Chapter 28
Pei Zhi usually kept to himself and went around alone, at most traveling with his roommates.
When he first moved into this dorm, he had not come with any intention of making friends. But Gu Nian and Chen Xi were both naturally outgoing. They did not care even when met with a cold face, and kept laughing and joking anyway, lightening the atmosphere in the dorm.
Then one day, he happened to find out that some gay guys who fantasized about turning him had often asked the two of them for his contact information, but they had never given it out. Later, there was another incident: someone deliberately damaged his protective gear, and the two of them became furious on his behalf, helped check the surveillance footage, and worked with him to find the person responsible.
That was when their relationship began to improve.
But it was not that close either. Because Pei Zhi could never quite understand Gu Nian and Chen Xi’s humor or the things they liked to talk about. If he really had to compare, Chen Xi and Gu Nian were probably closer to each other.
Pei Zhi’s social relationships were somewhat unusual. Most of the people on his training team were like Chen Xi and Gu Nian: meal buddies, basketball buddies, gaming buddies, shopping buddies. They did everything together—eat, drink, play, hang out. But one day, he suddenly noticed that among the three brothers who had once stuck together every day, one of them was missing.
Later, during a break, someone brought it up. Only then did Pei Zhi learn that it was because one of them had started dating.
Because he had entered a relationship, that person no longer went around with his friends. Other than training, he was hardly ever seen. Whenever anyone asked, the answer was always that he was on a date. His whole world had become nothing but his partner. Even after returning to the dorm, during his limited rest time, he would still voice chat with his partner while gaming, video call, and even stay on voice call while sleeping.
What about Xie Ning?
If Xie Ning started dating, would he become like that too?
Other than attending classes, would every day revolve entirely around dates? And in the one little bit of free time he had after returning to the dorm, would he also spend it video-calling his partner?
For some reason, Pei Zhi felt irritated. He genuinely could not understand why dating turned people into this. Why did they have to stick to the other person every moment of the day?
Did they really have that much free time? Did they really have nothing else to do besides cling to the other person? During college, shouldn’t people be thinking about improving their professional knowledge rather than clinging to their partner every day?
Just as Pei Zhi’s thoughts were tangled in a mess, Xie Ning suddenly turned over. The faint rustle of movement made Pei Zhi snap instantly back to attention. He held his breath and stared at Xie Ning, afraid he might wake him.
Xie Ning was sleeping very deeply. Half of his small face was tucked beneath the blanket, his cheeks tinged faintly pink from sleep. His long lashes cast dense, delicate shadows under his eyes, giving him a peaceful kind of beauty.
At once, Pei Zhi calmed down.
Turning onto his side, he looked at Xie Ning and wanted very badly to reach out and hold him, but he did not dare. Even if it was only touching his face, he would still hesitate for a long time. He still remembered what Xie Ning had said—that Pei Zhi’s body was too warm and would disturb his sleep.
So Pei Zhi kept holding onto just one of Xie Ning’s fingers, propping up his head with his other hand, staying in that position while watching him sleep.
He watched for a long time.
Even when his arm had gone numb and sore, Pei Zhi still did not dare move around carelessly. Just then, his phone screen lit up. He glanced at it casually.
[Rice Cake: Brother Pei, where have you and Beauty Xie been lately? I feel like I never see either of you anymore, and you don’t reply to messages either. What’s going on here? [question mark face jpg.]]
[Rice Cake: You two wouldn’t happen to be secretly dating behind our backs, would you? [horrified face jpg.]]
Pei Zhi frowned slightly. Dating? What did that mean?
[Rice Cake: Hahahaha, just kidding. There’s no way it could be you two. You’re both a hundred percent pure straight men. Oh right, you’re definitely coming tonight, right? If you do, let’s go together. We can sit together. Chen Xi and I kept losing at games yesterday and drank a lot.]
[Rice Cake: Hehehe, but I really liked this mixer. I met a girl I really click with! I’m going to work hard, build up more goodwill, and try to get out of singlehood before the end of the year. [?? jpg.]]
[Rice Cake: …]
It was obvious Gu Nian was excited. He had sent a long string of messages, and some of them were probably written while drunk. He likely really wanted to share his joy over possibly getting into a relationship soon, but did not dare be too obvious in case he jinxed it, so he only dared send messages to Pei Zhi.
