Chapter 48
Fu Jingqiu froze.
Jiang Qingyu’s words left no room for ambiguity. They were completely direct. Fu Jingqiu did not even need to consider whether there was any other meaning behind them; every answer had already been laid out plainly.
But why?
Jiang Qingyu could not see Fu Jingqiu’s expression clearly. He only felt the hand gripping his wrist slowly loosen, so he took the opportunity to pull his hand back, then used his other hand to hold the place Fu Jingqiu had touched.
In the quiet environment, that tiny rustling movement sounded especially clear.
Some branch outside had probably become unable to bear the weight of the increasingly heavy snow. The snow piled on the branch dropped down, and the cotton-like clumps of snow came crashing down, smashing a hole into the snow blanket on the ground.
Jiang Qingyu said lightly, “So the issues you mentioned just now can’t be used as any reference.”
Fu Jingqiu rubbed his fingertips together, his heart blank with confusion.
Jiang Qingyu said, “Why aren’t you saying anything? Do you mind this a lot?”
He struck first, leaving Fu Jingqiu with little time to think. Fu Jingqiu denied it first. “No.”
He paused. “I just… didn’t expect it.”
Jiang Qingyu said, “Is this kind of thing so rare? It’s not like you’re a caveman. You’ll always see it online.”
“Yes…” Fu Jingqiu raised a hand to press his forehead. “But you never told me before.”
That was why it felt too sudden.
And it had come without any warning at all. He had said it so bluntly that Fu Jingqiu had no idea how to react.
Jiang Qingyu deliberately made his tone sound relaxed. “After all, our relationship wasn’t that close before. If I suddenly said this for no reason, you might have thought I had some special thoughts about you.”
Fu Jingqiu hurriedly said, “That’s not what I meant.”
He knew Jiang Qingyu was delicate-minded. Now that he had taken the initiative to hand over a secret, if Fu Jingqiu showed even the slightest disgust or intention to keep some distance, Jiang Qingyu would probably be hurt.
Thinking of this, Fu Jingqiu reached out again and held Jiang Qingyu’s wrist through his pajamas. His lips opened and closed several times, but he did not know what to say.
After a long while, he forced out one sentence. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”
But Jiang Qingyu still did not let him go. He was almost pressing him step by step. “Don’t you want to ask? Why I like men?”
The impact of the words “like men” was still too strong. And they had come from Jiang Qingyu’s mouth, no less. Fu Jingqiu once again lost his words. Other than silence, there was still only silence.
He truly did not know.
It would be impossible to say that he had never had such people around him.
It was just that Fu Jingqiu did not like gossiping about other people’s private affairs. Who others liked, who they dated, or who they slept with had nothing to do with him.
Besides, those relationships had indeed been a bit messy. When he listened to their descriptions, it seemed as if they were purely for release in certain areas, so Fu Jingqiu was even less able to resonate with them.
But Jiang Qingyu was clearly not that kind of person, so he tried to understand. “Were you born this way? You don’t feel anything toward the opposite sex?”
Jiang Qingyu raised an eyebrow. “Not really. I only confirmed it after having someone I liked.”
Fu Jingqiu: “…?” What did that mean?
Seeing that Fu Jingqiu was about to fall silent again, Jiang Qingyu snorted coldly. “You don’t think I’m going to say that the person I like is you, do you?”
“…………………………..”
Little mouth, close up.
Fu Jingqiu said with a complicated mood, “That’s not what I meant.”
Jiang Qingyu said, “You were silent for too long.”
Fu Jingqiu said, “I was only thinking just now. The things you said to me—I keep feeling like something isn’t quite right.”
Jiang Qingyu continued expressionlessly, “So you think I’m joking and teasing you?”
He was angry, Fu Jingqiu thought.
It was just that Fu Jingqiu truly had no way of knowing the reason for his anger. He would not have any negative thoughts or emotions because of Jiang Qingyu’s sexual orientation. Who he liked was Jiang Qingyu’s freedom. Just because he occasionally called Fu Jingqiu “brother,” Fu Jingqiu could not actually go and manage who he dated.
It was just that the current conditions did not allow it. Otherwise, as long as the other person was good, Fu Jingqiu would support him with both hands.
However, Jiang Qingyu’s mood was already clearly not good. Fu Jingqiu instinctively felt that this was not a situation that could be solved by simply denying things twice. After pondering for two seconds, he simply asked directly, “You’re unhappy. Why?”
