Chapter 54
Having a baby… Meng Xueyuan didn’t mind having a baby, but only after he had completed all four of his small goals. Right now, his pre-tax pay was quite high. He paid his taxes in full—half to help build the country, half to help build his hometown—and it would probably take another year.
Because of the way he paid taxes, many production teams with jaw-dropping paychecks didn’t approach him.
The firelight reddened Meng Xueyuan’s face as he told Lu Xiao, “I might not be able to get pregnant, and I don’t want to, at least not in the short term.”
Lu Xiao thought that was perfectly reasonable. His wife was only twenty-three—how could he have a baby already? His wife was still a big baby himself.
“But you drink royal jelly. If it’s not for having a child, does that mean you don’t want to exchange genes with me?”
Meng Xueyuan said, “No. Drinking royal jelly is to stabilize the queen bee’s position and soothe the emotions of the other worker bees. It doesn’t mean I’ll definitely get pregnant—the probability is very low. The previous queen only had a false pregnancy and never had children. You can’t compare me to your dad.”
“We just won’t drink it the day before and after we sleep together.”
Lu Xiao quickly asked, “How often do you drink royal jelly?”
If it was three times a week, then that meant only once a week for him.
Meng Xueyuan said, “At least once a week.”
Lu Xiao let out a breath of relief. Then resting two days would be just right.
Meng Xueyuan looked at him.
Lu Xiao explained, “I’m not thinking about anything else. This time, I’ll take care of your false pregnancy from start to finish, properly.”
Afraid he was taking it too seriously, Meng Xueyuan said, “Last time you weren’t around, and I filmed just fine on my own.”
Lu Xiao replied, “How was that fine? You lost weight.”
Meng Xueyuan changed the subject. “My spermatheca is a bit low. Next time, replenish it a little—and then no more pressing.”
He finally understood the reason for that point that made him lose control. No more, okay.
Lu Xiao said, “Baby, don’t say things like that in front of the cameras.”
Meng Xueyuan covered his mouth and glanced sideways. “Can they read lips?”
Lu Xiao said, “It’s me they’ll recognize getting hard.”
Meng Xueyuan: “Do you think I’m very lewd?”
Lu Xiao: “I’m even more lewd!”
[You two, don’t be so in love. It’s so hot—why are you clinging together whispering sweet nothings? I can’t hear this?]
[They really look like they’re in love—love is enough to fill them, they don’t feel the heat at all.]
[The bath was for nothing. Maybe they just want to scrub each other again.]
The mixed mash for feeding chickens and ducks was ready. Meng Xueyuan ladled it into a big bucket with a large iron spoon to feed them tomorrow.
He washed his hands, went out, took the clothes out of the washing machine, and hung them up one by one.
Lu Xiao, meanwhile, had gone off to do who knew what.
[The moment the couple separates, the civilian bro has no screen time. Crying.]
[That’s how civilians are—no screen time. But civilians get to crawl under the same quilt with their wife at night and feel his fragrant warmth… damn it, I’m a civilian too, why isn’t it me!]
On the second day of farming, Lu Xiao put rice on the stove at six, steamed the frozen buns he’d brought, then went to feed the chickens and lead the cattle and sheep up the mountain.
When Meng Xueyuan woke up, he skillfully opened the rice cooker. Porridge was on the bottom layer, eggs and buns on the top.
He took a bun. Not seeing any chicken feed in the kitchen, he guessed Lu Xiao was feeding them and wandered off to look for him.
Lu Xiao was pouring water into the chickens’ trough. Seeing his falsely pregnant wife, he wondered, “Is our show raising chickens for retirement, or raising them to kill and eat?”
Cameraman: “You can eat them. No one ate them last episode—you can be the first to try.”
Lu Xiao was immediately tempted. “If I eat them all, is that okay?”
Fried chicken, braised chicken, beggar’s chicken, big-plate chicken, fish-maw chicken—just five of them, not very big, the meat perfectly tender.
Meng Xueyuan poked his arm. “Can you finish one in a day?”
“If I don’t eat them, you’re not allowed to touch them,” Meng Xueyuan reminded him. The show had already aired an episode—who knew if viewers had formed emotional attachments to these chickens and ducks? If Lu Xiao put them on the table, the scene would be… spectacular.
Lu Xiao said, “Oh.” If his wife didn’t eat, then forget it. He wasn’t the old Lu Third anymore—he wouldn’t force Meng Xueyuan to eat anything.
“Wife, are you worried about me? Don’t worry—if I cook them well, people will just drool.”
Meng Xueyuan stayed firm. “Don’t eat them.”
The director called out over the loudspeaker, “Today’s task is weeding the fields. After breakfast, you can get to work. Four work hours—finish and go to the cafeteria to get food.”
