Chapter 49
In the darkness, everything was blurred and indistinct. Qi Wang stared at the ceiling. Outside the window, a car passed by, leaving behind a streak of bright light that vanished in an instant.
At his ear came the soft rustling of fabric. Without even turning his head, he could feel Lin Huaixi’s scent and body heat drawing closer and closer. A few seconds later, a fluffy head came to rest on his shoulder.
The two of them were already fully grown teenage boys, yet they were squeezed onto a one-point-two-meter bed. Qi Wang was pressed tightly against the edge, and between him and Lin Huaixi there was only a thin quilt. If he moved his fingers even a little, he could break through that faint, almost nonexistent barrier and gently lay his hand over the back of Lin Huaixi’s.
The early summer night was even more stiflingly hot. Qi Wang shut his eyes hard, trying to drive the images in his mind away, but in the end he failed, and the breath spilling from his nose grew even hotter.
Lin Huaixi noticed none of the changes in him. He nudged even closer, his eyes bright and sparkling as he looked at Qi Wang, his presence impossible to ignore.
Qi Wang had no choice but to ask in a low voice, “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”
Afraid of waking Grandma, Lin Huaixi barely dared make a sound. The breath he exhaled brushed lightly over Qi Wang’s ear and jaw like a feather, then slipped down along the line of his neck.
“Did I wake you just now? Sorry.” Lin Huaixi paused, then continued, “Thanks for turning off the light for me.”
Qi Wang did not know whether to laugh or cry. He had no idea which sentence he should answer first.
“It’s fine. I’ve always been a light sleeper. It was just a reflex.” Feeling that Lin Huaixi was still looking at him, Qi Wang thought for a moment before adding, “You don’t have to be like this in the future. After graduation, Grandma and Auntie won’t be keeping such a close eye on you anymore. Sleep well at night, build up your energy, and then you can play all day.”
Lin Huaixi knew that perfectly well, but he still muttered in a small voice, “I just couldn’t help it. The game was too fun.”
Games all had a certain addictive quality, or parents everywhere would not have treated them like the enemy.
Still, Lin Huaixi had always been sensible, and this was only a brief spell of obsession brought on by the sense of accomplishment. In a few days, he would be able to shake himself free of the game’s grip.
Qi Wang calmly analyzed the situation and gave his conclusion.
Lin Huaixi was getting sleepy just listening to him. He yawned, rubbed twice against Qi Wang’s shoulder as he found a comfortable angle, and asked, “Are you going to play with me tomorrow?”
Qi Wang lay on the soft bed, but his body was stretched taut. Even his fingertips were nearly cramping, but at this moment he could not spare any attention for that. He fought desperately to keep his heartbeat under control, terrified that in the stillness of the room Lin Huaixi might hear the truth in it.
But to Lin Huaixi, this was only an utterly ordinary night.
In his own room, on his own little bed, lying beside him was someone he had grown up with from childhood, someone as familiar as a real brother. He was completely relaxed, and his breathing gradually lengthened. It took him only three seconds to go from awake to heavily drowsy, and his thoughts grew slower and hazier, but he was still hanging on to Qi Wang’s answer and forced his eyes open to look at him.
“You still haven’t answered me…” Lin Huaixi’s voice was usually bright and clear, but now, thick with sleepiness, it turned soft and blurred, almost like he was acting spoiled.
Three seconds later, he finally heard Qi Wang’s strangely hoarse reply. “Okay.”
Satisfied at last, Lin Huaixi relaxed.
Just as his consciousness was about to be dragged away into the sea of muddled dreams to wander off with the Duke of Zhou, something in his mind suddenly twanged. Lin Huaixi’s eyes flew open, and every trace of sleepiness vanished at once.
“Qi Wang, when you turned off the light just now, you were so handsome I almost had a crush on you!”
When Qi Wang heard those last few words, he could not believe his ears. He mentally tore them apart and put them back together again. That brain of his, the one everyone recognized as brilliant, took a full thirty seconds to process the literal meaning.
Before this, he had never once imagined he would hear those words from Lin Huaixi’s mouth.
It lit a hidden spark of hope. Very slowly, Qi Wang turned his head, closing the distance between them once again until their noses were nearly touching and their breaths mingled together.
Lin Huaixi’s eyes were so bright in the dark, as if they had been washed in water, dimming all the stars in the sky.
