Chapter 31
In the office.
Shi Qingyu was quite surprised. He had actually come across another patient with skin hunger, and judging by the way the other party sounded, he seemed to be in a real hurry. He had not even filled out some of the most basic questions properly, casually entering “1” for all of them.
That made the consultation much less efficient, but soon the other party sent over a long wall of text. Shi Qingyu adjusted his glasses and patiently began reading through it.
[nnbb: I think I have skin hunger, and it’s been getting worse and worse lately. Every day, I really want to have physical contact with my roommate. I like holding him while I sleep, I like holding his hand. As long as I can touch him, I feel happy and satisfied. But once we don’t have any physical contact, or if I can’t see him, I feel strangely empty inside. Especially when I see other people talking to him, confessing to him, or asking for his contact information, I get especially anxious and irritable…]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: Wait. May I ask your gender first?]
[nnbb: Male. My roommate is also a guy.]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: Alright, sir. Please continue.]
[nnbb: I thought we had a very good relationship, and that it could become even better later on. But recently he said we’ve been too close, and a lot of people have misunderstood us as being together. I understand that way of thinking, so I’ve tried to keep an appropriate distance. But I realized I really can’t accept it. Now, if I don’t hold him while I sleep, I can’t fall asleep at all. During our nap today, I just kept staring at him.]
[nnbb: He looks so well-behaved and so captivating when he sleeps. He’s usually such a cold person, but once he falls asleep, his cheeks turn pink, he looks so soft, and I especially want to pinch them…]
[nnbb: Doctor, is my skin hunger very serious?]
[nnbb is typing…]
By now, Shi Qingyu had more or less understood.
He quickly sorted through the information he already had.
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: Sir, I can understand how you’re feeling right now. I think I have a basic grasp of your situation. Could you answer a few questions for me first?]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: First, you said you feel a particularly strong impulse toward physical touch. Did this only appear recently, or has it always been there and only become especially intense lately? Second, is this desire directed toward everyone, or only toward your roommate? For example, would you have similar impulses toward your other roommates or classmates?]
[nnbb: It only started recently. At first, our relationship was just average, but then we suddenly got close, and I started especially liking to cling to him. When he’s in my arms, I feel very at ease.]
[nnbb: …Of course it’s only him. Everyone else is disgusting.]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: So it was only after you got to know your roommate that you developed this desire for physical contact. This desire doesn’t appear toward anyone else, and before meeting your roommate, you didn’t have these impulses either.]
[nnbb: Right.]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: When you see him acting somewhat intimately with other people, you feel jealous and irritated, to the point that you wish you could take their place. You want him to be close to you alone. And besides holding hands and hugging, you also hope for things to develop further—for example, kissing?]
Pei Zhi was stunned.
He thought to himself that this doctor was truly professional. He had never even mentioned the rest of it, yet the doctor had still managed to infer it from the information already given.
[nnbb: Right.]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: Sir, you do not have skin hunger. You’re jealous.]
[nnbb: ?]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: You like him, but you haven’t realized it yet. That’s why, unconsciously, you want to get close to him and treat him well. Because you like him, you feel hostility toward potential rivals. And precisely because you like him, you long for the two of you to go further.]
[Psychologist – Shi Qingyu: Your behavior does not match the symptoms of skin hunger at all, sir. You’ve fallen for your roommate.]
After sending that long message, Shi Qingyu did not receive a reply for a long time.
He waited for about three minutes. Then at the top of the chat window, it showed that “nnbb” had left the room.
The consultation was over.
Shi Qingyu often encountered similar cases—people who had fallen into the tide of love without realizing it themselves, becoming anxious over gains and losses, their emotions rising and falling unpredictably. They thought they were sick, but in truth, without even noticing it themselves, the first stirrings of love had already quietly begun.
The people involved were confused, while onlookers could see everything clearly.
Shi Qingyu waited a little longer. This Mr. nnbb did not seem to have any more questions, so he glanced at the time and began receiving his next patient.
…
Pei Zhi stood on the balcony, letting the cold wind blow against him for a long time.
The temperature had dropped quickly. The wind coming straight at him felt like it carried icy blades, stabbing painfully against his skin, yet he seemed unable to feel it. The tips of his ears were red, and there was obvious redness around his neck too.
His phone was vibrating. Pei Zhi did not dare look at it, afraid it might be a message from Xie Ning. But he also did not dare not look, afraid that if he replied too late, Xie Ning would worry—or worse, be unhappy.
