Chapter 30
Someone called for them to go sing. When they asked Pei Zhi, he stood there with his usual cold, indifferent attitude, but the instant he lowered his head to look at Xie Ning, the chill in his brows melted away, and there was even a faint trace of… obedience?
“Let’s go,” Xie Ning said.
He had heard Gu Nian and Chen Xi talking about it for ages already.
Although he didn’t really like noisy environments, if the private room was big enough, then it probably wouldn’t be too loud, right?
Inside, someone was already singing. A smoky, slightly husky voice was carrying an old love song, and it sounded very pleasant. The equipment here was excellent, the sound quality crystal clear. The moment Xie Ning pushed the door open, he almost thought he had stepped into a small concert venue.
There was no strange smell, and the room was large enough that the noise didn’t feel overwhelming. There were neither too many nor too few classmates coming and going, and most of them were scattered around in small groups.
It was better than Xie Ning had imagined.
He picked a seat in the corner. He didn’t like sitting in the middle of a crowd. Before he could sit down, Pei Zhi took off his jacket and spread it over the sofa seat.
The people nearby looked surprised. Pei Zhi added, unnecessarily, “I have a cleanliness issue.”
Though Pei Zhi said he was the one with the cleanliness issue, anyone who knew even a little about the situation understood that he was doing it for Xie Ning.
No one pressed the matter or joked about it. They weren’t actually close with Pei Zhi, and jokes still depended on the person.
If someone joked with Pei Zhi, there was no guarantee he’d play along. More likely, he’d turn cold-faced, and the whole atmosphere would become awkward.
Neither Xie Ning nor Pei Zhi were talkative by nature, so their corner of the room looked especially quiet by comparison.
Someone tried to liven things up. “Wow, you two really have a good relationship. Same phone model, same phone case too.”
Then they noticed something else. “Even your scarves match.”
Pei Zhi responded casually with an “Mm.”
His attitude was cool and detached, clearly showing he had no interest in chatting further.
But Xie Ning had the strange feeling that Pei Zhi seemed very pleased. It was as if some idea he had wanted to casually show off had finally succeeded, and even the corners of his brows seemed more relaxed.
“Can I add you on WeChat?” A girl sitting next to Xie Ning leaned a little closer and asked softly. “We’re in the same class. My name is—”
“Lin Xinqian?”
Lin Xinqian froze for a moment, then lit up in surprise. “You know my name?!”
“We’ve always been in the same major classes.”
They had been attending the same lectures all along. The teachers often called roll, and their class group chat included everyone’s real names and student numbers. Even if Xie Ning didn’t really talk to others, he still knew who his classmates were.
Lin Xinqian was genuinely surprised. She had always assumed Xie Ning was the sort of person who didn’t pay attention to anyone around him, and maybe didn’t even know they were in the same class.
A lot of students checked their phones during lectures, but Xie Ning never did. He was always listening carefully, taking notes, or thinking. During breaks, when everyone else went to the convenience store for snacks or took naps, he still stayed in his seat patiently organizing his notes.
Xie Ning was really the kind of person who could go an entire morning without glancing at his phone once.
Lin Xinqian had always thought he must be hard to get along with, but after chatting with him for a few minutes, she realized that wasn’t the case at all. Xie Ning was polite, listened seriously, and never interrupted. Talking to him felt very comfortable.
Since they were in the same major and class, it was impossible not to end up talking about coursework. Xie Ning’s professional knowledge was solid. He had taken part in many competitions since childhood and had seen countless international exhibitions. Some of the design concepts he mentioned left Lin Xinqian genuinely impressed.
“Wow, what you just said sounds so much like something Sini would say! You know who she is, right? Of course you do…”
She suddenly looked embarrassed. How could Xie Ning possibly not know who Sini was? In fact, no one in their field could possibly not know her.
Sini was a famous fashion designer, and her life story was very inspiring too. She and her husband had started out struggling in a small county town, and their alma mater was this very school. She hadn’t followed the domestic design trends of the time. Instead, she boldly created her own style. Now she ran a studio overseas and also taught as a professor at a foreign university.
Pei Zhi sat there listening to the two of them talk, wanting to join in, but everything they discussed was highly specialized, and he only understood bits and pieces.
