Chapter 58
Pei Zhi and Xie Ning were flying out on the same day, though Pei Zhi’s boarding time was a little later than Xie Ning’s.
The airport’s private lounge was extremely secluded. It seemed the surrounding rooms had been cleared out in advance, and the place was very quiet. Through a door that had not been fully shut, the outline of a tall figure could faintly be seen.
Beneath him, between his knees, a leg that should not have been there slowly bent upward. Xie Ning had been kissed until his whole body went soft. He wanted to push him away, but he could not, and could only weakly curl his legs and rub them about, even his toes curling up.
Xie Ning was having trouble breathing. The lack of oxygen blurred his vision, and his body seemed no longer under his control, twisting helplessly as he tried to avoid him. His voice also seemed to have broken, letting out one soft whimper after another, along with thin, fragile little cries.
“That’s enough… mm…”
Afraid of missing his boarding time, Xie Ning had only turned his head a little when his chin was gripped and turned back. His lips were forced slightly open. Pei Zhi lowered his head, flicked out his tongue, and sucked at the soft flesh of his lips, making a loud, indecent sucking sound.
“Mm,” Pei Zhi said. “That’s enough.”
He said that, but his rough tongue still pushed little by little into Xie Ning’s mouth, stirring through the slippery, tender interior with a fierceness that bordered on roughness. The broad, slightly coarse surface of his tongue toyed shamelessly with Xie Ning’s tongue tip. Xie Ning’s mouth was soft and slick, and all Pei Zhi had to do was suck lightly once for wave after wave of sweet, enticing moisture to gather inside.
Pei Zhi had meant to stop after a taste.
But the instant he tasted that intoxicating softness, that tongue as delicate as silken tofu, the sensation shot from his lips and teeth straight to his heart, seizing his thoughts and actions.
In an instant, he forgot what he ought to do, forgot what restraint even was. All he knew was that he had to cup Xie Ning’s face and kiss him hard all over again.
Their noses were pressed tightly together. Xie Ning’s small, delicate nose tip was rubbed over and over until it flushed a faint pink. Unsatisfied, Pei Zhi sucked at his lips and drank from the moisture in his mouth, using real force, as though he wanted to devour him whole. More than that, though, it felt like instinct, like a wild animal trying to leave a mark deep and unmistakable.
In the stuffy, empty lounge, the only sounds were the wet, intimate noise of lips and tongues tangling together, and Xie Ning’s soft little cries.
Tears blurred Xie Ning’s eyes. Pei Zhi was kissing him hard and fiercely, as though he meant to make up in one go for all the kisses they would not be able to have after separating. Xie Ning understood that, but… understanding was one thing. He simply could not take much more.
His trembling hands slowly came up to brace against Pei Zhi’s chest. He tried very hard to push him away, even just a little, only to be pulled forcefully back into his embrace. The moment he let out the faintest sound, Pei Zhi invaded his mouth again and bit hard into his tongue.
Callused fingers slid into his hair and rubbed lightly at his scalp as though soothing him. That tiny current of sensation made Xie Ning’s mind go blank, and in that very instant, Pei Zhi pressed on the back of his head and kissed him even deeper, almost licking all the way to the back of his throat.
A tiny whimper escaped Xie Ning.
Pei Zhi gently kneaded the back of his head as though coaxing him, but at the same time kissed him ruthlessly. He kissed that mouth sweet with fluid, sucked greedily at the soft, slippery tongue inside, and drank from him with obvious desire.
Xie Ning’s mouth was already narrow to begin with. Now it was so full there was hardly any room left. His gaze gradually unfocused, his tongue went numb, his lips swelled, and even his jaw turned sore and achy. It was as if he could no longer hold his saliva in, because it kept spilling from the corners of his mouth.
Outside, faint voices and footsteps could suddenly be heard. Xie Ning’s senses sharpened instantly, and his gaze darted toward the door. The door was shut, but not all the way; there was still a narrow crack, with warm, bright light from outside seeping through.
The footsteps and conversation were getting closer and closer, yet Pei Zhi was still plundering Xie Ning’s mouth. In panic, Xie Ning grabbed his arm. “Mm—!”
There was someone outside!
Pei Zhi directly pressed a hand into Xie Ning’s waist and lifted him up. Face-to-face, Xie Ning ended up being carried against him, both legs hanging in the air. He had no choice but to wrap his arms around Pei Zhi’s neck while his lips were still being devoured.
Even as he walked, Pei Zhi kept eating at his tongue. By the time they reached the door, he was still making those indecent, deliberate sucking sounds.
Between breaths, Xie Ning’s breathing trembled through his nose. The corners of his eyes had taken on a dazed, watery red, and there was an almost obscene kind of beauty in his expression.
With a click, the door shut and locked.
