A Little Monster With A Wife Is Amazing – CH43

Chapter 43: What Do I Do If My Wife Asks to See My Butt…

Huh? Where did his wife go?

Jian Tang limped his way around the apartment but found no sign of him. Instead, he noticed that the plates from his breakfast leftovers this morning were still sitting on the dining table.

How strange.

If he hadn’t just spoken to his wife on the phone, he would have assumed that his wife had also left the house right after he did this morning and hadn’t been back since, leaving him no time to clear the table.

After putting the empty plates into the dishwasher, Jian Tang slowly shuffled back to his bedroom, changed into his loungewear, and collapsed face-down onto his soft little bed.

Phew— finally comfortable.

Careful not to shift his butt, he lay flat on the bed and sent a message to his wife.

[Wife, where did you go? I’m already home. No overtime today.]

After thinking about it, he appended another message.

[I’m so sorry, wife, but I’m feeling a bit under the weather. I probably won’t be able to go out with you tomorrow. Once I’m better, let’s go visit the flower market together, okay?]

Having sent the messages, Jian Tang felt as though he had forgotten something. He racked his brains for a moment, then suddenly slapped his pillow.

[!! Oh right! Wife, remember to get your car back from your colleague! That guy with the last name Sui is not a good person. You have to watch out for him!]

After sending that last text, Jian Tang waited for a while. Seeing no reply from his wife, he listlessly buried his face into the pillow.

He was exhausted and wanted to sleep.

Today’s events had been far too tumultuous. He had been scared out of his wits several times and had even faced a life-and-death crisis. It had completely drained his energy.

The youth’s eyes slowly closed, and gradually, he drifted off to sleep.

—

Jian Tang had a dream.

The images in the dream were blurry and hazy, as if coated in a layer of warm, soft light. He couldn’t see clearly, but he felt that his surroundings were incredibly comfortable and cozy.

The sunshine fell warm upon his body. Jian Tang dozed off with half-closed eyes, feeling lazy and wonderfully comfortable.

Suddenly, the tinkling chime of a wind chime echoed, and someone pushed the door open to enter.

Footsteps approached from afar, finally coming to a halt right in front of Jian Tang.

It was a tall figure. In fact, everything in this place seemed exceptionally tall, while Jian Tang was tiny, like a little tot who had accidentally wandered into a “Kingdom of Giants,” curling his body up as he nestled inside a small flowerpot.

Jian Tang widened his eyes, trying to see the person’s face clearly, but the other party’s features were a complete blur.

He could only feel—the other party extending a finger, gently stroking his little rabbit ears.

The movement was incredibly light and gentle, like stroking a soft feather.

[Mom, it looks like it’s come back to life.]

The voice carried a trace of childish crispness; it seemed to belong to a little child.

Another figure walked over. This one was clearly an adult, and her voice was as pleasant and melodious as a clear spring.

[Yes, it was left outside in the dead of winter, and its roots were half-rotten. To think it could actually be saved—what a resilient baby.]

Hearing such a gentle female voice, for some reason, Jian Tang actually felt a bit like crying.

It was as if… as if buried deep within his memories lay some sorrowful recollections regarding this person.

[Mom, is it a baby?]

[Yes, look at its little ears. Baby Monilaria are always tiny like this, and their ears are short too.]

Jian Tang felt his ears being stroked by the child once more. He wanted to give a response, but his short ears were stiff and rigid, thoroughly inflexible, leaving him unable to greet the other party.

Wuu, why was he so weak? He couldn’t even move a muscle.

[…Thank you for your hard work,] he heard the child murmur.

[Get well soon.]

I got well a long time ago! Jian Tang wanted to tell him loudly.

I’m doing great right now! Although it was indeed a bit hard before, I’ve already fulfilled my destined mission and obtained my fated wife. I’m living a very, very wonderful life now!

[Xiao Xun, have you thought of a name for it?] the woman asked.

Jian Tang heard the child ponder for a moment, then speak.

[Let’s just call it Tang Baby.]

The woman burst out laughing.

[You truly are your father’s son. How do the two of you share the exact same thought process when naming things?]

[Hmm? Did Dad name it too?]

[Your father said that its ears are covered in a layer of white crystals, looking like delicious frosting sugar, so there should be a “Tang” in its name.]

Suddenly, another voice cut in. It was a deep, magnetic male voice, carrying a thick ring of laughter.

[It’s a little sugar treasure that you picked up. Why don’t we just call it “Jian Tang” (Picked-up Candy)?]

The little boy thought about it, speaking with absolute gravity.

[When it grows up, it can be called that name. But right now it’s very small, so let’s call it Tang Baby first.]