Lu Xiao immediately objected. “Why is it time-limited instead of quantity-limited?”
As if expecting this, the director said, “Time-limited is for your own good. If it were quantity-limited—two mu per person—you might not finish.”
Everyone had two mu to tend. Unless Lu Xiao finished his own first, he couldn’t go help Meng Xueyuan.
That meant he couldn’t help his wife at all—so why was he even here?!
Meng Xueyuan comforted him. “Pulling weeds is easy. You can bring a small stool and sit while you do it.”
Lu Xiao’s face turned pitch-black. With a sour expression, he pulled weeds as if they were the director’s head. Weeding didn’t require thinking, so he took the chance to attend the group’s online meeting.
Everyone else had upscale office backgrounds. Only Lu Xiao sat on a tiny stool, looking worried, in a dusty sun-protection jacket, with an unremarkable peanut field and blazing sun behind him.
It was as if dozens of people were on a call precisely to provide targeted poverty alleviation to Lu Xiao. When the host opened his mouth, he nearly blurted out, “Comrade, what difficulties are you facing?”
Lu Xiao’s only difficulty was that three days ago he hadn’t helped his wife weed on this variety show—and now he still couldn’t help him weed.
After the meeting, Lu Lou frowned and called his younger brother. “This is what you’re doing on a variety show? What a waste of life.”
Lu Xiao replied, “Are you talking about attending online meetings wasting life?”
Lu Lou: “…Didn’t you go to help your wife work?”
Throughout the meeting, Lu Xiao’s camera angle kept switching, and there wasn’t a single person next to him.
Lu Xiao felt gloomy talking about it. He’d definitely been set up by the director. With cameras around Meng Xueyuan earlier, he couldn’t say anything—but once there was no one around, he went to argue.
Lu Lou said, “This director really knows how to squeeze people. No one’s watching you—just slack off a bit. Log on and clear some emails.”
Lu Xiao snorted. You squeeze people even harder than the director. He was already working so hard and still had to do two jobs.
Not helping your little brother at all. One day your secretary will argue with you, quit, and go back to their hometown—when you go to Baihua Village to chop wood and coax your secretary, don’t expect my help.
Through imagination and comparison, Lu Xiao cheered himself up, replying to emails happily while pulling weeds.
He worked faster than others because he didn’t take breaks. When he figured his overall progress was about the same as everyone else’s, he stopped and went to settle accounts with the director.
He stormed into the control room with great momentum. Director Jiang Mumu was enjoying air-conditioning and sipping tea, nearly scared to death.
The director hurriedly put down his teacup and brushed tea off his belly. “President Lu, what brings you here?”
“What brings me? Nothing. All I’m doing now is cheap labor,” Lu Xiao demanded. “Why did you separate me from my wife?”
The director wore an “I’m doing this for your own good” expression. “If you’re always in Meng Xueyuan’s shots, how are you supposed to moonlight as a CEO?”
Lu Xiao: “…”
Director: “Just tell me—are you moonlighting or not?”
Lu Xiao was about to say he’d rather not moonlight when the director glanced at the dozen surveillance feeds and suddenly said, “Oh no—your chickens ran into Meng Xueyuan’s vegetable patch!”
Lu Xiao looked at the monitor. It really was the few chickens he’d been thinking about eating that morning!
His wife’s vegetable patch! He’d never seen such ill-mannered chickens.
Lu Xiao bolted out like the wind, grabbed a branch, and rushed to the field. Five roosters were pecking at the bok choy—not only pecking, but also scratching with their claws, trampling the mustard greens that had just sprouted between the rows.
“Out!” Lu Xiao stepped over the short fence in one stride and chased the roosters away.
But there were five of them—chase one side, the other side runs. Lu Xiao quickly realized this wouldn’t work.
He had to catch them one by one.
He soon caught one and carried it back to the coop, only then noticing a hole in the fence.
He stuck a few branches in to block the hole, then went back to catch more chickens.
When Meng Xueyuan finished work, he saw the scene of chickens flying and dogs jumping.
He wasn’t saying Lu Xiao was the dog.
Lu Xiao had gotten skilled—pressing one chicken down with one hand, eyes fierce. “Dare to eat my wife’s vegetables—are you tired of living?”
One was still at large. Meng Xueyuan stepped over the short fence and caught it in one swift move.
[Holy crap, so fast—faster than my grandma.]
[I can’t watch this show at home anymore. Living just fine, then suddenly I become the comparison group and get despised by my grandpa.]
[Who understands the value of that move? Meng Xueyuan, you’re amazing.]
[Brother Lu, you finally showed up! You and Yuanyuan’s peanut field were separated by a cornfield—it blocked everything. Next time don’t walk so far, got it?]
[Did the civilian do any work just now?]