Pei Zhi simply used that very position to pin Xie Ning against the door and continue kissing him.
When he was finally let go, Xie Ning collapsed trembling against him, breathing as though he had been thoroughly ruined.
His fingertips, pink as flower buds, shook nonstop as they weakly clutched at the cloth over Pei Zhi’s chest. His mouth still hung slightly open, and the tip of his tongue was even showing a little.
His lips, mauled and savored so violently, had taken on a rich crimson color, the full flesh of them glossy with moisture.
A rough fingertip slowly brushed across that sensitive softness. Xie Ning could not help letting out another whimper, his shoulders shuddering as though from sheer reflex, terrified that Pei Zhi would come down and kiss him again.
“If I change my mind now,” Pei Zhi said hoarsely above his head, “is it too late?”
What?
Xie Ning lifted his face blankly. Change his mind about what?
As Pei Zhi licked away the saliva at the corner of his lips, he said in a low voice, “I don’t want to watch you leave.”
“I don’t want to watch you walk through the boarding gate.” He added, “You could have taken me with you, you know.”
The closer they got to the moment of parting, the stronger that feeling became.
Pei Zhi truly did not want to be apart from Xie Ning for even a single second.
Xie Ning’s head was still fuzzy, and he could not quite process what Pei Zhi was saying. He stayed leaning against him for a while, breathing unsteadily, his face blank and confused.
Pei Zhi pinched his chin and gazed greedily at that dazed expression. He wanted very badly to take a picture of this moment, but he feared Xie Ning would get angry later. Suddenly he said, “But there’s another way.”
Xie Ning had recovered a little by then, though he still repeated it half a beat late. “Another way?”
“Mm.” Pei Zhi said, “Put me in your suitcase and take me onto the plane with you.”
To his surprise, Xie Ning actually thought about it seriously. “Then what size suitcase would I need?”
Pei Zhi said, “One this big.”
Xie Ning lifted his face and studied him carefully. A suitcase big enough for someone Pei Zhi’s size would be hard to find. After thinking it over, he said, “Then I’d probably need to get one custom-made.”
A laugh slipped from Pei Zhi’s throat. He lowered his head and licked the tears from the corner of Xie Ning’s eye. “Cute.”
Xie Ning let Pei Zhi wipe his face clean. For some reason, Pei Zhi had even brought face cream in his bag.
After “washing” his face for him, Pei Zhi opened the jar, scooped out some white cream, and spread it carefully and evenly over Xie Ning’s face.
Then Pei Zhi pulled a tube of hand cream out of his bag.
Xie Ning: “…”
At this point, even if Pei Zhi pulled out lube and condoms, he probably would not have been surprised.
Checking the time, Xie Ning saw there was still a while before boarding. They could afford to fool around a little longer.
“All right,” he said. “Get yourself together. I’m about to board, and you should go get some proper sleep.”
Pei Zhi said, “Hug me.”
Xie Ning reached out and wrapped his arms around his waist. Pei Zhi said, “Give me a kiss.”
They had already kissed for a very long time, so Xie Ning frowned a little. Pei Zhi immediately changed his request. “Then a kiss on the hand?”
“No.”
“All right.” Pei Zhi pinched his cheek. “I listen to my wife.”
“Who’s your wife?”
“You.” Pei Zhi said. “You’re my wife.”
Xie Ning’s lips were still burning hot, and even speaking made them ache a little. “Shut up.”
“All right.”
A few seconds later, Pei Zhi lowered his head and whispered, “Wife. I’m going to miss you so much.”
“So will I,” Xie Ning said.
“I mean it,” Pei Zhi said. “I really will.”
Xie Ning raised a brow slightly. “So mine’s fake?”
“That’s not what I mean,” Pei Zhi said. “Hold me again.”
Without a word, Xie Ning tightened his arms around him. After a moment he said, “Pei Zhi.”
“Mm?”
“I really have to board now.”
“Mm.”
Pei Zhi tidied Xie Ning’s collar and his slightly messy hair, then helped him put on his mask. As he crouched to help him with his shoes, he suddenly looked up and met Xie Ning’s eyes. “Didn’t you say you can read minds?”
“Huh?”
Why did he suddenly believe him?
Staring straight into Xie Ning’s eyes, Pei Zhi said, “Then what am I thinking right now?”
His thoughts had already turned chaotic and wild, imagining all sorts of scenes after what had happened in the airport lounge.
Xie Ning froze.
He had thought Pei Zhi had finally believed what he had told him before, believed that he really could read minds. But from the look of it, Pei Zhi still didn’t believe him at all. He was just treating it like a bit of flirtatious play.
Xie Ning said nothing.
That blank, slightly helpless expression on his face, as if he had been frightened a little, made Pei Zhi’s restless heart beat even faster.
