Chapter 23
When Zhuang Wei woke up, he unexpectedly smelled food. Last night he had spent all his strength on that man. With a long-cherished wish fulfilled, the sense of ease made him sleep especially deeply despite the fatigue.
That homely fragrance stirred his hunger. He reached out and found the space beside him empty, so he got up, put on a robe, and opened the bedroom door.
Qu Tongqiu was in the kitchen, head lowered as he cooked. His back was slightly hunched as he stared blankly at the rising steam.
Zhuang Wei leaned against the doorway and watched him. Last night he had wanted to be gentler, slower, to give him a better experience. But once he really started, he simply couldn’t control himself.
Thinking of how the man had been pressed beneath him, breathless, pleading in broken phrases for him to go slower, Zhuang Wei felt his scalp tingle and desire stir again.
It was hard to say whether Qu Tongqiu had enjoyed it, but the physiological response had been there. In the blazing collisions, he had been incoherent, and in the end lay motionless in Zhuang Wei’s arms, falling asleep like that.
Qu Tongqiu usually didn’t sleep well. In the middle of the night, Zhuang Wei often heard the clear sound of his breathing—awake.
For people burdened with heavy worries, daytime is manageable; midnight is the hardest. No position feels right. In the dead silence, all kinds of gray thoughts crawl into the mind, impossible to drive away, impossible to sleep, tormenting like invisible insects biting at you.
“Living has no meaning.”
“The past was all wrong, and there’s no light in the future.”
“Life is a burden.”
To avoid being tortured by these thoughts common to depressed people and instead sink into a deep sleep—for Qu Tongqiu, that was probably the best and greatest rest.
Zhuang Wei thought, no matter what, he had made Qu Tongqiu fall asleep in his arms.
Qu Tongqiu fished the noodles out of the pot. In one bowl were golden fried eggs and deep-fried lean pork with seaweed; on a small plate were blanched bright-green vegetables. The colors looked very good together.
He hadn’t forgotten the date. Even on the first day of the lunar new year, there were things that should still be done.
Zhuang Wei walked over and hugged him from behind. Startled, the man jumped slightly, then Zhuang Wei kissed his ear.
“When did you get up?”
“Just now…”
“Did you sleep well?”
“Mm…”
Everything felt a bit like the morning after a wedding night.
Zhuang Wei couldn’t help kissing his neck again, pressing his lips hard over the marks he himself had left, grinding deliberately. His arm tightened with obvious intent. Qu Tongqiu stood there nervously, held so tightly he could hardly breathe, his face flushing red.
“Did I hurt you last night?”
“I-it was… okay…”
Just kissing the reddened neck and ears wasn’t enough. Zhuang Wei turned him around and bit his lips, kissing him a little roughly. The man, light because of his thinness, struggled twice before Zhuang Wei lifted him easily and pinned him against the wall.
Despite some resistance, Zhuang Wei skillfully stripped off his pants, pressed between his legs, and fondled the already swollen place with blatant lust. The dampness left from last night was still there, and Zhuang Wei slid in effortlessly.
Only after a long while did he let the man down, his legs trembling. Qu Tongqiu stood there dazed, eyes slightly red, staring blankly for a moment.
“Does it hurt?”
Qu Tongqiu reacted slowly, then shook his head. Zhuang Wei helped straighten his clothes, kissed him again, and said in a low voice, “You’ll get used to it.”
In this predicament, the kindness Zhuang Wei gave him included comfort and support—and also kisses and desire. He couldn’t take only what he himself liked.
After eating the noodles, Zhuang Wei got dressed and began packing some simple things. Important items like the man’s ID and passport had already been retrieved from the dorm earlier and were now kept by him.
Qu Tongqiu silently washed the dishes, watched him pack a small suitcase, and couldn’t help asking, “Y-you’re… going somewhere?”
“Spring holiday,” Zhuang Wei said, picking up a small bag with documents and cards. “The tickets and arrangements are done. We’re going to the airport in a bit.”