But it was not a message from Xie Ning.
It was the dorm group chat.
Gu Nian and Chen Xi had shared a video. In it, everyone seemed to be playing a card game, and Xie Ning, who had been sitting in the corner, had also been dragged into the game.
The people in the video were laughing and joking loudly. Only Xie Ning remained silent the whole time, his expression barely changing.
It was as though Pei Zhi had suddenly fallen from empty space back into reality. The restless, stifling emotions inside him drove him to punch the wall.
His knuckles were scraped open against it, and the pain felt even clearer in the freezing cold.
Good. Now he had calmed down.
What exactly was he doing?
Why had he left Xie Ning alone in the private room for so long? When had Xie Ning gone back? And how long had he been sitting there alone?
Had anyone tried to force him to drink? Had anyone bullied him?
Pei Zhi knew none of it.
He had clearly known how attractive Xie Ning was, and he also knew that in a setting like this, it was easy for bad people to appear. How could he have left Xie Ning there alone while he hid on the balcony by himself?
He returned to the private room as fast as he could.
Inside, the purple-blue lights flickered in a hazy, dreamlike blur. The glass door was pushed open, and the light inside spilled out like a slanting river of stars.
Everyone was having a great time. Some were singing, some were dancing, and someone nearby had opened a bottle of champagne. Golden liquor and foam shot upward together, drenching the person’s clothes.
On a sofa not far away, Xie Ning was sitting there. The gorgeous, dreamlike light cast ambiguous outlines across his face, making him look indescribably alluring.
He sat in the center of the crowd, as if surrounded by them all, yet his temperament remained cold and distant, carrying a kind of independent aloofness that shut out the outside world.
Everyone else was drinking alcohol, but he was drinking tea. With a spoon, he gently stirred the tea leaves in his cup. His long, slender fingers, his pale and delicate skin, seemed under the lights to emit a soft, lustrous glow, drawing everyone’s gaze to him again and again, making them unable to help being attracted.
No matter where he was, Xie Ning was always the center of attention. He naturally carried an air of noble elegance, not to mention that he had been born with such an exceptionally striking face.
Pei Zhi’s hand stayed on the door handle the whole time. He stood at the entrance like a man who had lost his soul, not stepping inside.
Then, as if sensing something, Xie Ning gently raised his eyes. His cool, indifferent gaze passed through the chaotic crowd and flashing lights and landed unerringly on Pei Zhi.
At the instant their eyes met, the noisy sounds in his ears suddenly blurred into a sheet of white noise. Pei Zhi only felt a loud buzzing around him, and he could hear nothing at all.
The only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Wave after wave, it pounded with deafening force.
Looking at Xie Ning—cold-faced, straight-backed, sitting properly—Pei Zhi finally felt a kind of sudden, crystal-clear awakening amid the uncontrollable stirring in his chest and the impossible-to-ignore pounding of his heart.
So he really did… like Xie Ning.
…
Xie Ning did not need to do anything at all. Just one glance, one movement from him, was enough to make Pei Zhi’s heart race.
This was definitely not friendship.
Pei Zhi was certain now. He liked Xie Ning. Not the way one liked a friend, but the way a lover liked another lover.
Pei Zhi stood at the doorway for a very long time. Xie Ning was a little puzzled, so he put down his cards and got up to walk over.
“What’s wrong?”
Pei Zhi looked obviously off. Xie Ning reached out and touched his face. It was strange—his skin felt very cold, yet it looked somewhat flushed.
Had the wind done that?
Pei Zhi let Xie Ning stroke his face. Now that he had confirmed his feelings, any approach from Xie Ning carried an overwhelmingly strong temptation for him.
He said, “Nothing. I just went outside to take a call. Did you wait long?”
“Not long. I just got back too,” Xie Ning said. “Gu Nian taught me how to play cards for a while. It was pretty fun.”
“Did you win?”
“Of course.”
Xie Ning added, “Do you want to play? You can take my place. My mom just called, and I want to step out to return it.”
Pei Zhi said, “Go ahead. I’ll fill in for you.”
Just as Xie Ning was about to walk away, Pei Zhi suddenly took off his own scarf and wrapped it around Xie Ning’s neck. He carefully adjusted it for him, not daring to meet his eyes.
“It’s a little cold outside. Wear this.”
“Okay,” Xie Ning said. “I’ll give it back to you later.”
