Chapter 75
Lin Huaixi had originally thought he would not be able to sleep, but the moment his head touched the pillow, he sank into a deep slumber. Even so, everything that had happened before bed kept replaying again and again in his dreams.
He woke up at dawn without even needing an alarm, his eyes still hazy as he stared at the ceiling.
Thank goodness for the courage that night had given him. If it were now, there was no way he could have said all of that out loud.
Lin Huaixi sighed inwardly, got out of bed in a daze, and went to the bathroom to wash up.
At most, he had only slept for three hours. On top of that, he had spent the whole night dreaming, leaving him severely sleep-deprived. He had also stood downstairs in the chilly wind for far too long last night, and now he was showing signs of coming down with a cold. His breathing was stuffy, his head felt heavy while his feet were light, and his whole body seemed to be walking on clouds, floating and unreal.
Just as he reached for the doorknob to leave the room, something suddenly occurred to him.
Wait a second. Last night he had said he wanted to try being together with Qi Wang, and Qi Wang had agreed. That meant he was now someone who had a boyfriend!!
That thought chased away every last trace of drowsiness. Lin Huaixi’s eyes widened into perfect circles, and he immediately turned around and marched straight into the bathroom.
He looked at himself in the mirror, and the corner of his mouth twitched.
His sleeping posture had always been a disaster. His hair was a complete mess from being crushed all night, with several cowlicks sticking straight up. When he washed his face, he had not paid attention either, so the loose hair on his forehead was damp and plastered to his skin. There was a red mark at the corner of his eye from sleeping, his complexion looked weak and pale, his eyes were dull, and his whole person looked gray and wilted.
Because he had always relied on his good looks, Lin Huaixi had never cared much about appearances. But now, for the first time, he finally started panicking. He fumbled with his hair in front of the mirror for quite a while, though there was little improvement. Still, his eyes became clearer, and his cheeks finally gained a bit of color, making him look much more awake.
After hesitating for a few more seconds, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open to walk out.
Qi Wang had already gotten up long ago and had even personally made breakfast for him. At that moment, he was coming out of the kitchen carrying bowls.
Underneath, he wore a thin wool sweater, and on the bottom half, a pair of black trousers. He looked both warm and gentle in a homey way, while still carrying the fresh neatness of a young man. Around his waist was a light pink apron printed with an adorable little rabbit—a prank pick Lin Huaixi had chosen for him before. Somehow it added a bit of cute contrast to him.
The moment he saw Lin Huaixi, Qi Wang’s lips curved faintly, and he smiled naturally. The coldness between his brows melted away like thawing spring water, making anyone who looked at him feel utterly stirred.
They had grown up together and had seen every possible side of one another. But before, Lin Huaixi had only ever thought of Qi Wang as his childhood friend and best friend. Now that there was this added identity of boyfriend, he suddenly felt Qi Wang’s beauty and charm in a much more real way. No wonder so many people had liked him all these years.
The only thing that had changed was Lin Huaixi’s own perspective. Qi Wang had always cared for him this carefully and gently for a long time already. It was just that Lin Huaixi had been too dense to notice how Qi Wang felt.
Qi Wang set the bowls and chopsticks down, and when he saw Lin Huaixi still standing there stiffly without moving, he raised his eyes to look at him. “Come eat.”
“…”
That one upward glance almost sent Lin Huaixi reeling. His mind went blank, and by the time he came back to himself, his body had already acted on its own. He obediently went over, sat down in the seat across from Qi Wang, and waited to be fed.
Qi Wang naturally picked out a custard bun and a fried dough stick for him. “Since there’s already a custard bun, I didn’t add sugar to the soy milk. Too much sweet food isn’t good for your teeth or your body.”
Now that their identities had changed, Lin Huaixi no longer knew how to act around Qi Wang. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, only nodding silently.
Qi Wang smiled. As if rewarding him, he said, “Since you’re being so good, how about I make you rabbit cake tonight when I come back?”