He was so straightforward and open, only finding the matter novel and wanting to share it with him, or perhaps simply using those words to emphasize that sentence about him being “so handsome,” expressing sincere praise.
Qi Wang had always loved Lin Huaixi’s eyes. They were clear and pure, and every time Lin Huaixi looked at him, Qi Wang felt a kind of indescribable satisfaction. But gradually selfishness had begun to grow inside him—he wanted to drown in that gaze, wanted those eyes to take on a different kind of color because of him.
Qi Wang was keenly aware of just how ugly and greedy this made him. He wanted too much, and one wrong move could cost him everything.
He had been suppressing it with all his strength, but Lin Huaixi’s unwitting bluntness had just cracked open the seal he had placed over himself.
Lin Huaixi only saw Qi Wang as a good friend and had not thought too deeply about any of this. After saying that, he fell asleep without the slightest burden on his heart, not even changing position, still pressed tightly against Qi Wang.
And so, on an early summer night, just after Qi Wang had turned eighteen,
the person he loved most lay defenseless at his side in such an intimate pose, while the sentence “I almost had a crush on you” circled endlessly in his heart. The fantasy of it was sweet enough to make him ache, but the pain of reality dragged at him mercilessly. Tangled between the two, tormented by both, Qi Wang stayed wide awake until dawn.
…
Lin Huaixi had gone to bed too late and did not wake until the sun was already high. Wrapped in the quilt, he rolled around on the bed twice, feeling so comfortable that he had no desire to get up.
Qi Wang walked over carrying a cup of warm water. “You slept so long. Aren’t you thirsty?”
Lin Huaixi smiled until his eyes narrowed and said in a tone full of heartfelt emotion, “Qi Wang, you understand me so well. If we ever get separated in the future, how am I supposed to survive?”
This kind of unintentional straight-line attack from Lin Huaixi was always the most torturous. Qi Wang’s hand holding the cup paused. He had only just managed to steady himself again, but this one sentence nearly dragged him straight back into last night’s sleepless torment.
He looked deeply at Lin Huaixi. He could not bring himself to blame the culprit who had stirred his entire heart into chaos, so in the end he only lowered his eyes slightly and pressed all those thoughts back down again.
Lin Huaixi lay on his stomach, barely propping himself up enough to drink half the cup of water. He was so lazy that he almost seemed ready to stretch out just his face and let Qi Wang feed him.
Qi Wang saw that there was still a wet sheen on Lin Huaixi’s lips even after he had lain back down. There was no sign of sleepiness in his eyes now—he simply wanted to keep lazing in bed.
Qi Wang could only coax him. “Weren’t you saying you wanted to play games with me? Are you not getting up?”
At the word “games,” Lin Huaixi practically sprang off the bed. Barefoot, he dashed straight for the door.
Qi Wang could only hurry after him, place his shoes outside the bathroom door, then gently knock on it. “After your shower, come eat first. Grandma put the buns she saved for you in the steamer, so I’ll heat them up for you. Do you want soy milk or black sesame paste?”
Lin Huaixi thought for a moment and gave a third answer. “Rabbit cake.”
Qi Wang: “…”
Helpless, he wanted to rub at his forehead, but his tone remained full of indulgence. “All right, then it’s settled. I’ll get you one rabbit cake and also make you a bowl of sesame paste.”
Only then was Lin Huaixi satisfied. His mouth was sweet as honey when he answered, “I knew it—Qi Wang, you’re the best to me!”
Those words were not something he said only to Qi Wang. Lin Huaixi had said similar things to Grandma and Auntie many times before. It was simply his way of expressing affection to the people close to him. Qi Wang understood that perfectly well, but even knowing that, something in his heart was still plucked. He stood outside the bathroom door for three seconds before finally managing to gather himself again.
By the time he set the buns on the table, Lin Huaixi had already come out of the bathroom wrapped in steam and dampness.
He had always been careless about this sort of thing. He had not properly dried the water off himself at all and was wearing only a loose T-shirt. The thin, soft fabric was soaked through and clung to him, faintly showing the warm color of skin underneath.
Lin Huaixi noticed nothing. The moment he sat down, he opened his mouth and bit into a bun.
Grandma had made the buns by hand. They were stuffed with pagoda tree blossoms and pork.