The room had heating on, and after playing for a while it would get warm anyway. Xie Ning had taken off his scarf earlier, and going back to get it now would just be a waste of time.
He might as well wear Pei Zhi’s first.
Xie Yan checked in on him every few days, especially around mealtimes. She was particularly afraid that Xie Ning would neglect proper meals. Xie Ning found it a little helpless, but he also knew he had brought it on himself.
Some time ago, Xie Ning had been extremely busy. Two competitions had overlapped, and he had been so occupied he barely knew day from night. From the moment he opened his eyes, he threw himself into work, sometimes living on nothing more than a hasty piece of bread and an iced Americano.
After keeping up that kind of diet for several days, he had fainted on the road. A kind passerby had taken him to the hospital, and the doctor notified his parents.
Ever since then, Xie Yan had paid particular attention to his eating habits.
Listening to Xie Yan’s instructions, Xie Ning responded to each one. “I really have been eating properly. I’m at KTV with Pei Zhi right now. Mm, yes, and there are also a lot of students from other departments here.”
Xie Yan was delighted. “Then go have fun. I won’t keep bothering you. Oh, right—do you want to come to your dad and me for Christmas? Your father just learned a few new dishes, and he’s been showing off every day, insisting on cooking for you.”
“I can,” Xie Ning said. “Should I book the tickets now?”
Xie Yan replied, “No need. I’ll book them for you. What about your friend? Is he coming too? If he is, I can help book his tickets as well. Your father and I would both really like to meet your new friend.”
“But it still depends on whether he wants to. If he has no such plans, then forget it.”
Pei Zhi?
After all, going abroad was not as simple as traveling within the city or to another province. Xie Ning thought for a moment. “I’ll ask him when the time comes.”
Xie Yan said, “I’ll wait for your good news.”
Just after Xie Ning hung up, a delighted male voice sounded from behind him.
“I knew I wasn’t mistaken—it really is you!”
Xie Ning turned his head. It was Shen Ye.
A friend of Shen Ye’s happened to be celebrating a birthday here tonight. Earlier, Shen Ye had vaguely felt that the person passing by the doorway looked familiar, so he came over to try his luck. He had not expected it really would be Xie Ning.
“You never used to come to places like this,” Shen Ye said, looking somewhat hurt.
Shen Ye had invited Xie Ning out many times before, whether to hang out or anything else, but he never got a reply in time. Usually it was not until the next day that Xie Ning would send a single line:
Sorry, I just saw your message.
And that would be the end of it.
Shen Ye understood that this was a disguised refusal. Yet each time, he still refused to give up and would reach out again, only to be left cold once more.
Earlier, he had also seen Pei Zhi.
At some point, Xie Ning and Pei Zhi’s relationship had advanced by leaps and bounds. They were almost inseparable. Shen Ye felt his throat go dry.
“You and Pei Zhi… are you together?”
Xie Ning paused, then said, “No. We’re just friends.”
Shen Ye was startled at first, then his face filled with indignation.
“That’s what he told you? I’ve seen him more than once… holding you, being very intimate with you, and yet he tells you you’re just friends?”
Xie Ning knew Shen Ye had misunderstood. “No, that’s not—”
“He likes you. I’m certain of it. Not in the way a friend likes someone, but in the way a lover does.” Shen Ye’s voice grew softer and softer. “The same way I do…”
“The way he feels about you is definitely not as simple as you think.”
…
In the dim environment, the smell of alcohol hung in the air, and everyone was a little carried away.
“Gu Nian, you lost again! Hahaha, so unlucky. As for your punishment…” He said, “I’m going to ask you one question. Do you actually like Fang Ke or not?”
They were playing a game in the private room. Gu Nian had drunk a lot, not only for himself, but also on Fang Ke’s behalf. Almost everyone knew what he was thinking, and Fang Ke, sitting nearby, was blushing shyly too.
The moment the question was asked, both Gu Nian and Fang Ke’s faces turned bright red. The whole room erupted into cheers and teasing, and some people even started switching songs on purpose, wanting them to get together.
Gu Nian’s whole face looked as if it had been boiled red. A boy who was usually all smiles and jokes now could barely speak clearly.
“I-I like her!”
“Woooo!” Everyone grew even more excited. “Fang Ke, he says he likes you. Are you going to accept his confession?”
Fang Ke also had a very good impression of Gu Nian. But under those circumstances, she merely pressed her lips together in a smile.