Silently, Xie Ning parted his lips, but under Pei Zhi’s intense, heated stare, he closed them again. After a while he said, “I’m not telling.”
Of course he couldn’t say it, because he genuinely did not know what Pei Zhi was thinking. One large hand cupped his ankle, fingers stroking lightly over the delicate flesh over the bone.
Pei Zhi’s voice was husky with feeling, but his expression was openly indulgent. “Dummy.”
Xie Ning: “…”
He really didn’t want to talk to him anymore.
After helping Xie Ning put on his shoes, Pei Zhi pulled him to his feet. “Can we video call?”
“We can, but there’s a time difference, so we…”
“The time difference doesn’t matter. Just video call me before you go to sleep. I’m basically always free,” Pei Zhi said. “We can’t let our baby stay up late.”
He reached out and adjusted Xie Ning’s scarf.
Xie Ning’s lashes trembled.
Pei Zhi was talking like that again.
Always so clingy, always using that tone he reserved for coaxing little children.
But he clearly wasn’t a child who needed coaxing.
…
When Xie Ning boarded, a flight attendant brought him a blanket and a menu to order from.
The moment he got on the plane, he wanted to sleep. It was about the time he normally went to bed anyway, so he simply washed up a little.
Just as he was about to put on his sleep mask, he thought for a moment, then took out his phone and snapped a photo.
The first-class cabin was spacious and private. Lying there, Xie Ning seemed to have a small world of his own, and now he sent that little world to Pei Zhi.
[Missing You: Will you be cold?]
[Ning: No.]
[Missing You: I miss you so much. T-T]
[Ning: …We haven’t even been apart for half an hour yet.]
[Missing You: Half an hour.]
[Missing You: That’s so long.]
Xie Ning felt speechless and amused at the same time. He could almost picture it clearly: Pei Zhi, with that cold, domineering face of his, saying this sort of thing with complete seriousness.
[Missing You: I really want to video call you.]
[Ning: I’m planning to sleep.]
[Missing You: Then sleep first. I’m boarding in another two hours anyway, and by the time I get to Jingzhou it’ll be the middle of the night. I feel like I’ll have insomnia, so I might as well wait for you.]
[Ning: Don’t. Go sleep. When I get there, I might be busy. I don’t know what my parents are planning, and they may already have arrangements.]
[Missing You: Mm, true. You hardly ever go back, so you should spend time with your uncle and aunt and go around with them.]
[Missing You: Baby.]
[Ning: Hm?]
[Missing You: I miss you so much.]
Xie Ning put down his phone. In the dim light, his face felt faintly warm.
This conversation was far too clingy…
[Missing You: Can you take a photo so I can see you?]
[Ning: ?]
[Missing You: Go to the bathroom, lift your clothes, and take a picture. Let me see whether my bite marks are gone.]
[Ning: …]
Xie Ning truly felt speechless.
[Missing You: Can’t you?]
[Ning: No.]
[Missing You: Then all right.]
Pei Zhi sent a crying-on-the-floor animated sticker.
[Missing You: Miss my wife. Want to lick my wife.]
[Ning: …Pei Zhi, stop sending weird things.]
Xie Ning felt like even his phone was getting hot.
[Missing You: Really can’t? I can take pictures for you too. You can see whatever you want.]
[Ning: I’m not a pervert. I don’t want to see that.]
[Missing You: But I am.]
[Ning: I know.]
[Ning: I’ll talk to you when I get there. Sleeping now.]
[Missing You: Okay. [hugging Ning-baby jpg.]]
[Ning: ? Where did you get that sticker?]
[Missing You: I commissioned it.]
Pei Zhi then sent a whole batch of stickers at once.
Feeding Ning-baby, lifting Ning-baby up high, everything is right if Ning-baby says so… and one animated sticker with the caption Wife, wife, wait for me, where a little chibi Ning-baby ran in front while another little figure chased after him.
Xie Ning stared at the screen for a long time and silently thought:
Childish ghost.
On the other side, Pei Zhi had just rejoined the group.
The coach looked puzzled. “Where did you just go? The group was @-ing you nonstop and you ignored it, and now you suddenly show up again. Also, why are you pulling such a long face? This exchange is a rare opportunity.”
Someone beside him leaned in mysteriously. “Coach, you don’t know? Pei Zhi has someone now. I bet he was originally planning to go traveling with his partner, and now that he has to go on this exchange, that plan’s ruined.”
The coach looked shocked. “What? A partner?”
“Yeah,” the other guy said. “Anyone could tell from his Moments. And those WeChat names, changing every day, all full of hidden hints.”
The coach truly had not expected Pei Zhi to be able to get into a relationship at all. In his impression, Pei Zhi was the type with a terrible temper. Sure, he had the looks and the family background, but personality-wise? Hardly the kind girls usually liked.
