A Little Monster With A Wife Is Amazing – CH29

Chapter 29: “Wife, do you want to eat first, or…”

Jian Tang had just bolted out of the coffee shop when someone waiting right outside grabbed him by the collar.

The person hoisted him up like a little chick, carried him over to a sports car parked by the curb, and tossed him inside.

Jian Tang tumbled in, completely dizzy. By the time he managed to sit up straight, the man had already slipped into the driver’s seat, slammed on the gas, and zoomed away from the street.

“Lord Fila?” Jian Tang’s eyes widened. “Y-You… weren’t you leaving? Wait, where did this car come from?”

They had just walked here; they hadn’t driven at all.

Fila whistled leisurely. “Stole it.”

Jian Tang: “!!!”

Amused by the boy’s shocked expression, the man burst into laughter. “I’m kidding. I called someone to drive it over.”

The original owner of this body was the young master of a nouveau riche family, complete with a dedicated driver on standby 24/7. He had just made a quick call, and the driver brought the car over.

“Why the sudden urge to drive?” Jian Tang was confused. The other party had explicitly said he didn’t want to take a car, which was why they had walked in the first place.

“Driving is faster.” Fila cast a half-smiling glance at the boy. “Saves us from having some blind human interrupting us again.”

Jian Tang stayed quiet.

He could tell Fila was taking a jab at Feng Xun. After all, the cake-feeding incident had made Fila lose a lot of face. At a time like this, it was better for him not to mention Feng Xun again…

“Huh?” Looking at the street scenery retreating rapidly outside the window, Jian Tang suddenly realized something was wrong.

“This road… we aren’t going to meet Lord A’nie and the others, are we?”

“Of course not.” Fila turned on the cruise control. Having already mastered the car’s smart system, he had set the navigation destination to a bar on North Street.

“Let’s go play somewhere else.”

“??? Didn’t you say we were going to rendezvous with Lord A’nie and the others?”

“Did I?” Fila raised his eyebrows in surprise, his tone utterly certain. “Never happened. You misheard.”

“??”

Just as Jian Tang began to doubt whether he was hallucinating, the wicked demon instantly changed his expression and smiled slyly.

“Yup, I said it. I was just kidding around. I can’t be bored to go find them.”

Jian Tang: “…”

Because he had rushed out so hurriedly to give chase, he had failed to notice certain details. Now, they flashed through his mind like a movie playing at high speed, and Jian Tang’s expression grew increasingly ugly.

“Y-You knew for sure that I’d come chasing after you. You deliberately caused a rift between us… to make Mr. Feng angry?!”

Fila whistled again, smiling with sheer delight. “Whoa, you guys had a fight? And he got mad? Really mad? Man, if I’d known, I would have stuck around to watch the show.”

“…”

Jian Tang was absolutely furious.

This was exactly why he hated working with demons. One careless moment and you’d fall right into their traps. These devils just loved toying with people’s hearts!

He quickly pulled out his phone, wanting to send an apology message to Feng Xun, but before he could even open his contacts, the person next to him easily snatched the phone away.

“Give it back!!”

Jian Tang panicked and tried to snatch it back, but Fila simply stuck his arm out the window.

Pinched only by a single corner, the phone dangled precariously from the man’s grip, looking as though it could plummet to the ground at any second and shatter into a million pieces on the highway.

Jian Tang instantly froze, not daring to move. He could only glare at the Nightmare Duke, seething with anger but too afraid to speak.

“Little Jellybean, let me give you a piece of advice.”

Fila leisurely stuffed the phone into his own pocket, then pulled out a green candy tin, pinched a mint, and tossed it into his mouth.

“Don’t get too close to humans,” he said, using his fingers to pry the boy’s mouth open and popping a mint inside as well. “It does you no good.”

Forced to eat the candy the man had shoved into his mouth, Jian Tang recognized it as a premium snack from the eerie world. A single piece cost several hundred points. It was probably the other party’s way of compensating him.

