Chapter 201
What the f*?! Pervert alert!!**
What kind of normal person goes around blowing cold air on the back of someone’s neck?!
And not just blowing—they licked him. A warm, wet tongue slid across the skin of his neck, soft and damp, making Jian Yunlan’s whole body break out in goosebumps.
He was utterly stunned. He turned around—
And met Taotie’s inscrutable golden eyes.
Taotie’s lips were slightly parted, revealing sharp teeth, and he licked his lips with a satisfied expression.
It wasn’t until he met Jian Yunlan’s gaze that he looked slightly panicked.
Jian Yunlan: “?”
Taotie: “?”
After a long moment of eye contact, Taotie, clearly annoyed and flustered, wiped his mouth and began sputtering out excuses:
“It wasn’t me! Seriously, it wasn’t! Human, how dare you suspect me! …Okay, fine—even if it was me, so what? I am Taotie—I’ve wanted to eat you since day one. Just having a little taste, what’s the big deal? …Wait no, I’m serious, it wasn’t me!”
Jian Yunlan: “……”
Jian Yunlan suddenly remembered how, when they first met, Taotie’s very first line was some outrageous rant about wanting to eat the cook.
His suspicious gaze deepened, the dark blue of his eyes taking on an eerie, ghostly glow.
Taotie started feeling a little creeped out by the way Jian Yunlan was staring at him. He subtly ground his teeth, scrambling for a way to talk himself out of it.
…Okay, so maybe, just maybe, he had thought to himself—“Well, it’s already dark, the mood’s perfect, they’re distracted… what’s the harm in sneaking one tiny little taste…” Seriously, what’s the big deal? They already kissed! What’s wrong with Lord Taotie taking one more taste?
His brain spun like a hamster wheel, until—suddenly—a brilliant excuse came to him. He pointed dramatically to the sky and swore:
“It must’ve been that despicable rat of a Heavenly Dao! Always lurking in the shadows, scheming—obviously it was Him who blew on your neck, trying to weaken your will and catch us both off guard!”
“He’s done shady stuff like this before—abusing men and bullying women, that’s totally His style.”
Afraid Jian Yunlan wouldn’t believe him, he added firmly:
“If I’m lying—may I be struck by five bolts of heavenly lightning!”
The words had barely left Taotie’s lips when the once-clear sky turned pitch dark in an instant, thunder and lightning rolling across the heavens.
BOOOOOOM!!!
Several bolts of lightning came racing toward them through the clouds.
Jian Yunlan: “……”
Taotie: “…………”
Amid the thunderous roars, a furious voice rang out from the heavens—Heavenly Dao’s voice, grinding with rage:
“OH YOU’VE GOT SOME NERVE, TAOTIE!!! HOW DARE YOU FRAME ME!!! Who are you calling a sneaky little rat hiding in the shadows?! I, the Heavenly Dao, have always acted with honor and dignity! You shameless coward—trying to pass the blame—saying you’ll be struck by lightning?! OH I’LL STRIKE YOU, ALRIGHT!!!”
Meanwhile, in the livestream chat of the Ten Thousand Realms:
[Damn, why does the Heavenly Dao sound kind of pitiful right now]
[Even the Dao couldn’t take it anymore and had to come out swinging LOL]
[Lord Taotie asked for lightning and got lightning hahahahaha]
[Feeling kinda bad for the Dao +1. Not only forced to eat a buffet of PDA, but also got blamed for it?! Taotie, you naughty boy!]
[Don’t bully our Taotie! He just wanted a little taste of Boss Jian! What’s wrong with that? Couple detected, auto-inputting x 99 ]
[No, the Dao’s the real villain here. He hurt Lord Taotie—if Jian hadn’t shown up in time, Taotie might’ve already been gone… Who knows what dirty tricks He’ll pull next…]
In a way, the audience in the Multiverse Realms livestream wasn’t wrong.
“Sinister final boss”—that was the persona the Heavenly Dao had crafted for itself. Er… God persona.
