Extra: The Right to Choose (Part 3)
Neither spoke or moved. Qu Tongqiu knew tonight probably wouldn’t happen. After sitting awkwardly for a while, he climbed down and hurriedly put on his wrinkled underwear.
In the past two years, some people didn’t know he was alive; some didn’t even know he had “died.” His death had been silent, and his return caused no commotion either.
For a small person like him, whether he lived or died only mattered to a few people, so there was no effort in informing others. Those who cared could simply make a phone call and find out.
Some people still believed he was dead, and he thought that was fine. Starting life again—who doesn’t avoid something?
After changing into pajamas, he lay in bed uneasily. Soon the lights went out and the man lay beside him.
He thought Ren Ningyuan would say something, but after waiting, the man beside him seemed asleep. Nervous, Qu Tongqiu leaned closer. “Ren Ningyuan…”
“Mm?”
“Zhuang Wei is coming back…”
“Mm.”
“Should I meet him?”
The man’s voice was calm and gentle. “Do you want to meet him?”
“…Not really.”
“Why?”
Qu Tongqiu froze. “Ah…”
“Do you hate him?”
“No…”
“Are you afraid of him?”
“Not really…”
“If it were Chu Mo, would you meet him?”
After thinking, he answered honestly, “I would…”
“Then why not Zhuang Wei?”
“I… I don’t know…”
“It’s okay. You still have two days. Think about it slowly. Sleep first.”
Qu Tongqiu stopped talking and closed his eyes, pressing close to him. Though he could feel the warmth through the fabric, it seemed distant like a wall between them.
Ren Ningyuan told him to think carefully, and he really did.
He wasn’t someone who held grudges, so Zhuang Wei in his memories wasn’t dark. He just didn’t want to face that person and those events again.
During the time he was with Zhuang Wei, everything had happened. Maybe they had loved each other. But they separated so suddenly, then came death and resurrection and so many things. Now to dig up those unbearable memories for an explanation was too difficult. He had the right to avoid him.
His current life was plain and gentle, but he cherished it deeply. He didn’t know whether someone as sharp as Zhuang Wei would break anything.
He was with Ren Ningyuan now. If Ren Ningyuan had an unresolved old lover appear, he would surely feel anxious.
Meeting Zhuang Wei again might make Ren Ningyuan uncomfortable. He should consider Ren Ningyuan’s feelings.
After thinking most of the night, he finally fell asleep near dawn and dreamed of Ren Ningyuan, Zhuang Wei, and Chu Mo arguing chaotically.
When he woke, the bed beside him was already cold. Ren Ningyuan must have risen early.
On a weekend, they could have stayed in bed together, doing nothing. He loved lying close like that, but Ren Ningyuan showed no attachment, so he got up alone.
He saw Ren Ningyuan by the window reading the newspaper, with fresh tea and pastries on the table. Qu Tongqiu greeted him. “Morning.”
“Morning,” Ren Ningyuan smiled. “What would you like to eat? I’ll have the kitchen prepare it.”
“Porridge is fine.”
After that simple exchange, Ren Ningyuan returned to his newspaper.
He was usually quiet, but today there was a hint of coldness. After sitting for a while, Qu Tongqiu said, “About Zhuang Wei…”
“Have you decided?”
“I think I should tell him I’m alive. Since he came to mourn me, I shouldn’t let him keep thinking I’m dead.”
“Mm.”
“But can I avoid meeting him?”
Ren Ningyuan put down the newspaper. “Why avoid him?”
“I thought you might mind…”
Ren Ningyuan smiled. “You worry too much. I don’t mind.”
Qu Tongqiu rubbed his ear in embarrassment.
“Zhuang Wei isn’t a bad person, just a bit impatient. He’s reasonable,” Ren Ningyuan said clearly. “I think you should meet him.”
“Ah…”
“You had many things left unsaid back then. Now is a chance.”
“What is there to say…”
Ren Ningyuan looked at him seriously. “Zhuang Wei still likes you.”
Qu Tongqiu stuttered. “No, no, that’s not…”
“It’s true.”
“… ”
“Maybe you should also think about how you feel about him.”
He wanted to reply, but the porridge arrived and the conversation ended.
They sat separated by the rising steam—he eating, Ren Ningyuan reading. The man’s coldness and warmth seemed the same, both quiet and gentle.
Suddenly he realized Ren Ningyuan wanted him to meet Zhuang Wei. Maybe even hoped he wouldn’t come back after meeting him.
Back then, Ren Ningyuan had kept him during a difficult time and they had shared passion for a while. Later it faded, and there was no easy way to force a big change.
And just then, Zhuang Wei returned.
