Chapter 60
Facing Shi Ye, who had appeared dressed like a miner, Xia Fengsheng frowned. “Why are you here?”
Carrying a toolbox, Shi Ye stepped into the entryway. “Didn’t your pipe break? I’m here to fix it.”
He said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
A vein twitched briefly at Xia Fengsheng’s temple. So the number on that pipe-repair flyer had been Shi Ye’s new number?
He had been too exhausted after work, and when he made the call he had not listened carefully to the voice on the other end.
Thinking back now, it had clearly been Shi Ye’s normal voice, just lowered a little.
He had not expected himself to fall for it.
Tired after a full day, Xia Fengsheng had no interest in arguing about why the number on the plumbing ad was actually Shi Ye’s. He simply shoved him back outside and tried to shut the door.
Shi Ye’s strong hand caught the door first, holding it in place. His tall frame blocked the entrance. “Wasn’t I here to fix the pipe?”
Xia Fengsheng looked at him with open suspicion. “You know how?”
“Yes.” Shi Ye lifted the toolbox in his hand. He had even brought tools.
Xia Fengsheng narrowed his eyes. He had better not be trying anything.
It was late at night. He could not find another plumber at this hour, so Xia Fengsheng moved aside and let him in. Shi Ye had come fully prepared. Like a real repairman, he put on shoe covers before stepping into Xia Fengsheng’s apartment.
He was broad-shouldered and long-legged. The orange work uniform glowed under the ceiling light, and the outline of his body showed through the fabric. His back looked sturdy without losing its beauty, his straight shoulders and lean, powerful back the clearest lines of all.
With his big gloved hand carrying the toolbox, Shi Ye looked the part completely. Who knew what had happened in the past two months—his arm muscles were even fuller and tighter than before, flowing together with the line of his shoulders in a smooth, athletic curve. The brim of his cap hid his deep-set eyes, and anyone seeing him would really think he was a repairman.
If the one-piece work uniform had not been LV.
The sight of him dressed like this gave Xia Fengsheng a headache. Who fixed pipes in clothes that expensive?
Shi Ye entered the bathroom, set the toolbox down, and crouched to inspect the pipe beneath the sink.
The cap was in his way, so he took it off and tossed it aside. His hair had not grown out much. With his honey-colored skin and newly cropped hair, he gave off a wild, vigorous, almost feral energy. His jawline was clean and sharp, his nose high and straight, and every one of his fingers looked strong.
Shi Ye really did know how to fix pipes. During his years studying abroad, he had often repaired things himself, and after being thrown into the military, he had learned some as well.
That was why he had slipped those little plumbing-service cards under Xia Fengsheng’s door.
Every time, he had come secretly at night. At first he chose around ten o’clock, figuring Xia Fengsheng would be home resting by then.
But Shi Ye later discovered that Xia Fengsheng’s return time was irregular. Most nights he came back between nine and ten. Once, Shi Ye had just tucked a card under the doormat when Xia Fengsheng stepped out of the elevator. Startled, Shi Ye had immediately strode into the emergency stairwell, heart pounding, barely avoiding being caught.
He had been slipping those cards under the mat for half a month.
Every night before falling asleep, Shi Ye silently prayed for Xia Fengsheng’s pipes to break.
Persist in thinking of something, and eventually it will answer you.
In the middle of the night, while Shi Ye slept, his new number was finally dialed by a customer with a broken pipe.
Shi Ye disguised his voice when he picked up. Fortunately, Xia Fengsheng had not recognized him, and thus this “repairman” had been allowed to come.
The light under the sink was poor. Shi Ye took out a small flashlight and held it between his teeth, then bent down and crawled into the cabinet beneath the sink to inspect the problem.
His muffled voice came from inside. “Is the valve on?”
Xia Fengsheng answered, “No.”
Shi Ye said, “Turn it on first.” He needed to see exactly where the problem was—whether the entire pipe connection had to be replaced, or just part of it.
The valve was not far from the bathroom. Xia Fengsheng went over and turned it on.
The moment he twisted the handle open, he heard a sudden loud rush of water from the bathroom.