“……”
The news was too sudden. The man was stunned. “G-going… that far…”
“What’s wrong with far?” Zhuang Wei looked at him, raising an eyebrow with a half-smile. “I’m definitely going. Rare vacation. If you don’t come, and Ren Ningyuan shows up at the door, it’ll be just you here.”
Qu Tongqiu hurriedly wiped his hands on his pants, grabbed his things, and followed him.
Having been thoroughly ravaged earlier, the man could barely straighten his back and was utterly exhausted. The trip was rushed, with hours of travel and a transfer. In the end, fatigue overwhelmed him, and he could only trail behind Zhuang Wei listlessly.
Once they left the airport, the peace and calm of the tropical island made him feel a bit more comfortable. He dozed off on the way.
By the time they reached their lodging, night had already fallen. Qu Tongqiu ate dinner in a daze, not even remembering what it tasted like.
A therapist came to give them a spa treatment. The lights were dim; faint insect sounds drifted in the distance. Amid the mysterious, light fragrance and the gentle, continuous pressure of skilled fingers, Qu Tongqiu tried hard to stay awake, but during the long session, he eventually fell asleep without realizing it.
When Qu Tongqiu woke up, he couldn’t immediately remember where he was. The faint sounds and the smell of the air were completely unfamiliar. The subtle quiet and depth made it feel as though he were suspended over an empty cliff, a strange sense of time and space dislocation.
Cautiously, he half sat up. The bedroom window was wide open, offering no sense of enclosure at all. In the night, he could see the beach and the sea outside. He stared, stunned, the feeling of having an entire beach and sky to himself making his soul feel as if it were drifting away.
It was as if he had opened his eyes and the world had suddenly turned into something completely unfamiliar—except for Zhuang Wei beside him, who was familiar.
Qu Tongqiu called softly, “Zhuang Wei…”
The sleeping man opened his eyes, dazed for a moment. “Mm?”
“Where is this place?”
Zhuang Wei woke fully, looked at him, and smiled. “Heaven.”
The man stared blankly. “Ah…”
“Idiot. Just kidding. Bali.”
Qu Tongqiu sat there, still gazing outside. Zhuang Wei hooked an arm around his neck and pulled him down. “Sleep. Was the spa comfortable?”
“Mm…”
The fatigue from the previous day had completely vanished.
“They say that therapy can make people reborn,” Zhuang Wei said, letting him rest on his arm and holding him. “It releases the pressure your cells carry, pushes out all the bad stuff. When you wake up, you’re different from before.”
Hearing that, Qu Tongqiu also felt as if he were new. Everything around him was new—even Zhuang Wei’s gentleness toward him was new. The past had been left behind in City T, very far away, unreachable. Thinking this way, the sleep that followed brought no nightmares, only steady rest with a slight coolness.
At first light the next day, Zhuang Wei shook him awake. At breakfast, they unexpectedly had a big bowl of fresh fruit yogurt. The freshly squeezed juice was so thick it was almost hard to sip. In the cool air, every flavor tasted fresh to Qu Tongqiu.
For a long time, eating and sleeping had been difficult for him. Only here did he feel real hunger again, after so long.
Qu Tongqiu couldn’t understand the language. Once outside, he could only follow closely behind Zhuang Wei. Zhuang Wei liked him trailing along like that, step by step. On this foreign island, there was no need to avoid suspicion, so he held his hand and led him along.
He wasn’t sure why they were heading out to sea so early, but the plump starfish clearly visible on the seabed and the tiny schools of fish were already enough to seize the man’s full attention, stirring his curiosity and excitement from time to time. He hadn’t felt this spirited in a very long while.
Sitting on the spider boat as it moved steadily forward, he gradually sensed the growing brightness of sunrise. It was as if he finally understood the purpose of this trip. He hurriedly lifted his head, and the seascape at dawn left him staring in a daze, almost breathless, his face faintly flushed.
