Chapter 64
The moment Shen Jiyan heard what the assistant had just said, he froze on the spot, unable to believe his ears.
What the hell are you doing?!
Did he never want to be friends with Shi Ye again?!
Shen Jiyan’s pupils quaked. Guilt crawled all over him in an instant.
Hearing the assistant’s answer, Qin Buming looked confused. “A dating show?”
Seeing that his boss was not saying anything, the assistant cheerfully picked up the conversation himself. “It’s a romance reality show, where people go on the program and date.”
The assistant was secretly quite pleased with himself. Where else in the world could you find such a capable employee? He had solved his boss’s urgent problem in one stroke.
“And there are tons of benefits to joining a dating show. Our guests are selected layer by layer, and the standards for personal background and character are extremely high. You get to meet new people on the show, and who knows, you might even gain a huge wave of fans. This is the age of online traffic now. Some guests even start their own accounts after the show and become influencers or something.”
The assistant turned back. “Right, boss?”
Shen Jiyan smiled like a man fated for suffering. “Right.”
He forced himself to continue, “Mr. Xia has excellent looks. He’s perfectly suited for our program. There are many young and successful people there just like him.”
Since the assistant had already pushed things this far, Shen Jiyan had no strength left to object. At this point, he might as well go with it. The most important thing now was to get the contact information out first.
He pulled out a business card. “Mr. Xia, this is my card. My number’s on it. If you’re willing, you can contact me anytime. Even if you’re not sure whether you want to join, I can first take you to another romance show’s filming location to look around.”
Without giving Xia Fengsheng a chance to refuse, Shen Jiyan stuffed the card into his hand, afraid the man might reject it. They could not afford to lose the prize and the troops at the same time. As he left, he kept turning back every few steps, reminding him over and over.
“Mr. Xia, remember to contact me.”
“Even if you don’t join, still contact me, okay?”
Then Shen Jiyan left with his assistant and disappeared into the crowd.
Xia Fengsheng looked down at the business card in silence.
Qin Buming looked at the card in his hand and said nothing. In truth, he had vaguely sensed that Xia Fengsheng and Shi Ye had broken up recently.
You could tell just from his state. Since Shi Ye stopped appearing, Xia Fengsheng seemed as though he had lost his spirit. Life had no energy in it anymore. He was eating less and growing thinner too.
Outwardly he still looked cold and proud, but the people close to him all knew that privately he was someone soft-hearted and inarticulate, the sort who always did things silently. He still smiled now, but every smile was just a social mask, the curve of his lips fixed, the smile never reaching his eyes. He was refined and courteous, but there was no warmth in it.
Back when Shi Ye was around, you could see plenty of smiles from him that were genuine. Lately, there had been none.
When Xia Fengsheng was with Shi Ye, he was truly, sincerely happy. Qin Buming had even seen sides of him that almost never appeared otherwise, a kind of childishness hard to describe. Like that time at the orphanage, when he snatched Shi Ye’s biscuits and deliberately chewed them in front of him with evil little bites. It turned out Xia Fengsheng could play pranks too. He could be mischievous too.
And then there was the time he tore Qin Buming’s shirt to wipe Shi Ye’s mouth. The two of them had been completely nuts together. But now Xia Fengsheng was not even “nuts” anymore.
Still, since Xia Fengsheng refused to bring up the breakup or tell them anything, Qin Buming did not dare poke through that layer.
Thinking back to the last time, when Xia Fengsheng drunkenly grabbed Shi Ye, Xia Fengsheng’s gaze on the business card became several degrees more serious.
For the seven years before, because he could not see Shi Ye, he had been able to neatly cover up his feelings for him. He had thought he no longer loved him. But for all seven of those years, he had thought of Shi Ye every moment of every day.
Things were different now. If he could not see the other man, he could continue just like those past seven years, burying his love for Shi Ye at the bottom of his heart.
But now it was different. He and Shi Ye lived in the same apartment building, trapped in a situation where they would inevitably run into each other sooner or later.