Originally, the Heavenly Dao was hiding in the shadows, waiting for the perfect, cool moment to make its entrance.
The sky had already darkened, and the spooky, ominous atmosphere fit for a villainous appearance had just built up. The timing was perfect. The moment had come.
And then—Taotie ruined everything.
Not only did he mess it up, he even had the audacity to frame the Heavenly Dao, tarnishing its godly, glorious name!
Naturally, the Heavenly Dao could no longer tolerate this outrage. It came crashing down on thunderclouds, ready to smite Taotie and Jian Yunlan with five bolts of heavenly lightning!
That was the plan, anyway.
BOOOOOM!!! Several bolts of thunder and lightning struck toward Jian Yunlan and Taotie, erupting into a storm of fire and smoke.
Seconds passed. The smoke cleared.
Taotie’s eyes were icy cold as he lowered the sleeve he had used to shield Jian Yunlan. The two of them stood there, completely unharmed.
With a cold snort, Taotie said, “A few measly thunderbolts—did you really think they could hurt me?”
Jian Yunlan played along with admiration: “Lord Taotie, you’re so cool!”
Seeing this scene, the Heavenly Dao curled its lip in disdain, clearly in a terrible mood.
…Because yes, thunder truly couldn’t hurt Taotie.
Taotie was a being born of the primordial energies between heaven and earth, from the great myths of mountains and seas. No lightning, no storm, could harm him in the slightest.
Only the Heavenly Dao’s will, manifested as divine light pillars, had the power to slice his flesh away piece by piece and erase his very existence.
And not just Taotie. Those divine light pillars could obliterate anything in the world—mountains, rivers, lakes, all living things. Nothing could survive within the light of the Dao’s will.
But…
After unleashing five bolts of thunder, the Heavenly Dao fell silent once more.
The entire Platform of Oblivion was plunged into quiet stillness. The sky above was choked with clouds so thick that not a single ray of light could shine through. The pressure was suffocating.
Taotie and Jian Yunlan stood together, exchanging glances, neither sure what the next attack would be.
Jian Yunlan’s heart was in his throat.
And just then—
The divine light pillars that had vanished moments before suddenly reappeared, glowing even more brilliantly!
They formed a dense net of light, enclosing the space around Jian Yunlan and Taotie. And the net began to tighten, pulling in around them. From within came the eerie sound of laughter—Heavenly Dao’s laughter.
From time to time, the light would flicker into the blurry shape of a humanoid figure, only to dissolve back into the void the next second.
“Jian Yunlan… I knew you’d come.”
“I’m glad you did. Really. If you hadn’t, I would’ve been so disappointed… hehehe.”
“After all—you were my true target all along!”
The Heavenly Dao’s voice echoed all around them, sometimes from the left, sometimes right beside the ear, like a whisper from a ghost.
His words startled both Jian Yunlan and Taotie.
What did he mean, Jian Yunlan was the real target all along?
They had always thought this elaborate execution was to get rid of Taotie. But now… was it all just a trap to lure Jian Yunlan out?
Jian Yunlan frowned in confusion and asked, “I’m just a mortal. If you wanted to kill me, couldn’t you just snap your fingers? Why go through all this trouble?”
The Heavenly Dao didn’t answer.
Instead, it laughed.
It started as a low chuckle, then grew louder, more unhinged—until the voice turned hoarse, maniacal, utterly crazed. But it kept laughing:
“Hahahaha… HAHAHA!!! After all these years… so many years… finally, finally!!! You’re back in my hands—”
Within the light pillar, a faceless humanoid shape lunged toward Jian Yunlan, whispering beside his ear: “The world is mine again!!”
At the same time, the net of light shrank even further.
Taotie furrowed his brow and pulled Jian Yunlan into his arms, shielding him. He lowered his head and let out a muffled grunt.
The net had shrunk so much it was now only the size of one person. The glowing strands were already cutting into Taotie’s flesh. His freshly healed wounds reopened, tearing apart and seeping blood.
The Heavenly Dao’s voice grew even more frenzied:
“Hahaha! What’s the point of struggling?! Taotie, you’re at death’s door and still trying to protect him?”