The two adults exchanged a glance, laughing in unison.

[Dad, Mom, what are you laughing at?]

[We’re just happy,] the man said.

[Yes, we have two adorable babies in our household now,] the woman said with a smile.

The little boy reacted quickly.

[I am not a baby. I’m going to be an elementary school student next month!]

[Right, right.] The two adults laughed again.

[Our Xiao Xun is already an impressive little man.]

The family chatted and laughed. Jian Tang could sense a relaxed, joyful atmosphere—warmer than the sunshine and gentler than a clear spring—enveloping him and nourishing him. He felt so safe, so happy.

Is this… what a home feels like?

He strained his eyes, wanting to see more clearly, wanting to know who these “family members” were, but… he could never see through the blur.

The voices gradually faded away.

Later, the figures slowly vanished as well.

Time flew by, the sun and moon rotated, and day and night continuously alternated outside the window. That layer of warm, soft light enveloping him gradually faded its bright luster, turning cold, desolate, and dark.

Jian Tang never again heard the woman’s gentle voice, the child’s young voice, or the man’s laughing voice.

From a distant place, intermittent sounds of panicked screams, sorrowful weeping, and furious roars drifted over. Later, there was the omnipresent sound of warfare.

Jian Tang stayed all alone in the flowerpot, unable to see clearly and unable to move, feeling incredibly anxious and unsettled.

An unknown length of time passed. In his daze, he once again heard the long-lost chime of the wind chime. Someone stepped into this long-abandoned flower shop.

The person’s footsteps were steady, finally coming to a halt right in front of Jian Tang.

[To think… you’re still alive.]

A hand gently brushed over his little rabbit ears.

[What a resilient child.]

The person’s hand was freezing cold, as if their heart had been frozen to ice; yet his movements were so gentle, like stroking a soft feather.

It was that child!

Jian Tang lifted his head happily. This time, he saw the other party’s appearance clearly.

A Shinigami mask was staring down at him coldly.

Jian Tang: “Ahhhhhhh!!!”

Jian Tang let out a shriek as his eyes snapped open, thoroughly jolted awake by the terror.

His forehead was drenched in cold sweat, his breathing rapid, and his heart pounding like a drum.

The moment he woke up, the memories of the dream dissolved like ice and snow under a blazing sun, melting away. Only that final image—because it was far too startling and horrific—left a profound impression on Jian Tang, making it completely impossible to forget.

H-How could I dream of the Bloody Butcher?

Trembling, Jian Tang rolled his face-down body over, suspecting that he had a nightmare because he was sleeping with pressure on his chest.

So scary, so scary, it really was too terrifying!

He couldn’t help but think back to the thrilling moment when he shed his tail to save his life—back then, he had also caught a face-to-face look with the Bloody Butcher completely out of nowhere at such close proximity, taking a massive jumpscare point-blank.

Wuu, he felt like his butt was starting to hurt again.

Suddenly, the sound of the apartment door unlocking echoed. Someone pushed the door open and stepped inside.

“W-Who is it!”

Being startled into a state of paranoia was likely exactly like this—Jian Tang completely forgot that this apartment had another owner, his mind filled with horrific notions, terrified that the Bloody Butcher was tracking him relentlessly and had broken into his home to seize him.

“It’s me.”

Jian Tang instantly returned from horrific hell to joyful paradise, wild with joy: “Wife!”

Thank goodness, thank goodness. It wasn’t the terrifying Bloody Butcher; it was his dear wife!

Feng Xun didn’t even have time to change his shoes. After entering, he went straight to Jian Tang’s bedroom.

“Little Tang, how is your body?”

He had spent time discussing the details of their partnership with the three Realm Lords inside that alternate space. After reaching a consensus, they signed a system agreement that neither side could breach, officially launching their collaboration.

Having resolved this matter, Feng Xun released the Soul-Anchoring Chains, letting the three Realm Lords’ avatars depart on their own, while he returned to the performance hall in the reality plane.

He didn’t manifest his form directly inside the hall, but rather activated a ghost-like state, floating in the air to observe the situation on scene.

The Bureau’s clean-up operation was entering its final stages. Feng Xun didn’t spot Jian Tang, and the three big clients he served were also missing. It was hard to tell if they had departed on their own or had been taken away by the Bureau’s personnel.

Feng Xun found an empty corner, reverted to his physical form to check his phone, and discovered that Jian Tang had sent him three messages two hours ago.

Learning that the other party had returned home safely, Feng Xun breathed a sigh of relief; but seeing Jian Tang mention that he was feeling under the weather, his heart was squeezed tight again.