But Jian Tang didn’t want to accept this kind of compensation at all. He didn’t even like the taste of this mint; it was so spicy it practically brought tears to his eyes.

“…Feng Xun is different.” The boy pouted, his voice thick with a crying edge.

“He’s a very good human.”

And a very good wife.

Even though just now… when the other party was angry, it had made him feel terrified and cowardly, wanting nothing more than to run away—setting aside pure instinct and looking at it purely from logic and emotion, Jian Tang felt that Feng Xun would definitely not hurt him.

Even if he was a scary wife, he was still his wife.

If he couldn’t even trust his own wife, if he had to stay guarded and afraid to approach, then who else in this world was worth believing in and relying on?

Fila was silent for a moment before letting out a scoff.

“You’re only naturally biased toward humans because you were once kept as a pet by them,” he said disdainfully. “But it’s better not to have these rose-tinted glasses. When those glasses shatter in the future, you’ll be the one crying.”

“Am not.” Jian Tang’s mentality was a bit broken right now, and in a fit of recklessness, he actually dared to talk back. “You’re mistaken. I’ve never been kept by humans.”

The Nightmare Duke snorted a laugh. “Not even before you entered the eerie world?”

Jian Tang froze.

“I heard from Gale that you’re a Remnant,” Fila said. “And a Remnant who has completely forgotten everything about their original world.”

“How can you be so sure that the original world you lived in was a world of monsters, or… a world of humans?”

The boy opened his mouth, but for a long time, he couldn’t speak a single word.

For most of the rest of the day, Jian Tang’s mood remained terribly low.

He couldn’t get his phone back, couldn’t contact his wife, and Fila wouldn’t let him ditch work either. Jian Tang was forced to stay by the Nightmare Duke’s side, miserably continuing his role as a little lackey at the bar.

In the afternoon, Heramis and A’nie, having grown bored of playing escape rooms, finally arrived. The moment they saw Jian Tang, both of them frowned.

“What’s going on here?”

Heramis sized up the boy’s dim, lackluster face. In the two days they had been traveling together, this was the first time she had seen him wear such a pitiful expression.

“Your doing?” A’nie looked at the man sitting nearby drinking a cocktail.

“Seems like it,” Fila said.

The tattooed older woman immediately raised her leg and gave the blond man a vicious kick.

“How old are you!” Heramis glared at him in contempt. “An ancestral-level Realm Lord, bullying a little F-rank munchkin. Do you have any shame, you old fossil?”

“I didn’t bully him!” Fila rolled over, dodging Heramis’s second kick. “He got dumped by his little lover and is taking it too hard.”

“He’s not my lover!”

In Jian Tang’s jumbled mess of human common sense, “lover” equated to “host boy.” Either way, it didn’t sound like a good word. He immediately cleared his wife’s name. “He… he is a very important family member to me.”

Fila added a voiceover: “A human family member.”

Heramis and A’nie both looked at Jian Tang in surprise. “You took a human sugar daddy?”

“…”

“If you’re lacking a daddy, we can all be your daddies.” Heramis pointed at the little brat version of A’nie. “Here, this one can even be your godson.”

A’nie: “…Piss off.”

Jian Tang twitched his lips, finally revealing his first hint of a smile since leaving the coffee shop.

“Thank you, Lord Heramis.” He could tell the other party was trying to comfort him.

The tattooed older woman raised her eyebrows.

Jian Tang quickly corrected himself: “…Thank you, Mrs. Wang.”

Heramis looked satisfied and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“Good boy.”

Fila looked at Jian Tang, whose mood had improved, and then glanced at the evil god’s loving gaze, raising an eyebrow strangely.

“Hey, don’t tell me you’re planning to…”

Don’t tell me you’re trying to poach him from me? I had my eye on this little jellybean first.

Unfortunately, before he could say it, Heramis kicked him straight onto the dance floor.

“Go play over there!”

Not long after, A’nie also left the booth, heading to the beverage area to get some sweet water.

Free from the interruption of third wheels, Heramis sat down next to Jian Tang with her legs spread wide like a boss, and smiled at him.