Curious, the coach turned to Pei Zhi.
Pei Zhi tried to look modest. “We’re not together yet. I’m still pursuing him.”
“I see.” The coach looked relieved and pleased. “That’s good. Love during school years may be unstable, but it’s also the most sincere. If it can last, that’s wonderful too. You may have lost the chance to stay by his side because of this exchange, but it’s fine—there’s still time ahead. Lovers don’t need to cling to one brief moment. Improving yourself is important too.”
“Mm,” Pei Zhi said. “That’s what he told me too.”
Otherwise he wouldn’t have come.
The coach suddenly realized he’d just been force-fed romance, then seemed to catch the deeper meaning. “You brat—don’t tell me you originally weren’t planning to come, and only came because your future girlfriend told you to?”
“No.”
The coach finally relaxed. “At least you still know what matters.”
That made sense. Pei Zhi was rational. He wouldn’t lose his mind just because he was in love. He knew that improving his own ability and professional skills was what mattered most.
The coach had seen plenty of people enter college and then drown in love and heartbreak, getting tangled up in petty emotional drama until they wasted all their talent. They learned little of value in their field, suffered plenty of emotional wounds, and by graduation ended up with neither love nor ability.
What a waste of a life.
Thankfully, Pei Zhi knew better.
The more the coach looked at him, the more satisfied he felt.
Then, in a calm voice, Pei Zhi corrected him. “Not girlfriend. Boyfriend.”
…
Xie Ning slept very soundly on the plane. He woke once in the middle to eat, then dozed off again.
The next time he opened his eyes, the plane had already reached Los Angeles. After getting off, Xie Ning took out the spare phone he had prepared in advance. The SIM card inside had already been changed.
[Xie: Baby, are you here yet?]
It was from his father.
[Ning: I’m here. Waiting for my luggage.]
[Xie: Okay, Daddy’s coming to get you. Mommy’s still sleeping. She originally wanted to come too, but she was sleeping too deeply, and I couldn’t bear to wake her. [dizzy]]
Xie Ning found it a little funny.
[Xie: Baby, don’t rush. Take your time.]
He replied with a simple okay, took a photo of the airport for his father, and after picking up his suitcase, casually sent Pei Zhi a picture of just the suitcase too.
[Missing You: Why is there only a suitcase?]
[Missing You: Where’s my wife? Where’s my wife? Where did my wife go?]
Xie Ning had no words.
Dragging his suitcase, he went to a quieter corner and casually took a picture of himself, still wearing a mask.
Sent.
[Missing You: I feel better now.]
[Missing You: Baby, I miss you so much. Can we talk for a few minutes now?]
[Ning: A few minutes is okay.]
Pei Zhi’s call came almost immediately.
The moment the line connected, Pei Zhi’s slightly hoarse voice came through. “Baby, I miss you so much.”
“Why are you up so early?” Xie Ning asked. “Didn’t I tell you not to wait?”
“I didn’t get up on purpose. I just woke up naturally. I turned over and reached out to hold you like I always do, but realized you weren’t there. I missed you too much, so I jolted awake.”
Xie Ning: “…”
“Are you cold? I checked the weather. Los Angeles is cold today,” Pei Zhi said.
“I’m okay. I haven’t gone outside yet.” Xie Ning looked around. “I’m looking for my dad right now… I see him.”
“Then go meet your dad first. Hang up for now. See you tonight,” Pei Zhi said.
“Mm. Go back to sleep for a while. Get some rest.”
Just as he was about to end the call, Pei Zhi suddenly said, “Wait, baby.”
“Mm?”
“I like you.”
“…Got it,” Xie Ning said.
Not long after he ended the call, his father had already reached him. Taking the suitcase from him, his father asked, “Why are you wearing a mask? Did you catch a cold?”
“It was a little cold right after I got off the plane,” Xie Ning said.
“Mm, keep it on then. Your ears are red from the cold.”
After they got in the car, his father handed him a bottle of water and then produced an insulated container. “I made breakfast. Just a simple sandwich. Try it—there’s no tomato sauce, since you don’t like it.”
Then he asked, “Tired?”
Xie Ning took the sandwich. “Not really. I slept and then arrived.”
After thinking a moment, he added, “I also ate a meal in the middle.”
The way he answered so carefully and seriously made him look oddly obedient. Maybe it was because he was beside family, but he looked especially relaxed, without his usual distant, chilly edge.
His father smiled. “As long as you’re not tired, that’s good. I was worried you would be. There was another flight with a slightly better time, but it had a layover, and that would’ve been exhausting.”
Even first class was still tiring on such a long flight.
Xie Ning gave a quiet sound of agreement and slowly bit into the sandwich. After a moment’s thought, he took out his phone and snapped a photo of the sandwich with one bite already taken out of it.
