Chapter 27
“Do you think we’ve gotten too close?”
Nestled in his arms, Xie Ning suddenly lifted his head and asked very seriously.
“Have we?” Pei Zhi did not think much of it. He kept combing through Xie Ning’s hair with his fingers. “No way. Good friends are all like this.”
“On the way back today, didn’t we run into a pair of good friends? They were not only holding hands and hugging, they were even kissing, right there in front of so many people.” At the thought of it, Pei Zhi frowned a little unhappily and glanced thoughtfully at Xie Ning’s lips.
Xie Ning understood the hint in his gaze. After a moment of silence, he said helplessly, “Couldn’t you tell? They were a gay couple.”
Pei Zhi looked surprised. “They were gay?”
Xie Ning: “…”
So Pei Zhi really could not tell.
Which meant that even if a gay couple acted intimate right in front of him, as long as they did not explicitly state their relationship, then no matter how uncomfortable or disgusted he felt, he would still think they were just especially close friends.
Just like Pei Zhi and Xie Ning now.
The moment the topic of homosexuality came up, something about Pei Zhi’s mood seemed a little off. The arm around Xie Ning slowly tightened, holding him in an overbearing embrace.
Xie Ning liked this kind of closeness, the kind with almost no space between them at all. But he had also become keenly aware that he was relying on it too much. He should keep his distance. Even if Pei Zhi did not, he should at least have the self-control to do so.
He disliked the feeling of becoming addicted. He hated losing control. Yet now he was already showing signs of addiction.
“Aren’t you straight?” Xie Ning thought it was still not too late to pull back. Looking up at Pei Zhi from within his embrace, he met his gaze and said, “Straight men don’t act like this.”
“They don’t hold hands, and they definitely don’t hug this tightly the way we do now, much less sleep in each other’s arms.”
Pei Zhi’s expression turned visibly serious.
He stared deeply at Xie Ning with an intent, focused expression, as if contemplating an extremely profound academic problem.
After a long while, Pei Zhi’s arm loosened slightly. Xie Ning let out a quiet breath of relief. So Pei Zhi was not impossible to reason with after all.
That made sense. Pei Zhi should understand what he meant—
Suddenly, the world spun before Xie Ning’s eyes. In the next instant, he was pressed down onto the bed. A tall body and its forceful shadow blocked out his view, and all around him was the cold, distinctive scent that belonged only to Pei Zhi.
His hair had fallen messily across his forehead, revealing a bit of smooth pale skin. Because the movement had been so abrupt, a haze of shock and moisture rose in Xie Ning’s eyes, making him look unusually vulnerable, like a startled animal.
“So you don’t want to sleep with me anymore.” Backlit, Pei Zhi’s expression looked especially deep and difficult to read. His tone remained flat. “And you don’t want to keep holding hands with me either.”
One of Pei Zhi’s hands braced itself beside Xie Ning, while the other rested at his lower back. Xie Ning shifted a little because it tickled, but the movement was immediately taken as resistance.
The hand at his lower back slid up to his back. With just a little force from Pei Zhi, Xie Ning was lifted upright, and then Pei Zhi leaned down, pressing close until their upper bodies were almost touching.
Xie Ning: “!”
At his ear came Pei Zhi’s slightly aggrieved voice. “You don’t want to be close to me anymore.”
[My wife doesn’t like me anymore.]
[Did I do something to make my wife mad? I’m sorry, wife. You can hit me or scold me, just don’t ignore me T-T.]
[And don’t pull away from me either.]
Xie Ning was speechless. “That’s not what I mean. I just think that a healthy social relationship should have a proper sense of distance. We’ve been sticking this close every day, and it’s too easy for people to misunderstand…”
“Misunderstand?” Pei Zhi repeated.
“Today, someone misunderstood that we were together. That’s why they said those strange things.” Xie Ning said, “I thought about it carefully, and the way we interact really is a little too intimate. It isn’t very appropriate.”
“Why isn’t it appropriate? Let them misunderstand if they want. It has nothing to do with us.”
Pei Zhi’s entire face was full of irritation. Under the backlight, his handsome, deep-set features looked especially dark. His gaze wrapped around Xie Ning like chains, leaving absolutely no room for negotiation. He emphasized every word, “What they think doesn’t matter.”
That exquisitely cold face was right in front of him. Pei Zhi still wanted to say more, but when he noticed Xie Ning’s lashes trembling slightly, as if he wanted to say something but could not, he stopped.
Why had Xie Ning gone quiet so suddenly? Had he frightened him?
Pei Zhi, who had been so firm and forceful just moments ago, suddenly softened. Even though he still believed he was not wrong, the instant he saw something like fragility or grievance on Xie Ning’s face, his first instinct was self-reflection. He must have done something wrong just now.
He should not have raised his voice. He should not have been that forceful.
But Pei Zhi still stubbornly believed that the way he and Xie Ning interacted was not something anyone else had the right to comment on. His thoughts were a mess. Slowly, he pulled Xie Ning into his arms, pressing him firmly against his own body with an almost domineering strength. Their chests were pressed together, their heartbeats seeming to trade rhythms in that moment.
Only then did Pei Zhi gradually calm down.
Softly, he said, “Was I too loud just now? I didn’t mean to be harsh with you. Don’t be scared. I was just…”
His lashes slowly lowered. “A little upset.”
“I thought we were very good friends.”
No matter how you looked at him, Pei Zhi’s tall, strong body was the very image of someone powerful.
And yet at that moment, because of the dimness in his expression, he looked exactly like a stray dog abandoned by its owner in the middle of a stormy night, drenched in cold air and wet sorrow, pitiful all over.