After all, Pei Zhi was tight-lipped. Gu Nian trusted him.
[Childish Ghost: What about Chen Xi? Has he met anyone he likes?]
[Morning Light: Of course not! Chen Xi is jealous as hell of me. Hehehehe, let him be jealous. Who told him my charm is this great.]
Though Pei Zhi could not say exactly how close they were, judging from the way they joked and fought in the dorm every day, sat on each other’s laps, called each other dad to beg for takeout, and even occasionally blew each other kisses, they were clearly very close.
If Gu Nian was really about to start dating, then the time and energy he could give Chen Xi would naturally decrease.
So by now, Chen Xi should be able to understand how he felt.
Pei Zhi opened a private chat with Chen Xi.
[Childish Ghost: If your best friend starts dating, what do you do?]
[Morning Light: Congratulate him. What else would I do?]
[Childish Ghost: …?]
[Morning Light: Oh right, and make him buy me a meal. I’m still single and he gets into a relationship before me? I absolutely have to fleece him for a good meal. [knife jpg.]]
[Childish Ghost: …]
Why was this completely different from what Pei Zhi expected?
He had assumed that when Chen Xi found out a close friend was dating, his first reaction would be annoyance. After all, once that friend had a partner, Chen Xi would lose his meal buddy, basketball buddy… and every other kind of buddy.
And all the time and place that had once belonged to him would now be given to someone else.
[Morning Light: What’s wrong?]
[Childish Ghost: Why would you congratulate him?]
[Morning Light: Why wouldn’t I? These days, it’s already hard enough to get into a relationship. And who doesn’t want a campus romance? Walking around the school track with someone you like, holding hands in the woods—it sounds beautiful just thinking about it. And besides, don’t you think it’s beautiful? Starting with someone you like on campus, then going all the way to marriage, and finally growing old together. How happy is that?]
[Childish Ghost: Wouldn’t you be jealous?]
[Morning Light: Even if I were, it doesn’t mean I can stop someone else from dating just because of it.]
[Childish Ghost: But after he starts dating, he’ll spend less time with you.]
[Morning Light: Then less time is less time. Making friends isn’t like being locked in the same prison. It doesn’t mean I’m only allowed to have one friend forever. If my friend starts dating or gets busy, then I’ll just hang out with other friends. It’s not like I only have one best friend.]
But Pei Zhi only had one best friend.
And the point of jealousy for him was a little different from Chen Xi’s. Chen Xi said he would not be jealous of his friend, but what Pei Zhi was jealous of was the person who would end up dating Xie Ning.
He really did not want Xie Ning to date anyone. Dating was such a hassle—going on dates, taking care of another person’s emotions. Xie Ning was so good. Why should he give that kind of effort to someone else? It should be the other person giving all that to Xie Ning.
If only Xie Ning could remain single forever, then Pei Zhi could stay by his side forever as his best friend and take care of him that way. Whatever emotional support Xie Ning needed, he could provide it. He could give a great deal and would not need anything in return from Xie Ning.
[Morning Light: Brother Pei, who even is this person? I’m seriously curious. This is the first time you’ve ever?? messaged me, and also the first time you’ve typed this many words. I’m kind of flattered.]
[Morning Light: Don’t tell me it’s you who has someone you like, and one of your friends hinted that you shouldn’t date? Said that if you start dating, you two won’t spend as much time together?]
[Childish Ghost: .]
[Morning Light: Holy shit, really? Then stay away from that person. Someone like that is not a sincere friend at all. What kind of friend can’t stand to see their friend date? That’s just someone who can’t stand seeing you happy. He definitely has ulterior motives.]
[Morning Light: Definitely a gay guy who’s been lying low for a long time.]
[Morning Light: On the surface he acts like your good bro, but behind the scenes he wants you, doesn’t want you to date, wants you to stay single forever, and then remain by your side in the name of friendship—maybe even end up husband and husband in name and in reality. Hah, I’ve seen this routine all over the internet. Brother Pei, don’t fall for it!]
[Childish Ghost: …]
[Childish Ghost: Is that… what it means?]
[Morning Light: Or maybe he wants to steal your partner? There are fake brothers like that too.]
