Chapter 185
“‘If you betray someone’s true heart, you must swallow a thousand needles’? Seriously?!”
“You think of the first half in your head, and I say the second half aloud in reality”?!
This was giving strong vibes of post-breakup couple status updates on QQ, secretly changing usernames and passing messages back and forth like kids.
Jian Yunlan thought to himself: Between those two, their combined emotional maturity probably doesn’t even add up to my shoe size.
The author who wrote “After the Immortal Venerable Killed My Husband to Ascend” had to be… like, twelve. Maybe still in elementary school.
And poor Jian Yunlan, forced to be the message boy for Hu Qianye, immediately broke out in goosebumps after saying the line, toes curling in secondhand embarrassment.
“…”
But the Immortal Master remained lost in that sorrow and shock, unable to snap out of it.
“‘Betray someone’s true feelings… must swallow a thousand needles… a thousand needles…’ Ha… so that’s how it is. After all these years—it was always like this!” His eyes were bloodshot, his voice trembling, looking like a child who’d lost their most beloved treasure. The cold, refined face that once seemed untouchable… now twisted with raw emotion.
“Betray someone’s heart! Betray someone’s heart—!”
He took a deep breath, laughed bitterly, then threw back his head and howled to the sky:
“YOU HAVE TO SWALLOW A THOUSAND NEEDLES!!!”
Lost in his sorrow, Mu Jue didn’t realize—
Right beside him, someone else was screaming too.
Jian Yunlan, utterly breaking down: “Master, STOP SAYING IT already ahhhhhhh!!!”
These kind of angsty love quotes you copied into your diary in elementary school—being read aloud at full volume?!
Too. Damn. Cringe.
BOOM!!
Thunder cracked. Lightning split the sky. Rain poured down, dramatizing the author’s nostalgic sorrow.
“…”
Mu Jue and Jian Yunlan’s twin cries of anguish echoed across the downpour in full stereo, bouncing in all directions like a haunted duet.
Everyone else just stared at them in stunned silence.
This… this is what half-step ascension power looks like? Terrifying.
Behind Mu Jue stood a young man in blue robes. Just one more step, and he’d reach the meat bun.
But that one step felt like a chasm as vast as the heavens.
Finally, he couldn’t help but whisper, “Excuse me… sorry to interrupt, but, uh… about the meat bun—”
BOOOOOOM!!!
Another massive thunderclap cut him off mid-sentence.
Accompanied by that thunderous boom, blinding lightning streaked down in a crisscrossing web—
And its target, without the slightest deviation, was precisely the place where they stood…
Everyone was instantly struck with dread.
Only then did they realize—
“This isn’t just regular thunder—it’s a heavenly tribulation!!!”
“An ascension tribulation for the Immortal Master?! Holy shit!”
“If you don’t want to be fried alive by the Ninefold Heavenly Lightning, RUN!!!”
Even the blue-robed cultivator who had been drooling over the meat bun moments ago now looked utterly terrified.
With a heart full of regret and longing, he cast one final, mournful glance at the meat bun—but in the end, his survival instincts won out. Clutching his escape technique, he turned and fled alongside the rest of his sectmates.
In the center of the thunder and lightning, two people stood unmoving.
One of them was the Immortal Venerable of the Spiritual Realm—Mu Jue.
His long hair was soaked and clinging to his face, his robes drenched, his eyes bloodshot with pain and sorrow. He murmured:
“Heavenly tribulation, is it? Heh… I suppose it’s about time. Even the heavenly laws believe I deserve punishment. After all… I’m the one who betrayed a true heart…”
He closed his eyes and lifted his face to the sky, letting the rain wash over him.
A flash of lightning lit up the anguish etched on his face.
Only after quite a while did he realize… he wasn’t alone.
Someone else was still standing beside him?
Who had the guts to remain here?
Mu Jue glanced sideways.
Jian Yunlan was grinning at him, clearly hesitating to speak, but still polite: “Um, excuse me…”
Mu Jue: “…”
Yes—the second person standing still amidst the heavenly tribulation was none other than the meat bun stall owner, Jian Yunlan.
