Chapter 1
It was starting again.
That feeling of losing control.
The bathroom had just been cleaned and was spotless. Xie Ning braced one hand against the sink while holding the other under the running faucet.
The cold water did nothing to suppress the craving spreading beneath his skin. If anything, it seemed to awaken something deeper, feeding the fire and making it burn even more fiercely.
Xie Ning’s brows were tightly drawn together, his long lashes casting fine, scattered shadows beneath his eyes.
His shoulder blades trembled faintly. A suggestive flush rose over his usually cold face, the corners of his eyes dampened, and weak, shallow breaths spilled from his lips.
Why…
Why was it this bad this time?
The cold water had already stopped working. Xie Ning turned off the faucet, his body unsteady. The back of his trembling hand struck the shelf nearby with a loud bang that echoed through the bathroom.
There was a knock at the door.
A cool male voice sounded from outside. “Are you okay?”
Leaning against the wall, Xie Ning caught his breath for a moment before replying, “…I’m fine.”
He worked hard to keep his tone normal, and he thought he had done a good job.
What he did not know was that his voice was trembling slightly, completely unlike his usual cold, detached tone.
The person outside fell silent for a moment, then said, “Call me if you need anything.”
The footsteps gradually moved away, and Xie Ning let out a sigh of relief.
He had not expected the first person to notice something was wrong with him to be Pei Zhi.
Pei Zhi was the sports department’s campus heartthrob. Good-looking, solitary, rumored to have a terrible temper, and known for keeping everyone at a distance, he was a well-known figure on campus.
As for Xie Ning, he was the recognized flower on a high peak—cold in personality, severely germaphobic, and always keeping a certain distance from everyone, even his own roommates.
The two of them barely had any interaction.
But no one knew that Xie Ning avoided contact with others for more than just his germaphobia.
Xie Ning had a secret: he suffered from skin hunger.
Skin hunger made people emotionally unstable, restless, and desperate to be touched, craving caresses and longing to be held.
But Xie Ning’s germaphobia was severe—not just physically, but mentally as well.
He disliked being too close to strangers, and he hated intimate physical contact with others, even something as mild as standing shoulder to shoulder.
Fortunately, Xie Ning had strong self-control, and with his severe cleanliness obsession, he had always been able to endure it somehow.
But he had never expected his skin hunger to flare up on the very first day after moving into the dorm.
This was the worst attack he had experienced in recent days. Usually, a cold shower was enough to suppress the itch beneath his skin.
But now, no matter what he tried, that itch deep in his skin, rising from the inside out, would not go away.
Xie Ning waited a long time before his breathing finally steadied.
His skin still carried a faint tingling sense of yearning, but compared to before, this level was nothing.
He wiped the water off the sink, then took another shower. After that, he carefully washed his hands, over and over again. He rubbed them repeatedly until his fingers were slightly red, only then stopping.
When he looked up into the mirror, aside from some redness on his face and dampness at the corners of his eyes, everything else looked normal.
Xie Ning pushed the door open and saw Pei Zhi sitting not far away.
The ergonomic chair had been shifted slightly. Pei Zhi rested one hand against his head while idly swiping through a tile-matching game on his phone.
His earphones were plugged in, but he was not wearing them.
Hearing the door open, Pei Zhi exited the game at once, stood up, and asked again, “Are you okay?”
The other two roommates were farther away. Hearing this, they took off their earphones and looked over.
Pei Zhi was very tall, his features sharp and deep-set, so much so that simply standing there without moving gave off a strong sense of pressure.
Because of the height difference, Xie Ning had to tilt his head up to look at him. He shook his head.
He was exhausted now and had no desire to speak.
Xie Ning sat down at his desk. He had only moved into the dorm recently, and since he had not decided whether he would live there full-time, he had not brought much luggage—just a few basic daily necessities.
His desk was almost completely bare. After being cleaned over and over, it looked spotless, just like the person it belonged to.
There was still a droplet of water on his hand that he had not wiped away. Xie Ning stared at it for a while, but he had already used up all his tissues earlier.
He was out of tissues.
Was there still time to go downstairs and buy some? The convenience shop probably was not closed yet. Xie Ning glanced at the time. Curfew was almost here…
“Is this your tissue pack?” a cool male voice said from beside him. “It ended up over here.”
Xie Ning tilted his head slightly. Pei Zhi was standing a short distance behind him. The body heat coming toward him made his mind go blank for an instant, and the craving he had only just managed to suppress was stirred awake again, eager to make its presence known.
Fortunately, it was not as intense as before. It was still within Xie Ning’s tolerance.
Xie Ning said, “It’s not mine.”
He was sure of it. All the tissue packs he had brought were already used up—just now.
On the one hand, he had been running water nonstop because of his skin hunger. On the other, because of his germaphobia, he had kept wiping his fingers over and over again.
Without showing it, Xie Ning widened the distance between himself and Pei Zhi. They were not actually standing close, but Pei Zhi radiated heat. Maybe all athletes ran this warm. Even through a hoodie and long pants, his body gave off an impossible-to-ignore heat that made Xie Ning’s face grow warm.
For Xie Ning, that kind of warmth was dangerous.
Pei Zhi seemed to notice the tiny movement of Xie Ning retreating from him. He lowered his gaze and looked at him. His features were naturally sharp, and even the slightest change in expression could easily come across as cold.
“It’s not mine either,” Pei Zhi said. “I don’t use this brand.”