Shhhhk—
It was the sound of water bursting through a damaged pipe. Xia Fengsheng reacted at once and shut the valve again. When he hurried back to the bathroom, the entire space was already full of steam, misty and white, like some earthly paradise.
Because there had been no hot water while he was bathing, both the shower and faucet had been left turned toward hot.
The moment the valve opened, the hot water trapped in the pipe blasted out and drenched Shi Ye from head to toe.
So much water had sprayed out that Shi Ye’s upper shirt had turned a dark orange, clinging wetly to his skin. The water had been so hot that the soaked fabric was still giving off steam.
The spray had come too suddenly. Shi Ye had been caught completely off guard, and had not even had time to react.
Steam swirled through the bathroom, making everything hazy and indistinct. Xia Fengsheng frowned instinctively. The skin on Shi Ye’s bare forearms was visibly scalded red.
Shi Ye stripped off the soaked top. Since it was a one-piece overall, he could not take it all off, so he just wrung the water out with his lean, strong forearms. The waterlogged fabric, now crumpled and twisted, hung around his waist.
Without the cloth covering him, his proportions were striking—strong shoulders and neck, well-defined chest damp with steam, an even, healthy honey-toned skin, and beneath that, sharply cut abs. Veins climbed from his lower abdomen upward in sinuous lines.
Shi Ye wiped the water from his face, then looked up and caught the emotion in Xia Fengsheng’s eyes. He flashed a bright smile. “It’s fine. I’ve got thick skin.”
Being drenched in hot water did not hurt at all. It was like taking a hot shower.
Then he dropped one knee to the floor, took up his tools, and continued repairing the pipe.
He had already seen where the damage was. Now he knew exactly which section needed replacing.
With no shirt covering him, every movement of his arms pulled clearly across the muscles of his back. Broad shoulders, narrow waist, and below the waistband, powerful thighs like a beast poised to spring.
Shi Ye’s thighs were strong. At the hot spring resort, when they had played that leg-wrestling game, Xia Fengsheng had used all his strength and still lost to him.
The bathroom grew warmer and warmer with the steam.
Wearing only a bathrobe, arms folded, Xia Fengsheng leaned against the doorway and watched Shi Ye repair the pipe. His narrow fox eyes traveled shamelessly over Shi Ye’s muscular back.
With the new pipe fixed in place, Shi Ye turned the valve back on to test it. The faucet worked normally, and the shower finally had hot water again.
He packed his things up and stood. Turning around, he saw Xia Fengsheng still leaning there, watching him.
He wore only the robe, his pale, firm calves swaying in Shi Ye’s vision. Since he had started with a cold shower, he had changed into the thick robe he only wore in winter. Wrapped too long in the heavy, soft fabric, his fair skin had flushed with a layer of pink.
Shi Ye thought back to the inn in the Beijing suburbs, over two months ago, when he had held Xia Fengsheng in his arms as the latter woke. Back then Xia Fengsheng’s skin had been tinged pink too, and the lush softness of his inner thigh had rubbed against Shi Ye’s leg as he drowsily lifted himself to kiss his lips.
Shi Ye’s mouth went dry for no reason. Lowering his head with an oddly shy look, he licked his lips. “Can I have a glass of water?”
His voice came out hoarse and rough, as if he truly needed it.
Considering he had just fixed the pipe, Xia Fengsheng went to the dining room and poured him a cup.
Shi Ye took it and drained it in one go, his throat working with each swallow.
Gulp—
But the sound was not from him drinking. It was a strange growl.
Setting the empty glass down, Shi Ye looked toward Xia Fengsheng’s stomach and blinked. “You haven’t eaten?”
Xia Fengsheng ignored him and moved to open the door. “You can leave now.”
Work had been busy all day. Xia Fengsheng really had not eaten dinner.
He had planned to come home, wash up, and go straight to sleep. But the shower had been delayed, and while waiting for the pipe to be repaired, hunger had come clawing back up.
Shi Ye did not move. Xia Fengsheng was noticeably thinner than before. In the few months they had been together, some softness had returned to his cheeks, but now it was gone again.
Shi Ye put the toolbox down. “I’ll make you a meal before I go.”