The blossoms had a special fragrance and the faintest trace of sweetness. Wrapped together with salty meat filling, they made an unexpectedly wonderful combination with a very distinctive taste. Lin Huaixi had loved them since he was little. Knowing he would be coming back during the summer vacation, Grandma had specially frozen fresh blossoms in the spring. That way, no matter what time of year it was, she could still make them for him.
Lin Huaixi had never once eaten this flavor anywhere else. He had missed it terribly. As he chewed, he squinted his eyes in bliss.
His urge to share bubbled over. Just as he was about to remark to Qi Wang how good it was, he suddenly noticed Qi Wang’s expression.
In all his memories, he had never seen Qi Wang like this.
Qi Wang’s head was turned slightly to the side, his eyes dark and heavy as he stared straight at him. Lin Huaixi found it hard to put that look into words. All it did was awaken some instinct for danger inside him, along with that natural radar between members of the same sex—one filled with hormone-charged aggression and invasion.
But it was far too faint. Lin Huaixi had not yet awakened in that sense, so he did not dwell on it. Instead, he only looked down at himself in confusion.
And that truly did make him spot the problem.
He was too careless and informal, while Qi Wang had a neat-freak streak and obsessive tendencies. His clothes were all crooked, and he had not even dried the water off his body. Qi Wang must be finding it uncomfortable to look at.
Lin Huaixi pressed his lips together, then smiled ingratiatingly at him. “I won’t be like this next time. I was just too hungry, so I rushed out before I could wait.”
Qi Wang looked at him in silence for a few seconds, then finally nodded.
His attitude showed not the slightest trace of disgust or annoyance, but Qi Wang had always been so gentle and considerate toward Lin Huaixi that even the smallest difference stood out clearly.
Qi Wang went into the kitchen to tidy up, and Lin Huaixi’s gaze followed him the whole way. After finishing his food, he trailed after him like a little tail, constantly making his presence known.
Lin Huaixi’s manner was clingy and sticky, but the way he expressed feelings was always frank and direct, like a sweet little candy bean, wrapping him tightly in sugar in a way that left not a single gap.
At first, Qi Wang could still endure it, but after enough time passed, even if he were some invincible ninja turtle, Lin Huaixi would still hammer cracks into his iron walls.
There was no way to avoid him, so in the end Qi Wang could only turn his head toward him with helpless indulgence. “Why are you still here? Aren’t you going to play your game?”
Lin Huaixi automatically ignored the second half of that sentence and stared right into Qi Wang’s eyes. “Are you angry?”
Their thoughts were completely headed in opposite directions. Qi Wang blanked for two seconds. “I’m not angry. Do I look angry?”
Lin Huaixi did not believe him. Tight-lipped and serious-faced, he leaned forward, cupped Qi Wang’s face in both hands, and refused to let him move or look away, examining him in this way to see whether or not he was lying.
Qi Wang was instantly short-circuited. He froze stiff where he stood, his eyes blank, still holding the plate he had just washed clean. His long fingers curved slightly, the knuckles sharp and prominent, while droplets of water slid down the veins raised on the back of his hand.
Lin Huaixi, meanwhile, had something else entirely on his mind. Seeing how cooperatively Qi Wang let him inspect him, he gave a satisfied little hmph, stepped back again, and naturally took the plate from his hands.
“All right, I believe you now that you’re not angry. Then don’t keep avoiding me in the future, or I’ll misunderstand.”
Lin Huaixi’s mind jumped from one thing to another at lightning speed. He set the plate on the rack and immediately remembered what Qi Wang had just said. His eyes lit up with excitement. “There’s a two-player fighting game that looks super fun… But where did I put the disc? I’m going back to look for it first. Hurry up and finish cleaning. Come find me in one minute!”
Without another glance back, Lin Huaixi ran straight out, his heart and mind already full of the game disc.
Qi Wang stared blankly after his retreating back. He had not heard a single word Lin Huaixi had just said. All he could hear was his own heartbeat pounding against his eardrums like war drums, one beat after another, leaving half his body numb and tingling.
Only after another half minute did Qi Wang seem to wake from a dream. He no longer cared about his neat-freak tendencies. With wet hands, he pinched the bridge of his nose, then swept the hair from his forehead back behind his head.
All at once, he felt an intense nostalgia for their school days. Back then, study pressure had been crushing, and he and Lin Huaixi could only steal a few words together when time allowed.
Now there was nothing left between them to keep them apart. If he and Lin Huaixi went on spending every moment this intimately close, he really would not be able to take it much longer.
