye snapped out of his wounded mood in an instant and looked at Pei Zhi with ridicule. “Oh, right. That’s what you told him, isn’t it? That you two are friends. But does Xie Ning know that? The ‘friend’ he thinks he has is actually a dangerous person secretly coveting him. Judging by how awful and anxious you look right now, he must already know, right? Pei Zhi—”
“What makes you any different from me? Even if I’m not his friend, neither are you. Once Xie Ning finds out how you feel, you’re just a tool he can kick aside and throw away without hesitation.”
“To him, we’re all just tools. Tools meant to set off his work.”
Pei Zhi knew Shen Ye was saying all this because he wanted to see him make a fool of himself. He tried his best to stay calm, but when he turned and left, the hand at his side trembled uncontrollably.
Had Xie Ning really found out?
That was right—how had he forgotten this?
Xie Ning had always separated public and private matters clearly. Back when he had completely cut off his collaboration with Shen Ye and then found Pei Zhi instead, it had also been because Shen Ye had confessed to him… wasn’t that how it had happened?
Pei Zhi’s mind was in complete chaos.
Xie Ning knew how he felt, and that was why he had been deliberately distancing himself lately? Refusing to eat with him, refusing to travel together, rejecting his attempts to please him?
It was as if Pei Zhi had been struck awake all at once.
Thinking carefully about it, his feelings really had been obvious. He clung to Xie Ning all the time, like someone with skin hunger, wishing he could stay attached to him all twenty-four hours of the day. And in front of Xie Ning, he always revealed a side of himself completely different from usual.
He was like a childish little boy, always doing embarrassing things just to get the attention of the person he liked.
But he had never thought it was embarrassing at all. As long as Xie Ning was happy, anything he did was worth it.
It really was obvious.
Both his feelings and his desire to please him were painfully obvious.
Xie Ning was so smart—he must have noticed long ago. That was why he kept looking as though he wanted to say something and then stopping.
Xie Ning was so smart. How could he possibly not see through such transparent feelings?
Pei Zhi had thought he was hiding it well, but in reality Xie Ning had long since seen right through him. And he himself had continued acting as though nothing was wrong, continuing to stay by Xie Ning’s side.
How had Xie Ning looked at him during all this time?
In trying to hide his feelings, all he had done was one stupid thing after another, like a complete idiot.
Would Xie Ning think he was awful?
Would Xie Ning think he was disgusting?
Before he knew it, Pei Zhi had already reached the school gate. With his handsome looks and tall build, he naturally drew attention wherever he went.
Xie Ning, who was waiting for Qi Ran, noticed him at once. Seeing Pei Zhi looking completely lost, he walked over. “What’s wrong with you? Why does your face look so bad?”
Was he starting to feel sick again because of his illness?
That familiar voice pulled Pei Zhi back to himself. In the cold wind, he saw that half of Xie Ning’s face was tucked into his scarf. He looked a little pale from the cold, and the eyes showing above it were cool and damp.
Almost without thinking, Pei Zhi took off his coat and draped it over Xie Ning.
His fingers were frozen stiff, just like his mind, and would not obey him properly. For the first time in his life, Pei Zhi felt this clumsy. With difficulty, using those stiff fingers, he buttoned the coat for Xie Ning.
Then suddenly, the sharp blare of a horn cut through the air.
A red sports car pulled up at the school gate, strikingly eye-catching.
The person inside the car seemed to have seen something unpleasant. He kept stepping on the engine, producing loud, aggressive roars. The low-slung sports car, nearly scraping the ground, sounded like a beast issuing repeated warnings.
“My friend is here. I’m leaving first,” Xie Ning said.
He had taken two steps, but still did not feel reassured. He removed his scarf, stood on tiptoe, and wrapped it around Pei Zhi’s neck.
“If you’re feeling unwell, remember to go to the infirmary.”
Xie Ning’s schedule was packed. After viewing the house with Qi Ran, he still had to hurry back to the studio.
Otherwise, he would have accompanied Pei Zhi to the infirmary first.
Qi Ran felt an intense hostility toward this unfamiliar man, especially after seeing Xie Ning take off his scarf and wrap it around the other person.
He was about to explode.
His brother had actually given his scarf to someone else? In weather this cold? Who did this guy think he was?
The sports car roared again, and the huge wave of sound pulled Xie Ning back to himself. After a moment of thought, he decided he should probably order more medicine by delivery later. It seemed like the last batch was already finished…
Qi Ran got out of the car and opened the passenger door for Xie Ning. Just as Xie Ning was about to get in, that long-absent inner voice sounded again.
[Xie Ning, did you…]
Xie Ning froze.
He had not heard this voice for several days. He had almost thought his mind-reading ability had stopped working, and that Pei Zhi’s inner thoughts would never appear again.
In the whistling cold wind, he turned his head. His hair was swept up by the breeze, and the scene before him seemed to split into tiny fragments, like a shot from a movie.
Pei Zhi was also looking at him.
His gaze was heavy and deep, landing on Xie Ning from afar across the moving crowd.
[Did you find out that I like you?]
All around them, people came and went, each wearing different expressions.
Beside the red sports car, Xie Ning stood draped in an oversized coat. His face was coldly beautiful and refined. His fingers had gone faintly pink from the cold, and they even seemed to tremble slightly. His pupils widened from sheer shock.
What had he just heard?
Was it an illusion?
Or had he misheard?
For one suspended moment, time seemed to stop. They remained locked in each other’s gaze.
A moment later, Pei Zhi, standing not far away, began to move. His handsome, deeply set features were taut, as though he had finally scraped together enough courage to walk toward Xie Ning.
And yet Xie Ning was so startled that he ducked straight into the car.
He fled in panic.