This time, it was Jiang Qingyu’s turn to fall silent.
Whether or not to pierce through this layer of window paper was indeed a very tangled question.
Not to mention, the two of them were currently lying on the same bed.
One could imagine that if the atmosphere became too stiff, Fu Jingqiu might go back to the living room to sleep. At that point, not only would their relationship be awkward, but he might also suffer insomnia because of it, tossing and turning all night.
Setting everything else aside, the feeling of being unable to sleep was way too awful.
In the darkness, Jiang Qingyu’s expression could even be described as grave. Fu Jingqiu only found it strange. Knowing that he might be considering how to phrase things, he did not speak to urge him.
“I don’t know.” After a long while, Jiang Qingyu finally spoke. “Maybe I’m just the type who likes whoever treats me well.”
He left behind this ambiguous sentence, put his pillow back in place, shook out the blanket, and crawled back in as if nothing had happened. “Night chat is over. Sleep.”
Looking at the half of Jiang Qingyu’s head hidden under the blanket, Fu Jingqiu was speechless for a long while.
That night was the first time he tasted the feeling of being at a complete loss.
For once, Fu Jingqiu’s biological clock did not remind him to wake up on time. The next morning, the person who opened his eyes first was unexpectedly Jiang Qingyu.
At some point, Meimei had crept over and curled up above his head to sleep.
The light inside the vehicle was slightly dim. The heating had run all night, and the bedroom could not be called cold. In any case, it was a temperature comfortable enough to wear thin pajamas.
For once, Jiang Qingyu had no thought of staying in bed. However, the blankets were still too comfortable, so he nestled inside and quietly stretched his body, then found another position to lie in and silently looked at Fu Jingqiu sleeping beside him.
Heh. Anyway, before he lost consciousness last night, Fu Jingqiu still had not fallen asleep.
He also knew how to listen to breathing. Didn’t expect that, did you?
Reviewing things a little now, last night, with the cover of darkness and the fact that it was his first time sleeping together with Fu Jingqiu, he had indeed been a little impulsive.
No wonder people online said it was best not to make any life decisions late at night. Words of experience truly did not lie.
However, at the critical moment, he had at least hit the brakes and stopped himself. He had not revealed everything.
There was one very important reason: he could not see the other person’s face!
How could he know Fu Jingqiu’s expression like that? How could he infer the other person’s attitude from it, whether resistant or indulgent, whether carrying encouragement or something else? Any of that would have been better than this pitch-black blur.
Even in sleep, Fu Jingqiu still had his brows furrowed, as if something were weighing on his mind. He did not sleep peacefully.
But perhaps because of the discipline and habits carved into his bones, he still lay flat in a very proper posture. From the side, his nose bridge looked very high, his lashes lowered, densely covering his eyelids.
This person had thick brows and dense lashes. His hair was only a little longer than a buzz cut, but it was an extremely thick patch. There was absolutely no risk of balding. He looked like a very fine-quality kiwi, and the texture seemed very nice to touch.
Jiang Qingyu’s hands felt a little itchy. He wondered how touching Fu Jingqiu’s head would compare to petting a cat.
But if he really reached out, he would definitely wake Fu Jingqiu up.
No matter whether Fu Jingqiu had figured things out last night, if he woke up and saw Jiang Qingyu touching his head, anyone would be confused.
Jiang Qingyu imagined that scene and found it a little funny.
More than half an hour later, when Fu Jingqiu woke up, the space beside him was already empty.
Beyond a door, the living room was clattering and clanking. Presumably, Jiang Qingyu was cooking.
He moved a little and felt his legs were somewhat heavy. Lowering his head for a look, he saw Meimei lying on his knees, looking at him innocently.
Jiang Qingyu woke up this early?
Fu Jingqiu sat up and raised a hand to press his forehead. He only felt that the back of his head was swollen, with one tendon throbbing painfully.
His memories slowly returned, and last night’s conversation resurfaced in his mind. Fu Jingqiu thought about it for a few more seconds and felt his head hurt again.
It was impossible to say Jiang Qingyu had completely thrown last night’s events to the back of his mind. But constantly letting his thoughts run wild was not a solution either. It was better to get up and make breakfast.
Speaking of which, for a very long time, what he ate had actually been brunch.
When Fu Jingqiu came out of the bedroom, the heating was already on in the living room. The temperature was very comfortable, and there was no need to put on an outer layer.
