Chapter 74
After returning to the dorm, Lin Huaixi took a shower and lay down on his bed, forcing himself to close his eyes.
But no matter how much he tried to hide it, no matter how calm he pretended to be, his heart remained in turmoil. Every cell in his body was screaming at him, urging him to act, warning him soundlessly that he might lose something important.
Lin Huaixi could not keep lying to himself. Of course he knew what he truly wanted, but what would chasing after Qi Wang actually change?
He had not thought everything through yet, and he did not want to give Qi Wang some perfunctory answer. He tried hard to stay rational, tried hard to think things through carefully, only to realize too late that he had walked headfirst into a dead end.
Second by second, time slipped away. Liu Zhengnian and Zhang Yunqiu finished washing up as well, and the dorm fell quiet, yet Lin Huaixi suddenly sat bolt upright in bed.
He had figured it out.
What he needed was not calm, careful thinking.
What he needed was to follow his heart.
Blocking out everything else, with only Qi Wang on his mind, Lin Huaixi sprang out of bed, did not even bother changing his shoes, threw on a coat, and headed straight outside.
Zhang Yunqiu and Liu Zhengnian were both startled by his sudden movement and poked their heads out from their beds.
“Huaixi, where are you going?”
“Lights-out is about to happen. You’re still going out?”
“It’s so late. Whatever it is, can’t it wait till tomorrow?”
The only answer they got was the sound of the door closing. Lin Huaixi’s figure vanished from sight.
For the first time, Lin Huaixi was this desperate. He rushed downstairs as fast as he could and finally dashed out of the dorm one second before lights-out.
Without wasting even a heartbeat, he ran straight toward Qi Wang. His slippers did not fit well and flew off twice. He nearly fell along the way. But not once did he stop.
In his eyes and in his heart, there was only one direction. No person, no thing, could stop him or make him turn back.
Five minutes later, he came to a panting halt beneath Qi Wang’s building. Looking up at the window still lit with warm light, he finally felt his heart settle back into place, and the blood that had congealed in his veins began to flow again.
Lin Huaixi let out a breath of relief. He gazed deeply at that light that had not yet gone out, but he did not rashly go upstairs to find Qi Wang. Instead, he quietly sat beneath the big tree.
…
The night had deepened, but Qi Wang was still awake.
In truth, he had not had a single good night’s sleep since that night. In his dreams, Lin Huaixi’s frightened, panicked face would always appear.
After seeing Lin Huaixi tonight, Qi Wang had even less hope of sleeping. To keep himself from impulsively going to look for Lin Huaixi again, he dug out a workbook, hoping to distract himself.
But after several tries, he failed every time. His heartbeat suddenly sped up, pounding against his ribs with a dull ache.
Qi Wang frowned and pressed a hand to the left side of his chest. Vaguely, he felt a bad premonition. He sat there in silence for three seconds, then abruptly stood up and strode to the window, yanking it open.
The entire compound, the whole world, seemed to have fallen asleep. Downstairs was empty. Only the streetlights gave off a pallid glow, making everything look cold and desolate.
The strange discomfort in his chest did not fade. His brows knit tighter as his gaze swept slowly across every patch of darkness below. Only then did he finally close the window again.
He was overthinking things. And being ridiculously self-indulgent.
How could Lin Huaixi possibly come looking for him this late?
The moment that thought crossed his mind, there came a knock at the door. In the silence of the night, it sounded especially abrupt. For a moment, Qi Wang even thought he had imagined it.
As if in answer, the door was knocked on again, very lightly, carrying a sense of caution and hesitation, as if the moment no response came, the person outside would simply turn and leave.
Qi Wang stared blankly at the door, his pupils tightening. His clothes almost cut the air as he strode over and opened it.
The person outside clearly had not expected him to appear so quickly. His eyes widened round, his face blank with confusion, and he could only stare at him.
“It’s so late. Why are you here?” Qi Wang frowned, his voice stern.
Lin Huaixi pressed his lips together and gave a dry little smile. “Did I disturb you?”
Without answering, Qi Wang caught him by the wrist and pulled him inside.