Mu Jue had lived for countless years. Though not worldly, he was more than familiar with the subtleties of human emotion.
With just a glance, he understood what Jian Yunlan was thinking.
“You want to follow me through the Heavenly Gate, is that it?” Mu Jue curled his lips in a faint smile, eyes seemingly staring through Jian Yunlan at someone much farther away.
“Fine… fine. I’ll bring you with me as my personal disciple, and take you on a trip to the Upper Realm.”
As he spoke, his expression grew even more bitter, layers of sorrow and conflict seeping out:
“Since that person entrusted you with their message… they must’ve foreseen this day. What a pity, I—”
He was cut off by an excited voice:
Jian Yunlan was grinning so hard his eyes had disappeared into crescents, and for some reason, he switched to a regional dialect:
“Yer really takin’ me with ya?! That’s amazing! Thank ya, thank ya so much! Yer such a good person!”
Mu Jue: “……” Who even ARE you???!!!
Also—can’t you see I’m in the middle of a tragic emotional breakdown?!
“You’re… not afraid of this ascension tribulation?” Mu Jue asked, side-eyeing him. He thought, This guy doesn’t even have spiritual roots, but he’s got guts, I’ll give him that.
Jian Yunlan: “Oh, nah. Not scared.”
Of course Jian Yunlan wasn’t scared.
This was the whole reason he came.
Once Mu Jue endured the tribulation, he’d pass through the Heavenly Gate and ascend to the Upper Realm.
And that was where the Taotie was.
He had to find it quickly. They had a deal, after all.
As for the tribulation lightning? Jian Yunlan wasn’t scared in the slightest. In fact, he was kinda worried it wasn’t strong enough.
This weak sauce lightning… really enough to trigger ascension??
Was this Immortal Master really up to par?
Sensing the doubt and concern in Jian Yunlan’s gaze, Mu Jue took a deep breath. Then another.
Finally, he couldn’t hold back anymore—veins bulged on his forehead as he snapped:
“What the hell is that look?! I am VERY capable, thank you!!”
Jian Yunlan said nothing: “……”
But his stunned, slightly skeptical expression scanned Mu Jue up and down without any attempt to hide it.
Mu Jue felt completely unsettled by the scrutiny. Scowling, he explained with barely contained irritation:
“A proper ascension tribulation should last seven days and seven nights, increasing in intensity—only the final bolt is the true ascension strike…”
Seven days?! That long?! Jian Yunlan’s face went pale.
But the next moment, Mu Jue took a breath and continued:
“…However, I’ve surpassed the peak of the Mahayana stage long ago and already reached the Immortal Realm. One day and one night will suffice.”
Jian Yunlan let out a sigh of relief.
One day—that was manageable.
So the weak lightning now was just the beginning, and the real tribulation came after a full day?
Jian Yunlan nodded earnestly. “Ohh, that makes sense.”
Mu Jue: “Mm.”
Jian Yunlan: “Cool.”
“……”
The two stood together in the lightning.
Mu Jue got struck. Jian Yunlan watched him get struck.
The atmosphere was getting a little awkward.
“Uh… you tired? Want some water?” Jian Yunlan asked hesitantly.
Mu Jue gritted his teeth. “No.”
The awkwardness only grew.
Finally, Jian Yunlan couldn’t take it anymore—he really didn’t want to just stand there awkwardly for an entire day and night.
So he pulled out a portable spiritual field and said:
“Uh, if you don’t mind, I’ll just… go take a nap or something? Be back tomorrow?”
Mu Jue also seemed relieved and nodded. “Alright.”
Jian Yunlan nodded as well. Mu Jue nodded again. With this mutual nodding, their friendly little meeting came to an end, and Jian Yunlan disappeared into his portable spiritual field.
Inside the field, the air was clear, the sun was bright, and the ox-headed spirit was still diligently farming. He greeted Jian Yunlan warmly: “Mr. Jian!”
Jian Yunlan exchanged a few casual words with him.