[Childish Ghost: ?]
[Morning Light: There really are plenty of fake bros like that. You know Li Liu, right? He finally managed to get with the girl of his dreams, and the first thing he did was tell his bros and treat everyone to a meal. He wanted to introduce his girlfriend to his friend circle and show how much he valued the relationship. Nothing wrong with that, except one thing—his bro Zhang X took a liking to Li Liu’s girlfriend and kept trying to steal her.]
[Childish Ghost: …]
[Morning Light: Then it got interesting. Zhang X started constantly asking after Li Liu’s girlfriend, liking and commenting on all her posts, asking her out to eat, buying her gifts. And if anyone asked, he’d say, ‘She’s my bro’s girlfriend, which means she’s my friend too, so what’s wrong with me buying her milk tea and gifts?’ But the most shameless part was that he’d also say things in front of Li Liu like, ‘Ever since you started dating, you spend less and less time with your bros—you don’t game or ball with us anymore,’ so Li Liu actually started feeling guilty. Thankfully, Li Liu’s girlfriend was smart and quickly realized something was off, and after that everything blew up.]
[Morning Light: Trying to steal someone else’s partner like that is seriously disgusting!]
Chen Xi was genuinely furious, getting angrier the more he talked. At the end, he even sent ten 60-second voice messages.
Pei Zhi: “…”
His head already felt messy enough, and Xie Ning was sleeping beside him. He did not have his earphones on him either, so there was no way he could listen to them now.
He skimmed through a few transcribed snippets, realized they were all roughly the same, and gave up.
The situation Chen Xi described had nothing in common with him. He had not set his sights on Xie Ning’s partner, nor would he ever try to steal someone else’s partner. How could he possibly do something that excessive?
He only thought—
Looking at Xie Ning’s calm, gentle sleeping face, Pei Zhi’s deep, stern features softened.
He only thought that no one in the world was worthy of dating Xie Ning.
That was all.
[Morning Light: shared a post — Title: “My roommate started dating, and I’m really unhappy about it. Is there any way to make him break up with his partner? Or stop them from ever being able to date again?”]
Seeing the title, Pei Zhi fell silent for a moment, but still clicked on it.
1st floor: I haven’t known my roommate for very long, but we get along really well. He’s the type who’s super popular, and he’s really considerate too. Every day we play games together, eat together. I genuinely feel like our friendship is number one in the world. But then one day he suddenly got into a relationship, and after that he wouldn’t eat with me or play ball with me anymore. Even when gaming, he always invited his partner too. I feel like the time and place that used to belong to me have been stolen. Is there any way to make them break up? Or just make it so he stops dating altogether?
The moment Pei Zhi read the main post, he instantly became alert. He felt a real sense of connection with the original poster. But when he looked down at the comments, it was nothing but insults.
2nd floor: What the hell is wrong with you? [question mark face]
3rd floor: You’d better be trolling, because if not, you’re spreading crap all over the floor and I’m about to call the police on you. [heart]
4th floor: …OP, please go get yourself checked at psychiatry. Normal people are not like this.
5th floor: Can a mod delete this post already and mute him too? I seriously can’t take it. How can someone be this low, actually wanting to break up someone else’s relationship? And even stop them from ever dating again? 66666.
6th floor: A crafty gay man…
Original poster replied: I don’t understand why everyone is insulting me. I’m just unhappy and feel like my friend has been taken away from me. What’s wrong with that? And I also think my friend is really great—there’s no one in the world worthy of him. Also, I’m straight, thank you very much.
10th floor: Then go die if you’re unhappy.
11th floor: No one’s worthy of him? Except you, I guess?
12th floor: And you still call yourself straight? That’s hilarious. A man who’s only straight except when it comes to his roommate, right? Bro, please stop pretending. Straight men are not mentally broken like this.
13th floor: …
[Morning Light: A crafty gay! ]
[Morning Light: Sorry, not cursing you, Brother Pei. I mean the OP.]
[Childish Ghost: Mm.]
Pei Zhi silently locked his phone screen.
The people in the post’s comment section had been brutally direct, and what they said really did send him into thought. He was just like the original poster, so he could understand that anxiety and frustration exactly. Yet the overwhelming majority of people seemed to think the OP had ulterior motives.
