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Even If I Turn Into A Zombie I’m Still Going To Slack Off – CH20

Heatstroke

Chapter 20: Heatstroke

The air inside the warehouse at night was stiflingly stagnant, like a pot of porridge boiling drier and drier. The floor tiles were slightly cool at first, but were soon warmed up by their scorching bodies.

Sleeping in the warehouse, Chi Xiaoxian experienced once again how precious and blissful it was to be able to sleep in his dorm room bed. Right now, he would willingly trade ten days of his life for a single night of air conditioning.

Chi Xiaoxian tossed and turned. Once sweat gathered under the left side of his body, he would flip over to the right side to cool down, and so on, repeatedly airing himself dry.

In addition to that, he felt an excruciating ache in his right arm. Having sprained it before, pulling himself up on the high ventilation grate today made the pain even sharper than last time.

Tortured by dual sensory discomforts, Chi Xiaoxian was unable to fall asleep for a long time, forced to repeatedly rub the muscle on his upper arm in an attempt to resolve one issue first.

His movements woke Fang Yue up. The weather was too hot, so Fang Yue hadn’t slept deeply either, asking him what was wrong.

Chi Xiaoxian said in a low, airy whisper, “Too hot, and my arm hurts.”

“Arm?”

“Sprained it last time.”

“Which one?”

Chi Xiaoxian raised it with effort.

“Move closer.”

Chi Xiaoxian didn’t know what he wanted to do, but leaned closer anyway.

In the dark, Fang Yue accurately caught his right elbow, while his other hand gripped his wrist, bending the arm slightly at an angle.

“Does this hurt?”

“No.”

Fang Yue shifted to grip his shoulder, applying force once more: “How about this?”

Chi Xiaoxian hissed.

“Make a fist, let me see.”

Chi Xiaoxian clenched his fist, and his upper arm tightened along with it.

Through the fabric of Chi Xiaoxian’s shirt, Fang Yue kneaded through the deltoid muscle of his arm section by section. The cloth rubbed against Chi Xiaoxian’s delicate, sensitive skin, carrying the temperature filtering from Fang Yue’s fingertips, feeling faintly scalding.

The tips of Chi Xiaoxian’s clenched fingers shrank back slightly.

Fang Yue stopped his movements and delivered his verdict: “You’re fine. Just a muscle strain, and the joint got twisted.”

“Mm.”

Chi Xiaoxian couldn’t help rubbing it for himself again.

Tranquility and thick, stifling heat settled over the warehouse once more.

In the rhythmic, mechanical movements, Chi Xiaoxian gradually hypnotized himself. The dull ache also numbed his groggy, sleepy brain, though his hand maintained its inertia, massaging now and then.

Before long, he drifted off to sleep groggily.

In his dream, he encountered a strange phenomenon. A white, misty yet silk-like substance wrapped around his arm. He tried to brush it away, but his hand passed right through it, touching only his own arm; he swung his arm again, but the mist merely floated gently, remaining stuck to him all the same.

It was almost like a living entity.

This bizarre sense of realism accompanied his entire dream, leading Chi Xiaoxian to instinctively extend his arm to check the moment he woke up the next morning—nothing unusual at all.

He let out an inexplicable sigh of relief.

A night’s sleep hadn’t alleviated the dull ache, however; instead, it felt like a blunt knife scraping against his muscle and bone stroke by stroke.

Chi Xiaoxian was a premature baby, possessing a very weak constitution since childhood. Not only did he fall ill constantly, but his recovery was exceptionally slow. Where others completely recovered from a cold in two weeks, he would drag it out for a full month; if he ate something bad, others would recover in two or three days with a bit of medicine, while he couldn’t stomach much for a whole week.

It was as if his body possessed a delay mechanism; any minor illness or pain would be lingeringly drawn out on him. Only after reaching adulthood did falling ill become slightly less frequent.

Chi Xiaoxian decided to find some entertainment to distract himself. Searching through the snack shelves, he unearthed two bags of lime-flavored potato chips hidden at the very back of a shelf.

He crunched on the chips while watching Yuan Chengmin and the other two play *Fight the Landlord*. On his left, Fang Yue was reading a book, standing in sharp contrast to the lively trio on his right.