Faced with his own heart, Xia Fengsheng admitted it: seeing Shi Ye interact with someone new filled him with jealousy. The ugly emotion had completely exploded the moment he drunkenly saw the fleshlight.
He could pretend he did not remember it once because he had been drunk.
But what about the second time?
A cold light flickered in Xia Fengsheng’s eyes.
He was not sure he could suppress that jealousy.
Looking at the card, he thought that perhaps he really should go meet someone new.
When Ding Qizhen found out what Shen Jiyan and the assistant had done, he was dumbstruck.
No, but bro, what exactly did you go do?
Write the tragic ending for Shi Ye by hand?
Holding his face, Ding Qizhen could hardly believe it. In the end, all his thousands of thoughts condensed into one line:
“So you and Shi Ye are just playacting friendship now, huh?”
Shen Jiyan: ……
The circumstances had been special. He had not had time to think that far.
He explained, “Everything I did was based on getting his contact info out there. If I hadn’t made the offer sound attractive enough, how could Xia Fengsheng possibly have contacted me on his own?”
“Look at him, he’s an up-and-coming star in the industry, busy out of his mind. The better the conditions I offered, the more tempted he’d be.” Shen Jiyan continued.
Ding Qizhen said, “And what if Shi Ye’s heart stops moving altogether?”
Shen Jiyan told him not to worry. “It’s fine. Shi Ye won’t blame me.”
They had been brothers for so many years.
The next day, Shen Jiyan did not know what had happened, but his head was already in Shi Ye’s hands.
Shen Jiyan: ……
Shen Jiyan: sweating rivers.jpg
The moment Shi Ye heard that Shen Jiyan had introduced Xia Fengsheng to a romance show, his entire world collapsed.
Shi Ye: I do not dare open my eyes. I hope this is all just a hallucination.
Shen Jiyan clutched his own head, which Shi Ye had pinned down, and frantically explained, “No, listen to me. Things aren’t what you think. The whole premise was to get him out for a meal, understand?”
Shi Ye said darkly, “What if he really decides to join the dating show?!”
Shen Jiyan: ……
Shen Jiyan: hehe, who knows.
Shen Jiyan shifted his gaze away. If Xia Fengsheng really went on a romance show, then his program was about to blow sky-high.
Silence was Cambridge tonight.
Shi Ye hauled Shen Jiyan up by the collar and sat him down on a rocking toy.
Halfway through the ride, just when Shen Jiyan was about to get motion sickness, a message arrived on Shi Ye’s phone from the private detective.
Shen Jiyan, finally getting off the rocker, thought: This really is the savior.
Shi Ye opened the file the private detective had sent. Inside was the investigation result into what really happened when Xia Fengsheng broke up with him back then.
—
At No. 1 Manor.
The butler hurried into the study, more flustered than usual, unable to hide the panic on his face. “Sir, young master has come back.”
Bie Yushu let out a cold hum. He had known this wolf cub Shi Ye would come back.
The moment the private detective handed the information over to Shi Ye, Bie Yushu had already learned that Shi Ye had gotten hold of the truth from back then.
The old man remained composed. Over the years he had fought wits and strategy with his grandson over his sexual orientation countless times. This was nothing new.
But the moment Shi Ye stepped in, and he saw the hatred in those dark eyes, Bie Yushu’s heart shook harder than ever before.
His old body rose from the chair on instinct.
It was an expression he had never seen on Shi Ye before, and it stunned him at a glance.
Without saying a word, Shi Ye walked in and placed the printed documents in his hand on the desk.
Inside was a full account of what had happened when Xia Fengsheng broke up with him back then.
His father had died in a car accident. His mother’s uremia had flared up, and he was borrowing money everywhere. And it was precisely at that moment that Bie Yushu had hidden the news from Shi Ye and sought out Xia Fengsheng himself.
Xia Fengsheng at eighteen, impoverished and cornered by despair.
Bie Yushu had not even gotten out of the car. The entire negotiation had been carried out by one of his bodyguards.
His arrogance had trampled Xia Fengsheng underfoot completely. He had not even thought the boy qualified to meet him face to face.