“You only won one round. You’re only allowed to ask one question.”
“Aww—” Everyone sighed in disappointment.
Although Pei Zhi was technically playing cards with them, his mind was not on the game at all. He had no idea what cards he had drawn, who had lost, or who had won. None of it made any difference to him.
He had been distracted the entire time.
What was he supposed to do next?
Continue being friends with Xie Ning, or confess to him?
But from what Xie Ning had said, it really did seem as though Xie Ning only saw him as a friend, without the slightest hint of ambiguity.
And was Xie Ning actually straight?
It seemed like yes, but also maybe not…
Pei Zhi was unbearably irritable. In a single minute, his eyes darted toward the door sixty times.
Why was he still not back?
Had he gotten lost? Or had something happened?
He missed Xie Ning so much.
Pei Zhi did not notice at all that the lively atmosphere in the room had suddenly gone stiff and frozen. By the time he pulled his gaze back from the door, everyone was staring at him with extremely strange expressions.
Chen Xi coughed lightly, shooting Pei Zhi frantic hints with his eyes.
Pei Zhi had been waiting for Xie Ning until his insides were in turmoil, all his negative emotions written plainly across his face. His voice was somewhat cold.
“What?”
The deep, fierce chill between Pei Zhi’s brows was impossible to hide. Anyone could tell that he was in a terrible mood right now. Even with the heater on in the room, the pressure around him was so low that it was suffocating.
In this state, no one dared continue speaking.
Others did not dare, but Su Nan did. Tonight, he had decided to go head-to-head with Pei Zhi. From across the table, he tossed down his cards.
“What? Young Master Pei, you lost. It’s your turn to take the punishment.”
Only then did Pei Zhi realize he had lost that round of the game.
His mind had never been on the game in the first place. He had only come over because Xie Ning had asked him to fill in. Otherwise, he would not even have bothered playing games with this crowd.
What was the point of playing games with them?
It was not even as interesting as watching Xie Ning wash his hands.
But since he was already here, Pei Zhi would still cooperate and keep playing, as long as they did not go too far.
He said, “Go ahead. What’s the punishment?”
Pei Zhi’s attitude was cool and detached, as though he did not take Su Nan seriously at all—or rather, as though he did not take anyone seriously. That was one of the reasons others found him so difficult to approach.
Su Nan hooked a finger around his cards and glanced at the people around him. The group that usually loved making a scene now looked like a bunch of dogs who had seen a lion—they had all gone cowardly. He glared at those useless fools, then his eyes shifted and he suddenly smiled.
“Since they don’t dare ask, then I’ll just ask something simple. A very simple question—”
A faint click came from the door handle.
Su Nan was the first to notice that Xie Ning had returned. The smile on his face widened, and with the air of a victor, he looked at Pei Zhi.
“Among the people here, is there anyone you like?”
Pei Zhi’s expression darkened at once.
This should have been an easy question to answer. Everyone knew that Pei Zhi had zero interest in romance. He was insensitive, cold, and as straight as steel.
Yet faced with such a simple question, Pei Zhi could not answer for a long time.
Someone said to Su Nan, “Forget it.”
Su Nan shrugged. “Is that question really so hard to answer? You can lie if you want. I don’t care. None of us would know whether you’re lying anyway.”
“Other than yourself, no one knows the answer,” Su Nan said. “It’s just a game. Don’t tell me you can’t handle that.”
Pei Zhi’s thin lips pressed into a dangerous curve.
Chen Xi said, “How about changing the question? This one…”
“Change it,” Pei Zhi said.
“But I don’t want to.” Su Nan deliberately raised his voice, as though he wanted someone to hear it clearly. “Among the people here, is there anyone you like?”
Under the flickering, ambiguous lighting, Pei Zhi’s face looked as cold and ghastly as a demon’s.
The atmosphere had gone completely rigid.
Then someone called out, “Xie Ning!”
Pei Zhi’s attention was drawn away immediately. The violent aura that had filled his face softened in an instant.
Xie Ning had just come back from outside, carrying the chill of the cold air with him. Naturally, he had heard every word that had been said in the room, including… Su Nan’s question.
Pei Zhi looked toward the doorway.
So did everyone else.
And Pei Zhi’s gaze, passing over the shifting lights and the crowd, landed on him from afar.
Su Nan asked again, this time in an aggressive, pressing tone.
“Among the people here, is there someone you like or not? Male or female, it doesn’t matter!”