Xia Fengsheng frowned. “No need.”
But when the food was actually cooked, and the smell drifted out, his refusal quietly died in his stomach.
Shi Ye’s cooking suited his taste frighteningly well. After eating it a few times, he had never stopped craving it.
When Xia Fengsheng moved into his new place, he had made a point of filling the fridge properly, the way other people did. As for when he would actually cook any of it, he had never thought that far.
Seeing others stock their fridge in a new home, he had copied them. Filling the fridge itself had been enough to satisfy him.
Shi Ye moved quickly. In less than an hour, he had made three dishes and a soup.
Lately Xia Fengsheng had been swamped with work. When he got busy, his meals became irregular. Sometimes he only ate once a day, and with his poor appetite, it had been a long time since he had properly eaten at all.
Shi Ye set a bowl of rice in front of him, then served himself half a bowl and sat beside him to eat along with him.
At first Xia Fengsheng ate neatly, but once the food touched his tongue, he sped up.
He had been living off takeout lately, and he was genuinely hungry. His entire focus fell on eating. When Shi Ye spoke to him, he did not respond, his whole being consumed by the need to eat.
He was eating so quickly that one cheek bulged with rice even as his chopsticks were already hurrying to send another rib to his mouth.
There were shrimp on the table too. Shi Ye peeled one, then held the plump shrimp meat to Xia Fengsheng’s lips.
Xia Fengsheng saw the juicy shrimp and took it in one bite, his damp lips brushing lightly over Shi Ye’s fingertips. He swallowed the shrimp, then followed it with another mouthful of rice, his cheeks puffing adorably as he ate—an endearing side usually hidden beneath his cold exterior.
Shi Ye swallowed hard and kept peeling shrimp for him.
By the time the last one came, Xia Fengsheng was finally too full and reluctantly put down his chopsticks.
Leaning back in his chair, he let out a long breath, as though his soul had finally returned after days of nonstop work.
His gaze drifted to the side and landed first on the scar across Shi Ye’s face.
It was a long scar, running from his cheek down to his jaw. Although the mark had faded somewhat over the past half month, it was still clearly visible.
Xia Fengsheng’s eyes lingered there, as if recalling something, and he stared blankly at the scar on Shi Ye’s face.
“Xia Fengsheng.”
The man beside him spoke, pulling him out of his thoughts.
He answered in his usual cool, absent tone. “Mm.”
With a solemn face and apologetic eyes, Shi Ye said, “Can we not break up?”
The warmth from the meal vanished. The air turned cold in an instant. Xia Fengsheng straightened where he sat.
“No.”
His answer was cold and absolute.
“At first, I approached you with bad intentions. That was my fault. I shouldn’t have tried to play with your feelings. I’m sorry.”
Looking deeply remorseful, Shi Ye took something from his pocket: an envelope.
Inside was a five-thousand-word apology letter.
He did not want to lose Xia Fengsheng, so he had brought the most sincere apology he could manage.
When you do something wrong, you cannot just stubbornly defend yourself and act as if you did nothing wrong. You have to apologize sincerely and then let the other person decide whether to forgive you.
The night he suggested breaking up, the pain of losing Xia Fengsheng had thrown Shi Ye right back into the same darkness as seven years ago. Every day without Xia Fengsheng left a hollow place in his heart that nothing else could fill.
Back then, the sudden breakup had made him hate Xia Fengsheng—hate him for forcing him into a relationship, only to abandon him once Shi Ye had genuinely fallen in love.
He hated the casual way Xia Fengsheng had ended it. He hated that Xia Fengsheng did not love him, did not keep loving him.
On the day of that breakup, Shi Ye had felt as though his heart had been torn out of him. He had collapsed into the snow, crying like a stray dog, begging Xia Fengsheng not to leave him, but Xia Fengsheng had never once turned back to look at him.
As though he had never loved him at all.
They had promised they would stay together forever.
Only Shi Ye had taken that vow seriously.
He had cried and asked Xia Fengsheng, if he had planned to leave all along, then why kiss him at all? Why say he loved him?