“Why did you go looking for him?”
Shi Ye questioned him calmly, his face shadowed by the light, so still it was frightening.
There was no imagined fury—only that quiet, terrible calm as he looked at him.
Bie Yushu did not know how to answer for a moment. A grown elder, yet in front of Shi Ye he began to feel guilty.
Shi Ye asked again, “Why did you go looking for him before the college entrance exam?”
Another question.
“Grandpa, did you know he was about to take the college entrance exam back then?”
Xia Fengsheng valued studying above all else. No matter how exhausting his part-time jobs were, he always carved out time to study. It was how he fought back against life. He was like tough grass, stubbornly forcing himself upward.
Shi Ye was the same age as Xia Fengsheng. How could Bie Yushu possibly not know that Xia Fengsheng was about to sit the exam?
“Grandpa.” Shi Ye’s voice trembled with fury. “Wasn’t he a child too?”
Why had he done that? Why had he gone to him?
Xia Fengsheng had only been eighteen.
Bie Yushu’s silence deepened Shi Ye’s hatred.
“Say something! Say it! Why won’t you speak?! I was a child then, so he wasn’t?!” Shi Ye roared.
“Say it! Why did you go after him?! He was about to take the college entrance exam! Were you trying to ruin him?!”
Two lines of tears streamed from his eyes.
His Xia Fengsheng. His Xia Fengsheng.
Shi Ye fell to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. “How am I supposed to face him after this? Why did you go find him before the exam? Why?!”
Bie Yushu forced himself to keep steady, refusing to meet Shi Ye’s hateful, complicated eyes. “That child took the money of his own accord and chose to break up with you. It was his choice. He gave you up and chose money. And when I sought him out, it was in January. There were still nearly six months before the exam.”
Hearing that answer, Shi Ye stared blankly for a beat, as though seeing his grandfather for the first time, before erupting completely.
“Did he give me up?! Back then my leg broke in a car accident! Why did you have people say it was deliberately broken? He loved me—he couldn’t bear to see me get beaten! He didn’t give up on me! He didn’t give up on me or his mother!”
Bie Yushu turned and met his eyes. Pain stabbed through his heart.
“And for a man, you’d cast your own grandfather aside too?”
He had doted on Shi Ye so much. Before he was three, Shi Ye had been raised almost entirely at Bie Manor.
And now… now, because of a man, this grandson of his was looking at him like this…
Bie Yushu turned his face away.
Shi Ye stood up from the floor and came before him, looking utterly worn out. “Grandpa, if I fell seriously ill, what would you do?”
Bie Yushu answered without hesitation, “Of course I’d find the best doctors to treat you.”
How could he bear to watch Shi Ye suffer?
“But Grandpa,” Shi Ye said, “that was his mother.”
Even grandfather and grandson were this bound. How much more so a parent and child by blood?
Just because Xia Fengsheng never knew how to express himself, never cried out in pain, did everyone truly think he did not care?
“Grandpa, how could you make him choose like that?” Shi Ye’s tears hit the floor one after another. “You used two hundred thousand to dismiss him—to dismiss what we had. Grandpa, did he not have any self-respect?”
“He was only eighteen. How was he supposed to choose? How was he supposed to choose?!”
Whichever path Xia Fengsheng chose, he would suffer. He was never going to feel smug about getting that money. All he would feel was guilt he could never forgive himself for—because it was money to save his mother’s life.
Every time Xia Fengsheng broke up with him and pushed him away, it was not because he did not love him. It was because he loved him too much and could not bear for him to suffer, even if it meant swallowing all the pain himself.
Everyone said Xia Fengsheng was emotionally dull, that he did not understand. But in truth, he understood everything. He saw everything clearly. That was why he chose to let go.
Two hundred thousand?
Bie Yushu frowned. He had clearly given two million to be passed on to that boy back then. He quickly snatched up the file. On it, the amount was written in stark black: two hundred thousand.
Bie Yushu’s eyes widened. How had that happened?