As for Jiang Qingyu, at first, he had forgotten to turn on the heating in advance. When he came out of the bedroom, he had nearly frozen to death. He lifted the curtain and glanced outside. The snow had stopped, and the accumulation looked rather deep. Everywhere was a vast stretch of white. Only a few scattered clusters of poplar branches stretched out, bare and empty, their leaves all fallen.
Winter had arrived overnight.
The sky was fairly bright, but there was no sun. Sitting by the window and looking for too long made his eyes ache, so Jiang Qingyu only admired the snowy scenery briefly before quickly rolling up his sleeves and starting to cook.
His timing was quite accurate. Once he decided what to make, he started preparing. When it was almost time to turn on the heat, he happened to see Fu Jingqiu come out of the bedroom. A very faint layer of blue rested under his eyes; clearly, he had not slept well last night. His expression looked slightly tired.
Jiang Qingyu lifted his eyes and glanced at him, greeting him with a useless sentence. “Awake.”
Fu Jingqiu said, “Mm.”
Jiang Qingyu pretended nothing had happened. “Go wash up. This side will be ready soon.”
Fu Jingqiu paused. “Is there nothing I can help with?”
Jiang Qingyu refused mercilessly. “No.”
“…” All right.
Breakfast was simple. He made shrimp paste sandwiches, vegetarian three-delicacy buns, a plate of stir-fried water spinach, and a pot of red bean milk.
The drink was freshly blended. Red beans, glutinous rice, peanuts, red dates, and a suitable amount of rock sugar were directly put into the soy milk machine and blended. Before long, the whole room was filled with the sweet fragrance of red beans.
He knew Fu Jingqiu drank milk, so he added some into it. The texture was dense and smooth, and the sweetness was controlled just right.
The outside of the shrimp paste sandwiches was coated in egg yolk and cooked in the air fryer. The crust was crispy, and corn kernels had been mixed into the shrimp paste, making it taste sweet and fresh. There was also a rich milky fragrance.
These were what he had made himself. There were also two roujiamo that he had bought earlier. He took them out from the space and placed them on the plate. Whether Fu Jingqiu ate them or not was up to him.
After washing up, Fu Jingqiu changed into home clothes and sat down by the dining table. With their familiar seating arrangement, facing each other, there was unexpectedly a bit of awkwardness.
Jiang Qingyu lowered his head and focused only on eating, pretending to be dead. In any case, as long as Fu Jingqiu did not express his stance, he would treat it as if nothing had happened.
Fu Jingqiu’s mood was still complicated. He stared at the top of Jiang Qingyu’s head for a long while without speaking. He only ate a few bites of breakfast, then slowly put down the sandwich.
Usually, his eating manners were proper, but his appetite was not small. By himself, he could silently sweep away two-thirds of the food on the table without smacking his lips or eating roughly.
Jiang Qingyu had long since gotten used to his appetite. Seeing him suddenly eat so little, he could not help raising his brows and finding fault. “What do you mean? You think what I made tastes bad?”
“…” Fu Jingqiu said, “No.”
Jiang Qingyu glared at him. “Then why are you acting like this?”
Fu Jingqiu looked at him with a complicated expression. Jiang Qingyu met his gaze for a few seconds and thought: Why do you keep making that expression? Are you always expecting me to ask what you’re thinking? I refuse.
He looked away and picked up the glass cup to take a sip of red bean milk. It was fragrant, rich, and sweet. Drinking it made his whole body warm. Just as he was about to change the subject and tell Fu Jingqiu to have a sip too, Fu Jingqiu frowned and said, “What does ‘whoever treats you well, you like them’ mean?”
“Pfft—”
Jiang Qingyu turned his face away and nearly lost control and sprayed it out. After finally swallowing the mouthful of milk, a little liquid inevitably remained on his lips. He pressed his fist under his nose and coughed hard twice, his eyes wide and round.
Fu Jingqiu quickly pulled out a wet wipe and tissues. “Sorry. Did you choke?”
I was scared, all right!
Why are you bringing up something said after the lights were off at a time like this!
Jiang Qingyu coughed dully a few more times. After recovering a little, he pressed the tissue against his face. “You weren’t eating because you were thinking about this? You’re not hungry at all, are you?”
Fu Jingqiu said, “I just feel like there are many things I haven’t figured out.”
Jiang Qingyu said irritably, “If you can’t figure them out, then don’t think about them. I’ll tell you something else.”