“Z-Zhuang Wei…”
Zhuang Wei was still drowsy and lazy. “Don’t get worked up for nothing. We’re not here to watch the sunrise.”
No sooner had he finished speaking than the water stirred. A streamlined body leapt out of the sea, arced gracefully in midair, then slipped back beneath the surface.
Qu Tongqiu let out a soft “Ah,” still not quite registering what he’d seen, and kept staring blankly at the water. The overture had just ended; the real show was officially beginning.
Splashes rose and fell in lively succession. Those agile figures emerging from the depths became increasingly active. Groups of dolphins burst from the sea one after another, making the man’s eyes go wide. He trembled as he cried out “Ah, ah,” unable to form words, clutching tightly onto Zhuang Wei’s arm.
Zhuang Wei could see how delighted he was. He only leaned in and lightly kissed the man’s burning red cheek.
The joy of chasing dolphins lasted a long time. For a while, the man seemed to have shaken off the shadow of depression. Without Zhuang Wei having to coax him much, he even mustered the courage to try snorkeling in the designated area.
The coral reefs and schools of fish he saw underwater made him forget his fear of diving for the first time. He even nervously held bread and bananas to feed the fish, feeding them endlessly, reluctant to come back up at all—until Zhuang Wei smacked him.
After taking off his mask, Zhuang Wei roughly wiped his hair. “You’re not planning to just stay down there forever, are you?”
Qu Tongqiu still looked a little wistful. “They seemed to… really like me…”
Zhuang Wei poked his forehead. “Don’t be stupid.” They just liked the food in your hand.
But seeing the longing and warmth now glowing on the man’s face, he didn’t say anything more.
In the afternoon, Zhuang Wei took him to the other end of the island. The man was in much better spirits than the day before, constantly gazing out the car window along the way. Though he still didn’t make much sound, you could clearly feel the extra vitality he carried now.
The villa they checked into was extremely quiet. The world woven from dark solid wood and pale granite clearly made the man feel at ease. In that calm, private atmosphere, even the palm held by Zhuang Wei gradually stopped sweating.
At dinner, the man—rarely so hungry—ate a large amount of desserts and seafood. His belly, sunken for many days, became round, making even himself a bit embarrassed. From an angle no one else could see, Zhuang Wei rather maliciously pinched his stomach. “You should eat more. You’re too thin—you keep bumping into me when we sleep. Where did all that flesh you used to have go?”
They took a walk along the beach outside, then returned indoors. Zhuang Wei went to shower first. When he came out wrapped in a bathrobe, he heard the man exclaim softly from the bedroom, “Eh?”
“What’s wrong?”
There was an extra bouquet of roses on the bed. Zhuang Wei raised an eyebrow, pulled out the card and read it, then said to the slightly confused man, “Mm, they misunderstood. They think we’re here on our honeymoon too.”
“Ah…”
As the man lowered his head in mild embarrassment, Zhuang Wei opened a bottle of red wine. “You go wash up too.”
Only then did Qu Tongqiu notice the bathtub in the bathroom filled with floating petals. He hesitated, took off his clothes, and stood under the showerhead, his hands trembling slightly as he washed.
When he came out, Zhuang Wei was already sitting in the bathtub, two wine-filled glasses at hand. The light from the bamboo lantern was slightly dim. Amid the steam, his beauty—set off by the vivid petals—and the atmosphere were both harmless and irresistibly enticing.
Though he was a little afraid of being in the water, the man stood there nervously for a while, his throat bobbing, before finally stepping in.
They soaked for four hours before returning to the bed. The man was exhausted, his throat hoarse. The moment his head touched the pillow, he had no strength left to lift it again. He was doing his best to adapt to this new life—once he made up his mind, he bore everything without complaint. No matter how he was tossed about, he accepted it all. Zhuang Wei kissed his ear and said, “Once you get used to it, it’ll be fine.”