But Pei Zhi had not been thinking that far. He would never do anything bad to Xie Ning. It was not even that he did not want Xie Ning to date. It was that most relationships at this age did not last, and many people were only playing around. Fast-food romance. They did not put much genuine emotion into it, and that kind of relationship was unhealthy.
But the more he thought about it, the more tangled his mind became, until even he could no longer clearly distinguish what his original intention had actually been.
Xie Ning woke up very soon. He never needed long naps. About half an hour was enough before he would wake naturally.
When he opened his eyes, his lashes trembled slowly. A dazed wetness hovered in his clear eyes. He still looked only half-awake, his expression vacant and soft, his gaze unfocused.
Would it be okay to touch his face now?
Pei Zhi slowly leaned over, curling his fingers, and very lightly brushed them against Xie Ning’s cheek. Xie Ning’s lashes fluttered, and then, unconsciously, he leaned his face toward Pei Zhi’s hand.
Pei Zhi froze for a moment. Even that small patch of physical contact made heat rush through his body. He stared at Xie Ning’s face until he fully opened his eyes.
“Good morning,” Pei Zhi said. “Awake?”
After five or six seconds, Xie Ning sluggishly nodded. “Almost. Just need a little longer.”
After waking from a nap, Xie Ning usually felt heavy and slow, almost as if he were still asleep. He always needed more time to fully wake up.
He looked blankly at Pei Zhi, and only several seconds later did he realize his cheek was pressed to Pei Zhi’s hand. He was just about to move away when Pei Zhi said, “You’re touching me.”
Xie Ning said, “Am I not allowed to?”
“You are,” Pei Zhi said. “Then can I touch you too?”
“Now that you’re awake, I want to hug you.” His voice grew more and more wronged. “Just now I was very obedient. Other than your hand, I didn’t touch you at all.”
Of course Xie Ning did not actually mind. Pei Zhi’s touch was a kind of enjoyment for him too. But he was trying to control himself. He could not keep placing himself in a situation built entirely around indulgence.
His voice still carried the hoarseness of just having woken up. “No.”
“Not even your face?”
“No.”
“What about your mouth?”
Xie Ning looked at Pei Zhi.
The urge to bargain vanished instantly. Pei Zhi said, “Then I won’t touch you. Don’t be mad.”
[I really want to hug my wife…]
[But does my wife dislike how clingy I am? I should control it, but I just can’t.]
[No, if my wife says I can’t hug him, then I can’t. I have to listen to him.]
“I’m not mad.” Maybe it was because Pei Zhi looked so dejected, but Xie Ning even found himself thinking that perhaps he was the one being too harsh. Maybe keeping a little distance should have been done gradually instead… He sighed. “Forget it. If you want a hug, then hug me.”
Xie Ning’s body suddenly lifted. The instant the words left his mouth, Pei Zhi had already pulled him into his arms.
That broad, burning embrace was like a winter blanket in a heated room, able to wrap someone up so tightly that no cold wind could get in.
Xie Ning let out a soft breath. It was really… very comfortable.
One small, pale hand rested unconsciously on Pei Zhi’s arm, the joints slightly curled, his nails tipped with a faint flower-bud pink.
Pei Zhi stared at it for a moment, then suddenly said, “I’m like clay in your hands. You can mold me into whatever shape you want.”
Xie Ning asked softly, “So am I controlling you?”
“Mm.” Resting against Pei Zhi’s chest, Xie Ning listened to the strong, resonant beat of his heart. Above his head came Pei Zhi’s equally forceful voice. “I only listen to you.”
…
In the lobby, at the gathering point.
Gu Nian and Chen Xi craned their heads for ages before they finally saw the two familiar figures. “Where did you guys go last night? We kept sending messages and neither of you replied. We thought you’d gone back to the dorm!”
Xie Ning and Pei Zhi had been soaking in the hot spring last night. Because they had drunk a little too much, they had fallen asleep before nine and naturally had not had time to check their phones.
Thinking of the night before still gave Xie Ning a bit of a headache.
If sober Pei Zhi was still a cold and cool guy as long as you ignored the inner thoughts, then drunk Pei Zhi was extremely clingy.