Chi Xiaoxian pinched a chip and held it out to his mouth: “Want one?”

Fang Yue shook his head.

“Me, me, me! Feed me!” Yuan Chengmin was organizing his cards and couldn’t free a hand.

Chi Xiaoxian fed all three of them one by one.

“Original flavor still tastes best, if you ask me,” Zhang Yun smacked his lips.

“Cucumber flavor is obviously the best!” Yuan Chengmin protested. “What’s the fun in original flavor?”

“I like lime flavor best, though,” Chi Xiaoxian offered his own opinion.

Only Zhang Yun clicked his tongue: “Getting fed snacks feels pretty blissful. I almost want to find a girlfriend now.” Then he shook his head again: “Sigh, too bad there are only junior schoolboys here, no junior schoolgirls.”

“Don’t worry, your dad here will keep you company to grow old in solitude!” Yuan Chengmin teased with a chuckle.

“Get outta here…”

“Agreed that whoever finds a partner first is a dog.”

“Then I’ll bark three times first out of respect!”

Wang Hengzhi watched the two bicker, shaking his head helplessly.

Chi Xiaoxian, on the other hand, laughed until he was out of breath. Right as he laughed, a muscle in his right arm suddenly twitched violently several times, bringing his laughter to a sudden halt.

“Arm still hurts?” Fang Yue asked without even raising his eyes.

“Mm.”

Fang Yue set his book down gently, instructing Chi Xiaoxian: “Sit over here.”

Setting down his chips, Chi Xiaoxian shuffled over and held out his arm proactively. Fang Yue used massage techniques to knead it for a while, applying just the right amount of force, so comfortable that Chi Xiaoxian shrank his neck slightly.

“Seems like it’s a bit better… How do you know how to do everything?”

“It’s not that hard.”

Chi Xiaoxian stared at Fang Yue for a moment, suddenly saying, “You’d make a pretty great boyfriend.”

Fang Yue froze for a second.

“Ah, I mean from a girl’s perspective,” Chi Xiaoxian quickly waved his hands.

Overhearing this from the side, Yuan Chengmin let out a series of tuts: “He’s super famous, didn’t you know? There isn’t a girl in our department who doesn’t know him. Earlier, a lot of people found out he was going to be a TA for a general elective, and to get to know him, they specifically picked that class—that’s why it was so popular! It made me miss out on getting a spot!”

“I got a spot, though,” Chi Xiaoxian said honestly. “I thought it was so popular because it was an easy class and the professor was easygoing.”

“Yeah, perfect for inflating GPAs, with no regular tasks usually,” Yuan Chengmin nodded.

As the two were opening their hearts and spilling their true thoughts back and forth, Chi Xiaoxian suddenly realized the TA of that massive bird course was sitting right beside them.

He swore in his heart, his survival instincts coming online instantly as he slammed the brakes on his words, making a sharp, forced turn—”Haha, but the teacher is still very capable! I learned a lot!”

Having said that, he flashed a genuine smile at Fang Yue.

The corner of Fang Yue’s mouth twitched. *Like hell he’d believe him—he couldn’t even remember the full name of the course.*

—

Feeling tired from sitting and playing cards, Chi Xiaoxian was just about to stand up and stretch when something flashed past outside the door in his peripheral vision. He whipped his head up to look out.

The convenience store sat under the courtyard-style corridor of the academic building. Through the glass door, one could only see the empty courtyard outside.

“What’s wrong?” His movement caught the others’ attention, and Yuan Chengmin asked nervously.

Chi Xiaoxian scratched his head: “Felt like an illusion.”

Yuan Chengmin grew even more terrified: “Don’t scare me.”

“Probably just seeing things,” Zhang Yun said nonchalantly. “There are very few zombies here. Wang Hengzhi and I have been squatting here for days and haven’t seen more than a few. They’ve probably all gathered over by the dorm buildings.”

Wang Hengzhi nodded: “There were only a few when the outbreak first started, but this glass door is super thick—they can’t break in.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Fang Yue stood up. “Everyone look for wrapping paper and bags, the opaque kind, to cover up the glass door.”