Had some issue occurred during the spatial teleportation?
Or had the Bureau’s handling of the clean-up been too crude, leaving behind some sort of aftereffects?

Ordinary humans were truly far too fragile.
He should have personally escorted the boy home back then.

Jian Tang was startled to see his wife rush in like a whirlwind, hurriedly saying, “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m already feeling much better! It’s just… uh, an upset stomach. I probably caught a cold while playing in the water.”

He didn’t dare say his butt hurt. What if his wife demanded to see his butt!

Before returning, Jian Tang had already checked his reflection through the full-length mirror in the shower area. Lacking his true monster tail, a prominent blue birthmark had appeared right at his tailbone after he changed into human form. The color was deeply dark and covered a massive area, spreading almost to his waist, resembling a bruise from being severely beaten—utterly hideous.

He didn’t want his wife to see such an ugly thing. When he came home to change into loungewear today, he had intentionally selected a long-sleeved shirt and long pants, wrapping his butt and waist airtight so his wife could absolutely never see what lay inside.

“Is that so?” Feng Xun sat down by the edge of the bed, inspecting the youth with absolute care. “Your complexion looks a bit off.”

This kind of complexion didn’t resemble the pallor of an upset stomach, but rather the paleness of being severely startled.

He frequently saw the latter and was highly familiar with it, because people with this kind of complexion… uh, were usually terrified by him.

“M-Maybe I’m just too tired.” Jian Tang exerted his maximum effort to maintain his composure, trying to deflect the topic. “Wife, where did you go? I thought you were at home the whole time.”

“The house felt stuffy, so I went out for a stroll,” Feng Xun replied calmly, smoothly fishing for intelligence without magnifying his voice. “What about you? Why did you return so suddenly? No need to continue keeping your clients company?”

“They grew tired from playing, so the gathering broke up early,” Jian Tang rolled out the excuse he had prepared long ago. “I didn’t need to keep them company, and since my body felt a bit under the weather, I requested time off from my boss and came straight back.”

“What was the last activity you played?” Feng Xun asked.

This question was genuinely abrupt. Although Jian Tang found it strange, he still spoke the truth: “I soaked in the hot spring pool for a bit… hehe, it was actually quite comfortable.”

A wave of clarity hit Feng Xun’s heart.

It looked like the Bureau’s clean-up work had been highly thorough, already wiping away Jian Tang’s memories regarding the chaos inside the performance hall.

Therefore, the other party probably didn’t remember that he had appeared before him in the form of a “task-taker” either.

This was excellent.
An ordinary human should possess ordinary memories. The less they knew about eerie things outside their scope of cognition, the better.

“Oh right, wife,” Jian Tang suddenly remembered. “Did you contact that colleague with the last name Sui? Did he return the car to you?”

Feng Xun: “…”

Anxious over Jian Tang’s condition, he had used a system item to return. That silver SUV of his household was still parked in the underground garage of the water park.

“No,” Feng Xun said. “He told me to go fetch it from the parking lot myself when I have time.”

“What?” Jian Tang was once again astounded by “Mr. Sui’s” shamelessness—borrowing someone else’s car with such thick skin, yet failing to take the initiative to return it after finishing with it, even making the victim make a trip to retrieve the car himself??

“How can he be like this!!”

Jian Tang sat up straight in pure fury, only to let out an “Ouch!” and collapse right back down, his face turning deathly pale.

“Little Tang!” Feng Xun was startled. “What’s wrong?”

…It hit my butt, it hurts so bad.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jian Tang forced a hollow smile, discreetly shifting his butt away. “I just stood up too fast, haha…”

“Is it truly just an upset stomach?” Feng Xun felt a bit suspicious. “No issues anywhere else?”

“Uh…” An idea hit Jian Tang’s brain. “My muscles are also a bit sore. I swam way too hard today. I’ll be fine after resting for a few days.”

He couldn’t stay in bed forever. If he limped when walking after getting out of bed, it would serve as an explanation. The date plan he had agreed upon with his wife for tomorrow… uh, might highly likely fall through…

“Wife, I’m acronym-level hungry.” Afraid the other man would keep pressing, Jian Tang played the pity card. “Diarrhea has left me completely drained. I haven’t eaten a single thing since earlier, I’m starving.”

Sure enough, his good wife immediately stood up. “Alright, I’ll go make some porridge for you.”

Before heading into the kitchen to start the cooking, Feng Xun brought over a heated salt pack to help warm Jian Tang’s stomach. He also brewed a mug of hot brown sugar ginger tea for the boy to soothe his gut.

Jian Tang was deeply touched. “Wife, thank you!”

Amidst the warmth, he also felt a bit guilty. After all… his stomach was actually perfectly fine.