The holiday passed quickly. The time hidden away on this island slipped through their fingers like fine sand. As the return date drew near, Qu Tongqiu started to feel uneasy again.
Besides making love, Zhuang Wei added another task to his routine—hypnotizing him. “What are you worried about? I’m here.” Whether they were reading in a pavilion or lingering in the afterglow of intimacy in bed, whenever he sensed the man wavering, Zhuang Wei would start painting pictures of the future for him. He talked about his work, about interesting friends and places in the U.S., about all the big and small things the man could do someday—including feeding the squirrels outside the house.
Perhaps hope really was the best medicine. These things, repeated many times, always seemed to calm the man. Soon, he would settle down from his panic, nestle against Zhuang Wei, and gradually fall asleep.
On the way back, Qu Tongqiu even bought English books and a dictionary, earnestly reading them despite only half understanding, trying to pick up the English he’d grown rusty at. If he went to that unfamiliar country in the future, it would be easier to make a living.
Zhuang Wei, however, wasn’t very pleased with his diligence. Once Qu Tongqiu focused on a book, he became even more boring.
“What’s the use of just recognizing words? Conversational ability is what really matters. I’ll practice with you.”
But after only a few exchanges, Zhuang Wei said, “What a crap pronunciation. Your tongue is so stiff. Learn from me—be more flexible.” Then he grabbed the unguarded man, kissed those parted lips, and before he could react, slid his tongue in.
After letting the man experience what “flexible” really meant, seeing his face flushed bright red, Zhuang Wei simply snatched the book away and threw it aside, forcefully pinning him down on the sofa.
Even though he took a bit too much—so much so that the man sometimes felt sore and troubled even when going to the bathroom—Zhuang Wei could still tell that he had no real complaints. He kept Ren Ningyuan completely out of his life and never mentioned the word “daughter” again, so as not to make him suffer over something he couldn’t face or fight for. In the end, the man chose to escape.
That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Festering wounds were simply too hard to heal; he wouldn’t be able to endure it. Better to cut it off in one stroke and fit a prosthetic. It might be awkward at first, but once you got used to it, life might actually become easier and happier.
After spring break ended and a new year of work began, Zhuang Wei took Qu Tongqiu along with him, letting him watch from the side, learn a bit, help out a bit. Qu Tongqiu was more than willing to stay busy like this. Being busy made him feel fulfilled—and tired.
Every day was spent struggling through reading and running errands, leaving him no energy to think about anything else. Time passed more easily that way.
One day, they went out to shoot a themed set of photos. Early spring by the lake had some sunshine, but the chill was still biting. Even so, everyone involved was very professional—after all, Zhuang Wei was on site.
He never looked anything like “broad-minded” or “gentle” to begin with, and when he worked, he was especially strict, rarely giving anyone a pleasant expression. Sitting there with his thin lips pressed into a line usually meant they’d have to redo it.
When the shoot reached a pause, Zhuang Wei didn’t express any dissatisfaction—that meant it passed. Everyone immediately scattered to take a break.
Zhuang Wei helped bring over a boxed meal for Qu Tongqiu. This was his payment for carrying things and props around all day. The man didn’t ask for much; as long as he had something tangible to do, he felt it was good enough.
The two sat in the car eating. Zhuang Wei asked, “Out of what we shot today, which item do you think looks best?”
Qu Tongqiu thought for a moment. “That black coat looked pretty good.”
Zhuang Wei snorted. “You really have zero sense of fashion.” Then he glanced at him again. “But if you work a bit harder, you can barely pass as a qualified employee.”
Qu Tongqiu ate very slowly. Zhuang Wei had already rinsed his mouth, and he was still chewing his rice. Zhuang Wei first wrapped an arm around him and mischievously touched his stomach, then pulled him onto his lap. Just as he swallowed, Zhuang Wei suddenly kissed him.
Qu Tongqiu grew very uneasy, afraid someone might see them. But he was pinned down, a lunch box still in his hands, with no free hand to resist.
