Chapter 58
It was time to put his breakup plan into action.
After tucking his phone away, Shi Ye walked out of the bathroom. Just as he was about to step over the threshold, he lowered his head and stared at it for a few seconds, then switched the right foot he had been about to use for his left.
While Shi Ye had been showering, Xia Fengsheng had already woken up. He sat on the bed with his hair in a mess, slowly booting himself up. Sunlight filtered through the window glass and fell over him, making his snowy skin look translucent and almost holy in the light. He stretched his arms and waist, his long legs still exposed because the room was warm from the heater.
Shi Ye could not help thinking again of what had just happened in bed.
Xia Fengsheng’s smooth, pale toes had brushed his ankle, his upper body had lifted, and those cherry-red lips had kissed him.
He walked to the bedside and, as if possessed, blurted out, “Will there be a good morning kiss in the future too?”
Xia Fengsheng looked at him as if he were looking at a fool. “What good morning kiss?”
His expression was cold, and his words were even colder. “If you’re still half asleep, go back to sleep.”
Shi Ye: ……
Who exactly was the one who was half asleep?!
You were the one who stole my second first kiss just now!
Who knew that now Xia Fengsheng would turn around and deny it, toying with him exactly the way he had back in high school.
After washing up and getting dressed, Xia Fengsheng went downstairs for breakfast. Shi Ye, meanwhile, got a work call at the last minute and would be coming down later.
The inn’s dining room was not large. The moment Xia Fengsheng stepped inside, he saw Qin Buming and Zhan Shengyao already seated together and eating.
The two of them waved when they saw him. Not long after, Zheng Xing arrived too.
A breakfast table for two turned into breakfast for four.
They quickly settled their breakfast cravings.
Zheng Xing took out his phone and mysteriously opened his photo album. “Help me make a decision.”
Zhan Shengyao asked, “What decision?”
Just then, Shi Ye finished dealing with work and came into the dining room with Ding Qizhen.
Qin Buming waved them over to sit together.
Xia Fengsheng was sitting upright in his chair, drinking tea. Shi Ye pulled over a chair, set down his tray, and sat beside him.
Zheng Xing pulled up the photos for everyone to look at.
“This is the first one.”
He swiped to the next. “This is the second one.”
Then—
“This is the third one.”
Three pictures. Three different men.
Zhan Shengyao blinked. “What, did one of them catch your eye?”
Zheng Xing: “…No.” He was straight.
Everyone stared at the three photos on his phone, not understanding what exactly Zheng Xing wanted them to see.
Zheng Xing said, “Help me pick a hairstyle. Which one looks best?”
His hair had grown past his jawline, and recently he had been wanting to change it.
The pictures showed three trendy styles from online: a center-part textured crop, an American-style forward spike, and a sharp buzz cut.
Each hairstyle had its own charm on the model, but good barbers were hard to find.
While everyone was still choosing, Zheng Xing glanced at Shi Ye. “Bro, what’s your hairstyle called?”
Qin Buming and Xia Fengsheng were no use as reference—one loved a side part, the other loved slicking his hair back.
Shi Ye’s hair had just been washed that morning. It had been blow-dried without styling, so it looked natural.
Shi Ye pointed at himself. “Mine?”
Then he said, “You just tell the barber to cut it short.”
Zheng Xing: ……
Sure enough, there was no talking to handsome guys like this.
Most of Shi Ye’s styling was done by himself, so when it came to haircuts, he had no special demands. Normal length was enough.
As the head of the studio, Qin Buming cast the first vote. “I vote for the center-part textured crop.”
If the result was unsatisfying, it could still be styled into something like his current side part.
Zhan Shengyao said, “I vote for that one too.”
Zheng Xing looked to Xia Fengsheng. “Sheng’er, what about you?”
Xia Fengsheng made his grand ruling. “The first two are whatever. Just not the buzz cut.”
At the side, Ding Qizhen kept chewing as he asked, “Brother Xia, you don’t like buzz cuts?”
Xia Fengsheng replied, “No. They look too brutish.”
Given how mature and elegant his own image was, it made sense that he would not like rough, wild-looking styles.
After breakfast, the group returned to Beijing.
After coming back from the temple with their incense, the New Year truly began.
During the holiday, Shi Ye returned with his parents to Number One Mansion, the residence where his grandfather lived.
His parents had gone back first. Shi Ye arrived at the mansion around ten in the morning.
As soon as his sports car drove into the garden, he was asked to get out.
The butler had clearly been waiting for him, and behind him stood a servant holding a western-style serving tray covered with a silver dome.