Feng Xun gave the youth’s head an affectionate pat and turned to go into the kitchen.

Listening to the rhythmic, reassuring clatter of chopping vegetables coming from the kitchen, Jian Tang lay back comfortably on his soft bed. He took a sip of the sweet, warm brown sugar ginger tea and glanced at the bright sunshine, blue sky, and white clouds outside the window. At this moment, a profound sense of contentment and bliss washed over him.

Ah—this is what a beautiful, happy life is supposed to feel like!

Happily, he brought up the system interface to check if his leave request had been approved by his boss.

The moment the chat interface loaded, he was hit with a wall of furious messages from his boss, completely filling the screen.

[Jian Tang!! You piece of garbage, who gave you permission to skip work without authorization!!]

[And weaving such a pathetic, trashy excuse! It makes absolutely zero sense! Utter garbage!! How could the Bloody Butcher suddenly show up out of nowhere? Even if he did, how could you just happen to run into him? And even if you did run into him, are the three Realm Lords just decorative push-overs???]

[Besides, even if the Bloody Butcher really did come, so what?! Are we supposed to stop eating and drinking and just wait to die?! Let me tell you, even if the sky falls, the earth splits, and the Bloody Butcher beats down our front door, you will still come back and keep working!!]

This message was from an hour ago.

Jian Tang broke into a cold sweat. Trembling, he scrolled down the screen, finding that everything below was just a continuous output of his boss’s rage. The man had left a message every ten minutes, demanding he return to work.

The turning point occurred half an hour ago.

[The Realm Lords have returned.]

Right after that, Boss Octopus’s tone shifted drastically. He stopped spamming furious rants and stopped roaring commands for Jian Tang to return to work. It was as if he had suddenly learned how to speak like a civilized being.

[Three days of leave granted.]

[This will be counted as a workplace injury. You are granted a worker’s comp bonus of 1,000 points.]

Before Jian Tang could even feel overwhelmed by the unexpected favor, he saw the final message at the very bottom of the chat.

[Rest up well at home. Once your leave is over, I have a very, very, very important new assignment to hand over to you.]

Jian Tang: “?”

[What new assignment?]

Boss Octopus happened to be online and replied almost instantly.

[We’ll discuss it face-to-face when you return.]

No matter how subtly Jian Tang tried to pry or fish for clues after that, the other party refused to drop another syllable, keeping it entirely shrouded in mystery.

…What kind of job could it be?

Jian Tang closed the system panel in puzzlement, unable to figure it out.

But as long as it wasn’t forcing him to leave with the evil god Heramis, everything was fine. According to Boss Octopus, the three Realm Lords didn’t even stay until midnight. Shortly after returning to Weiwu Town, they departed from this plane entirely.

Combining this with the fact that his boss completely avoided mentioning his “fabricated excuse” for leave, Jian Tang made a highly logical deduction—the three Realm Lords must have been beaten into absolute pulp by the Bloody Butcher.

Because they were in such a tragic state, they desperately needed to return to their home dungeons to heal. Once his boss took one look at the Realm Lords’ miserable condition, he immediately realized Jian Tang hadn’t been lying. To be able to fight a three-on-one and thrash three Realm Lords so hard they couldn’t even maintain a shred of basic dignity—in the entire eerie world, only the Bloody Butcher was capable of such a feat.

That guy truly was terrifying beyond measure… He was a literal demon!

He quickly took another gulp of the warm tea his wife had poured to calm his racing heart.

Jian Tang chugged the brown sugar ginger tea until he was practically burping, right as his wife stepped out of the kitchen.

“The porridge is on the stove, but it needs to simmer for fifteen minutes. Can you hold out until then?”

“Yes, easily!”

The tea had already filled him up; he wasn’t hungry at all right now.

“Wife, you should rest a bit too. Thank you for your hard work.”

The man gave an “mm,” walked out of the bedroom, and returned carrying a small wooden crate filled to the brim with various bottles and jars.

Jian Tang: “?”

Feng Xun set the small wooden crate by the youth’s bedside. Jian Tang picked up a small bottle from inside to inspect it. It was a bottle of lavender-scented massage oil.

“…”

He suddenly felt a very ominous premonition.

“Didn’t you say your muscles were sore?”

Feng Xun pulled over a cushioned stool and sat down by Jian Tang’s bedside. He rolled up his sleeves and began to rub his palms together.

“Lift up your shirt. Wherever it’s sore, I’ll help you rub it out.”

Jian Tang’s pupils contracted. Reflexively, he grabbed onto his waistband with absolute force.

“No, no, no! I’m not taking off my pants!”

Feng Xun: “?”

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