Zhuang Wei bit and kissed his lips for a while, his hand lifting the sweater and slipping inside, just as he was touching the man’s back, when the car door was suddenly pulled open from outside.
The person let out an unexpected “Uh.” Zhuang Wei wasn’t embarrassed at all. He helped the flustered, head-down man straighten his clothes and smiled. “Sorry.”
“I’m the one who should be sorry,” Ye Xiutuo said with a smile. “I interrupted. I just delivered a few outfits—go take a look.”
The clothes used in this shoot were all Ye Xiutuo’s designs. It was only today that Qu Tongqiu learned this man wasn’t just a bar owner, but also a well-known designer. He couldn’t help feeling a bit of awe.
Zhuang Wei got out of the car. Before following him away, Ye Xiutuo turned back and looked at the still-awkward Qu Tongqiu, smiling. “I just remembered where I’d seen you before. But you’re so different from what I imagined that I didn’t recognize you at first.”
Qu Tongqiu let out a puzzled “Ah?”
Ye Xiutuo reminded him, “You know Ren Ningyuan, right? I’m his good friend.”
It was as if that name pricked him. Qu Tongqiu looked at him with panicked eyes.
Ye Xiutuo smiled again. “Don’t misunderstand. I definitely won’t try to persuade you. I think you’re doing quite well now—just keep going like this. It’s good for everyone.”
Feeling grateful, Qu Tongqiu was about to thank him when he heard him add coldly, “Because you simply aren’t worthy of Ren Ningyuan.”
Only after Ye Xiutuo had walked far away did Qu Tongqiu finally realize he’d been mocked. He stood there, stunned.
He didn’t think Ye Xiutuo was a mean person, but he couldn’t understand why this sudden hostility was directed at him.
He didn’t dwell on it for long. After the meal, the short break ended, and the set became busy again. He was needed to run errands. He was just trying to live a little better than before.
That night, after wrapping up and heading home, Qu Tongqiu was exhausted. Still, there was a small booklet of daily English conversation in his pocket. Zhuang Wei drove while he squinted drowsily at the pages.
When they got out of the car, Zhuang Wei pulled a paper bag from the back seat and handed it to him. “Hey, take this.”
Qu Tongqiu took it, followed him into the elevator, and opened the bag. Inside was a familiar black coat.
Zhuang Wei pressed the floor button and stared at the changing numbers. “If you like it, wear it. But don’t think that means I approve of your taste.”
“Th-thank you…”
Zhuang Wei only glanced at his flushed face and said nothing more.
They opened the apartment door and turned on the lights. Before he could even change into slippers, Zhuang Wei suddenly kissed him roughly. Caught off guard, Qu Tongqiu’s back slammed hard into the wall. His heart raced, breath stolen by the kiss. Then, while his clothes were being tugged at, he stumbled into the living room.
Zhuang Wei pressed him down onto the table, skillfully slipping off his trousers in the midst of a deep kiss, touching him wantonly, kneading his hips and chest with a hint of lust.
“Do you want me to go in?”
Qu Tongqiu’s face flushed bright red. The damp warmth brushing his ear and that low voice made him itch all over. In the heated friction, even his throat tightened, and he stammered involuntarily, “Z-Zhuang Wei…”
So absorbed were the two in their passionate kissing that neither of them noticed the sound of a key turning at the door. It wasn’t until a heavy object fell to the floor with a loud crash that they both jumped in shock.
Chu Mo stood in the living room with his luggage at his feet, staring at them, his face turning livid. After a long while, he finally squeezed out through clenched teeth, “Well done, you.” It wasn’t even clear which “you” he meant. Being caught in such a scene twice in one day, Qu Tongqiu was almost traumatized. He hurriedly pulled his pants back on and got off the table. Zhuang Wei straightened his clothes as well, turned to Chu Mo, and frowned. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing?” Veins bulged clearly on Chu Mo’s forehead. “If it weren’t for you, do you think I’d fly back and forth for dozens of hours just for fun? What do you take me for, treating me like this?”