When Xie Ning went to the bathroom, Pei Zhi had insisted on following him, saying it was to keep him from falling. But how could Xie Ning possibly be so unsteady that he could not even go to the toilet on his own?
But drunks had no logic. Xie Ning could not tell whether Pei Zhi had really been drunk or faking it. His thoughts alone did not make it clear. The only thing he could be sure of was that Pei Zhi had been very excited, his head full of rather wild words.
Xie Ning had urgently needed to use the bathroom, so in the end he could only compromise and let Pei Zhi wait outside the door while he himself left it unlocked.
And so Pei Zhi had really waited outside the bathroom door until he finished. The moment Xie Ning opened it, Pei Zhi scooped him up and carried him back to bed, where they crawled under the covers again.
“We fell asleep kind of early last night, so we didn’t notice the messages,” Xie Ning said. “How was it? Did you have fun?”
Gu Nian said, “Amazing! Thank god I came. I feel like a sweet romance is finally about to be my turn.”
Chen Xi said, “Heh. I spent the whole time just being a wingman. It was heartbreaking. I don’t know if I’ll be able to give away my first kiss before the end of the year…”
Gu Nian immediately threw an arm over Chen Xi’s shoulder and tried to kiss him on the face, though Chen Xi dodged away. Gu Nian kept grinning shamelessly. “Why dodge? Since you want to give away your first kiss so badly, giving it to your bro is the same thing. Come on, good bro, give me one…”
“Get lost, get lost, get lost. You really have no shame…”
And just like that, the two of them started fooling around again.
Xie Ning was already used to the way those two interacted. In fact, he had seen them do things with even less restraint than this.
He turned his head—and met Pei Zhi’s somewhat heated gaze.
Xie Ning tilted his head slightly, confused.
Without making it obvious, Pei Zhi wanted to throw an arm around him, but Xie Ning said, “Let’s not drape ourselves over each other, okay? The van will have air-conditioning on later, and you run hot.”
Pei Zhi said, “Okay then.”
[Then what about holding hands?]
[If I can’t put an arm around him, then can I at least hold hands?]
[Forget it. I don’t dare ask… I’ll ask later.]
[Once we’re in the car. For now I need to listen to wife.]
The KTV was a bit far from the hot spring hotel, so for a more comfortable experience, the organizer had rented several small business vans.
“Holy shit? Business vans?” someone exclaimed. “Did you suddenly get rich or something? How much does one of these cost for a day…? Each van can only hold seven or eight people. There are so many of us. Is the budget really this generous?”
The organizer looked helplessly over at Pei Zhi, who was standing beside Xie Ning not far away, and smiled. “It’s okay. Big buses are easier to get carsick on and less comfortable to sit in. Business vans are nicer. And if anyone wants to catch up on sleep, it’ll be much quieter too.”
Seating was assigned randomly. By coincidence, the people in Xie Ning’s van were almost all familiar to him. Aside from his three roommates, the rest were fellow students from the same major but a different class.
Some of their electives overlapped, and there were only so many people in the major, so even if they had never spoken, it was natural for them to recognize each other.
This van was very quiet. The moment everyone got in, they all prepared to sleep. The van even thoughtfully provided unopened eye masks and earplugs, along with some fruit and snacks.
Gu Nian muttered, “I suddenly feel like the money I paid was completely worth it… How much did we even pay again? How are they able to give us service like this?”
Chen Xi added, “Seriously. Even the eye mask is from that brand. My god. Are they actually not losing money on this?”
As soon as Xie Ning sat down and heard them talking, he looked at Pei Zhi instinctively.
Pei Zhi looked completely innocent.
He opened the plastic wrapping on an eye mask and placed the black silk mask into Xie Ning’s hand. “If traffic’s light, it should take about twenty minutes. You can sleep a little more.”
This short a trip should not cause motion sickness, but Pei Zhi had still brought motion sickness medicine just in case.
Xie Ning had a habit: the moment he got into a car, he would get sleepy. Now that the vehicle had started moving, drowsiness washed over him.
He took off the scarf wrapped around his neck. Pei Zhi reached out to take it, and Xie Ning handed it over. Then he put on the eye mask and leaned back in the seat that had already been adjusted for him.