“Little munchkin, what do you think of me?”

“?”

Unsure of the intent behind her sudden question, Jian Tang answered cautiously, “You are very nice.”

This wasn’t entirely flattery. Among the three Realm Lords, Jian Tang genuinely favored Heramis more, because she was also a Remnant—

Rumor had it that before Heramis’s original plane perished, she had been a human saintess. Later, during the world-ending war, she became an evil god monster. Because she was no longer purely human, she was categorized as a monster upon entering the eerie world.

“I think you’re quite nice too,” Heramis said generously. “I’m very fond of you. You look a lot like my first love.”

Jian Tang almost spat out the lemonade he had just taken a sip of.

“…Is, is that so.”

Completely clueless on how to respond to this topic, Jian Tang blinked nervously, like a startled little rabbit.

Heramis leaned her face closer, her eyes full of appreciation.

“Exactly, that exact expression. You look just like him.” She suddenly sighed, her voice tinged with a bit of sorrow. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I actually kind of miss it.”

So she kind of wanted to take this high-quality replica of her first love back with her. Even if she just kept him around to look at, it would be pleasing to the eye.

Completely unaware of the big shot’s dangerous thoughts, Jian Tang asked carefully, “Did you guys… not end up together in the end?”

“How could that be?” Heramis smiled proudly. “We loved each other, so of course we ended up together. So close that we became inseparable.”

“?”

If they ended up together, why did she say it had been a long time since she’d seen him?

“I really love him… I love his flavor.” Heramis licked her lips and affectionately patted her stomach. “Right now, he’s somewhere inside my stomach… oh, or maybe he’s migrated to my appendix, keeping my other 326 exes company. They should be getting along quite well.”

Jian Tang: “…………”

Yanking the boy—who had been stealthily scooting his butt away—back to her side, Heramis gave a hearty laugh and threw a straight fastball.

“Little munchkin, I think you’d make a perfect 328th lover for me. Why don’t you give it some thought?”

Ahhhhh, help me!!

“Th-Thank you for thinking so highly of me, My Lord.” Jian Tang’s heart was screaming in furious refusal, his smile looking worse than a crying face. “B-But I already have a wife, so I’m afraid it’s not very convenient.”

“That’s okay, I don’t mind.” Heramis smiled with sweet understanding, though the warmth didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m more than happy to have you bring your little family to join my big family. Are you really not going to consider it?”

“…………”

In the end, Jian Tang still couldn’t bring himself to outright reject the offer. Employing the excuse of “P-Please let me think about it first,” he managed to buy himself two days of consideration (probation) time.

Wuwuwu, how can something like this happen… Jian Tang thought in deep grief.

This was a completely unprovoked disaster. Was this the so-called “unspoken rules of the workplace”?

At this moment, he deeply missed his little home, and his human wife.

He really wanted to hurry home. He really wanted to hurry and see his dear wife…

Even though his wife was terrifying when angry, compared to these absolute psychos surrounding him, his terrifying wife was the only normal person!

—

The afternoon passed quickly.

The time for separation—which left Jian Tang jumping for joy and the three Realm Lords complaining bitterly—finally arrived.

Just like yesterday, the three Realm Lords chose to stay at a nearby luxury hotel, putting their temporarily snatched human bodies into a deep sleep. Once they were fully recharged the next day, the bodies would continue to serve as their mobile vessels.

During this time, Jian Tang could clock out and go home normally, while the Realm Lords’ avatars would return to Monster Town to continue being entertained by the various bosses and the mayor below.

Before parting ways, Jian Tang finally managed to get his phone back from Fila. The moment he got his hands on it, he dialed Feng Xun’s number.

No one answered.

He hurriedly sent a message, explaining how the Nightmare Duke (Mr. Pei) had deliberately caused trouble that afternoon. He wrote three long, sweeping pages, followed by a full two pages of earnest apologies, sending them all together.

No response.

Even after Jian Tang returned to Apartment 404, the contact labeled [Wife] still hadn’t sent a single reply.