He chose to trust Chi Xiaoxian’s intuition. There had been several instances like this before—like searching the dorm for the stun gun, where Chi Xiaoxian had successfully helped them avoid a zombie lurking on an empty bed.

They disassembled a few cardboard boxes. They had cardboard now, but couldn’t find glue in the shop.

“Water works directly to stick it on; you don’t necessarily need glue,” Fang Yue reminded them.

In a few quick moves, most of the glass door was covered with paper. Yuan Chengmin splashed water onto the final piece of cardboard and was just about to stick it to the door when he suddenly let out an “Ah!”—”Z-Zombie!”

Everyone stood up with a start, gathering before that piece of glass to look out.

Beyond the arched entrance of the academic building’s corridor, a zombie was wandering around. The archway kept their field of vision narrow, so they could only see its faint, flickering shadow, but one thing was certain—that walking posture belonged decisively to a zombie.

Just as they were observing, the zombie suddenly whipped its head around to look toward them. *Slap!* Fang Yue stuck the cardboard up almost at the exact same moment.

They left only a small circular patch of blank glass uncovered to observe the situation outside.

“No big deal, there are many of us. Even if he comes, a single zombie can be dealt with easily,” Zhang Yun reassured everyone. “Didn’t you guys set up a stun gun as well?”

Yuan Chengmin nodded repeatedly: “We fought our way all the way from the dorm building—what kind of scene haven’t we witnessed?”

“It might not be just one; it could be the tip of the iceberg,” Fang Yue knit his brows slightly. “They are slowly becoming tactical.”

Chi Xiaoxian agreed wholeheartedly with this point, unable to forget the shock he felt upon seeing that zombie lurking on the bed.

Wang Hengzhi nodded: “In short, being extra cautious is definitely right. Let’s head back to the warehouse.”

“Really don’t wanna go in—it’s way too stifling in the warehouse,” Zhang Yun let out a sigh.

Fortunately, this incident didn’t affect the card players’ mood too much. The group played several more rounds in the warehouse, and night arrived in the blink of an eye.

While packing up the cards, Chi Xiaoxian noticed Zhang Yun’s face was unnaturally pale, with a forehead full of sweat.

As the others stood up, Zhang Yun went to stand as well. The moment he pushed himself up on one leg, he collapsed with a heavy *thud*.

Yuan Chengmin already had PTSD, crying out in terror: “Is he infected?!”

Fang Yue took swift steps forward to check his condition. Seeing Zhang Yun’s eyes tightly closed, he shook his head: “Not infected. It’s heatstroke.”

“The first floor is too stifling without windows. Move him up to the second floor.” Fang Yue signaled the others to help carry him up to the second floor together.

There was a window on the second floor, but it was kept closed to prevent zombies.

Not daring to open it fully, they left only a crack for ventilation, laying Zhang Yun flat on the attic floor, stripping off his T-shirt and trousers to help him dissipate heat.

The convenience store only carried snacks and drinks, with no towels around, so Fang Yue had no choice but to dampen Zhang Yun’s T-shirt with water, laying it across his forehead to cool him down, then turned to tell Chi Xiaoxian to fetch two bags of potato chips.

Although perplexed, Chi Xiaoxian brought them over nonetheless. Fang Yue opened a bottle of mineral water first, then tore open the potato chips, using the bottle cap to scrape off the thin layer of salt coating the chips and pouring it into the water.

Light dawned on Chi Xiaoxian as he realized he was making physiological saline, so he joined in to help scrape off salt as well. Meanwhile, Wang Hengzhi continuously cooled Zhang Yun down with the wet towel beside them.

After working at it for a bit, Fang Yue felt the speed was too slow, so he crushed the potato chips outright and dumped them into the water bottle, shaking it a few times until a heap of thin chip crumbs settled at the bottom.

Wang Hengzhi helped Zhang Yun up to lean against him, tilting the bottle at a very small angle to slowly pour the water into Zhang Yun’s mouth bit by bit.

Zhang Yun had lost most of his consciousness; at first, the water couldn’t even enter his mouth. Only after Wang Hengzhi wiped his face for a long time did he let out a groggy grunt, slowly beginning to swallow the water.

