Chapter 16: Buying anything is fine, but you just had to buy a wife
A certain “timid little fellow” was currently in the monster factory, continuing the grand cleaning in full swing with his colleagues.
After a day and a night of fierce struggle, the trash factory now had a completely new look; all that remained was to strive for perfection. Everyone was busy scrubbing the hard-to-reach corners while chatting away about the latest gossip.
“Good news, good news! I heard that serial killer has been gunned down, and the Investigation Bureau has withdrawn the arrest warrant. We don’t have to be on edge when going to the surface anymore.”
“Wow, that’s great!” Several little monster flowers swayed happily. “Finally, we can go up and sun ourselves!”
“Sigh, was that killer a human or one of our own?”
“Not sure,” said the monster sharing the intel, scratching its head with a claw. “None of the monsters in our town are missing. Even if it was one of our kind, it was probably from the next town over.”
“Oh, that’s possible. Monsters in other towns aren’t as well-behaved as we are; there are definitely troublemakers who can’t sit still and run out to cause chaos.”
Just as they were discussing it back and forth, a few little spiders swung down on their silk threads.
“Big news! Big news!” As the factory’s gossip squad, the little spiders were the heavyweights of the grapevine; wherever they went, a field of ears hungry for gossip popped up.
“The Big Boss went out to fight yesterday!”
“I heard a factory in the next town over found out a big shot was coming our way, so they secretly sent scouts to try and steal our orders!”
“The Big Boss was furious! He went to warn them three times, and ended up getting beaten!”
“And beaten pretty badly at that!”
“The Big Boss left a harsh threat, saying this isn’t over! He’s going to unleash the ‘Heavenly Punishment’! And retaliate fiercely!”
“The highest level, viciously, retaliate!”
The monsters were all stunned.
Once they digested the news, every monster turned their heads in unison toward Jian Tang, who was busy picking at the floor seams with a tiny handkerchief.
Jian Tang: “…”
Families, who understands this pain? I’m eating gossip about myself!
“Tang,” Little Zombie sighed, patting his friend’s shoulder. “It’s your turn to go out again.”
“Tang,” Little Mushroom patted his friend’s leg with a mycelium strand. “Run fast this time; whatever you do, don’t get caught in the act.”
“Tang,” all the monsters gave Jian Tang a look of reverent awe. “Betting on the honor of our factory! Retaliate fiercely! Use the Heavenly Punishment to crush them to death!”
Jian Tang: “…”
As everyone knew, Jian Tang had a nickname in the factory called “Heavenly Punishment Tang,” because every time the Big Boss finished ranting, “I’m going to unleash the Heavenly Punishment!”, he would end up finding Jian Tang to carry out said “Heavenly Punishment.”
So, Heavenly Punishment = Open the gate and release Jian Tang. No problem there.
Sure enough, not long after they started work in the afternoon, the Hundred-Eyed Spider Matriarch hanging from the ceiling dropped a strand of silk, tapped Jian Tang on the shoulder, and wrote a sentence in front of him.
[Go to the Big Boss’s office. He’s looking for you.]
Jian Tang set down his little rag, feeling immensely reluctant, and went to the Big Boss’s office on the second floor under the watchful eyes of all the monsters.
—
Nobody likes being assigned new work outside their job description, and Jian Tang was no exception. But when one has to live under someone else’s roof, one has to lower their head. By the time he reached the office door, he had already adjusted his mood and obediently knocked on the door.
A muffled voice came from inside. “Enter.”
Jian Tang pushed the door open and saw the gargantuan creature coiled on the massive desk at a glance.
A blob… oh no, a large, fat octopus with dozens of slick tentacles. The little spiders were right—the Big Boss had indeed been beaten pretty badly. Although he was desperately trying to maintain his dignity—wearing a tiny, bright purple top hat and having his visible tentacles draped in dazzling gold and jewels, the image of a flashy nouveau riche—Jian Tang’s sharp eyes still spotted:
The Big Boss had lost a few tentacles, and quite a few suction cups had been ripped off the remaining ones, which looked very painful.
“Big Boss,” Jian Tang pretended not to see the boss’s miserable state, his attitude very respectful. “What did you need me for?”
“Those pieces of shit from Jingba Town!” the fat octopus roared in anger. “Despicable scum! Shameless thieves! They have no ability to pull in big clients, so they come to steal! To cheat! To play dirty! A bunch of shit!”
Jian Tang expertly ducked into a corner, watching the Big Boss roar while slamming his large tentacles against the floor with a thud-thud sound, making the entire office shake. Screams and gasps of surprise rose from downstairs—it must have been because a lot of dust had been shaken loose by the vibrations, giving everyone more work.
Lighting a candle for my colleagues forced to do another round of cleaning. jpg
The fat octopus vented his rage, grumpily adjusted his crooked top hat, and rolled his two bulging, round eyes toward the youth in the corner.
Jian Tang took a step forward. While it looked like he was fawningly agreeing, he was actually just going through the motions, playing the “straight man” to the Big Boss’s act: “Exactly, those bastards from Jingba Town—we definitely have to show them a thing or two!”
To Jian Tang’s surprise, the Big Boss didn’t immediately mention the “Heavenly Punishment.” Those sharp, dark-brown octopus eyes scanned the boy and asked out of the blue.
“I heard you’ve been going to the surface quite frequently lately?”
Jian Tang paused, then nodded in admission. “Yes, Boss.”
“What for?”
“I bought a house and settled down on the surface,” Jian Tang said.
The Big Boss’s octopus eyes widened, his tone instantly spiking: “Shit, you actually went and bought a human wife too?!”
“…Mm.”
When Jian Tang was applying for his System loan, the factory needed to provide a credit reference for the employee. At that time, the Big Boss had questioned him thoroughly about what the loan was for, and Jian Tang had told the truth. He hid it from his friends because he was afraid they’d worry; he told the boss the truth to reassure him that he wasn’t just too resentful from too much overtime and planning to buy a nuke to blow up the factory.
“Stupid! Shit!” The Big Boss was clearly very dissatisfied, shouting loudly, “You’re crazy! To dare to settle your home on human turf! If the people from the Investigation Bureau raid your nest, don’t count on me to go and bail you out!”
“I’ll be careful,” Jian Tang offered a polite smile. “Thank you for your concern, Boss.”
“Shit, who’s concerned about you!”
The fat octopus grumbled, muttering things like “What’s so good about a wife,” “Buying anything is fine, but you just had to buy a wife,” “So much money gone to waste,” and “Being single is the best.”
Jian Tang was impervious, turning a deaf ear: The octopus is chanting, I’m not listening.
Just then, a knock sounded at the door.
“Who is it!” the fat octopus roared impatiently.
“It’s me,” a soft, sultry female voice came from outside. “Boss Gale, are you busy?”
The fat octopus coiled on the desk slipped, nearly falling off.
“Busy, busy… ah no, no, no, not busy, not busy!”
The octopus scrambled off the table, shoving his broken tentacles under the desk to hide them. The other dozen-plus tentacles began working efficiently—some busy tidying up his appearance, some taking precious tea sets out of the display cabinet, some starting to boil water for tea…
It was dizzyingly busy, and Jian Tang couldn’t even get a hand in to help.
Once everything was handled with lightning speed, the fat octopus sat upright behind the desk and spoke to the person outside the door in an operatic tone.
“I have been waiting for you, the beautiful Ms. Sally. Please, come in!”
Jian Tang, who had witnessed the entire process of his boss instantly turning into a sycophant, thought: “…………”
Didn’t you just say “What’s so good about a wife”?
Aren’t you also really desperate for a wife yourself? =?=
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