He was feeling a little unhappy. Under the table, he reached out and hooked one of Xie Ning’s fingers, rubbing the pad of his thumb lightly over his knuckles, then giving them little squeezes every so often, as if idly passing time.
The gesture was exactly like a large dog tugging at its owner’s trouser leg after being ignored, trying to win back its owner’s attention.
Xie Ning turned to look at him, confused. Pei Zhi looked completely innocent. Leaning closer, he asked, “Do you want it?”
“Hm?”
There was someone singing nearby, and Xie Ning hadn’t heard clearly.
Pei Zhi had to lean even closer. He used a hand to brush the hair away from Xie Ning’s temple, his chest nearly touching Xie Ning’s shoulder. “Do you want her signed photo?”
Oh, so that was it.
Xie Ning gave a small laugh. “No need. I already have lots.”
“But none of them were given to you by me.”
In some ways, Pei Zhi was always very childish. But for this, Xie Ning really didn’t need it. “I really don’t need Sini’s signed photo. If I want to see her, I can see her anytime.”
Pei Zhi raised his eyes in surprise. “You know her?”
“Mm.” Xie Ning said, “She’s my mother.”
Pei Zhi lifted his head in astonishment.
Sini was Xie Ning’s mother, Xie Yan. When Xie Yan chose that English name, Xie Ning had only just been born. At the time, she had received a spark of inspiration because of him, and later won a highly prestigious award with that design. That prize became the turning point in her career.
She gave herself the English name Sini. It carried the sound of her surname, and also a part of the character Ning. It was a name filled with love and remembrance.
Lin Xinqian said, “Sini seems to have a son, but nobody knows much about him. I wonder whether he inherited her talent.”
“He must be studying abroad, right? Maybe she trained him personally. The artistic atmosphere overseas is better, after all. It makes sense there isn’t much news domestically.”
…
Xie Ning had never spoken about any of this to others either. He never brought up his family, nor did he ever take pride in it in a showy way.
Pei Zhi grew curious. “Then why didn’t you study abroad?”
Both of Xie Ning’s parents lived overseas, were successful, and had no financial difficulties. Pei Zhi couldn’t think of any reason Xie Ning wouldn’t go abroad.
“This is my dream school,” Xie Ning said. “And also my parents’ alma mater.”
Ever since childhood, he had wanted to come here. From as early as he could remember, his parents were often invited back to the school to give talks, and he would go with them.
Maybe because of that early exposure, he had always admired this place. Even after growing up, he had never changed his mind.
“Gold shines no matter where it is.”
Under the colorful lights, sitting beside Xie Ning, Pei Zhi hooked a finger lightly around his. Xie Ning’s face was painted in brilliant, shifting colors by the lights as Pei Zhi said, “You’re dazzling now too.”
They were chatting. But the distance between them had already crossed beyond what would normally count as ordinary social space.
Shoulder pressed lightly to arm, Pei Zhi only needed to move a little more and he could have held Xie Ning’s hand—but he didn’t dare.
All he dared to do was secretly rub his fingers against Xie Ning’s.
Their hands rested close together on the seat. Their fingers brushed, skin touching over less than two square centimeters, yet it was enough to heat his entire body.
Pei Zhi’s expression was one of complete contentment. Suddenly, he lowered his head to look at Xie Ning and said, “I really want…”
The music was too loud, drowning out his voice. Seeing how serious his expression was, Xie Ning assumed he had something important to say. So he tilted up his chin and leaned his ear closer.
[I really want to hold your hand.]
[But wife said I can’t. People would gossip.]
[I can’t let people gossip about wife.]
[Just secretly rubbing against wife’s fingers is enough. Happy ^0^.]
[Wife wife, am I being very good?]
There was even a trace of pride and smug satisfaction in Pei Zhi’s brows. If Xie Ning couldn’t hear his inner voice, he definitely wouldn’t have noticed that tiny expression.
He found it a little amusing. The room felt rather warm, and his palms had begun to sweat. He said, “I’m going to the restroom to wash my hands.”
The restroom was clean, and scented fragrance was lit near the sinks. From every angle, this KTV looked nothing like an ordinary karaoke place. It felt more like a comprehensive entertainment venue.
The décor was tasteful, not tacky. The service was good, and the hygiene standards were high.
Water ran from the faucet as long pale fingers moved beneath the clear stream. Xie Ning focused on washing his hands. He turned off the faucet, and the moment he lifted his head, he saw Pei Zhi in the mirror behind him.