Zhuang Wei let out a snort. “We’ve had nothing to do with each other for a long time now. How many times do I have to say it? Can’t you understand plain human language, or are you so full you don’t even know who you are anymore?”
“Zhuang Wei, throwing a tantrum also has its limits,” Chu Mo said. “What happened before was my fault. However you wanted to make trouble, I accepted it. But making it like this—” He pointed at the man standing there helplessly, his finger trembling slightly. “Isn’t this too much?”
Compared to his anger, Zhuang Wei was much calmer. He smiled and said, “Aren’t you the same? If I did what you did, you couldn’t take it either. Besides, what are you to me now? What does this have to do with you?”
Standing off to the side, Qu Tongqiu felt more and more awkward and found a chance to speak. “I’ll go back to the room first…”
“Don’t go,” Zhuang Wei called him back. “What are you hiding for? You didn’t do anything shameful.”
Qu Tongqiu stood there awkwardly. Meeting Chu Mo’s gaze, he wanted to say something too, but Chu Mo spoke first. “Then what is he to you?”
Zhuang Wei smiled again. “You can see it yourself. He’s living with me. What do you think?”
Chu Mo’s expression grew complicated, as if he were holding something back. After a long pause, he said, “Zhuang Wei, I know you’re interested in him, but is this bit of interest really worth taking seriously?”
Zhuang Wei tilted his eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
“What do you like about him? Can you even say it?”
“…”
“His looks? His talent? Or that spineless, muddy personality of his? Are you trying to fool others, or fool yourself? What’s the point of self-deception?”
“…”
“You just want to sleep with him, that’s all. You didn’t get him back then, so you started fixating on him—the more you couldn’t have him, the more you couldn’t let go. If he hadn’t dropped out back then and had gotten together with you, would you still look at him now? You’d have been sick of him long ago. Sooner or later, you’ll have had enough of him. Dare you say you’re serious about him?”
Qu Tongqiu froze.
Zhuang Wei’s almost translucent skin finally changed color. Even the way he ground his teeth showed his anger. “Shut up and get out!”
Chu Mo looked at him. “Did I hit the mark?”
Zhuang Wei was furious. It took him a while to steady his breath before he laughed. “Do you know your biggest problem isn’t that you can’t understand people, but that you’re too self-righteous?”
“Zhuang Wei, I understand better than you what you want.”
“Then you should also understand that now is the time to get lost. And let me say it one more time—return the key. This isn’t a place you can come and go as you please. Self-deception is meaningless.”
Chu Mo picked up his luggage and left. Zhuang Wei slammed the door shut behind him. His mood was clearly ruined, his expression ugly. When he turned back and saw the man standing there, he still walked over, patted his head, and pulled him into an embrace.
“Don’t listen to Chu Mo. Don’t overthink it.”
“…”
“Do you really think I’m that despicable?” Zhuang Wei said, pressing his forehead against the man’s and kissing those trembling lips. “When I said I’d take you to America, I wasn’t lying.”
“…”
“There are plenty of liars, but you can trust me.”
“…”
“Really.”
At such close distance, the man struggled to keep his eyes open, trying to see his expression clearly. When even his eyelids were kissed, he finally wavered, closed his eyes, and let himself be kissed. Then he reached out, trembling slightly, and hugged him back.
Zhuang Wei pressed him down onto the table, skillfully slipping off his trousers in the midst of a deep kiss, touching him wantonly, kneading his hips and chest with a hint of lust.
“Do you want me to go in?”
Qu Tongqiu’s face flushed bright red. The damp warmth brushing his ear and that low voice made him itch all over. In the heated friction, even his throat tightened, and he stammered involuntarily, “Z-Zhuang Wei…”
So absorbed were the two in their passionate kissing that neither of them noticed the sound of a key turning at the door. It wasn’t until a heavy object fell to the floor with a loud crash that they both jumped in shock.