When the cover was lifted, the butler presented him with a bowl of talisman paper water.
“Young Master.”
An old routine.
Because he was gay, every time he came to his grandfather’s house he had to drink talisman water.
Basically, the talisman paper was burned to ash, mixed into water, and then drunk.
Shi Ye was long used to it. He took the bowl and drained it in one gulp.
The butler stood there and watched him finish.
After drinking it, Shi Ye handed the bowl back and took the handkerchief the servant offered him to wipe his mouth. “This talisman paper isn’t the same as before, is it?”
The butler replied, “No. This time, the old master asked a different master for it.”
Shi Ye said, “That explains it. It doesn’t taste the same as before.”
“……”
The butler was stunned.
So different talisman papers really did have different flavors?
Shi Ye’s maternal grandfather had a rather unusual surname. His name was Bie Yushu.
And Shi Ye’s mother’s name had been chosen by Old Master Bie together with his beloved wife: Bie Yinan. The “Yinan” was a homophone drawn from the phrase meeting is hard, parting is also hard.
In order to turn Shi Ye from gay to straight, Old Master Bie had tried every possible method. Talisman water, herbal medicine, throwing him into the special forces every winter and summer break—each time for years on end—all in an effort to bend his grandson’s orientation back the “right” way.
Seven years had passed. Shi Ye’s parents had long since accepted the fact that he liked men. Only Old Master Bie was still stubbornly persisting.
In his generation, the old man had fought plenty of wars. Who would have thought the hardest battle of his life would come in his later years.
Shi Ye’s mother was the youngest daughter in the family and had always been doted on, and by extension Shi Ye had become the most cherished grandchild in the household. So when the family learned that the beloved grandson was gay, Old Master Bie could not accept it. Fortunately, his constitution was strong enough that he did not collapse from the shock.
After drinking the talisman water, Shi Ye walked into the mansion. Most of the family was already there.
He was one of the last to arrive.
The first person to greet him was his cousin on his uncle’s side, Bie Xingcang.
The Bie family was tall across the board. The men were generally between six foot one and six foot three, and even the shortest of the women was five foot eight.
Bie Xingcang herself was five foot eleven. In eight-centimeter heels, she was the same height as Shi Ye. She easily hooked an arm over his shoulder and asked with a grin, “So, did they make you drink talisman water again when you came today?”
Back when Shi Ye being into men was first exposed, it had shaken the whole family. Several years had passed now, but only Grandfather was still holding onto the grudge and refusing to let it go.
Shi Ye looked as if he had swallowed bitter herbs. “I did.”
Even though he only drank it once or twice a year, and had been doing so for years now, it still tasted awful every time.
Usually, when Shi Ye came to see his grandfather, he would hurry in, greet the old man, drop off whatever he had brought, and bolt immediately, as if a dog were chasing him, just to avoid running into the talisman water.
Bie Xingcang said, “Then when Grandpa asks you later whether you like men or women, what are you going to say?”
Shi Ye had always told the truth. If he lied to his grandfather and said he liked women, the very next day he would be set up on blind dates with wealthy young ladies.
That would only ruin things for those girls.
And he would not be happy either.
No thanks.
Bie Xingcang’s eyes darted, and she said, “I’ve got an idea for you.”
Shi Ye looked at her. “What idea?”
She lowered her voice. “When he asks later, just say you like me. Guaranteed it’ll work. After that, you can like men if you want, like women if you want—whatever.”
When a bad answer is confronted with an even worse answer, people will often accept the first one after all.
Sure enough, after the meal, while Old Master Bie was chatting with the younger generation in the living room, the topic landed on Shi Ye.
“Xiao Ye, these days do you like boys or girls?”
The old master’s tone was very gentle.
He had been sending Shi Ye into the army for years, and he had found no shortage of talisman papers. In all seven of those years, he had never seen Shi Ye date another man again.
Old Master Bie was feeling confident.
And just as expected, Shi Ye said, “Girls now.”
Old Master Bie lit up with joy. “Really?!”
He really likes women now?!
The old man was grinning from ear to ear. It seemed this new master had not been consulted in vain. This talisman paper was much more effective than the old kind.
Shi Ye nodded. “Mm. I like my cousin Bie Xingcang.”
Everyone: ……
For a moment, the entire room fell into a terrifying silence.
The next second, Shi Ye saw the butler bringing something over.
Shi Ye: It’s over. Here comes the second bowl.
Bie Xingcang nearly choked laughing when she saw Shi Ye getting a second bowl of talisman water. She had only thrown that out there casually, and this fool had actually done it.