When had Pei Zhi come in?
Xie Ning had barely turned around when Pei Zhi pulled him into an embrace.
Pei Zhi was tall, and even though he bent down on purpose, there was still an obvious height difference between them.
And yet this tall, forceful man was now nuzzling at his neck like a giant dog.
The moist heat of his breath and the brush of his straight nose against Xie Ning’s skin made goosebumps rise in a small patch. Combined with the intense satisfaction brought on by his skin hunger, it made his scalp go numb instantly.
Xie Ning let out a very soft breath and nearly lost his balance. He wanted to push him away, but his hands were still wet. All he could do was struggle to stay steady. “Pei Zhi, my hands are still wet.”
“Then they’re wet.”
Pei Zhi tilted his head slightly. His cool lips seemed to brush the sensitive edge of Xie Ning’s ear. Xie Ning’s entire body went rigid.
Speaking almost directly into his ear, Pei Zhi murmured, “Then just make me wet too.”
…
Electricity crawled up Xie Ning’s spine. His breathing turned uneven. “Don’t talk like that.”
“How am I talking?”
“The way you’re saying it… it sounds strange.”
“Strange? I think it sounds normal.” Pei Zhi said, “But if you think it sounds strange, then it’s strange. I’ll listen to you. I won’t talk like that anymore.”
He had completely missed the point.
Xie Ning really couldn’t handle this kind of closeness. And Pei Zhi hadn’t given him even a bit of warning. Without any mental preparation, the sudden intimacy made the satisfaction much stronger.
He was afraid his skin hunger would flare up, so he tried pushing Pei Zhi again.
Breathing a little unevenly, Xie Ning said, “Someone might come in…”
Once his skin hunger was soothed, his thoughts really did start slipping in strange directions.
He and Pei Zhi weren’t doing anything outrageous. They were only hugging. So what if someone came in?
In the restroom, there were always drunk people being supported by friends, or people who had gotten slightly hurt and were seeking the comfort of an embrace in a corner.
But the key was—they weren’t either of those things.
Pei Zhi simply wanted to hold him.
“Alright.”
A faint blush had risen over Xie Ning’s skin. Because he was so fair, every trace of redness showed clearly. Pei Zhi was afraid he might get angry, so he loosened his grip a little. “Then can I hold you tonight?”
“I was very good today. Can I sleep holding you tonight?” Pei Zhi promised, “I’ll be really careful and won’t disturb your sleep. If you still think I’m too hot, I can skip the blanket. Or go take a cold shower.”
Would he really go that far just so he could sleep holding him?
Xie Ning couldn’t understand it. Out of curiosity, he asked, “Why do you have to sleep holding me?”
“Because I like holding you.” Pei Zhi said. “When you’re in my arms, I feel… very at ease.”
That sense of satisfaction was impossible to describe, and impossible to replace.
“Alright then.” Xie Ning thought that maybe Pei Zhi couldn’t give any more logical reason than that, just as he himself couldn’t logically explain why he didn’t dislike Pei Zhi’s touch. But his palms had started sweating again. “Go back first. I’m going to wash my hands again. And don’t touch that wine glass from before. Make sure you take a new one.”
Even if they were all classmates, there was nothing wrong with being cautious. Xie Ning didn’t like places like this, but he still knew better than to let his drink leave his sight.
Originally, Pei Zhi had planned to wait and go back together with him, but after hearing that, he really did grow worried that someone might tamper with the glass.
Perhaps because the restroom was a little cool, the corners of Xie Ning’s eyes had gone slightly red and moist. When he looked at someone from that angle, it was like his gaze carried tiny hooks.
Pei Zhi’s heart stirred.
He took a pack of lotion tissues from his pocket, folded one into a small triangle, and with great care wiped the fine moisture from the corners of Xie Ning’s eyes.
Afterward, he slipped the tissue into his pocket as if nothing had happened and said, “I’ll go back and keep an eye on things.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
As Pei Zhi walked back, one hand remained in his pocket. His face was cold and sharp, and his whole presence radiated a keep-away-from-me aura.
But inside his pocket, his fingers were lightly rubbing the tissue Xie Ning had just used. One corner of it was damp—that was Xie Ning’s tear.
Xie Ning was even more fragile than he had imagined.