Another roommate, Gu Nian, leaned over to look. “I don’t use it either. What brand is that? I’ve never even heard of it. It’s in a foreign language. Chen Xi, come translate it.”
“Got it.” The other roommate, Chen Xi, glanced at it and translated, “Lotion tissue… This brand is expensive. My rough skin isn’t worthy of it. Xie Ning, did it wander from your desk to Brother Pei’s side? You had this same brand of lotion tissue on your desk before.”
When Xie Ning was little, he had once caught a very bad cold. After that illness, he developed rhinitis, and lotion tissues were much gentler for people with that condition.
Later, his rhinitis got better, but he kept the habit of using lotion tissues.
Other than Xie Ning, everyone else in this dorm was a rough sports-major guy who could practically wipe his face with toilet paper. None of them would ever think of buying lotion tissues.
Pei Zhi naturally had a cold, stern face, and paired with his low, indifferent voice, it was hard to doubt the truthfulness of what he said. The other two roommates did not seem likely either, so Xie Ning grew confused.
He remembered very clearly that he really had used up all his tissues. Half confused, half uncertain, he looked at Pei Zhi. “It’s mine?”
“Mm.” Pei Zhi said, “Yours.”
Pei Zhi directly made the decision for him and placed the pack of lotion tissues on Xie Ning’s desk.
Xie Ning looked at the unopened pack. His seat was very close to Pei Zhi’s, their desks pressed against each other. If one of them made a larger movement or bumped something, it really was possible for an item to get knocked into the other’s area.
But both of their desks were sparse, and his tissues had already been used up…
Had he remembered wrong?
Xie Ning tore off the plastic wrapping, pulled out a tissue, and wiped his fingers. The texture and brand were the same as the one he always used.
Maybe he really had remembered wrong.
After resting for a while, the craving transmitted through his skin had improved quite a bit, but there was still a slight itch that scratched at his heart.
He decided to go out to the balcony and get some cold air.
As soon as Xie Ning left the dorm room, the other two roommates immediately gathered together.
“He’s really that aloof, just like the rumors said… and just as beautiful too,” Gu Nian said. “His voice sounds great too.”
Chen Xi said, “I always thought the photos on the forum were heavily edited, but the real person is even more incredible than the pictures…”
When Xie Ning had first arrived at their dorm, the three of them had stayed silent for at least three full minutes after he opened the door.
The one gaming died in-game. The one listening to music dropped his earphones. The one drinking water forgot to swallow and spilled water all over himself.
“Xie Ning was in the bathroom for a long time just now, right? How long was he showering? He’s way too clean… Besides being famous for that face, he’s also famous for being cold and germaphobic,” Gu Nian said. “He probably changed dorms because his previous roommates were filthy. I passed by that room once looking for someone, and the smell almost killed me… I seriously cannot imagine how a beauty like Xie Ning lived in that garbage dump. He suffered way too much.”
Most guys were pretty unhygienic, and the boys’ dorms were especially notorious for it—stinky socks piled up like mountains, underwear worn until it practically grew mold.
Dorm 505 was a rare clean stream in the middle of a garbage heap. They took turns cleaning every day, and there was not a trace of odor in the room.
That was one of the things Xie Ning was most satisfied with.
“You mean that dorm on the twelfth floor? Yeah, that one really is disgusting. Good thing Beauty Xie transferred into ours.” It had barely been any time at all, and they were already calling him beauty. Chen Xi grinned. “Then I’ll have to clean the dorm even more diligently from now on. We can’t let our Beauty Xie of 505 get smoked out.”
“He looks like he smells good.”
Not just looked like it.
He smelled good too.
Pei Zhi sat there without speaking. When Xie Ning had passed by him earlier, and when he had gone near him, a faint fragrance had brushed past him—like the breeze after a fine drizzle, carrying a slight damp floral scent.
It was not strong, but it was oddly addictive.
His finger bones bent, knuckles pressing lightly against the tip of his nose.
Pei Zhi was thinking about whether Xie Ning might actually be feeling unwell.
Xie Ning had looked very off, as if he was extremely uncomfortable, and his face had been very red, even his collarbone flushed.
His eyes had been misty and damp, and his voice slightly husky.
Did he have a fever?
With a creak, the balcony door was pushed open.
Xie Ning had stood outside in the cold wind for quite a while, and now he had completely calmed down. He had returned to the way he usually was, as though he were always composed.
At that moment, Pei Zhi, sitting in the black chair, happened to turn around, his fingers interlaced on his thighs.
Under the dim dorm lighting and the clear moonlight, their eyes met briefly, then quickly moved away.
Xie Ning always wore this kind of expression, just as everyone said.
Under any circumstances, he always looked distant and cold. The restrained, barely controlled lapse from earlier seemed as though it had only been a hallucination on Pei Zhi’s part.
Now, Xie Ning’s posture was once again elegant and straight, his expression and bearing carrying the same proud, reserved nobility as always—beautiful, yet keeping people a thousand miles away.
Only the reddened corners of his eyes and his overly rosy lips added a faintly indescribable touch to that flawless composure.
Xie Ning’s germaphobia flared up again. He was about to head back into the bathroom to wash his hands once more when, as he passed Pei Zhi’s seat, he suddenly heard a jarring voice.
[So pitiful. Makes me want to bully him.]
Xie Ning looked at Pei Zhi. Pei Zhi saw him looking over, and their eyes met.
After a moment, Pei Zhi asked, “What’s wrong?”
Xie Ning said, “…Nothing.”
He must have heard wrong.