If ever he got the chance, he would make Xia Fengsheng suffer the same pain—let him learn what it felt like to have his feelings toyed with.
But when they met again seven years later, Shi Ye had fallen hopelessly in love with him all over again.
Or rather, he had never stopped loving him.
Even with seven years between them, even with over two thousand days and nights without seeing each other, he still loved him.
That love for Xia Fengsheng was like a flame in his chest that would never go out.
He hated him for how he had walked away, but he loved him even more, helplessly.
Xia Fengsheng did not take the letter. With indifferent calm, he said, “You don’t need to apologize to me. Even if you hadn’t brought up breaking up, I wouldn’t have kept dating you anyway.”
Shi Ye’s hand froze around the envelope. “Why?”
“What else could it be?” Xia Fengsheng smiled, his black eyes looking at him. “Just like seven years ago, I got tired of that face of yours.”
At the words seven years ago, Shi Ye’s pupils contracted, as if he had understood something.
There was mockery in Xia Fengsheng’s gaze, the look he gave him no different from the look he might give a fool.
Shi Ye’s breathing stopped. Darkness blurred his vision.
Xia Fengsheng had never lost his memory.
“You were fresh again after seven years apart. That’s the only reason I agreed to get back together with you.” Standing, Xia Fengsheng looked down on him while his poisonous eyes roamed shamelessly over his half-bare body. “You’re very sexy. Very much my type. But it was only a passing lust.”
He had watched Shi Ye perform his whole “love plan” from beginning to end as though he were watching a clown show.
“I thought after seven years you’d have grown a little. Looks like you’re still just as stupid as before. Did you really think I liked you back then?”
“Shi Ye, I only thought you were pretty.”
“There are plenty of pretty people in this world besides you.”
Tears slowly rolled out of Shi Ye’s eyes, trailing across the scar on his face. His peach-blossom eyes filled with hurt, the bridge of his nose flushing red as he stared at Xia Fengsheng without blinking.
Though he was so much bigger, his expression looked unbearably pitiful.
A fleeting bitterness flashed through Xia Fengsheng’s eyes.
Staring at him in silence for a long time, Shi Ye finally asked in a hoarse voice,
“Did you ever love me?”
Xia Fengsheng’s fingers clenched sharply. He bent down until they were eye level and told him with utter seriousness, “No.”
Shi Ye pressed his lips together, trembling, his peach-blossom eyes fixed on him.
Xia Fengsheng’s scarlet mouth kept speaking. “Honestly, I got bored after the first month. You were too clingy. I’d wanted to break up for ages and just hadn’t found the chance. When you brought it up, I should’ve thanked you.”
Then, as if proving his point, he held Shi Ye’s face between both hands and kissed him hard on the mouth.
Mwah.
He kissed him deliberately hard, making sure the sound was loud and unmistakable.
His eyes curved like a crescent moon. “Take that kiss as a reward for being so understanding. If you hadn’t brought it up, who knows how long it would’ve taken before I could get rid of you.”
Shi Ye jerked his face away and scrubbed at his mouth with his sleeve, wiping his tears away too. He grabbed his things and prepared to leave.
Behind him came Xia Fengsheng’s lazy voice, laughing with ridicule. “You sure you didn’t leave anything behind? Don’t come up with some excuse later about forgetting something, when really you just wanted to sneak back and see me.”
Shi Ye’s hands curled into fists. Red-eyed, he shouted, “If I ever come see you again, I’m a dog!”
Anyone had their pride.
After being humiliated like this, Shi Ye swore he would rather die than ever see Xia Fengsheng again.
The first breakup had been cruel enough. The second was even worse.
And during this relationship, not only had Xia Fengsheng stolen his first kiss, he had also seen all of him.
He had nothing left.
His precious cheek kiss was gone, his first kiss was gone, and his body had been seen through and through.
Xia Fengsheng was just as awful as ever.
The front door slammed shut, and the apartment fell quiet again.
As if the chaos from moments earlier had nothing to do with him, Xia Fengsheng calmly went into the bathroom to shower.
Then he returned to the bedroom, took the teddy bear out from the wardrobe, and lay down on the bed with it in his arms. Around the bear’s thick neck hung a small red peace charm.