His eyes would well up when his foot hurt, and even a little wind, a little chill, could make tears gather.
But he was truly beautiful.
Like a perfectly clear piece of jade suddenly suffused with dreamlike color, a color that came from deep inside.
At a corner in the hallway, Pei Zhi had just been about to stride forward when he heard a familiar male voice ahead.
“Yeah, I saw Xie Ning go to the restroom. What am I supposed to do? Just wait, obviously. Even if Pei Zhi comes out too, it’s not like he’s clingy enough to follow Xie Ning into the same stall or anything.”
Su Nan stood there idly looking down at his own shoes. The person on the other end of the call must have said something, because Su Nan let out a contemptuous snort. “Later I’m going to ask Xie Ning for his WeChat, just watch. I already saw one girl almost get it just now. Me? Of course I’m serious. I seriously want to pursue him…”
A sudden gust of force cut through the air.
Su Nan yelped in fright. His phone flew out of his hand, and before he even had time to pick it up, he was slammed into the wall.
The impact sent pain shooting through his back. A dark, dangerous face loomed close.
Pei Zhi said, “Didn’t I tell you to stay away from Xie Ning?”
Su Nan was badly startled. He glanced at his phone lying black-screened on the floor, then met Pei Zhi’s eyes, which were so cold they looked completely devoid of emotion.
Even without any deliberate expression, Pei Zhi already resembled an enraged beast baring its fangs.
Fear rose in Su Nan’s heart, but he still forced himself to stiffen his neck defiantly. “What, you’re going to hit me here? There are cameras here, you know. And this is a society under the rule of law. So what if your family has money—”
“You know my family has money.”
Pei Zhi lowered his eyes. His indifferent voice was full of undisguised threat. “Then do you know that this business club is one of my family’s properties?”
Su Nan’s pupils expanded instantly.
This place was an upscale entertainment venue. Calling it just a KTV was almost insulting it. The club had all sorts of facilities and high-end programs—golf, tea ceremonies, everything.
A lot of businessmen came here to negotiate deals, and spending six or seven figures in one night was nothing unusual. It was completely different from students coming here to have fun.
Su Nan had known Pei Zhi’s family was rich, but he hadn’t realized it was this kind of rich.
“Making a section of surveillance footage disappear wouldn’t be difficult for me.” Pei Zhi looked at him without the slightest emotion. “I don’t like solving problems with violence, but that doesn’t mean I won’t. If you keep turning your attention toward Xie Ning, you can try finding out what happens.”
“I suggest you don’t.”
Su Nan’s face went pale.
His family wasn’t poor, and buying trendy luxury brands was easy enough for him. But he knew very well that his family wasn’t even close to real upper-middle-class, and a family like Pei Zhi’s was far beyond anything he could afford to offend.
And besides…
The veins at the side of Pei Zhi’s neck stood out sharply, and his right hand was clenched so tightly that the bones and veins on the back of it bulged with force.
Su Nan had no doubt that Pei Zhi truly wanted to beat him right here and now, cameras or not.
It had taken a tremendous effort for Pei Zhi to suppress the violent rage surging inside him. In truth, he shouldn’t have been acting like this. But the moment he heard Su Nan say he wanted to pursue Xie Ning, all his reason had gone straight to hell.
There was only one thought left in his mind: Su Nan couldn’t be allowed anywhere near Xie Ning.
Now Pei Zhi seemed slightly calmer. He stepped back once, his expression openly full of disgust.
Su Nan clenched his fists, his face full of fear and humiliation. “You’re a fucking psycho!”
“You’re just friends. The one I’m pursuing is Xie Ning, not you!” Su Nan was so angry that even if he got beaten for it, he wanted to say it. “What gives you the right to interfere like this?!”
Pei Zhi said coldly, “I’m his friend.”
“Friend? Do you even believe that yourself?”
Su Nan gave a sharp laugh. “If you like Xie Ning, then just say it. Don’t keep hiding behind that friendship bullshit. Isn’t that disgusting? I’ve seen plenty of gays like you who pretend to be straight. What, you just want to fool around and never take responsibility? You’re a scumbag. Or maybe it isn’t even real love—maybe it’s just momentary excitement.”
“All that closeness, all the favors, taking advantage of him under the excuse of friendship… If Xie Ning actually took you seriously, then you’d just act all surprised.”