His face remained expressionless as he sent it to Pei Zhi. Whatever Pei Zhi might reply, he continued eating breakfast as usual.
“Has anything good happened lately?” his father asked.
“Hm?”
“You seem to be in a really good mood.”
“Do I?” Xie Ning said. “I suppose something did. I won an award with pretty high prestige. It was the one you and Mom won when you were eighteen.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. The competition’s so fierce now—being able to win that as an undergraduate is seriously impressive.”
Then he asked, “Does your mother know?”
“She knows.”
“You told your mother but not your father?”
Xie Ning nearly choked. He had forgotten. And besides, he had assumed Xie Yan would casually tell his father too. Quietly, he muttered, “I thought when I messaged Mom, you were probably nearby anyway.”
After all, those two were glued together practically every day, and even worked together.
“Well, all right, actually I already knew.” Of course he did. The first moment Xie Yan found out, she had already told him. “I just think you really seem to be in a good mood. A lot of your little habits have changed too.”
“My little habits?”
His father steered the car and paused, as if trying to think of how to explain it. “Before, you seemed like you especially disliked human beings. If anyone came near you, you’d avoid them. But now… not so much. When we came out just now and ran into that group of people, you didn’t deliberately dodge them.”
That was because Xie Ning’s skin hunger had been more severe before, and he didn’t want to bring trouble or discomfort to either himself or other people.
But…
Disliked human beings.
That description made Xie Ning laugh softly. He glanced at the phone screen that kept lighting up. He didn’t even have to open it to know who it was. The thought itself gave him a strange sense of reassurance.
“Sometimes,” he said, “you can like them a little.”
“You’ve always demanded too much of yourself.” His father sighed. “Young people really have it hard these days, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
“I know.”
By the time the car reached home, Xie Yan had just woken up. Their house was a little villa with a small swimming pool in the garden. The garden as a whole wasn’t extravagant, but it was warm and easy to maintain.
That had once been Xie Ning’s childhood wish: a little house with a garden and a pool, not too big, just enough for a family of three. Spaces that were too large made him feel unsafe.
Still in her pajamas, Xie Yan came downstairs rubbing her forehead. “Why didn’t you wake me? I said I wanted to come pick up Ning-baby too.”
“You were basically up all night reviewing projects,” his father said. “So sleep a little more today. Our baby wouldn’t want to see a mother who might fall asleep at any moment coming to pick him up.”
“That’s true,” Xie Ning said.
“Well, all right then, so now it’s my fault?” Xie Yan said. “Baby, come here, I prepared a gift for you. I originally wanted you to see it the moment you got off the plane, but now is fine too.”
Xie Yan loved ritual. She had wrapped the gift in layers, tied it all around with ribbon, and even attached a little card with Xie Ning’s name on it.
Xie Ning slowly unwrapped the box, while his parents sat on either side of him, watching quietly and gently.
Inside was a collection by a famous designer, complete with a limited signed edition.
Xie Ning froze for a moment, then his face lit up. “Thank you, Mom.”
“I knew you’d like it.”
They had spent a long time thinking about what to get him. Xie Ning didn’t have strong material desires, and expensive gifts usually meant little to him. Xie Yan had probed him little by little and eventually managed to extract the name of a designer he really liked.
The designer was based in Northern Europe and was very difficult to contact. Some time ago, through an academic exchange project, Xie Yan had managed to get in touch with him. This gift had cost her quite a lot of effort.
“As long as you like it. Let’s eat breakfast first. Hmm… you haven’t lost weight. Looks like you’ve been eating properly lately.”
After looking him over carefully and even making him step on the scale to confirm he really hadn’t gotten thinner, Xie Yan finally said that.
“Mom,” Xie Ning said softly, “I really haven’t been skipping meals.”
“Really?” Xie Yan said. “Then why did you end up in the hospital before?”
“That was an accident.”
Back then, he had really been far too busy. When someone was that busy, it was genuinely possible to forget to eat. Sometimes, when hunger reached its limit, it actually made him stop wanting food altogether, as if he couldn’t even feel hunger anymore.
“But after that, I did start eating properly.” Xie Ning said, “Really.”
“Because someone was keeping an eye on you?” Xie Yan joked. “Looks like we really do need to find someone to watch you for us.”
“By the way, that friend of yours has gone out for the exchange, right?”
“Right.”
“That’s good too. That kid is very capable. He’s excellent.”
“Mm.” Xie Ning asked, “Are we going out later?”
“Yes.” Xie Yan checked the time. “That sandwich wasn’t enough. Eat a little more breakfast, rest for a while, and then we’ll head out. We’re going to take you to meet the curator of the XI Art Museum, and a few professors will be there too. You should talk with them. If you have any questions, ask them. It’ll also make things easier when you apply for grad school later.”