Halfway through the conversation, Jian Yunlan lowered his gaze to a big pot of master stock he had tossed in not long ago. Suddenly, a bold idea came to mind.
He was going to be here for a whole day and night.
And honestly? Just standing around was boring.
So… why not make something delicious?
“……”
He didn’t hesitate—Jian Yunlan was a man of action.
Besides, the Taotie had been whining nonstop about wanting to eat a full Manchu-Han banquet. Of course, that was out of reach for now—but a feast of marinated delights? That he could absolutely deliver. And Niu Tou had all the ingredients—meats and veggies alike.
Pork trotters, beef, chicken wings and legs, ribs, quail eggs, regular eggs, tofu skins, shredded potatoes, lotus root slices…
This master stock had been simmering since his days selling roujiamo.
From the start, Jian Yunlan had followed the traditional method—balancing all the spices, letting the flavors develop slowly over low heat. It had been simmering for several days now, and the fragrance had only grown richer and deeper.
With a base this flavorful, marinating anything would be a breeze.
He cleaned and prepped all the ingredients, blanched them, then tossed them into the pot over a gentle flame. Bit by bit, the rich, savory master stock would seep into each item. And really, Jian Yunlan didn’t have to do much—just monitor the heat and wait patiently.
As he watched the pot bubble, the pork trotter slowly taking on a glistening, rich red-brown hue, Jian Yunlan suddenly burst into laughter.
He laughed so freely that tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.
Niu Tou helping nearby was moved. He thought to himself: “Mr. Jian truly deserves the title of Snack Boss. His passion for street food knows no bounds! Just look at him smiling like that at a pot of marinated meat!”
“……”
What Niu Tou didn’t know was—when Jian Yunlan looked at that marinated pork trotter, his mind wasn’t on the food stall, or the customers.
It was on the Taotie.
The gluttonous, unmatched, world’s most voracious beast.
When they met again… if the Taotie saw this pork trotter, he’d… probably be really happy, right?
*
Meanwhile, in the Upper Realm—at Jun Tian Prison.
Unlike the peaceful and harmonious lands of the rest of the Upper Realm, Jun Tian Prison was shrouded in gray mist all year round—gloomy, eerie, and buried deep in a desolate abyss. Surrounded by cliffs and ravines, not a single ray of light could reach it.
Jun Tian Prison was where the most savage and irredeemable criminals of the Upper Realm were imprisoned—beings that even the heavenly laws could not tolerate. Most were vicious beasts by nature, while some were fallen immortals who had committed grave sins.
Not long ago, the prison welcomed the first Heaven-Tier prisoner in history.
“What’s a Heaven-Tier prisoner?” a new junior warden asked.
The senior warden replied with a mysterious tone: “Heaven-Tier means exactly what it sounds like—the fiercest of the fierce, the ultimate prisoner, the dominator of prisoners, the king among inmates…”
The junior warden grew even more curious. “What did he do to anger the Heavenly Dao? If he really committed such a terrible crime, why wasn’t he just executed outright?”
Suddenly, a tremor echoed from deep within the prison.
It was like the ancient earth quaking, like the roar of primordial beasts—yet strangely, it sounded… like laughter.
Wild, unrestrained, arrogant laughter—full of certainty and power.
It took quite a while before the echoes faded back into silence.
The senior warden glanced nervously toward the depths of the prison and lowered his voice even further. “Who knows? He was supposed to be executed today. But he insisted he was waiting for someone—said someone promised to come find him. He won’t leave until he sees that person.”
“Doesn’t matter how much he resists—tomorrow, he dies by the will of the Heavenly Dao.”
At that, the senior warden curled his lip.
“I think he’s just gone senile. Who in their right mind would come all the way up to Jun Tian Prison—just to visit some monstrous criminal?”
“Probably someone who never existed in the first place,” the junior warden added.
“……”
Their voices were low, but not low enough to escape the ears of a beast.
Deep in the prison, the Taotie lazily blinked his dark gold eyes, let out a scoffing laugh, and didn’t even bother responding.
Heh… What’s there to say to people who don’t have wives? Nothing worth discussing!