Although he was mentally prepared for this outcome, at this moment, Jian Tang’s mood still plummeted straight to rock bottom.

He was doomed.

His wife was really angry.

He was completely ignoring him now!

Several news headlines flashed through his mind all at once: “Couple Fights, Wife Leaves Home in Anger and Meets with an Accident on the Way.” Jian Tang felt thoroughly unwell.

Like a bone stuck in his throat, he couldn’t sit or stand still. He wanted to go to his wife’s workplace to find him, but realized he had absolutely no idea where the university he worked at was located. He could only pace around the apartment like a cat on a hot tin roof.

After calming down a little, Jian Tang checked the shoe cabinet by the door, then opened his wife’s bedroom door. He didn’t dare enter, merely peering in from the doorway for a while.

Thank goodness, thank goodness. There were no signs of packed luggage. His wife probably hadn’t run away from home yet.

Maybe, maybe he was just too busy at work, or doing sudden overtime, so he didn’t have time to check his phone and couldn’t come home on time… Once his wife finished his work, he would definitely still come home.

Yeah, he definitely would! …Right?

Jian Tang looked around the desolate and chilly interior of the apartment, his gaze finally landing on the kitchen.

An apology couldn’t just be spoken; it had to be shown through action.

In the past, it was always his wife who virtuously prepared dinner. Today… it was time for him to exercise his agency as the head of the household.

After this thought popped up, Jian Tang’s panicked heart finally settled a bit.

No matter what, doing something was better than doing nothing. Rather than draining himself with anxiety, it was better to cook a lavish dinner and use delicious food to win back his wife’s heart.

How did that human saying go again? —”To capture a wife’s heart, first capture their stomach!”

Jian Tang nodded to himself, marching proudly and valiantly into the kitchen. Rolling up his sleeves, he prepared to go all out!

The first step to going all out—

Connect to the human internet and search for a beginner’s tutorial on “Learning to Cook from Scratch.”

—

Feng Xun was very busy this afternoon.

In the morning, everyone had been idle, but in the afternoon, the higher-ups suddenly notified them to receive a corpse. It wasn’t someone who died of old age, but a victim of a car crash.

The deceased’s head was smashed beyond recognition, and the body was severely mangled. But because they had signed a body donation agreement before passing away, the family still sent the remains over—they hoped the specimen department could pick through the remaining body parts to see if anything was usable. If so, it would help fulfill the deceased’s dying wish of contributing to the medical field.

When the body bag was unzipped, several newbies couldn’t hold back and ran outside to vomit their guts out. The only two veterans in the department also dry-heaved a few times, at a loss for where to start with this bloody hodgepodge.

In the end, this task was completed by Feng Xun alone.

Standing at the anatomy table, the man’s expression didn’t change. His knife work was as sharp and practiced as ever. His demeanor was even more cold and ruthless than usual, giving people the brief illusion: This man had been butchering fish—ah no, slaughtering humans for ten years.

His heart was colder than the knife used for butchering.

By the time he stepped away from the anatomy table, it was already 7:00 PM.

His colleagues gathered around, marveling at “Expert Feng’s” exceptional professional skills. But while their mouths spoke of admiration, their gazes toward Feng Xun held a trace of horror and fear.

Feng Xun pretended not to notice. Maintaining his usual expression, he changed back into his regular clothes, greeted everyone, and clocked out.

With the changing seasons, the days were growing longer. At 7:00 PM, the sky hadn’t completely darkened yet.

Feng Xun pulled out his phone as he walked, discovering several missed calls and unread texts.

—From [Jian Tang].

He glanced at the timestamps of the calls and messages. The earliest record was from an hour ago.

Which meant, the other party hadn’t thought of him for an entire afternoon. It was only after getting off work and sending off the clients that he finally remembered: Oh, I still have a ‘wife’.

“…”

With a sharp crack, a corner of the phone was crushed. The screen flickered twice before going completely black, permanently ruined.