After drinking for who knew how long, Zhang Yun suddenly stopped, half-closing his eyes as he muttered: “…Why didn’t you use original flavor chips?”

Chi Xiaoxian took a look at the chip bag—well, the one Fang Yue had opened was barbecue flavor.

Still, having the presence of mind to complain about the chip flavor meant his body had recovered, so it shouldn’t be anything serious. Everyone let out a slight sigh of relief.

In the end, Wang Hengzhi decided to stay in the attic to sleep with Zhang Yun, as it was cooler up there. Fang Yue and the rest continued sleeping in the warehouse.

—

After returning to the warehouse to lie down, Chi Xiaoxian suddenly remembered he had left his bag in the attic, leaving him with nothing to use as a pillow, so he scrambled back up.

Fearing the people upstairs were asleep, he walked softly up the stairs barefoot. Reaching the top of the stairwell, however, the scene before his eyes left him stunned.

Wang Hengzhi sat half-upright with his back to the stairwell, bending his upper body over to press his head gently against the side of Zhang Yun’s head, his movements appearing exceedingly careful.

At first, Chi Xiaoxian assumed the two were whispering something, but after watching for a moment, he realized something was off.

His ears turned bright red in a flash.

Turning on his heel to head back downstairs, he unexpectedly caught sight of Fang Yue below the stairs.

Fang Yue held two bottles of water in his hands, intending to bring them up to Zhang Yun and Wang Hengzhi, only to see Chi Xiaoxian blushing with a face full of panic.

Just as he was about to ask, Chi Xiaoxian, who had rushed down, clamped a hand firmly over his mouth.

“What is it?” he mouthed.

Chi Xiaoxian didn’t answer, dragging him straight back into the warehouse.


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Even If I Turn Into A Zombie I’m Still Going To Slack Off

Even If I Turn Into A Zombie I’m Still Going To Slack Off

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Score 9.1
Status: Ongoing Type: Author: Released: 2024
If someone asked Chi Xiaoxian what his ideal life was like, he would definitely say:“Just look at my name and you’ll know. My dream is to live a life where I can slack off to my heart’s content.”Then, a global mutation occurred, and unfortunately, he turned into a zombie.As he watched a massive horde of zombies charge toward humanity in a spectacular frenzy, Chi Xiaoxian simply lay down lazily.The phrase “playing dead” could not have been more perfectly suited to him.Until one day, he encountered Fang Yue in the woods.One human and one zombie stared at each other.Fang Yue weighed the crowbar in his hand, wondering which angle would be best for smashing the zombie’s head, when the zombie suddenly greeted him.Chi Xiaoxian wiped the mud off his face. His eyes were astonishingly clear.“Hey, classmate. Do you remember me?”Fang Yue’s expression remained calm, but inside, a storm was raging.Chi Xiaoxian smiled faintly.“Don’t worry, I won’t eat you. But could you carry me up a tree?”“It’s cooler up there. I want to take a nap, but my limbs aren’t very flexible, so I can’t climb up myself.”Fang Yue: “???”---Many years later, after the world had finally returned to peace, a heroic legend began to circulate.—There was an incredibly powerful man who had led humanity’s defense forces to defeat the zombies, yet he had refused all recognition and remained shrouded in mystery.A certain journalist spent a fortune gathering information and eventually tracked down the hero’s residence.According to rumors, the mysterious hero lived with a remarkably young university professor who had already achieved extraordinary accomplishments in academia.The journalist eagerly went there, hoping to catch a glimpse of the legendary hero.Instead, all he saw was a human-shaped salted fish completely sunk into the sofa.Chi Xiaoxian yawned.“I watched two movies today, so I’m a little tired. How about you come back tomorrow?”Journalist: The incredibly powerful human you told me about?! Did I come to the wrong place?!After confirming the address several more times, the journalist returned the next day and continued the interview with great trepidation.“May I ask what your greatest ability is?”Chi Xiaoxian curled up on the sofa, sipping his drink as he seriously pondered the question.“…Lying around without moving?”Carefree, shamelessly lazy little zombie Chi Xiaoxian (bottom) × Brilliant biological genius and workaholic Fang Yue (top)
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