Chapter 29
When Lin Huaixi first said it, he sounded full of confidence, almost praising himself straight into the sky. But after finishing, he suddenly became embarrassed, pressed his lips together, and looked at Qi Wang carefully, afraid he might react badly.
Only after seeing Qi Wang smile did he finally relax.
“My favorite one, the one that can make me happy and stay by my side every moment.” Repeating Lin Huaixi’s words, Qi Wang looked at him with deep meaning. “It really is the best gift.”
With every word Qi Wang spoke, Lin Huaixi’s face turned a little redder. By the end, even his ears were so red they looked ready to drip blood. “Y-you stop saying it.”
“Didn’t you say it yourself?” Qi Wang looked quietly at Lin Huaixi, without the slightest trace of teasing.
Lin Huaixi felt his mouth go dry and instinctively licked his lips. In a small voice, he muttered, “I can say it, but you can’t repeat it.”
What he got in return was Qi Wang’s laughter.
At first, Qi Wang only curved his lips into a faint smile, but soon the movement in his shoulders grew stronger and stronger. He had to press his lips tightly together just to hold the laughter back.
Lin Huaixi looked at Qi Wang blankly, completely confused at being laughed at, but he still felt that Qi Wang seemed to have cast off some kind of burden, as if his whole person had come back to life.
Lin Huaixi foolishly lifted the corners of his own mouth too and started laughing along with him.
Qi Wang laughed until the corners of his eyes turned damp, then raised his gaze to look at Lin Huaixi and tugged him down to sit on the steps.
Lin Huaixi wanted to sit by the window with him instead, so he stayed where he was and silently protested.
The two of them were obviously the same age, yet Qi Wang always carried a kind of older-brother-like care. He only gave Lin Huaixi a light look, not too strong, not too weak, and Lin Huaixi held out for just one second before losing his resolve and obediently sitting down beside him.
Noticing how much Lin Huaixi had sweated, Qi Wang worried the wind would make him catch cold, so he took off his shirt and draped it over Lin Huaixi’s shoulders.
Lin Huaixi turned his head to look at Qi Wang’s profile, which was full of unspoken worries. He said nothing, only sat there quietly keeping him company.
They were only a short distance from the window, but their view was blocked, and all they could see was one patch of cloud at the edge of the sky.
One day, when they were grown, they would surely see a broader world. But for now, they were still confined here, able only to look with envy at those free, floating clouds, so light and graceful.
Time passed without their noticing. After who knew how long, Qi Wang suddenly spoke. “Xixi, let me tell you a story. There was a little boy who lived in a very large house. He had more toys than he could count, and it seemed like as long as he wanted something, he could get the very best. People seemed to envy him, and they seemed to like him too.”
“At first the little boy was very happy. He thought it was because he was lovable. But later, he found out that wasn’t the case at all.”
“The little boy tried hard to lift his head and look, and only then did he realize that whenever those grown-ups praised him, their eyes were actually only on his father. If his father smiled, the adults would smile too. But no one cared whether he himself smiled or whether he was happy. The little boy didn’t know that he was only a tool for currying favor. No one cared about him. They only cared about his father—or rather, the power of his family.”
“The little boy had basically been born with a golden spoon in his mouth. He should have been satisfied. But what he wanted was only to stay with his father and mother every day. Something so vague and impossible like that… don’t you think he was very stupid?”
Lin Huaixi’s pupils trembled slightly. He no longer felt that Qi Wang was telling him a story at all. It felt like he was talking about himself.
Qi Wang had never shown such vulnerability in front of him before. A sharp ache rose in Lin Huaixi’s chest, overflowing with a tenderness so painful it seemed capable of melting his heart. He anxiously opened his mouth, wanting to comfort Qi Wang, but no sound came out.
At a moment like this, words felt pale and powerless, more like some meaningless perfunctory response than anything else.
Qi Wang’s gaze went unfocused. He had always built high walls around his heart, but now he had finally found an opening through which everything could pour out, and he simply kept talking. “There were a lot of people in that house. The little boy thought he had many playmates, but everyone was always busy with all kinds of things, so in the end he could only go look for his mother.”
It was as though Qi Wang were struggling against some kind of pain. He put his hands around his own head. “Only later did the little boy find out that his mother’s condition had become so serious because of him. Because of him, she didn’t take her medicine or accept treatment, and that’s why she turned into what she is now.”