He closed his eyes quietly. The room was silent, save for the faint glow of the night lamp by the bed.
He tried to force himself to sleep, but warm tears slid from the corners of his eyes instead.
Seven years ago, Shi Ye’s bones had developed in a way that made dancing impossible. Barely a month into senior year, he had returned to Beijing. The following summer would hold his final performance.
The very last dance performance of his life.
After that one, he would never dance again.
Rather than leave the stage in regret, he wanted to give his dream a perfect ending.
For that final performance, his teacher He Yu—ill and recuperating—had returned to Beijing with Shi Ye to prepare for the stage that following summer.
“You have to come watch me.”
Standing beneath blooming cherry trees, the boy had smiled at him and said it.
“You’ve never seen me dance, have you? You have to come. If you’re in the audience, I’ll be more confident.”
He wanted to complete his final performance in front of the person he loved.
Everyone would be there then—his family, his friends, and the person he loved as well.
He wanted to save the best seat in the audience for Xia Fengsheng, the perfect seat from which every move and every step onstage could be seen clearly.
“Xia Fengsheng.” Shi Ye had smiled brightly, like sunlight. “When the time comes, will you bring me flowers?”
That had truly been the last time they saw each other.
After that, Shi Ye had become busy, and Xia Fengsheng’s own life had been turned upside down. The weight of living and the blows of fate had left him unable to breathe.
But fate had never stopped tormenting him, and just when he had already fallen to the very bottom, worse news had come.
“Because of you, the young master had his leg broken by his family.”
Xia Fengsheng’s steep and painful life had plummeted into the abyss all over again.
“You have to come see me dance.”
The boy beneath the cherry blossoms smiled again in his mind.
Like a madman, Xia Fengsheng had dropped to his knees beside the car, pleading with the person inside. For the first time in his life, his face broke apart in desperation. In that moment, he had felt as though his heart had died.
Like mud left rotting in a ditch, impossible to gather up again.
“Please don’t hit him! Please don’t hit him! It was my fault! I was shameless!”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It was all my fault!”
“He was only with me because I forced him, please!” His bleeding fingernails clawed at the car door, his whole body teetering on the verge of collapse. “Please don’t hit him!”
Life had suffocated him until he lived like some pitiful thing with no dignity left.
The teddy bear in his arms tightened in his grip.
Shi Ye had given him this bear when he had been so haunted by nightmares that he could not sleep.
In his younger years, Xia Fengsheng had never known how to express himself, not his thoughts, not his feelings. Shi Ye had taught him over and over, patiently, tirelessly.
Those had been among the few truly good days of his youth.
And in every restless, agonized night since then, he had relived them.
Did you ever love me?
Xia Fengsheng squeezed his eyes shut in pain, tears falling soundlessly down his face.
His pain made no noise.
Shi Ye had been the only light in all those endless years of suffering.
For seven years, Xia Fengsheng had survived by living off those memories, one day after another.
.
The next day, Xia Fengsheng drifted through his way to the studio. When Qin Buming saw the huge black circles under his eyes, he nearly jumped.
“Sheng’er! What happened to you?” Compared to yesterday, it was like he had become a different person.
Qin Buming stared at him in exaggerated alarm. Although Xia Fengsheng had not looked particularly spirited when he left work yesterday either.
Xia Fengsheng casually said, “Didn’t sleep well.”
Then he threw himself into work.
By the time evening came, he barely knew how the day had passed. His mind was blank.
Like a walking corpse, he returned to the apartment, and after a whole day without eating, his stomach began to rumble.
Yesterday, when he was hungry, Shi Ye had still cooked for him.
Today, there was only cold furniture waiting at home.
Oh, right. He had forgotten.
Shi Ye would never come see him again.
Xia Fengsheng laughed at himself. It was a good thing.
When enough time passed, maybe the pain would not feel this sharp anymore.
Half-dead, he walked into the bedroom and pulled back the blankets, intending to use sleep to numb himself.
The blanket lifted—
And the next second, he locked eyes with the person hidden underneath.
Shi Ye: “Woof!”
Xia Fengsheng: ……