“Just give up. Accept your fate.” The voice now came from another direction, low and intimate like a lover’s whisper, but bone-chilling:
“You two will never be separated. I’ll use this net to slice you both into thumb-sized pieces. No more you and me—just together, forever…”
Jian Yunlan commented, deadpan: “Kinda romantic, actually.”
Taotie: “…..” …You know what? It kind of is.
Inside the light, the humanoid form of the Heavenly Dao nodded in approval:
“Right? You get me.”
But the next moment, Jian Yunlan’s expression sharpened.
“Taga kotowaru.” (Japanese: “I refuse.”)
As poetic as the Dao’s words were… Taotie was shielding Jian Yunlan in his arms. If things continued like this, the one who would be shredded first—would be Taotie.
And it must hurt. A lot.
Jian Yunlan would never allow that.
“What’s with the foreign languages now?” The Heavenly Dao sounded annoyed. “You’re refusing? So what?! What can you possibly do? You think you can defy me—”
The Heavenly Dao’s words cut off.
Because Jian Yunlan had tilted his head up—and kissed Taotie again.
BOOM! A mushroom cloud exploded over Taotie’s head.
My wife loves me so much I don’t know what to do!!!
Sssshhkk— Blood spilled from the Heavenly Dao’s throat.
He was so overwhelmed by this sudden, public display of affection that he could barely breathe from sheer rage!
And worst of all…
The moment their lips met, the wounds on Taotie’s back—instantly healed.
Thus, a bizarre and infinitely looping scene appeared:
- The Heavenly Dao’s net tightened.
- Jian Yunlan and Taotie kissed.
- Taotie’s wounds instantly healed.
- The Heavenly Dao’s net was repelled.
…For a moment, the net formed from the will of the Heavenly Dao could no longer cut down!
Heavenly Dao: “???”
Jian Yunlan had clearly figured out this countermeasure.
Inside the beam of light, beads of sweat as large as soybeans formed on the humanoid figure’s forehead.
The atmosphere suddenly became a bit awkward.
It was at this moment that Jian Yunlan thoughtfully gave Heavenly Dao a way out. With a sudden inspiration, he said, “Uh, Lord Heavenly Dao, it’s not productive for us to remain deadlocked like this. How about we compromise a bit?”
Heavenly Dao fell silent for a moment. “How do you propose we compromise?”
Jian Yunlan replied, “Uh… how about you stop trying to cut us, and we’ll stop kissing. We each take a step back. Let’s sit down and talk this out. You can explain why you want to kill me, and maybe we can clear up the misunderstandings. How does that sound?”
[Everything can be negotiated.]
[Hahaha, Boss Jian gives off neighborhood dispute mediator vibes.]
[Huh? This idea isn’t bad, but no way Heavenly Dao will agree, right?]
[If not, what else can it do? Just keep watching the lovebirds feed each other dog food forever? That doesn’t seem like a solution either.]
[Honestly, works for me. Very kind to my eyes. Let Boss Jian and Lord Taotie kiss for ten thousand years!!!]
[I’ll bet 10 cents Heavenly Dao won’t go for it.]
As expected, after Jian Yunlan finished speaking, Heavenly Dao fell silent.
Just as Jian Yunlan and Taotie started getting nervous, thinking the other wouldn’t agree…
The net that had enveloped them suddenly vanished.
In its place, three small stools and a tiny table appeared on the ground, with a little stove on top.
On one of the stools sat a humanoid figure made of light, clearly the embodiment of the Heavenly Dao.
Heavenly Dao took a small jug of liquor, looking gloomy as he sipped, covering his face with a deep sigh:
“This whole tangled mess… where do I even begin?”
Taotie looked like he’d seen a ghost: “?” Sichuan opera face-changing, much?
But Jian Yunlan immediately played along, quickly pulling Taotie to sit down, pulling out a handful of sunflower seeds, and looking at Heavenly Dao with eager eyes:
“Tell us everything?”