Lin Huaixi had originally been lowering his head and eating the custard bun. Hearing that, his shoulders shook, and he nearly buried his face in the soy milk bowl. “Okay…”
The two of them ate in silence. Lin Huaixi was full of distracting thoughts and could not taste anything, mechanically stuffing food into his mouth. Sitting across from him, Qi Wang affected him too strongly. His back bent lower and lower until he was almost sliding out of the chair.
Qi Wang did not say anything, but when Lin Huaixi shifted and accidentally brushed against his foot, he reacted like a startled little animal. He jerked back at once, sat upright, and perched stiffly on the chair.
Lin Huaixi had moved too suddenly, and the chair scraping against the floor made a loud noise that sounded especially sharp in the quiet room. Qi Wang wanted to give him space to adjust, so he still pretended not to notice and simply lowered his head to continue eating.
Lin Huaixi had always been good at adjusting himself. By the time one breakfast had passed, he had already adapted somewhat to this new identity.
It had been his own suggestion last night, after all. He could not be the one to hide his head like a turtle now. That would not be fair to Qi Wang either.
Taking a deep breath, he suddenly changed from his earlier awkwardness and said with great seriousness, “About what I suggested last night, I made a plan.”
Qi Wang seemed slightly surprised. He stared at him for three seconds, then suddenly laughed. “Can I have a look?”
Lin Huaixi had originally intended to hand it over, but once he glanced down at the dog-crawl handwriting on the page, he gave an embarrassed cough and drew his hand back again.
He had written it before going to sleep. At the time, he had been afraid the light would disturb Qi Wang, so he had hidden under the blanket, using his phone as a flashlight. He had grabbed some random pen and scribbled down all his thoughts. There were corrections everywhere. It really was too messy to show anyone.
“I’ll just say it instead.” Lin Huaixi put on a formal expression. “Since we’re trying being together, we should go step by step. After careful consideration, I personally think the first step should be holding hands.”
Lin Huaixi’s head was full of serious matters and plans. His thoughts were racing. He was just about to continue when he suddenly felt warmth cover his left hand resting on the table.
He lowered his head blankly, staring at their tightly touching hands, and for a long while he could not react.
“Is this the kind of hand-holding you meant?” Qi Wang asked with an innocent look, as if he were asking a perfectly proper question.
Lin Huaixi had clearly not expected Qi Wang to be this quick to act. He was completely thrown off, his mind blank. After a few seconds, he answered sluggishly, “Th-this is okay.”
Qi Wang spread his long fingers and slipped them through Lin Huaixi’s, clasping their hands together. “What about this?”
Lin Huaixi’s hand heated up instantly, as though an electric current had run through it. His whole left hand went limp.
“Th-this is okay too. It’s just… at our current stage, this is a bit too fast.”
Qi Wang corrected himself as soon as he learned he was wrong. He withdrew his fingers properly, only loosely holding Lin Huaixi’s hand. “Then can we start with just holding hands like this?”
Lin Huaixi did not even realize that control of the situation had already slipped away from him. All he could do was stammer, “O-okay.”
After that, neither of them spoke. They sat facing each other for a full five minutes, their hands pressed tightly together. Only when Lin Huaixi grew so nervous that his palms began to sweat—and he worried Qi Wang’s cleanliness obsession would not be able to bear it—did he slowly pull his hand back.
Qi Wang instantly sensed what he was thinking and said softly, “It’s okay. I like holding your hand.”
Lin Huaixi lifted his head blankly. Their eyes met. Qi Wang’s eyes were dark and deep, like a whirlpool. It felt as though even Lin Huaixi’s soul was being swept into them. He looked so focused, so full of emotion.
And those four words—I like it very much—kept replaying beside Lin Huaixi’s ears, like a little hammer tapping again and again at the barrier he had built around his heart, forcing his bottom line to retreat bit by bit.