“Have you decided what school you want yet?” his father asked. “Don’t tell us you’re planning to do your master’s in China too.”
After the college entrance exams, the whole family had been preparing to immigrate, but Xie Ning had insisted on staying in China for university. The fact that they had agreed at all had already been a huge concession.
If he wanted better prospects in his field, then the depth of the school and the artistic atmosphere mattered greatly. If there was a better option, of course he should choose the better one.
“No,” Xie Ning said. “I’m planning to apply to L University later.”
“L is good. I think BC Institute is pretty good too. It’s more commercial, and the teaching atmosphere is… well, it depends on what you want,” Xie Yan said.
“All right, Mom,” Xie Ning answered obediently.
Xie Yan looked at him, her gaze soft.
Xie Ning had been sensible and obedient since childhood. He had always been good at hiding what was on his mind. When he was very young, she and her husband had truly been far too busy. At the time, their careers were taking off, and they had been forced to choose between family and work.
Back then, his father had decided to give up his career and go home to look after Xie Ning, but later they thought it through again. A good parent, they concluded, should also lead by example—showing a child the courage to fight and succeed in one’s career.
Childhood companionship was certainly important, but that kind of influence would last for a lifetime. So in the end they worked with extreme urgency, drawing designs late every day. Fortunately, the results had turned out well, and they had caught the right wave of opportunity.
Once their career had made progress and they had financial security, they immediately brought Xie Ning back to their side. They gave him a better educational environment, a better home, and at the same time tried to make up for the past by giving him much more companionship.
Xie Ning was out busy all day, following his parents around to meet all sorts of people—famous museum curators, brand sponsors… He even unexpectedly came away with a few recommendation letters from professors at prestigious universities.
Xie Ning didn’t much like social gatherings of this sort. Xie Yan knew that, so she said softly, “Wait here a moment. I’m going to find your father. He’s talking with a sponsor right now. Once they’re done, we’ll go home.”
With a slight nasal sound, Xie Ning answered, “Mm.”
A person like Xie Ning—talented, humble, and strikingly beautiful—was the center of attention wherever he went.
Especially with a face like his, rare even by fashion industry standards.
Xie Yan hadn’t even walked away yet when a blond, blue-eyed man with slicked-back hair came up to strike up a conversation. The moment he approached, a protective look rose on Xie Yan’s face.
“Oh, Sini, don’t worry, I don’t have bad intentions. I just think…” The man suddenly switched from English into clumsy Chinese, pronouncing each word slowly. “Xie Ning.”
“Really… too beautiful.” He said, “I can’t help falling for him.”
“You’d better control yourself,” Xie Yan said. “Don’t cause him trouble.”
The blond man looked at Xie Ning. His features were deep and carried that kind of Italian intensity—romantic and melancholy at once. He seemed genuinely wounded. “Would I really trouble you?”
“Yes,” Xie Ning said. “I already have someone I like.”
The man froze, then apologized. As he left, he looked back at Xie Ning one last time, reluctant.
The moment Xie Ning’s father walked over, he happened to hear this explosive exchange. His brow furrowed. “Someone you like? A man?”
He remembered that on the drive back, Xie Ning had listened to a voice message—spoken by a man. His instincts had already told him that this person was not ordinary to Xie Ning.
“Yes. A man.”
His father’s expression turned serious. “Can you tell us something more specific? About the boy you like?”
Xie Ning hesitated, and a rare trace of embarrassment appeared on his face. Xie Yan cut in. “All right, stop asking. We’ll naturally find out when the time comes. There’s no need to rush.”
But Xie Ning’s father disagreed. “He’s still young. We’ve never seen him date anyone before, never even seen him mention liking someone, and the first time he does, it’s a man. Let me be clear—I’m not discriminating against gay people. Whether he likes men or women is fine by me. I have no issue with that. But what matters is whether he was led into this or something else.”
“This circle is too messy. I’m afraid he’ll get played.”
Both of them worked in fashion. No one knew better than they did how chaotic same-sex circles in the fashion world could be. From time to time, they heard stories so outrageous they shattered one’s values—like gay men proudly boasting that they had deliberately turned straight men gay.
More importantly, the road for same-sex couples was not an easy one. He was deeply afraid that Xie Ning would face storms and obstacles along the way. Xie Ning’s personality was so calm and cold that even if he got hurt, suffered, or felt wronged, he would probably say nothing at all and keep it buried inside.
Xie Yan understood all this perfectly well. “Do you think I’m not worried too? Do you remember what Ning-baby was like when he was little?”
Since childhood, Xie Ning had been rather aloof. That was how they all saw it—Xie Yan and her husband, and even the older generation all thought Xie Ning was just one of those naturally precocious, highly intelligent children. Truly smart children often did show early maturity.