“You really are my best friend.” After thinking for a moment, Xie Ning still reached out. His soft fingers slid into Pei Zhi’s hair, and Pei Zhi obediently tilted his face toward him, taking the initiative to press into his palm.
“But we’re adults. Adults are supposed to understand boundaries. Looking at it from another angle, the feelings in a relationship are conserved. If we get too close too quickly in the beginning, then later on won’t we grow distant faster too, and start having more arguments? In other words, won’t we get sick of each other faster?” Xie Ning tried explaining it in a simple, easy-to-understand way. He could not say outright that he was already becoming a little addicted to this kind of intimacy, and that keeping some distance would be better for both of them. He added gently, “Right?”
“No,” Pei Zhi said. “I won’t get sick of you.”
His tone was utterly certain. “Never.”
“And we won’t argue either. You won’t do anything wrong.” Pei Zhi added, “I’ll always give in to you.”
That was not the point at all.
Xie Ning had long known that Pei Zhi was not nearly as strong and cold as he looked on the outside. In some ways, Pei Zhi had a kind of childishness that bordered on stubbornness.
Forget it.
Even if Pei Zhi did not agree, Xie Ning would still slowly begin keeping some distance. He could not keep satisfying his skin hunger through Pei Zhi so casually.
That was not good.
Xie Ning said, “Our contact is too intimate, and that’s not a good thing. Didn’t you say before that gay men often harass you? They might misunderstand and think they have a chance too. You should keep behaving like a straight guy. That way it will also reduce the harassment.”
“And if you date someone in the future, if we’re this close, your partner will be unhappy too.”
Pei Zhi’s expression was still unpleasant. “But I don’t want to lose the chance to be close to you because of unimportant people and some so-called straight-guy label.”
Then he said, “And I’m not going to date anyone else.”
Xie Ning was surprised.
It was not just that he had developed a dependency on being physically close to Pei Zhi. Pei Zhi seemed… dependent on him too.
Even though Xie Ning did not continue the topic any further, Pei Zhi could tell that Xie Ning had already made up his mind.
Pei Zhi thought for a moment. Then suddenly, inspiration struck. He grabbed Xie Ning’s wrist, excitement flashing in his brows. “If straight men aren’t supposed to do these things, then if I’m gay, does that mean I can keep being close to you?”
Looking straight into Xie Ning’s eyes, he said, “Then I’m gay.”
Xie Ning: “…”
He was speechless, stunned, and completely at a loss for what to say.
He tried pulling his hand back, but Pei Zhi held on too tightly. Instead, his palm was pressed harder against Pei Zhi’s chest, where he could feel the strong thud of his heartbeat. Helplessly, Xie Ning said, “Stop joking.”
Could sexual orientation really be changed just by saying so?
And besides, what Pei Zhi was saying was far too careless.
Xie Ning had only just turned his head away when Pei Zhi cupped his face and turned it back. “I’m not joking. Or are you homophobic?”
“…You’re the one who’s homophobic.”
“I’m not anymore. I’m gay now. Can I hold you while we sleep tonight?”
Xie Ning refused without mercy. “No.”
“I’m a little sleepy. Let’s sleep.” Xie Ning said, “Your body is kind of hot. When you hold me like that, I don’t sleep very comfortably.”
At first, Pei Zhi had still wanted to argue for it. But the moment he heard the second half of Xie Ning’s sentence, he let go immediately.
“Has it always been like that?” After a pause, he asked, “When I hold you, you’re uncomfortable?”
Pei Zhi had never once considered that Xie Ning might be uncomfortable, because every time Xie Ning was in his arms, he looked as though he enjoyed it very much.
And when he held Xie Ning, he felt good too.
Xie Ning told a small lie at just the right moment. “A little. It feels like I can’t breathe.”
The moment Xie Ning slipped under the blanket, he realized just how used he had become to sleeping with Pei Zhi. Without the embrace now, he actually felt a little unaccustomed—and even missed the warmth of Pei Zhi’s body.
He closed his eyes. Then suddenly, one of his fingers was lightly hooked. Pei Zhi was rubbing against his fingertip.
Xie Ning opened his eyes.
“If I can’t hold you, can I at least hold one finger?” Pei Zhi added, “Just one finger is enough. I won’t disturb your sleep.”
As if afraid of disrupting him, Pei Zhi kept his voice very soft. Combined with the faintly disappointed and downcast look on his face, and the way he was positioned right at the edge of the bed, he really did look like a little dog who had been forbidden from getting onto the bed, yet had secretly climbed up anyway, trying his hardest to curl himself into the smallest ball possible so he would not be noticed.
Xie Ning did not answer immediately. Just when Pei Zhi thought that even one finger would not be allowed, and was about to let go, Xie Ning said, “Okay.”
Then he added, “You should sleep too. Take a nap. We still have to go to karaoke in the afternoon.”
Pei Zhi rubbed lightly against Xie Ning’s finger. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Pei Zhi had no desire to sleep at all.
Why had Xie Ning suddenly grown so distant with him? He had not been like this before. Pei Zhi could feel that Xie Ning liked being close to him—otherwise he never would have pushed things further and further.
Was it because he had been too clingy, and now Xie Ning was annoyed with him?
Had one of Xie Ning’s friends said something to him? Or had Su Nan deliberately caused trouble?
Or… was Xie Ning dating someone now?!
Xie Ning had repeatedly brought up keywords like dating and being straight. Pei Zhi refused to believe that was a coincidence.
Could it be that today, when Xie Ning said he was going to meet a friend, he was not actually seeing a friend at all, but going on a blind date—or meeting someone he was dating?
Was Xie Ning really about to start dating?
Pei Zhi began to feel lost.
If Xie Ning really did get into a relationship, then what was he supposed to do?