As Shi Ye went on questioning him, his own vision blurred. He could not even see Bie Yushu’s face clearly. His heart was already riddled with holes.
Back then, when Bie Yushu went looking for Xia Fengsheng, he had not even gotten out of the car.
Shi Ye was like a soul torn from his body, his eyes losing all light. “How am I supposed to face him now?”
At the time he hated Xia Fengsheng the most, Xia Fengsheng had been suffering out of sight where he could not see.
“I thought he stopped loving me. Do you know that? I really thought he didn’t love me anymore.” Shi Ye’s voice was hoarse with despair. “I even went back to take revenge on him, made him fall in love with me again just so I could dump him…”
He had thought Xia Fengsheng did not love him. Thought Xia Fengsheng treated him like a toy. Thought Xia Fengsheng did not want to marry him, did not want to spend a lifetime with him.
But all of it had been fog blinding his eyes.
Xia Fengsheng loved him. Xia Fengsheng had never wanted to abandon him.
He had just… he had just wanted to save his mother.
And he had loved him enough to feel heartbroken over his broken leg—the leg he danced on.
And now, was Xia Fengsheng once again crying into his pillow in the dead of night?
“I knew he wouldn’t stop loving me,” Shi Ye whispered.
“Xia Fengsheng said he loved me most.”
“Xia Fengsheng loves me most.”
He covered his face in agony and collapsed back to his knees.
But what had he done?
What had he done to Xia Fengsheng?
He had made him fall in love all over again, only to throw him away. Why had pain blinded him so completely that he had ignored the single word “love” Xia Fengsheng had once said?
And crueler still—he now realized all that “playing” Xia Fengsheng had supposedly done had never existed. Xia Fengsheng had never once stopped loving him. He had been wide awake the entire time, watching Shi Ye toy with his feelings, and still quietly accepting the breakup at the end.
Xia Fengsheng loved him.
And yet the greatest pain in Xia Fengsheng’s life had been brought by him.
Shi Ye collapsed inward, as though he were dying. He seemed like a painting left out in a storm, all its colors washed into ruin until only gray remained.
“How am I supposed to face him now…”
Bie Yushu’s heart felt as though it were being carved apart. “Xiaoye.”
“Grandpa, I hate you,” Shi Ye said from behind his hands.
Bie Yushu panicked at once and crouched down. “Xiaoye, listen to Grandpa…”
Shi Ye only repeated the same sentence. “Grandpa, I hate you.”
He said he hated Bie Yushu, but in truth he hated himself even more.
He hated his own helplessness, his own ignorance. Hated that when Xia Fengsheng was suffering, he had not been by his side. Hated that he himself had become the source of Xia Fengsheng’s pain.
Bie Yushu gripped his shoulders anxiously. “Grandpa didn’t mean it. Grandpa only wanted you to get onto the proper path—to marry, have children, and live like a normal person!”
Shi Ye looked at him numbly.
Bie Yushu’s heart ached. “Xiaoye, don’t look at Grandpa like that.”
Shi Ye went on staring at him with empty eyes. “Grandpa, didn’t everyone oppose you and Grandma back then too?”
At the mention of his late wife, Bie Yushu’s chest tightened, and he fell silent.
Shi Ye’s grandmother had been German. They met during wartime. The Bie family had refused to let her marry in, unable to accept a foreign woman with unusual hair and frightening-colored eyes. They had insisted Bie Yushu marry the daughter of a great family instead to consolidate their power.
And what had Bie Yushu done then?
He had ignored other people’s eyes, ignored slander and gossip, and even at the risk of being cast out by his clan had still brought her through the door.
“Grandpa,” Shi Ye said, “if you could do that then, why can’t I?”
Shi Ye: “I love him. How could you treat him that way?”
Bie Yushu snapped, “How is it the same?”
“How is it not the same?!” Shi Ye slapped his hand away. “How is it not the same?!”
“Grandpa, that was seven real years between us. Seven years! Seven years!” Shi Ye’s face twisted in pain. His chest was so tight he could barely breathe.