Hahahahahahahaha. How could he be this dumb? She was dying.
Still giggling, she turned to leave—only for a bowl of talisman water to appear in front of her too.
Bie Xingcang: ……
Under Old Master Bie’s fury, she instantly dropped to her knees and confessed that it had all been her terrible idea.
The old man froze and muttered, “So Xiao Ye still likes boys?”
For one brief second, he had almost accepted his grandson being gay.
Shi Ye did not deny it. “Mm.”
Old Master Bie was in disbelief. “How have you not changed at all?!”
He had thought that after throwing him into the army for years, making him drink talisman water and herbal medicine, Shi Ye would have been “fixed.”
Who would have guessed he was still hopelessly incorrigible?
What was so likable about those hard, bony men that his grandson would love one so desperately?
There had to be something wrong with the family graves. They were going to need to invite an expert.
Faced with his grandfather’s look of disbelief, Shi Ye said, “Haven’t you always said I take after my mom?”
Old Master Bie’s beloved late wife—Shi Ye’s grandmother—had been German, so Shi Ye’s mother Bie Yinan was a striking beauty with mixed features. Though Shi Ye was a generation removed, he had inherited the same good looks and had been adored by everyone since he was little.
When Shi Ye was small, the old master had loved taking him out just to show him off, and he would praise him to anyone and everyone by saying he looked just like his mother. He had been repeating that line for years.
Old Master Bie said, “What does that have to do with anything?”
Shi Ye answered, “My sexual orientation took after her too.”
Old Master Bie: ……
The next thing anyone heard from the Bie mansion was a roar:
“Shi Ye, you never drank the herbal medicine at all!!!!!!”
So, with the New Year barely over, Shi Ye was once again packed up and thrown into the military camp.
Shi Ye, who had thought he might escape that fate this winter: ……
Sure enough. It had still come.
.
This year, two new recruits had just been selected into the special forces. Their physical condition was excellent, their minds were sharp, and their abilities were strong—but the training intensity here was nothing like anything they had experienced before. It was a world apart.
The officers there were barely human. Just two days after arriving, both recruits were already on the edge of collapse, feeling as if they were teetering daily on the line between functionality and total physical breakdown.
The two new recruits had always been proud of their strength. Being chosen to come here had thrilled them so much that they had barely slept for a week.
Who could have known that after just two days, the only thing in their hearts would be the fear of dying here from sheer exhaustion?
One of them had even started wanting to go back to his original unit. He no longer wanted to stay here.
This kind of training simply did not treat them like human beings. The captain was especially terrifying.
The special forces were not a place for people. They did not even need to be sent on missions—just a few days of training was enough for them to self-destruct.
Since the recruits were still under observation and had not been officially accepted yet, they did not stay in the same dorms as the veteran members. Instead, they lived in outside quarters beyond the base.
After lunch break, word came that training was about to begin. The recruits sat in their dorm room drowning in despair, wishing they could just smash their heads into a wall and pass out.
They dragged themselves to the training grounds in low spirits. An older soldier beside them tried to encourage them, saying that after another week or so they would get used to it.
It was normal for them not to keep up physically at first.
The physical demands of the special forces obviously could not be compared to those of ordinary people.
After hearing the older soldier’s reassurance, one recruit steadied himself and lined up with the others—but during formation, he got so nervous at the sight of the captain that he accidentally stepped with the wrong foot, and of course he was caught immediately.
The captain’s hawk-like gaze snapped over.
The recruit’s heart sank. It’s over. I’m dead.
And sure enough, the captain tore into him without mercy.
“What? Can’t even step properly? Or are you trying to be a problem child?”
As leader, the captain almost never smiled at anyone. Only strictness could establish authority, especially among this group of people who all thought they were incredibly tough.
The recruit did not dare say a word.
The captain continued, “There used to be another problem child under me, but he was way tougher than you. At least he never managed to walk wrong and step with the wrong foot like this!”
Shi Ye always stepped in with his left foot first.
And speak of the devil—there he was.
Someone ran over to report, “Captain, Shi Ye’s here!”
The captain: ……
The captain was struck like lightning. Since when did his words work so literally?
He hurriedly regained his composure. “Then bring him over. What are you shouting for?”
The messenger looked troubled. “But…”
The captain’s face darkened. “But what?!”
The man said, “But Shi Ye refuses to cut his hair.”
The captain: ……
.
According to standard rules for entering the unit, all men were required to keep their hair clean, neat, and cropped short.
Every time Shi Ye had been sent here in the past, his hair had been shaved down like everyone else’s.