Cooking was not the only thing he had done that morning. He had still paid close attention to online trends.
It turned out that it was not only this place that had suddenly dropped in temperature. Most cities across the country had entered winter overnight. In northern regions, outdoor temperatures had even reached minus seventy or eighty degrees, making travel rather difficult.
Fortunately, heating had not been affected by the zombies. If people did not go out, this kind of weather was not too much of a problem.
Friends in the north had not even had time to prepare winter food and coal before zombies and the severe cold arrived one after another. They had not even bought their winter cabbage and scallions yet.
However, the good thing was that they seemed to have found a method to deal with zombies in this weather.
Through experiments, if the back of a zombie’s neck suffered a severe blow or its entire head was chopped off, it would completely lose mobility. But in severe cold and water, they could still move freely.
But what if water was poured over a zombie’s head?
In this kind of weather and temperature, it would not take long at all outdoors to freeze a zombie into an ice sculpture. Delaying their movements and footsteps was extremely easy.
The first person to freeze a zombie into an ice sculpture excitedly posted his “masterpiece” online, attracting large-scale imitation from netizens. Thanks to this temperature drop, everyone also dared to go out.
Down jackets and padded pants wrapped bodies tightly. Even if they failed to dodge for a moment, the zombie’s first bite would not reach flesh. The water in a thermos cup would already be splashed onto its face.
Under natural disasters, humanity’s will to survive was extremely strong. Some places had even restored order, with soldiers and police appearing in supermarkets and shops.
Various regions worked together to shovel snow and restore transport routes. Although prices could not be stopped from rising, food and daily necessities finally appeared on shelves.
At least they could pass through this disaster in a relatively mild way and use this opportunity to stockpile some supplies.
Though there were still many hidden dangers.
After Jiang Qingyu finished speaking, Fu Jingqiu replied, “That’s a good thing.”
However, what Jiang Qingyu was worried about was that if there was extreme cold, would there not also be extreme heat? How high could the outdoor temperature reach? In his understanding, forty degrees was already very serious.
If there really was extreme heat, then at that time, they could only stay in the vehicle.
He hoped that by then, he could upgrade the RV more completely, at least giving Tangyuan some more space to move around.
The topic should have come to an end here, and the atmosphere at the dining table also eased a little. Jiang Qingyu secretly let out a breath and once again reached toward the glass cup.
Fu Jingqiu said, “Wait.”
Jiang Qingyu: ?
He said warily, “What are you doing?”
Fu Jingqiu said, “So what did that mean?”
Jiang Qingyu said, “What do you mean, what did that mean?”
Fu Jingqiu said, “Whoever treats you well, you like them.”
Ah!!
Fu Jingqiu was not a straight man, he was a literal man! A block of wood, a steel bar, an unbreakable hard object!
Can’t you understand it yourself? Are you really so obsessed with getting a clear answer?
Jiang Qingyu’s face cooled, and he tossed the tissue in his hand into the trash can. “What exactly are you trying to say?”
If he understood, then for the sake of how harmoniously they had gotten along recently, he should just refuse tactfully. If he did not understand, could he not think about it himself? Did he have to pursue it so relentlessly?
Fu Jingqiu said, “I was just thinking, you probably didn’t say that to me for no reason.”
I’m begging you, big brother. Are you only realizing that now?
Jiang Qingyu threw the question back to him. “So? Why do you think I said that?”
Fu Jingqiu said, “I thought of a few possibilities last night, but I’m not certain.”
All right, this thick-browed, big-eyed Fu Jingqiu was playing this game with him too. Elimination method, was it? Did he need Jiang Qingyu himself to check the answers?
Jiang Qingyu turned his face and glanced at the weather outside. In broad daylight, they were discussing such a sensitive topic.
He was a little angered into laughter by Fu Jingqiu’s persistent attitude. But clearly, Fu Jingqiu did not want to muddle through the topic, which was why he kept pursuing it and wanted Jiang Qingyu to give an answer.
Fine, fine. He had to make things clear, did he?
Jiang Qingyu crossed his arms, a very typical defensive posture. “Don’t beat around the bush. Say it directly.”
Fu Jingqiu asked, “Very directly?”
Jiang Qingyu was expressionless. “As directly as you want.”
“All right.” Fu Jingqiu cleared his throat and said, “Do you want to ask me for help?”
Jiang Qingyu: “Hah?”