“That’s not your… that’s not that little boy’s fault.” Lin Huaixi frowned tightly and, in the middle of that hot summer day, reached out and hugged Qi Wang. “Only grown-ups have the ability to take responsibility for themselves. A little boy can’t make those choices. It has nothing to do with him.”
Even so, as the product of a mistake, Qi Wang could never escape that curse for the rest of his life.
Lin Huaixi suddenly felt that this would not do. His expression turned very serious, and he forcibly pulled Qi Wang out of that state of self-protection.
Qi Wang rarely saw Lin Huaixi be so forceful. Turning his head, he looked at him in a daze.
Lin Huaixi cupped Qi Wang’s face hard enough to make a light smacking sound.
“Qi Wang, look at me.”
The distance between them was very close now. Qi Wang could feel Lin Huaixi’s breathing and could see each individual eyelash of his, as well as the way his lips were pressed together.
“I can’t say anything especially philosophical, but do you think the little boy’s father would feel the same kind of guilt and pain the little boy feels?” Lin Huaixi’s tone was extremely stern.
There was no such thing as a perfect person. If one looked at anyone with the harshest standards, flaws could always be found. And the good people who had flaws would blame themselves, would reflect, and their kindness and conscience could even become weapons others used to attack them.
But what about those evil people who did nothing but harm? Their logic for themselves was always complete. The one at fault was never them, but the whole world. They could hurt anyone as they pleased to achieve their goals and protect their own interests. In the end, all the good things seemed to go to the bad people, while the good people suffered so much. Lin Huaixi felt that the world should not be like this.
Qi Wang’s eyelashes trembled twice, and the expression on his face turned blank and a little dazed. The prematurely mature and steady facade fell away, revealing the soft part of him underneath.
That scar looked healed on the surface, but underneath it was still raw and bleeding. Qi Wang did not know what to do with it, so he could only bury it deeper and deeper, until now it had become the knot at the center of everything.
Looking at Qi Wang, Lin Huaixi suddenly felt that he was still that awkward little boy from kindergarten, the one who only knew how to use a bad temper to hide his fragility.
Qi Wang had developed earlier than him, grown taller than him, and his features had become sharper and more defined. Usually, he was always taking care of Lin Huaixi in every detail, like some much older brother. But right in this moment, Lin Huaixi felt that on a deeper level, he himself was the older one, the one who could protect and support Qi Wang.
“Stop getting tangled up in the little boy and his mother. They loved each other very, very much. If they were given one more chance, they would definitely choose the ending that was better for the other person. But what about the little boy’s father? He only cared about himself. He never once thought about the responsibility he should have taken. Even if you gave him one more chance—no, even if you gave him a thousand or ten thousand chances—he would still choose to hurt his wife and child!”
Then Lin Huaixi softened his tone and coaxed him with a smile. “So now let’s talk about that big bad guy, the little boy’s father, okay? Let me scold him properly!”
Qi Wang just stared at Lin Huaixi quietly, so still that he forgot to breathe. It was only when that suffocating pressure built up in his chest that he finally drew in a deep breath.
He suddenly became aware of the muggy summer heat, of the dampness hanging in the air, sticky and clinging. He could hear birds calling at different heights and distances, mixed with the endless irritating noise of cicadas. Sunlight fell on his skin with a faint burning ache… Summer was not really all that pleasant, and yet he loved it.
Qi Wang felt as though he had come back to life. He had returned to this human world where Lin Huaixi existed.
Comfort had never worked on Qi Wang, because that nightmare could drag him back into the abyss anytime, anywhere, tormenting him forever. So instead, Lin Huaixi chose to shatter the nightmare with his own hands and bring Qi Wang back to his side.
They were still not grown yet, and there were only so many things they could do. Qi Wang still had to face that muddy, rotten home he had been born into, and it was impossible for things to end beautifully like in a fairy tale.
But time was always moving forward. As long as one did not stay frozen in place, there would always be countless possibilities. No matter how hard it was, there would definitely be some way to reach the other shore.
Suddenly, Qi Wang felt that for him, this really had become only a story now, something he could talk about in an easier tone. “All right. Then I’ll tell you about the little boy’s father.”