But this time, no matter what anyone said, he refused.
Shi Ye clutched his hat brim tightly. “My hair is my personal property!”
Before long, the captain himself arrived.
Seeing Shi Ye made his head ache. Excellent stamina, excellent combat ability—when he had first come in years ago, he had been trained until he looked half-dead, and yet he had never once said he could not do it. The captain admired that kind of grit.
But grit was worth nothing if the brat never followed orders.
Not only was Shi Ye refusing to cut his hair, he had even dyed it.
The captain strode over and began unloading on him, cursing him up one side and down the other.
Still, Shi Ye absolutely refused to cut his hair.
“What color is that on your head? If you want to be an orange so badly, go hang yourself from a tree!”
“Is cutting your hair going to kill you? Once it’s cut, it won’t grow back or what?!”
Shi Ye said nothing.
He still did not know how long he was going to be kept here this time. If it was only a day or two, then maybe he would be out soon enough—but what if Xia Fengsheng saw his hair cut like that?
Xia Fengsheng’s preferences were very clear. He liked him clean and bright, not rough and savage-looking. But once he entered the unit, sun, wind, and harsh training environments would be unavoidable. His skin would tan again in no time.
And once he dyed his hair black, he would not be able to dye it back to the current color for a while.
Xia Fengsheng seemed to really like his orange soda-colored hair.
So no matter what, Shi Ye refused to cut it. The stalemate lasted the entire afternoon.
No haircut, no entry into the team.
In the end, Shi Ye was not allowed into the base. Instead, like a recruit still under evaluation, he was put in the outside dormitories.
The dorm conditions were decent—two men to a room.
Shi Ye lay on the hard bed board scrolling through his phone, and then suddenly realized something.
Wait.
His love plan had already succeeded. Xia Fengsheng had fallen for him.
So why was he still refusing to cut his hair just because Xia Fengsheng might not like it?
Shi Ye pulled up their recent chat history. Almost every time, it had been Xia Fengsheng who messaged him first, taking the initiative.
Even though they had not seen each other during the New Year, they had video called, mostly in the mornings after waking up.
That sleepy, husky voice of Xia Fengsheng’s always reminded Shi Ye of the morning in that inn, when the two of them had been lying in bed, caught up in that dizzy, intimate kiss.
Xia Fengsheng liked him, loved him—even went so far as to kiss him first.
This was exactly what Shi Ye had wanted from the start.
As he stared at Xia Fengsheng’s photo on his phone, the light in his peach-blossom eyes darkened.
It was time to break up.
The only reason he had reconciled with him in the first place was so that once Xia Fengsheng fell in love with him, he could dump him and let him taste what it felt like to have his feelings played with.
Shi Ye would never forget that snowy night when he was eighteen.
Xia Fengsheng had left so resolutely. No matter how he begged him to stay, the figure disappearing into the wind and snow never once looked back.
At that time, his family had learned that he was dating a boy. Shi Ye had knelt in front of his grandfather and declared that he would never break up, not even if beaten to death.
He liked Xia Fengsheng.
Even if everyone thought his orientation was abnormal, even if others thought he was mentally ill, even if he and Xia Fengsheng came from completely different worlds and being together was nothing but wishful thinking—he still would not abandon him.
He could not. He could not bear to.
Xia Fengsheng had suffered too much. No one had ever cherished him. Shi Ye could not let go of him, and he could not stop worrying about him.
That boy who had grown up working to support himself, doing exhausting physical labor every day—if even Shi Ye abandoned him, then what was Xia Fengsheng supposed to do?
Xia Fengsheng was not good at expressing himself. People often misunderstood his intentions. He was always being misunderstood, always being picked on.
Shi Ye pitied him, liked him, loved him, so he would never abandon him.
He had thought that if he just endured his family’s pressure for a while longer, things would pass, and then he and Xia Fengsheng could go on seeing each other like before.
But Xia Fengsheng was the one who let go first.
He had said lightly that he no longer liked him and that they should not see each other anymore.
Even the reason for the breakup had been absurd, like a joke, as if what they had shared were no more serious than some clown’s trick.
They had made a promise.
They had promised to stay together forever.
Xia Fengsheng had even said he wanted to marry him.
He had said it himself.
He had said he wanted to marry me.
On a summer morning by the sea, with the sun glittering on the water, he had said it to me.
“Shi Ye, if it were possible…” The boy had stopped halfway through.
“What?” Shi Ye had said, popsicle in his mouth. “Possible what? Why’d you stop?”
The sea breeze had lifted their clothes. The sunlight on the sea looked like the brightness in the boy’s eyes.