The moment their skin touched, Qi Wang felt how ice-cold Lin Huaixi’s wrist was. His heart clenched, a dense pain spreading through him, and his brows furrowed even more tightly.
Autumn was bleak, and the night air was nearly freezing. Lin Huaixi had been out in the cold wind for a long time. His hair was disheveled, his face pale in an almost unhealthy way, and there was not a trace of warmth in his body.
Worse still, under the loose coat he wore only a thin pair of sleep clothes. The coat itself hung loosely over him and was not even long enough to reach his knees.
His pajama pants were too short, exposing a pair of beautiful, delicate ankles. He was barefoot in slippers, his toes red from the cold, the tops of his feet smudged with dirt.
Qi Wang’s gaze was too obvious. Following it downward, Lin Huaixi finally noticed how pitifully messy and disreputable he looked. He awkwardly pressed his lips together and tried to tuck his feet behind him.
“My shoes are dirty. I won’t go in.”
Without a word, Qi Wang took out from the shoe cabinet the pair of cotton slippers he had specifically bought for Lin Huaixi, placed them at his feet, then patted the soft stool beside him, signaling for him to sit down.
Looking at the spotless white slippers, Lin Huaixi hesitated for a few seconds and said in a small voice, “My feet are dirty.”
Qi Wang knelt by his feet and looked up at him. Though he was looking up, the force in his gaze was overwhelming.
Under that look, Lin Huaixi lasted less than three seconds before obediently slipping off his dirty slippers. Just as he was about to put on the cotton ones, his feet were suddenly enclosed by two hands.
Half-kneeling on the floor, Qi Wang began warming his feet with his hands.
His feet had been so cold they were nearly numb, as if they had been soaked in icy water. Suddenly pressed against Qi Wang’s burning palms, they felt almost scalded. Lin Huaixi instinctively tried to pull them back and hurriedly protested, “Don’t do this…”
Qi Wang did not respond. He remained crouched there, carefully and attentively warming his feet.
Seeing that scene, Lin Huaixi’s nose suddenly stung.
The last time had been during the camping trip up the mountain, when Qi Wang had warmed his feet for him in the tent too. Back then, they had been the closest people to each other in the world, with not a single barrier between them. And now, only a few short days later, everything felt changed, as though ages had passed.
Yet Qi Wang’s attitude toward him had never changed.
As feeling gradually returned to Lin Huaixi’s feet, Qi Wang still kept his brows tightly drawn. “Soak your feet before bed to drive the cold out. I’ll make you a packet of cold medicine too, just in case. I’m worried that after staying in the wind this long, you’ll come down with a fever tomorrow.”
Lin Huaixi nodded, his gaze never leaving Qi Wang for even a second.
“The guest room is ready. It’s clean. Stay here tonight, and I’ll take you back tomorrow.”
Qi Wang stood and, with his back to him, went to wash his hands. Then he prepared the cold medicine, making himself look terribly busy, as though he had no spare time to give Lin Huaixi, no time to face him and talk.
Lin Huaixi said nothing. Even when Qi Wang placed the medicine in front of him, he did not move.
They remained like that for several seconds. In the end, it was Qi Wang who lowered his eyes first and opened the guest room door for him. “It’s late. Go get some rest.”
“What about you?” Lin Huaixi asked quickly.
“I’ll sleep in the master bedroom.” Qi Wang’s voice was as beautiful as ever, but stingy, unwilling to say a single extra word.
Holding the cup in his hands, feeling the warmth of Qi Wang’s concern travel into his fingertips, Lin Huaixi found in that warmth a strange sort of courage.
He had already made up his mind downstairs. There was no reason to hesitate now.
“Qi Wang, aren’t you going to ask why I came to find you?”
Qi Wang had been walking straight toward the bedroom without turning back, but those words rooted him to the spot. The tip of his tongue felt dry.
“You…” Qi Wang paused, then changed the wording. “Did something happen?”
It was clearly the wrong atmosphere, the wrong moment, and yet Lin Huaixi still smiled.
Qi Wang always seemed more mature and steady than his age. He could even handle the mess of his original family on his own. But when it came to Lin Huaixi, he had become timid, avoidant.