Seven years.
An entire seven years.
Because of his grandfather, because of a misunderstanding, they had lost seven whole years. It was a stretch of time so long it was terrifying. How many seven-year spans did he even have in one life?
On one side, the loss of his lover. On the other, the betrayal of his grandfather. Shi Ye sank into a whirlpool of terror and could not forgive himself.
The lover he should have spent his life with had instead been humiliated and crushed while he knew nothing.
In agony, he roared, “Why did you go after him?! It’s all because of you! And now look—now I can’t face him anymore, and he doesn’t want me either!”
“He’s going to find someone else!”
“Are you satisfied now?!”
Shi Ye bellowed, “Are you satisfied now?!”
Bie Yushu reached out in panic, wanting to keep him there.
“Xiaoye… Xiaoye!”
But Shi Ye turned and left in collapse, dazed, desperate, and broken. That expression on his face made Bie Yushu waver, as though he had been dragged back into that snowy night.
Back then, the child outside the car had been just like Shi Ye when the family had forced him to break up—adamantly refusing to part, biting down hard on the word “no.”
Outside the car, the young Xia Fengsheng had been proud and unyielding, saying that before he saw Shi Ye with his own eyes, he would not agree to break up.
He had said with absolute conviction: this was a matter between the two of them.
He would not believe anyone else. He would only believe Shi Ye.
Bie Yushu had once thought that kind of stubbornness was unbreakable.
But then the child heard that Shi Ye’s leg had been broken by his family—and he crumbled instantly.
His knees gave out beneath him, and he dropped to the ground begging them not to hit Shi Ye.
Outside the car, the boy had clawed at the door with bloodied nails, crying, “It’s all my fault.”
His voice had cracked into shreds. “It’s all my fault. I forced him. Please, don’t beat him. Please, please don’t beat him!”
Later, Bie Yushu had offered the boy money, making him choose between that money and Shi Ye.
In the end, the boy chose the money, and true to his word, broke up with Shi Ye.
It should have been two million.
How had it become two hundred thousand?
He had broken both children’s hearts, and the boy had not even received the compensation he should have.
Taking off the watch hanging at his chest, Bie Yushu opened the case. Inside was a photograph of his late wife.
All the hardships of his own youth had failed to teach him empathy in old age.
He slumped back into the chair, realizing with terrible clarity that he had truly been wrong.
“Shifeng,” he murmured, addressing the butler, “after what I’ve done… when I go down there, will Lilsha even be willing to see me?”
The butler bowed his head and said nothing. Bie Yushu closed his eyes in regret.
The two of them sat under the quiet light in the study, and it seemed they already knew the answer.
Thinking of Shi Ye’s expression of utter collapse, Bie Yushu clutched his chest and could not recover for a long while.
Then, at the very next moment, a servant came rushing in, face white as paper, voice trembling in terror:
“Sir, something terrible has happened—young master coughed up blood!”
—
At the same time, a new message appeared in Shen Jiyan’s voicemail box.
Because the call had not connected, it had been redirected to voice message.
“Mr. Shen, hello. This is Xia Fengsheng.”
His calm, magnetic voice rang through the voicemail.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t accept your invitation. Mr. Shen, there’s something you may not know. I only ended my last relationship a little over a month ago.”
“He treated me very well. He was a kind, sincere, radiant person. He cherished me, treasured me. I let him down in many ways, but the time I spent with him made me happier than I can say. He made me feel as though I were the best person in the world.”
As though he deserved every scrap of kindness.
“Entering a new relationship in haste while I still haven’t let go of the last one would be too careless. I don’t think anyone would be able not to mind that.”
“I’m deeply grateful to my former lover. Every day I spent with him was filled with happiness. Those were precious, beautiful days in my life, unforgettable for as long as I live. Now that we’ve broken up, I want to leave six months blank. It’s my respect for him, and my respect for this relationship.”
In every line, every word carried the weight of Xia Fengsheng’s deep love for Shi Ye.
“Thank you for your invitation.”
— Xia Fengsheng