Chu Mo stood in the living room with his luggage at his feet, staring at them, his face turning livid. After a long while, he finally squeezed out through clenched teeth, “Well done, you.” It wasn’t even clear which “you” he meant. Being caught in such a scene twice in one day, Qu Tongqiu was almost traumatized. He hurriedly pulled his pants back on and got off the table. Zhuang Wei straightened his clothes as well, turned to Chu Mo, and frowned. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing?” Veins bulged clearly on Chu Mo’s forehead. “If it weren’t for you, do you think I’d fly back and forth for dozens of hours just for fun? What do you take me for, treating me like this?”
Zhuang Wei let out a snort. “We’ve had nothing to do with each other for a long time now. How many times do I have to say it? Can’t you understand plain human language, or are you so full you don’t even know who you are anymore?”
“Zhuang Wei, throwing a tantrum also has its limits,” Chu Mo said. “What happened before was my fault. However you wanted to make trouble, I accepted it. But making it like this—” He pointed at the man standing there helplessly, his finger trembling slightly. “Isn’t this too much?”
Compared to his anger, Zhuang Wei was much calmer. He smiled and said, “Aren’t you the same? If I did what you did, you couldn’t take it either. Besides, what are you to me now? What does this have to do with you?”
Standing off to the side, Qu Tongqiu felt more and more awkward and found a chance to speak. “I’ll go back to the room first…”
“Don’t go,” Zhuang Wei called him back. “What are you hiding for? You didn’t do anything shameful.”
Qu Tongqiu stood there awkwardly. Meeting Chu Mo’s gaze, he wanted to say something too, but Chu Mo spoke first. “Then what is he to you?”
Zhuang Wei smiled again. “You can see it yourself. He’s living with me. What do you think?”
Chu Mo’s expression grew complicated, as if he were holding something back. After a long pause, he said, “Zhuang Wei, I know you’re interested in him, but is this bit of interest really worth taking seriously?”
Zhuang Wei tilted his eyes at him. “What do you mean?”
“What do you like about him? Can you even say it?”
“…”
“His looks? His talent? Or that spineless, muddy personality of his? Are you trying to fool others, or fool yourself? What’s the point of self-deception?”
“…”
“You just want to sleep with him, that’s all. You didn’t get him back then, so you started fixating on him—the more you couldn’t have him, the more you couldn’t let go. If he hadn’t dropped out back then and had gotten together with you, would you still look at him now? You’d have been sick of him long ago. Sooner or later, you’ll have had enough of him. Dare you say you’re serious about him?”
Qu Tongqiu froze.
Zhuang Wei’s almost translucent skin finally changed color. Even the way he ground his teeth showed his anger. “Shut up and get out!”
Chu Mo looked at him. “Did I hit the mark?”
Zhuang Wei was furious. It took him a while to steady his breath before he laughed. “Do you know your biggest problem isn’t that you can’t understand people, but that you’re too self-righteous?”
“Zhuang Wei, I understand better than you what you want.”
“Then you should also understand that now is the time to get lost. And let me say it one more time—return the key. This isn’t a place you can come and go as you please. Self-deception is meaningless.”
Chu Mo picked up his luggage and left. Zhuang Wei slammed the door shut behind him. His mood was clearly ruined, his expression ugly. When he turned back and saw the man standing there, he still walked over, patted his head, and pulled him into an embrace.
“Don’t listen to Chu Mo. Don’t overthink it.”
“…”
“Do you really think I’m that despicable?” Zhuang Wei said, pressing his forehead against the man’s and kissing those trembling lips. “When I said I’d take you to America, I wasn’t lying.”
“…”
“There are plenty of liars, but you can trust me.”
“…”
“Really.”
At such close distance, the man struggled to keep his eyes open, trying to see his expression clearly. When even his eyelids were kissed, he finally wavered, closed his eyes, and let himself be kissed. Then he reached out, trembling slightly, and hugged him back.