When other children liked to gather in groups and play with toys, Xie Ning didn’t. He didn’t like making friends, and he didn’t like noisy places—he thought they were too loud. He preferred sitting alone in a corner, quietly reading books and sinking into his own little world.
They had been first-time parents too. Back then, the family wasn’t well off, but they had still been willing to spend a whole month’s wages to buy him an educational learning toy. At night, Xie Yan would sit on the bed holding little Xie Ning and use it with him.
One time, little Xie Ning suddenly wrapped his arms around her waist. Xie Yan had asked, “What’s wrong? Sleepy?”
Little Xie Ning had looked up at her and slowly shaken his head.
In truth, he hadn’t really wanted the learning toy. He knew it was expensive. But since it had already been bought, if he said he didn’t like it or didn’t want it, Mom and Dad would definitely be sad, wouldn’t they? And besides… whenever he suddenly received a gift, it usually signaled something.
“Do you like this learning toy? Lots of kids have one, so our baby should have one too.”
“I like it.”
Little Xie Ning acted as though he really liked it, placing it by the pillow and touching it fondly over and over. Then he held his mother tightly, raised his soft round face obediently, and said in a tiny voice, “Want sleepy.”
Xie Yan stroked his hair. “Be good. If our little treasure sleeps early, he’ll grow taller sooner.”
The next day, when Xie Ning woke up, he wanted to be held. But when he got out of bed, no one was there. The only thing he could touch was the cold learning toy.
His mother had thought he liked it very much, so she had left it by the bed.
But what he really wanted was only a simple hug.
Still, little Xie Ning knew that his parents had things they needed to do, and that they were working to give the family a better life. If he cried, or showed clinginess and reluctance, they would only feel more reluctant to leave.
He would become an emotional burden on them.
His parents usually slipped away suddenly, though sometimes he watched them leave. In those moments, his eyes would sting, and he would want his mother to hold him just one more time. But in the end, his grandmother would always hold his hand, and he would stand on the steps, staring with his big beautiful eyes, utterly still, watching his parents get into the car and drive away.
Like a doll with no emotions.
His grandmother would praise him for being such a good child, and his grandfather would buy him candy as a reward. He would look down at the brightly colored sweets in his hand and eat them, but they had no taste at all.
The children at school were liars, little Xie Ning would think gloomily. Candy wasn’t that nice.
When he returned to his room for a nap, he still couldn’t help crying quietly under the covers.
He opened the wardrobe, took out a scarf that still smelled like his mother, wrapped his small body in it, and imagined that his mother was holding him.
Once, when Xie Ning was secretly crying like that, Xie Yan happened to walk in and catch him. In that moment, no words could describe what she felt. It was as if someone had taken a chisel and gouged a hole through her heart. Cold wind screamed through it, leaving her limbs and bones icy.
Even now, when Xie Yan thought back to that moment, her heart still tightened painfully.
Little Xie Ning had hidden himself beneath the covers, his tiny body wrapped in her coat. Under the blanket it was hot and stifling, and he was drenched in sweat, yet he still didn’t dare cry aloud.
Eventually, after crying long enough, he had simply fallen asleep there under the covers.
Xie Yan’s voice grew hoarse. “For a very long time, I thought Ning-baby was genuinely cold by nature. But that wasn’t true. He was just slow to perceive certain things, and at the same time far too sensible.”
“I really do feel that I owed him too much. He was so little then. All he wanted was one hug, and I couldn’t even give him that. So later, when he said he wanted to stay in China for university on his own, I agreed.”
“He never asked for anything, but even when he doesn’t ask, you still have to give. And even after giving, you still worry it isn’t enough.”
“I know,” his father said. “I feel guilty too. Now we have the ability to support him, to give him a way out. He doesn’t need to worry about anything—whatever happens, we’ll back him up. But this is different. When it comes to feelings, I’m really afraid he’ll be deceived…”
“We made a promise,” Xie Yan said. “Never to fight in front of the child, and never to show negative emotions in front of the child. So the version of us he saw growing up was always especially affectionate.”
“Sometimes I worried that because we were so affectionate, he’d end up being too picky about his future partner. But now I think—”
“He should be picky. And it’s exactly because he’s seen real love that he won’t lie, and won’t settle.”
Xie Yan took her husband’s hand. “He can tell the difference between sincerity and pretense.”
…
After a full day of being busy, Xie Ning finished showering and then video-called Pei Zhi in his room.
Pei Zhi seemed to have just finished his day too. On the screen, he was wearing a bathrobe, fresh from the shower like Xie Ning, with a faint layer of damp warmth still clinging to him.
Xie Ning had only thrown on a loose short-sleeved top. The room was a little warm, and he was too lazy to adjust the temperature. But looking at the wolfish expression in Pei Zhi’s eyes, he thought for a moment and still got up to fetch the remote.