Because he was not wearing a turtleneck underneath, from Pei Zhi’s angle, he could see the lovely line of his neck and his small, delicate Adam’s apple.
The black eye mask made his skin look even whiter, like frost or snow on a branch.
He was such a cold, distant person, everything about him radiating refinement and aloofness. Yet his lips were full, carrying a kind of smoldering temptation. Just looking at them was enough to make someone burn.
[What do I do? I didn’t get to ask to hold hands, and my wife’s already asleep…]
[Such a beautiful wife. His Adam’s apple is so cute. I want to lick it.]
[His mouth looks so soft, like jelly. If I sucked on it, it feels like it would spurt juice…]
[Why is the road so bumpy? What if it wakes my wife up?]
[Fuck… can the car stop shaking? What do they even spend the road-repair budget on every year? The road is this uneven? At this rate the bumps are going to throw my wife right into my lap.]
[Feels like having sex in a car. I really want to O.O…]
At first, Pei Zhi had truly only wanted to hold hands. But later, his thoughts began wandering more and more. Still, his most direct and most earnest desire really was just to hold Xie Ning’s hand.
He was not sure whether Xie Ning had already fallen asleep. He gathered his courage and wanted to speak to him, but then worried that Xie Ning might really be asleep, and what if he woke him up?
His courage was like a balloon with a hole pricked into it. With repeated hesitation, the air slowly leaked out until there was none left.
Pei Zhi felt like a coward, hesitating again and again, wanting Xie Ning to know what he was thinking, yet also afraid that he would.
[Is he really asleep? But we still haven’t held hands.]
[T-T I thought I’d get to hold my wife’s hand for twenty whole minutes in the car… There aren’t many people, and everyone else is asleep, so no one would notice. That way nobody would make weird assumptions, and my wife would definitely be willing to hold hands with me.]
[Maybe he isn’t asleep yet? The car is still rocking.]
[I really want to pin my wife against the car window and fuck him…]
Pei Zhi was lost in thought.
Then suddenly, a slender, beautiful hand appeared in front of him.
Like a gift he had dreamed of suddenly appearing before his eyes, his first reaction was not joy, but blankness.
Pei Zhi’s gaze went from the hand to Xie Ning’s face. Confused, he let out a low “Hm?” and asked, “What is it?”
“Didn’t you want to hold hands?” Xie Ning still had the eye mask on, so Pei Zhi could not see the flush on his cheeks. He said, “Then hold my hand.”
Pei Zhi was startled for a second. How did Xie Ning know? Did he actually have mind-reading powers? But of course Xie Ning could not really read minds. The only explanation was that there was simply a real unspoken understanding between them.
Pei Zhi pretended to be reserved for half a second. “If you don’t want to, then never mind.”
[No no no, can I take that back?]
[Pei Zhi, what are you pretending for? Why are you acting reserved? Do you need to act reserved in front of your wife?]
[Wife wife, take it back! Take it back!!]
Even though Xie Ning could not see Pei Zhi’s face, he could still more or less imagine it—completely calm, not a single flaw visible on the surface.
While inside, he was screaming his head off.
By now, Xie Ning was already used to this contrast in him.
“Then hold my hand.” Xie Ning said, “But don’t start thinking strange things again.”
Strange things? What did that mean? Pei Zhi did not understand. “I’m not thinking anything.”
“Really?”
Xie Ning removed the eye mask. One hand rested lightly on the armrest, the black leather making his fingers look even whiter, giving off a kind of restrained sensuality. Slowly, he leaned a little closer, his long lashes framing eyes that were cool and clean.
He moved his lips slightly. “You kept staring at me. I thought you were thinking something bad.”
At such close range, that delicate face seemed even more alluring. His cool, clear eyes did not hold any particular expression, but on a face this beautiful, they still looked dangerously enticing.
In Xie Ning’s eyes, Pei Zhi could see his own reflection—tense, unnatural, nothing like himself at all.
His fingers curled tighter and tighter until even the bones in his hand stood out clearly. His heartbeat became wildly violent. His Adam’s apple rolled. “Something bad?”
“Mm. For example—” Xie Ning said lightly, “pinning me against the window and fucking me.”
Such a rough sentence, said by him so casually.