Lin Huaixi was once again flustered to the point that his heart felt like a deer crashing around wildly. He could not control either his reaction or his expression. Once he came back to his senses, he looked at Qi Wang a little indignantly. “How can you say things like that so naturally!”
Qi Wang raised a brow. “Do you think it sounds too frivolous and makes you uncomfortable?”
Lin Huaixi pressed his lips together and muttered softly, “Not really. It’s just that I can’t say those things myself, so I feel unbalanced.”
Qi Wang found him irresistibly adorable all the time. With a quiet laugh, he said, “Then that’s my fault. It means I’m not doing well enough as your boyfriend, which is why you can’t naturally say those words.”
That made Lin Huaixi feel a bit guilty. Qi Wang was already so gentle and considerate toward him; he had clearly done more than enough. It was Lin Huaixi who was lagging far behind. How could he pin the blame on Qi Wang?
Qi Wang did not want Lin Huaixi to start feeling guilt or any other negative emotions toward him, so he smoothly changed the subject. “Then should we also change environments and scenarios when we hold hands, and only move on to the next step after you get used to it?”
Lin Huaixi could not keep up with that line of thought. His lips parted, and after a few seconds he nodded. “That works.”
“Alright. It’s getting late. Let’s go to class.”
After saying that, Qi Wang got up and tidied the kitchen. Five minutes later, he handed Lin Huaixi his backpack.
Qi Wang had already deliberately given him time to adjust, yet Lin Huaixi still could not take it calmly. His head was full of the matter, running wild in every direction.
If they had to change environments for holding hands, did that mean Qi Wang wanted to hold hands with him on the road? It seemed like other couples all did that…
Th-that would be way too conspicuous, wouldn’t it? But now that they were together, if he refused, Qi Wang might misunderstand and think he did not want their relationship known, and Qi Wang would get hurt again.
Lin Huaixi could not figure out what counted as the right amount. He had absolutely no experience in this area, so he simply stretched out both hands and deliberately waved them in front of Qi Wang.
He handed the choice over to Qi Wang. If Qi Wang wanted to hold hands, he could do it any time.
But all the way there, Qi Wang did not make a single intimate move, as if they were still in their old relationship.
Lin Huaixi had thought about it for so long and been tense over it for so long, yet nothing happened. By the time he stepped into the classroom, he oddly felt empty, almost disappointed that they had not held hands.
The second he realized that, he quickly forced the thought out of his head and sat down, taking out his textbook.
Liu Zhengnian had saved them seats—very far inside the row, with no one behind them. It was practically a treasure spot. You could slack off without being bothered, and if you wanted to focus, it was also perfect.
When the class bell rang, the teacher began the lecture. Lin Huaixi had already exhausted all his wariness about the hand-holding issue, so he threw his whole body and mind into the lesson and listened intently.
Halfway through class, after explaining a knowledge point, the teacher asked them to do exercises on the spot.
The whole classroom became silent. Everyone had their heads lowered, and the only sound was the faint rustling of pen tips against paper.
Lin Huaixi finished writing the last number and was in the middle of checking his work when he suddenly felt the hand resting on his knee being taken in someone else’s grip.
The phrase holding hands also needs different environments instantly resurfaced in his mind. But he had never expected Qi Wang to secretly hold hands with him in the middle of class, right under the noses of the teacher and all their classmates.
Lin Huaixi forced himself not to lower his head to look. One hand still held his pen as if he were seriously checking the problems. But a few seconds later, the corners of his mouth seemed to have springs attached, trying to rise uncontrollably, only to be forced down again. He simply could not hide it, and in the end he could only cover his face with his hand in a clumsy attempt to conceal it.
The two of them were both equally good at pretending. Qi Wang had lowered his head and appeared to be solving the problems with total concentration. But if anyone looked carefully, they would realize he had written down a string of meaningless symbols.
And one of his ears had gone so red it looked as if it might start dripping blood.