And while he was at it, he pulled on a pair of shorts too.
The man on the screen laughed quietly. “Baby, are you guarding against me? You even went and put on shorts. What are you afraid of? Afraid I’ll suddenly appear beside you and strip you bare?”
Xie Ning asked in return, “Aren’t you thinking exactly that?”
Pei Zhi: “……”
He really was.
Xie Ning’s phone was propped up on a stand. He got up and casually found a pair of sleep shorts in the wardrobe. The loose T-shirt he was wearing only just covered the tops of his thighs. His long legs were pale and soft-looking, his ankles so slim they looked as though they could be enclosed in one hand.
As he moved, the soft hem of the shirt swayed gently, showing flashes of that slender, supple waist beneath.
Pei Zhi didn’t even dare blink.
His breathing abruptly turned uneven. He adjusted the angle of the screen and leaned closer, as if he wanted to press his face right up against it to see more clearly.
Xie Ning had his back to the camera now, bending down to pull on his sleep shorts. With the proportions of his waist and hips already so dramatic, the curve only became more exaggerated in that position.
Xie Ning didn’t seem to have the slightest intention of avoiding the camera while dressing. Or perhaps there was simply no need to.
Pei Zhi’s breathing suddenly quickened, his Adam’s apple rolling visibly. He let out a slow breath, his fingers unconsciously tightening while one arm moved slightly.
By the time Xie Ning had finished dressing and come back, he noticed that Pei Zhi had adjusted the video again. Before, he could see Pei Zhi’s full upper body and both arms. Now he could only see one arm, his face, and the upper chest around the collarbone.
“Done dressing?” Pei Zhi asked.
“Mm. Done.”
“I miss you so much.” Pei Zhi said. “Baby…”
His voice suddenly went low and hoarse, tangled and lingering. At the same time, though, another sound slipped in.
It almost sounded like… water?
Xie Ning couldn’t quite tell.
Pei Zhi’s face on the screen suddenly filled more of the frame. Up close, his features looked even deeper. On the other side of the screen, Xie Ning looked like a small prey animal pinned under the gaze of a predator, faced with the intensity in Pei Zhi’s eyes.
“Baby, can you undo one button?”
With an indifferent look, Xie Ning glanced at the camera. As if to tease him, he lifted his long, slender fingers and began to idly touch the button near his collar. A long time passed, and his fingertips only kept circling over it, soft as flower buds, tinted a faint pink. Though he was ostensibly touching the button, it almost felt like he was soothing the wild beast on the other side of the screen.
Pei Zhi’s eyes were already a little red from barely contained agitation.
Seeing that he’d made him wait long enough, Xie Ning finally undid one button in one smooth motion.
Not satisfied, Pei Zhi pressed further. “Baby, one more? I can’t see clearly like this. I want to see if the bite marks are still there.”
Xie Ning let out what sounded almost like a small laugh. “Pei Zhi, why don’t I just strip naked and show you?”
Pei Zhi: “Really?”
He cast him a light glance, almost like a little humph. “Fake.”
That nearly killed him.
Pei Zhi really felt as though Xie Ning might drive him insane.
His breathing grew heavy, and his gaze became fiercer, like a starving wolf. Protected by the screen between them, he was bolder than usual, and his words no longer had any filter. “I really want to fuck you to death.”
“Oh?” Xie Ning looked genuinely curious. “Tell me.”
He leaned a little closer to the camera. As he moved, the still-damp ends of his hair swayed, tiny droplets sliding down. His face was beautiful beyond fault, carrying that gorgeous kind of coldness. He slowly licked his lips, making them glisten with moisture.
His eyes, too, seemed to have tiny hooks on them as they settled on Pei Zhi through the screen.
“The details.”
He couldn’t hear Pei Zhi’s thoughts right now, but he wouldn’t mind hearing him describe the details out loud.
Pei Zhi said nothing.
But the sound of him swallowing was very loud.
Then suddenly, as if his stomach hurt or he felt unwell, his expression twisted in a flash. One arm suddenly braced against the desk, and both the desk and the phone shifted slightly.
Xie Ning’s brows drew together. “Pei Zhi, what are you doing?”
Pei Zhi stiffened.
When he looked back up, his brows were flushed with a feverish, almost unhealthy redness.
“Nothing,” he said hoarsely.
Nothing?
That voice, that expression, that reaction—none of it looked like nothing.
A suspicion slowly formed in Xie Ning’s mind.
His expression gradually cooled. His gaze, cold and probing, lowered toward the bottom of the screen like a searchlight. But all he could see was one of Pei Zhi’s arms. What the other arm was doing remained hidden.
“Turn the camera lower,” Xie Ning said.
Pei Zhi froze. “I…”
“Pei Zhi.” Xie Ning spoke his name almost coldly. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”