Su Nan deliberately twisted his shoulders and said in a mocking tone, “Sure, we held hands, hugged, kissed, slept together—but we’re just friends.”
Pei Zhi’s gaze lifted sharply, his whole expression going taut.
“To hell with your good-friend bullshit!” Su Nan snapped. “People like you, gays who pretend to be straight just to bend others, are going to get what’s coming to you sooner or later.”
Even after Su Nan left, Pei Zhi remained there for a long time, lost in thought.
He really did hate Su Nan. His earlier pursuit and harassment had disgusted him intensely.
But what Su Nan had just said was like a blade, striking right through to his heart.
He didn’t even have time to feel angry or want revenge.
All he could do was think.
“If you like Xie Ning, then just say it…”
It was as if every last scrap of cover had been torn away. The word like was, for the first time, openly placed before him as an option.
So before friendship-like, there could be another kind of liking.
So there could be another way to define the relationship between him and Xie Ning.
Maybe… that was true.
If it was only friendship, then why did he feel so annoyed and irritated whenever someone else pursued Xie Ning?
If it was only friendship, why was his possessiveness so strong? Why did he want to keep Xie Ning to himself, want to stay beside him all the time, want to use every trick and method to win his favor, asking for nothing in return?
No one treated a friend like that.
But did he really like Xie Ning?
Pei Zhi didn’t deny that he had feelings of fondness for him. And Xie Ning definitely had some degree of fondness for him too. Otherwise, there was no way they could have become such close friends in so short a time—close enough to surprise everyone around them.
He carefully thought back over everything he and Xie Ning had done together. It didn’t actually seem like they had crossed the line much, did it? Friends hugged, held hands… that was all normal. What wasn’t normal was that he had started wanting more, a deeper level of closeness and exchange.
At first, just sharing a bed had been enough. Then he began to love sleeping with Xie Ning in his arms, and the feeling of holding his hand. Later, even that stopped being enough. Not nearly enough.
He was becoming greedier and greedier.
The level of contact between friends no longer seemed able to satisfy him.
Then Pei Zhi suddenly remembered something Gu Nian had once said.
“Why are you so clingy? You’re always pestering Xie Ning and getting handsy with him. It’s only because he has a good temper that he puts up with it.”
“You’re acting like you’ve got touch starvation or something.”
Touch starvation?
Standing out on the balcony in the cold wind, Pei Zhi pulled out his phone and searched for information on touch starvation.
The internet said that touch starvation created a strong urge to be touched, stroked, or held. It made the person long intensely for physical contact with others. When a sufferer came into physical contact with someone, the friction and closeness could create a powerful sense of psychological satisfaction.
Pei Zhi’s fingers tightened.
Wasn’t that exactly him?
He desperately wanted physical contact with Xie Ning, the more intimate the better. The moment he saw Xie Ning, he wanted to hold him, to take his hand. As long as he could touch Xie Ning, it didn’t matter where.
He also desperately wanted Xie Ning to touch him.
Anywhere. Any way. Even if Xie Ning only nudged him lightly with his foot, he thought that would already be enough. Just imagining it made his scalp tingle with pleasure.
But Pei Zhi had always been too embarrassed to say any of it, afraid that Xie Ning would think he was some kind of abnormal.
Deep down, he had already sensed for some time that some of his thoughts weren’t exactly normal.
But people naturally tended to ignore harmful, negative truths.
Any thought that looked like it might damage what he had with Xie Ning was quietly ignored and buried deep down. By the time a thought reached his awareness, it was only because he had already judged it acceptable.
It was like writing in a diary and unconsciously lying, letting the content bend toward one’s own private desires.
Was he really sick?
Did he really have touch starvation?
No wonder he always wanted to cling to Xie Ning, wanted to keep him in his arms every moment…
So that was why.
He was sick.
His thoughts in complete disarray, Pei Zhi hurriedly searched online for a psychologist, preparing to book a consultation.
This doctor, Shi Qingyu, had experience treating touch starvation and a strong professional background… good, it would be him.
He registered an account, filled in his nickname and age and other details, and completed the online payment.
Then Pei Zhi immediately began typing.
[nnbb: Doctor, I think I might have touch starvation.]
Update Posting Schedule: Starting next chapter, posting schedule change from posting every day to 3 chapters every Friday~