[He did. I’m sure—I saw his background in the online meeting.]
[I misunderstood civilian bro. He has his own livestream too.]
[So how do we enter the Lu Group livestream?]
[Campus recruitment link ******, social recruitment link ****, here you go.]
[Looked at the requirements—farewell.]
Meng Xueyuan and Lu Xiao each held a chicken and went home together. After working all morning, neither felt it was easy.
Lu Xiao said, “Wife, I’m sorry—I didn’t control my—”
He quickly changed the word. “—poultry.”
Meng Xueyuan lathered his hands carefully. “It’s fine. Totally normal—no one expected the coop to be broken. Luckily it was my field.”
“I finally understand why the show has a cafeteria. Farming is so exhausting—if you had to cook for yourself afterward, you’d just skip eating.”
If that were broadcast live, fans would riot.
Lu Xiao was about to say he still could—
When Meng Xueyuan said, “Let’s eat at the cafeteria too.”
Lu Xiao hesitated. Cafeteria big-pot meals weren’t that great.
Meng Xueyuan persuaded him. “We’re high-school seniors now—eating at the school cafeteria together.”
Lu Xiao said, “Then I’ll be the first there every day to get food and save seats.”
Meng Xueyuan: “Let’s go!”
They ran to the cafeteria and were indeed the first to arrive, each holding a tray and choosing dishes.
Lu Xiao deliberately picked different items from Meng Xueyuan so his wife could eat from his tray too.
The young couple sat under a fan. Meng Xueyuan picked a shrimp for Lu Xiao; Lu Xiao returned a piece of boneless fish.
The taste was decent enough—nothing special, but pretty good when you were hungry.
[I’m stuffed. Skipping this episode.]
[The other workers are here too—you really look like you just came off a construction site. Trays piled high, extra dishes.]
After everyone finished eating, they started exchanging farming tips. The Season One cast was already familiar with each other. Lu Xiao blended right in, while Meng Xueyuan listened attentively.
[Really need this kind of extroverted husband.]
The director finally appeared, had everyone put their phones on the table, cleared his throat, and said, “Was farming tiring this morning?”
Guests: “…”
They had no strength left to talk.
The director coaxed them, “Didn’t it feel like you really needed some help?”
Guests: ?
The director smiled. “Tomorrow, you’ll be reclaiming unused land. You can invite one friend from the industry to help. As long as you can invite them, we’ll cover their appearance fee.”
This time he’d learned his lesson. The deal with sponsors wasn’t a one-off but tiered by traffic. Invite two big shots, and the budget would soar.
Once the buzz exploded, plenty of celebrities would be willing to come rub shoulders.
Lu Xiao was the first to speak. “I’m Meng Xueyuan’s friend. I’ll help him.”
He could just leave his own land fallow.
Director: “Industry friend. You’ve already retired.”
Lu Xiao said, “Re-entering the industry is just one sentence—”
Under the table, Meng Xueyuan pinched Lu Xiao’s thigh.
Lu Xiao said solemnly, “Yes. I’ve been retired for three months.”
[Ahhh, my bro almost re-entered the industry. Meng Xueyuan definitely stepped on his foot under the table.]
[Love-brained and wife-managed—hopeless.]
[Lu Xiao, remember you’re in the CEO circle now. Bring me a capitalist.]
[Daring to dream of the eldest Lu brother.]
[Sis, you dare dream this? That’s a pure-blood CEO! I’ll dream too.]
Director: “Think it through before calling. We’re live.”
Meng Xueyuan was stumped. After Lu Xiao retired, he really didn’t know who to ask for help. Farming was so tiring—how could he trouble others? Maybe ask Lin Mu if he had artists willing to show their faces?
His situation wasn’t too bad. Lu Xiao’s side, though…
“Who are you planning to ask?”
Lu Xiao said, “Chu Hao.”
“If he’s my real brother, he’ll come help me farm.”
Lu Xiao confidently called—and was flatly rejected. Chu Hao had recently been under stakeout scrutiny because of a cuckold scandal. Things had finally cooled down a bit; he didn’t want to stir the fire again.
“Sorry, brother. I really do have a green hat.”
Lu Xiao said understandingly, “I get it.”
Director: “If everyone’s hesitant, how about checking the live chat’s suggestions?”
Some people felt awkward reaching out; the chat could provide a stepping stone.
Meng Xueyuan saw “Lu Xiao” spammed in the comments. Even knowing it was impossible, fans still went wild—what if Lu Xiao re-entered the industry for love?
And Lu Xiao—he saw… his brother’s name???
Seriously? Did people not know his brother was useless?
He needed someone who could actually work, not a blood brother.
Meng Xueyuan and Lu Xiao looked at each other. The chat was no help at all—they’d have to think it through themselves.