Fu Jingqiu said seriously, “It’s like this. No one dislikes people who treat them well. You once said your sense of security is relatively low. After this trait is amplified, you developed a vague emotion toward someone around you who treats you well. Because you are uncertain whether this is related to liking someone, you took the initiative to ask me for help.”
No. What are you babbling about?
Jiang Qingyu said blankly, “Can you say it more simply? I don’t understand. Didn’t we say you should be direct? This isn’t direct at all.”
Fu Jingqiu said, “Do you think you like me?”
“…” Too direct.
Jiang Qingyu glared at him, his cheeks rapidly heating up. He did not know whether his face had also turned red, but he was certain he looked extremely embarrassed and indignant right now.
Jiang Qingyu said, “Hey!”
Fu Jingqiu said, “I thought about it last night. You probably don’t like me.”
I am really begging you.
It’s just the two of us. Surely I don’t have to line up to beg you.
Can you stop talking? This topic has completely shifted from ambiguous to analytical proof. It isn’t romantic at all!!
Jiang Qingyu said wearily, “Then what do you think it is?”
Fu Jingqiu said, “An illusion. Because I probably am not the type you like. You only developed emotional dependence on me because of our long time together, thereby blurring the concept.”
Where did this pseudo-academic old antique come from? He really did not want to listen anymore.
And how do you know you’re not my type!
Jiang Qingyu held his forehead, somewhat unwilling to argue with him anymore, and said perfunctorily, “Fine. So? You want to reject me, right? I understand. You don’t have to say more.”
He truly had not expected that his first half-confession would become a forced confession, and the rejection would turn into emotional science popularization.
If Fu Jingqiu kept talking, Jiang Qingyu really had to consider whether he actually liked this block of wood.
He was a little too unromantic.
Fu Jingqiu said, “I’ve decided to help you.”
Jiang Qingyu still had the mood to joke at this moment. “Help me boil Chinese medicine to assist me in becoming straight?”
Fu Jingqiu’s expression was serious, even sincere. “I’ve decided to help you distinguish between these two feelings.”
Jiang Qingyu said, “Speak human language.”
Fu Jingqiu reached out to him. “Give me your hand.”
“?” Jiang Qingyu was full of confusion, but still handed his hand over. “What are you doing? Don’t shoulder-throw me. My crime doesn’t deserve that.”
Fu Jingqiu asked, “Do you feel anything?”
Are you insane!
Jiang Qingyu: “………………”
Seeing that he did not speak, Fu Jingqiu let go of Jiang Qingyu’s hand, walked around the dining table, lifted him up from his seat, wrapped one arm around his waist, and pulled Jiang Qingyu into his arms while asking, “What about now?”
No. Wait.
What is happening?
Surely Fu Jingqiu was not planning to test step by step like this, and even if the two of them rolled into bed, he would still be confirming whether Jiang Qingyu really liked him, right!
But this was still the first time they had stuck this close together.
Fu Jingqiu really had trained very well. Because neither of them was wearing thick clothes, the strength with which he held him was not restrained either. Jiang Qingyu’s entire body was almost pressed against him. Through two layers of fabric, many things could be discovered with just a slight feeling.
His scent was very nice, his shoulders were broad, and his embrace was very warm. I… no.
Jiang Qingyu lifted his face from Fu Jingqiu’s chest, his eyes full of eager, mischievous thoughts. “Are we only testing up to here? Is there anything else?”
Fu Jingqiu’s expression looked slightly hesitant, as if he had concerns about something.
Hey, didn’t you say you wanted to prove it to me? Isn’t stopping here a little too childish?
Perhaps because Jiang Qingyu’s expression was too expectant, Fu Jingqiu asked uncertainly, “So you do feel something?”
Since things had already reached this step, what was wrong with acting like a rogue?
Jiang Qingyu now completely understood. With Fu Jingqiu’s personality, when it came to feelings, anything indirect or slow-burning was nonsense. It was better for everyone to be direct.
He said as if it were only natural, “Yes. It’s very comfortable being held. So what?”
Fu Jingqiu: ?
Fu Jingqiu asked, “Just comfortable?”
Jiang Qingyu said, “What else? Did you expect that if you hugged me once, I’d have a physical reaction? It’s true that I like men, but I’m not a pervert, okay?”
He blinked twice at Fu Jingqiu, his expression very innocent. “According to your theory and procedure, what should the next step be?”
Wasn’t it… a kiss?