Leaning close to his ear, with the waves washing over their feet, Xia Fengsheng had whispered:
“I want to marry you.”
Shi Ye had frozen with the popsicle still between his teeth. “R-right now?”
He had pretended to sound reluctant, though the corners of his mouth were curling higher and higher. “Do you maybe like me a little too much?”
At the time, Xia Fengsheng had smiled at him so openly and sincerely, eyes curved, face still full of youthful softness.
Even now, Shi Ye could still remember it.
That had been the happiest, brightest smile he had ever seen on Xia Fengsheng’s face. He had rarely seen him smile like that.
Shi Ye had really imagined marrying him.
He had even looked up countries where they could legally marry.
And then, out of nowhere, Xia Fengsheng had said he was tired of him, said he did not love him anymore, and ended things in a cliff-drop breakup with no warning at all.
Shi Ye opened their chat window.
His fingers hovered over the breakup message, unable to send it.
If he broke up with Xia Fengsheng, would Xia Fengsheng try to keep him?
Shi Ye started to hesitate.
Xia Fengsheng had already said he loved him. He would definitely try to keep him, right?
What if he cried and begged him not to break up?
At that thought, Shi Ye’s expression gradually turned almost playful.
That was exactly what he wanted.
He wanted Xia Fengsheng to cry.
He wanted Xia Fengsheng to be unable to bear letting him go, to beg him to stay, to be willing to do anything just so they could remain together.
At that point, Xia Fengsheng would have to give him a good morning kiss every single day, just like that morning at the inn.
And he would have to regularly kiss the mole at the corner of Shi Ye’s mouth.
And there was artificial respiration too.
Artificial respiration was still too immature a skill—they needed more practice.
His knuckled fingers began typing on the keyboard, one message after another.
“I’m tired of this. Let’s break up.”
“To be honest, you’re not attractive to me at all.”
“I only got back together with you because I pitied your amnesia. Who knew you’d actually fall in love with me.”
It was already late at night. Xia Fengsheng should have been asleep by now. If there was going to be a reply, it should not come until tomorrow.
Looking at the last two lines, Shi Ye suddenly wondered whether he had gone too far.
Only a few seconds had passed since he sent them. He should still be able to withdraw them.
But before he could—
A reply came instantly from Xia Fengsheng:
“Okay.”
Shi Ye: O.O
His body reacted faster than his brain. His hands moved before he could think.
Shi Ye typed back: “Did you misread the message?”
What he had sent was a breakup.
Xia Fengsheng replied: “No. Weren’t you saying we should break up?”
Then another message:
“Okay. Break up.”
Shi Ye’s handsome face froze, his eyes shaking with panic as he stared at the cold little breakup reply on the screen.
Xia Fengsheng did not try to keep him.
Xia Fengsheng did not love him at all.
At the thought of this, Shi Ye’s entire heart shook as if caught in an earthquake. It felt exactly like that snowy breakup night seven years ago, and a huge wave of unease swallowed him whole.
He did not want to separate from Xia Fengsheng.
He did not want to break up with him.
That thought instantly took over his entire mind.
Frantically, he grabbed his phone and started sending messages.
“I lost a truth-or-dare game just now and had to send that stuff to the person pinned at the top.”
“Did you see that? I wasn’t really breaking up with you.”
“Did your phone die? Why aren’t you replying?”
Ten minutes passed, and still there was no answer.
Shi Ye sent another message: “I stepped through the door with my left foot today.”
He was so nervous it felt like the day of college entrance exam results all over again, his heart pounding in total chaos.
And yet the only response he got was the cold red exclamation mark of being blocked.
Shi Ye: O.O
Shi Ye: O.O.
Shi Ye: O?O.
Shi Ye: O?O??????
On the other side, after a full day of training, one of the recruits trudged back to the dorm in despair, even more determined to run away.
This place was not meant for humans.
Anyone who could survive here was clearly not human.
The captain had cursed him into emotional shutdown today. He was genuinely questioning his whole life.
An older soldier walked beside him, trying to comfort him.
“It’s okay. Don’t take the captain’s words to heart. This is nothing. Today some problem child from before came back. The captain chewed him out for an entire afternoon, and he didn’t take it to heart at all. He’s resting in the dorm right now.”
Then the older soldier added, “Oh, right. He’s your roommate. You should learn from him.”
But the moment the recruit pushed open the dorm door, what he saw was Shi Ye with tears streaming unstoppably down his face.
The recruit: ……
The recruit shouted, “Help! The captain cursed someone into crying!”
