Extra: The Right to Choose (Part 4)
Qu Tongqiu suddenly had the urge to pack his things and run away from home. He wanted to leave far away, so Ren Ningyuan wouldn’t find him annoying or boring and try to hand him over to Zhuang Wei.
But running away from home was something only young people did, and it only had meaning if someone would come looking. He knew in his heart that Ren Ningyuan would never come looking for him, and before he even acted, he already felt deflated and heartbroken.
He was someone easily satisfied, devotedly following Ren Ningyuan, never asking for anything in return, never asking for sweet words, nor craving fine food or clothes. Being able to live together was already enough for him.
But Ren Ningyuan still didn’t want him anymore.
With a heavy heart, Qu Tongqiu packed a small bag and went out to take the subway. He rode to the end of the line, then transferred to buses, circling the city several times and taking in its scenery.
It was only a simulated runaway. He didn’t know what Ren Ningyuan would feel, but he himself already felt miserable.
He had a bit of a loyal-dog personality—once he guarded a home, he didn’t want to move. Even if driven away, he might still linger like those village dogs who, even after being beaten, circled the doorway with teary eyes. Let alone leaving on his own.
By the time he got off at the terminal station, it was already dark. The night was much colder than the day, and unprepared, he shivered, about to wait for the ride home, when he vaguely saw someone across the street.
Before he could speak, the tall man crossed the long street and walked toward him.
“Re—Ren Ningyuan…”
“You’ve been out all day. Why did you turn off your phone?”
There was no blame in his tone, but his expression showed he had been worried. That worry comforted Qu Tongqiu somewhat. “I… wanted to go out for a walk…”
Ren Ningyuan looked down at him for a moment. “Next time, leave me a message. Otherwise I’ll worry.”
“…Okay.”
Ren Ningyuan took off his coat and wrapped it around him, then touched the tip of his nose. “It’s cold outside. Let’s go home.”
That touch warmed his heart. He didn’t know how Ren Ningyuan found him, but being brought home by him made his nose sting with emotion.
After a hot shower, they sat on the sofa together. Qu Tongqiu drank hot tea, warm inside and out, when Ren Ningyuan suddenly said, “I contacted Zhuang Wei today and told him about you.”
“… ”
“He called several times afterward and wanted to talk to you, but you weren’t there.”
“… ”
“He’s already on the plane and will arrive tomorrow. As for meeting or not, he’ll wait for your message. Think about it tonight.”
“… ”
Ren Ningyuan seemed to notice his silence and leaned closer. “What’s wrong?”
Qu Tongqiu understood why he had searched for him. His nose reddened and tears welled up.
Ren Ningyuan froze, then after a moment of silence put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into an embrace.
Qu Tongqiu was full of sadness and disappointment, yet couldn’t say it to the gentlest culprit in the world. The hug was warm and caring, and as he leaned against Ren Ningyuan’s chest, he couldn’t tell what the heart beneath it was thinking.
“Are you mentally prepared?”
“What… prepared?”
“Zhuang Wei will ask you to be with him.”
Qu Tongqiu choked. “He won’t. I’m not that good.”
“So if you were good enough, being with him wouldn’t be a problem?”
“That’s impossible. There’s still Chu Mo.”
Ren Ningyuan seemed to sigh, but said nothing more.
The next day, Zhuang Wei arrived in T City and immediately called. Though Ren Ningyuan answered the phone, Qu Tongqiu became restless, running to the bathroom again and again with stomach cramps.
Compared to his panic, Ren Ningyuan was unnaturally calm.
“He’ll be waiting at the hotel all day. If you want to meet him, I’ll inform him.”
After much hesitation, Qu Tongqiu gathered his courage. “Ren Ningyuan…”
“Mm?”
“Do you think I should go?”
Ren Ningyuan looked at him. “That’s for you to decide.”
“I know it’s my matter. But I also need your opinion. What do you think?”
“Mm?”
“I… want to know how you feel about me…”
Ren Ningyuan interrupted. “I’ve interfered too much already. This time I don’t want to influence you.”
“… ”
“You don’t need to know what I think. That’s not important. Do what you believe you should. Don’t consider anything else.”
“… ”
“Do you think you should meet him?”
“… ”
“I’ll take you there.”
The car stopped at the hotel entrance. After sitting for a while, Qu Tongqiu pushed open the door. “I… I’m going.”
“Mm.”
After stepping out, he turned back. “You should go home first? I don’t know how long it’ll take…”
Ren Ningyuan gave a noncommittal hum. “I know. Go on.”
Standing nervously in the elevator alone, even after repeating to himself dozens of times that this was just meeting an old acquaintance, his heart still pounded wildly.
He didn’t hate Zhuang Wei, even though Zhuang Wei had abandoned him at that time.
The hurt was real, but the hatred wasn’t.
Those opportunistic, forceful moments of intimacy were probably Zhuang Wei’s worst side, and he didn’t like them.
But there was also the Zhuang Wei who kept searching for him when others gave up, who picked him up from the roadside when he had lost his senses and cared for him.
All the good and bad together made the complete Zhuang Wei.
His gentleness, his desire, awkwardness, possessiveness, bad temper—everything was real.
During his hardest days, only Zhuang Wei gave him comfort. He wanted a cup of water, and Zhuang Wei poured him a barrel of wine, but at that time, both felt like life-saving nectar.
Whether Zhuang Wei was good or bad depended on who you asked. But at least he wasn’t as selfish and cold as he appeared.
He had sincerely given warmth. The plan to lean on each other had once been real.
Choosing Chu Mo instead of him couldn’t even be called Zhuang Wei’s fault. They had simply missed each other. They were not the right people for one another.