“…”
Qi Wang said a great deal. The pain he had hidden for so long became a secret that could finally be laid out under the sunlight. With every word he spoke, the burden on his shoulders grew a little lighter. Meanwhile, the more Lin Huaixi listened, the angrier and angrier he became, until he turned into a tiny puffed-up ball of fury.
Especially when he heard that “the little boy waited all night and his father never came. He fell off the chair and hit his forehead badly enough to bruise, and then he was taken away from that house,” Lin Huaixi leapt straight to his feet and punched at the air in rage. “Schools hold exams every month, and every class has little quizzes, but when it comes to something as huge as being a parent, there’s no exam at all. A bad student like that doesn’t deserve to be a father!”
Lin Huaixi had voiced exactly what was in his heart. Qi Wang was not angry at all. Instead, he even smiled and comforted him. “It’s okay. The little boy doesn’t need that father anymore either.”
But Lin Huaixi was still rolling his eyes furiously, his cheeks all puffed out. He felt like a balloon on the verge of exploding and wanted nothing more than to burst all over that scumbag father’s face.
Lin Huaixi had been raised very well, yet now he rather rudely stuck up a middle finger. “If I ever run into him again, then just wait. Besides martial arts, I’ve also been learning taekwondo. I’m taking the exam soon too. If we meet again someday, hmph hmph!”
Lin Huaixi had mostly lost the last traces of his baby fat, but his face was still very cute, like a soft, squishy little rabbit. Under his sleeves, though, he could already squeeze out muscle definition, and his combat ability was off the charts. He could knock out one scumbag father with each punch.
Seeing Lin Huaixi flex his biceps again, Qi Wang cooperatively went through the motions, reaching out to touch them and nodding several times in approval.
Lin Huaixi turned to look at Qi Wang. Alongside the restored calm, there was now even more heartache in him.
Besides the three scumbag suitors from the book, there was now also this scumbag father. Qi Wang was so good, so why was it that people always wanted to bully him?
But it didn’t matter. Lin Huaixi’s martial arts were not for nothing. Even if all of them showed up together, he could still take on all four at once and beat them so badly they would never dare come near Qi Wang again!!
That thought had taken root in Lin Huaixi’s heart from the very first time they met, and now he blurted it out without thinking. “Qi Wang, I’ll protect you!”
The smile on Qi Wang’s face deepened a little. “It’s getting late. Let’s go home.”
Worried that Grandma might be concerned, Lin Huaixi naturally grabbed Qi Wang by the wrist and pulled him along.
Feeling that warmth he had always longed for, Qi Wang sensed the seed that had been planted in his heart long ago grow a little taller under that constant nourishment. Sooner or later, it would flower and bear fruit and completely claim his whole heart.
The two of them walked out from the old tower. Looking at the quiet surroundings around them, Lin Huaixi said, “I really do know you best. Whenever something happens, you always like running off to the old tower and sitting by the window. You always say it’s dangerous and never let me get too close, but then you’re the one sitting there. What can you even see from up there…”
Lin Huaixi kept mumbling on and on as he lectured him, but Qi Wang found it all unexpectedly pleasant to hear. Lifting his gaze, he looked at Lin Huaixi’s back, the light falling behind him.
Whether it was the sticky rice dumpling he had been as a child, or the unripe youth he was now, Lin Huaixi had never been as tall as him, nor were his shoulders ever broader. And yet Qi Wang had always looked up to him.
It had never been him taking care of Lin Huaixi. It was Lin Huaixi who had been taking care of him all along, and Lin Huaixi who had always been protecting him. To Qi Wang, Lin Huaixi was the savior in a young boy’s story, the existence that gathered within itself the only light in a dark world.
Lin Huaixi knew nothing of the changes in Qi Wang’s emotions. He turned around and looked at him, chin tipped up, looking full of youthful confidence and spirit. “But don’t worry. No matter where you hide, I’ll always be able to find you!”
Qi Wang’s soul was seized. He stared fixedly at Lin Huaixi and engraved that scene forever into the bottom of his heart.
The sunlight was good. The wind was good too. No matter when he thought back on it later, he would not be able to help curving his lips into a smile.
“It’s not that you found me.”
Meeting Lin Huaixi’s puzzled gaze, Qi Wang lengthened his stride to catch up until the two boys stood side by side.
“It’s that you’ve always been by my side.”