Before this, Qi Wang had always been clear and direct about his feelings and thoughts, while Lin Huaixi had been the one trapped in confusion, tangled and uncertain. Yet now it felt as if their positions had somehow reversed.
“Something did happen. And it has to do with you, so I came to find you.”
Qi Wang’s Adam’s apple bobbed. His mind went blank. He heard himself say, “What happened?”
Lin Huaixi got down from the stool. He drank the cold medicine first, then walked toward Qi Wang step by step.
The slightly bitter medicine slowly turned sweet on his tongue. Color finally returned to Lin Huaixi’s face, and with steady, gentle eyes, he looked at Qi Wang’s back.
He stopped three paces away. Qi Wang never turned around, and Lin Huaixi did not force him to.
“I’ve thought it through.” Lin Huaixi spoke softly. “Do you want to hear it?”
“Okay. Tell me.” The room was silent. A full minute passed before Qi Wang’s voice sounded. It was dry and hoarse, trembling badly. The last word faded into breath, nearly inaudible.
“We…” Lin Huaixi’s voice, in contrast, held no hesitation at all. “If you’re willing, then we can try.”
Before he had even finished speaking, Qi Wang spun around abruptly. He failed to hide his expression. Everything in his heart was written plainly across his face.
This version of Qi Wang was almost like a child—wanting a beloved toy, yet not daring to ask for it, and then looking unable to believe it when it was suddenly placed in his hands.
Lin Huaixi smiled. Word by word, he repeated, “I want to try this with you.”
Light suddenly flared back into Qi Wang’s eyes, like fire igniting in the depths. His expression changed all at once. Like a wolf, he looked at Lin Huaixi with raw possessiveness.
Lin Huaixi still could not quite get used to being looked at like that. His heart panicked for a moment. But he stood firm, calmly watching as Qi Wang stretched out a hand toward him.
Yet Qi Wang never touched him. His fingers curled midair.
“Have you really thought this through? Did my words pressure you? You don’t want to lose me as your good friend, so you’re compromising, thinking that this is how to keep me, right?”
Qi Wang laughed at himself softly. “I said I didn’t want to force you, yet I still used such a cheating method. Xixi, I can’t even describe what you mean to me. The only wish I’ve ever had in this life is for you to be happy. And yet somehow I became the thing standing in your way. I, I…”
Lin Huaixi listened with his brows knitting tighter and tighter, a spark of anger rising too.
“Qi Wang, look at me!” Lin Huaixi grabbed the hand Qi Wang was trying to withdraw and held it firmly, refusing to let him escape.
“Do I look like I’m compromising? Or do you not trust that I can sort out my own feelings and deal with this properly?”
Lin Huaixi’s clear, glistening eyes were brighter than all the stars outside. There was no compromise in them, no hesitation, no trace of the anguish and avoidance that had colored him before.
“After listening to my heart, I came to find you. But I didn’t come upstairs right away, because I didn’t want to give you some vague answer.”
He took a deep breath and, for the first time, laid his heart bare without disguise or concealment, meeting Qi Wang’s gaze without fear.
“My feelings for you might not count as love yet. They might not even be one ten-thousandth of what you feel for me. But this is definitely not compromise, and it’s definitely not a decision I made on impulse just to keep you.”
“We did grow up together, and you’re the person I’m closest to, but it’s not like I’ve never had other good friends. With them, it’s different. I would never think in that direction at all. Only you are the one who’s different.”
By the time he reached this point, Lin Huaixi had used up nearly all his strength. He licked his lips, his voice softening. “I only know this much for sure: I definitely have feelings for you. But your confession came too suddenly. I’d never once thought about liking someone, about being in a relationship. Give me a little more time. These feelings can grow into love. My love will catch up to yours. It won’t be even half a bit less.”
With every word, the heat in Lin Huaixi’s face climbed higher. His eyes had gone red from the warmth in them, but they still shone brightly, dazzlingly beautiful. “That’s why I said I want to try. But that’s only what I want.”
Then, with all the trembling and unease that came with a confession, yet with even more hope for something beautiful, Lin Huaixi finally said the words he had come to say.
“You still haven’t given me your answer.” He looked at him, voice shaking slightly. “Are you willing… to try being with me?”