Feng Xun: “…………”

With a dark expression, he shoved the busted phone back into his pocket. He hadn’t taken more than a few steps before the system’s blue panel popped up in front of his eyes.

This time it wasn’t a call request, but a notification that his inbox had received an urgent email from a special contact.

Sender — [He Mengxing]

Thinking of what the other party had mentioned yesterday regarding the mutations in the Evil Seeds and the dungeon bosses—at the time, He Mengxing had said he would conduct a follow-up investigation and contact him if there were any major discoveries. Could it be… he found a crucial clue?

Feng Xun’s expression grew a bit heavier. He quickly opened his inbox and saw the email He Mengxing had sent—

The first thing to greet his eyes was a brightly colored photo. The background was a vibrant field of red roses, and the foreground featured two hands pressed together, forming a “finger heart.”

Below was the body of He Mengxing’s email:

[Surprise! Unexpected, right?! Brother Hui and Little Pa went on a mission to Plane D2394, and halfway through, they quietly made it official! Everyone’s going crazy!]

[Hahaha, to think that deadly rivals could become a couple! Sending this photo to share the good luck! You should hurry up too, I’m still waiting to drink your wedding wine!]

Feng Xun: “………………”

Feng Xun: [Show off your love, die fast. Tell them to be careful next time they enter a dungeon.]

Unexpectedly, the other side happened to be online and immediately sent a new email, treating the inbox like a chat box.

He Mengxing: [???]

He Mengxing: [Did you swallow gunpowder? On such a joyous occasion, speaking so unluckily. Watch out, Brother Hui and the others might chase you across dimensions to kill you.]

He Mengxing: [Ah, let me guess… don’t tell me you got dumped by the sister-in-law, so you’re in a bad mood and can’t stand seeing other people show off their affection? It can’t be, can it?]

He Mengxing: [If you don’t know how to woo a wife, go get some tips from Brother Hui. He’s in a good mood right now and will definitely be happy to teach you. Don’t be shy about it, what you need to learn, you gotta learn. Live and learn, right?]

Feng Xun: “…………”

Blocked.

Swatting away the system light screen with a single slap, the man, face dark, continued walking out of the school gates.

—

Forty minutes later, Feng Xun walked into the Xingfu Yuan residential area.

Lights lit up in every household. As he passed below a certain building, he could hear the sound of stir-frying and the playful shouts of children, full of the cozy, down-to-earth atmosphere of ordinary families.

The window of Apartment 404 in Building 44 was also lit.

Feng Xun glanced up at it. After withdrawing his gaze, his complexion was finally no longer as terrifying as before.

But it wasn’t much better, either.

He didn’t take the elevator, taking the stairs directly, as if deliberately prolonging the journey home; yet his footsteps up the stairs were incredibly fast, as if wishing he could instantly stand at his front door.

—It was just extremely contradictory.

One minute later, the contradictory Mr. Feng arrived at the door of Apartment 404.

He stood quietly outside for a full minute before reaching out to press his fingerprint and unlock the door.

After pushing the door open, Feng Xun immediately frowned.

Why was there such a strong burning smell, and a charred odor?

Did the kitchen explode?

He looked toward the kitchen but couldn’t see any obvious problems. From the corner of his eye, he suddenly caught a figure scrambling up from the living room sofa.

Jian Tang had been sitting in the living room waiting for him, and ended up dozing off. He woke up with a start upon hearing the sound of the door opening.

“Wife, you’re back?”

He hurriedly jumped off the sofa and ran to the door to greet him.

Feng Xun avoided the boy’s gaze. Eyes lowered, he entered, closed the door, took off his coat, hung it up, and changed his shoes at the entryway.

Seeing the man’s expression dark and terrifying, and his attitude icy cold, Jian Tang’s heart immediately became a bundle of nerves.

“Wife.” He paused, trying hard to muster his courage, and asked in a very small voice.

“Do… do you want to shower first, eat, or, eat me?”

A certain someone bending over to change his shoes swayed, nearly throwing his back out.

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