Early July, a midsummer night.
The empty campus stretched from Dormitory 3 to Dormitory 12, a ten-minute walk. Su Xingchuan ran against the breeze, pausing to fix his hair and adjust his collar. By the time he reached Li Xuan’s dorm, panting, he looked up to find Li Xuan already waiting for him at the steps, as if he had been there for a while.
Li Xuan was wearing green-striped pajamas.
He looked like a piece of matcha rice cake.
The yellowish incandescent light above illuminated the top of his head, casting a warm glow, while the evening breeze swirled around him.
When he spotted Su Xingchuan, his eyes widened in surprise. First, he glanced down shyly, but the corners of his mouth slowly lifted.
His emotions were plain to see.
He had run downstairs without even changing out of his pajamas.
All for a kiss.
Su Xingchuan hadn’t had time to think about the rebellious thing he was doing, or how he would face his parents later, or how he would deal with the opinions of others… He didn’t want to think about anything. All he wanted was to hug Li Xuan, kiss him, and make him smile—no need to plead pitifully for time to stop. He had all the time in the world now.
He slowed down for the last few steps, and Li Xuan didn’t move either.
Li Xuan could sense Su Xingchuan’s intentions. He knew he had already won, so he acted spoiled.
He didn’t step down but instead tilted his head and watched Su Xingchuan.
They only held that stalemate for less than two seconds.
Li Xuan, standing on the steps, was just a bit taller than Su Xingchuan. The corners of his mouth curled higher and higher, until he could hardly contain it. Su Xingchuan also smiled, “What are you smiling about?”
Li Xuan asked back, “What are you smiling about?”
Su Xingchuan said nothing, and Li Xuan pretended not to know, “It’s almost midnight. What did you come here for?”
When he spoke, his eyes sparkled, and he looked up at Su Xingchuan with a feigned innocence, his eyes round as if he knew nothing, but in reality, he knew everything.
Su Xingchuan couldn’t hold back any longer. He wrapped his arms around Li Xuan’s waist and lifted him up.
Li Xuan’s light scent of body wash wafted over.
His slender waist and the soft fabric of his cotton pajamas made Su Xingchuan’s heart flutter. As his feet left the ground, Li Xuan tightened his grip around Su Xingchuan’s neck, gasping softly, “Don’t let go!”
Su Xingchuan, teasing him, spun him around once before steadily placing him back on the steps. When he finally set him down, Li Xuan still clung to him, saying, “So childish.”
A few seconds later, he added, “Do it again.”
A muffled laugh came from Su Xingchuan’s chest.
Who was the childish one?
“Su Xingchuan,” Li Xuan’s emotions slowly calmed as he straightened up and asked, “Have you made up your mind?”
Su Xingchuan’s hands were still around his waist. “Actually, when I threw away my train ticket today, I had already decided.”
In his twenty years of life, which he thought he had lived maturely and in control, Su Xingchuan’s path was about to take an unexpected turn because of Li Xuan. But as long as Li Xuan was by his side, there was nothing to fear.
He said, “I like you.”
His tone was gentle and firm.
Li Xuan’s eyelashes fluttered, and his breathing quickened.
He would forever remember this midsummer night in early July, when the heat in the air gradually faded into a light breeze, and the twinkling stars dotted the greenish sky. Everything around them was silent, leaving only the sound of their racing hearts and their breaths mingling.
First love is a gift from the heavens.
Su Xingchuan asked, “Can I kiss you?”
In the past, it was always Li Xuan shamelessly asking, “Can I kiss you?” Now, the roles had reversed; it was Su Xingchuan asking for a kiss.
But Li Xuan remained more proactive.
Instead of answering, he leaned in and planted a kiss on Su Xingchuan’s lips—a very light, brief kiss.
Before Su Xingchuan could feel the softness and warmth of those lips or taste Li Xuan’s flavor, Li Xuan pulled back shyly, his eyes darting nervously. He bit his lips, his cheeks and ears turning a deep red as he hid his hands behind his back.
Su Xingchuan suddenly felt like laughing.
For all his bravado, Li Xuan wasn’t as bold as he seemed.
Su Xingchuan tightened his hold on Li Xuan’s waist, pulling him back before he could react. He captured Li Xuan’s lips again, ignoring his stiffness, and deepened the kiss.
It was a deep, lingering kiss.
From awkward to familiar, it felt like an electric current coursing through his body.
During a brief pause, Su Xingchuan reminded Li Xuan, “Baby, don’t hold your breath.”
Only then did Li Xuan take in fresh air. The next second, he leaned in for another kiss.
Su Xingchuan thought: How could he be this adorable? His looks, his way of acting spoiled, even his pajamas—all of it was too cute. He remembered hearing that if a woman found everything about a man cute, she was hopelessly in love. The same applied to him.
He was done for, beyond rescue.
The story had started at the dimly lit alley, but the love story began under the old light at the dorm entrance. Li Xuan stood on the steps, wrapping his arms around Su Xingchuan’s neck, their lips and tongues intertwined.
They didn’t know how long they kissed before finally parting.
Li Xuan, reluctant, leaned against Su Xingchuan’s chest and said, “Don’t leave tomorrow, okay?”
What was there left for Su Xingchuan to insist on?
He replied, “Okay, I won’t leave.”
Neither of them had their phones and didn’t know the time. Su Xingchuan said, “It’s late. Let’s go back to sleep.”
Li Xuan clung to him, refusing to move.
After a moment, Su Xingchuan added, “Tomorrow morning, I’ll bring you breakfast right to your dorm door. How about that?”
“I’ll sleep in.”
“Even tomorrow morning?”
Li Xuan, pretending indifference, twirled a lock of Su Xingchuan’s hair with his fingers and said, “Why not?”
It seemed he was certain that Su Xingchuan would always give in to him.
“Sleep as long as you want. When you wake up, message me, and I’ll bring the breakfast. Is that okay?”
Li Xuan’s eyes sparkled with joy.
“Okay,” he said, reluctantly letting go, “I’m going back to sleep.”
Su Xingchuan watched him walk away.
Halfway to the door, Li Xuan heard Su Xingchuan call his name. Before he could turn around, Su Xingchuan hugged him from behind.
“One more kiss,” Su Xingchuan said, his voice hoarse.
Li Xuan immediately turned around, leapt into Su Xingchuan’s arms, and cupped his face to kiss him.
Li Xuan asked, “Will you dream of me tonight?”
“I always dream of you.”
Su Xingchuan watched Li Xuan walk into the dorm building.
His heart was still full of excitement.
From today onward, he had a boyfriend.
.
In the first two days after confirming their relationship, Su Xingchuan remained restrained, and Li Xuan occasionally acted shy. They stopped at kissing.
On the fifth day, however, Su Xingchuan’s mother called, asking when he would come home. Li Xuan became anxious, sitting directly in his lap, pouting and looking at him pitifully.
He mouthed, “Don’t go home!”
So, Su Xingchuan came up with more excuses for his mother.
Though she found it odd, she didn’t press further.
After hanging up, Su Xingchuan hugged Li Xuan’s waist, feeling uncertain. He hadn’t figured out how to tell his parents about this.
Li Xuan told him not to say anything for now, his tone childish, “Let’s just enjoy dating for now. Don’t think too much.”
Su Xingchuan chuckled, “Alright.”
Li Xuan leaned on his shoulder, then suddenly asked, “Su Xingchuan, you said you always dream of me. What do you dream about?”
He stared intently at Su Xingchuan.
With Su Xingchuan about to leave, he had to do something.
The hand that was on Li Xuan’s waist slowly slid down. “You really want to know?”
Li Xuan blushed, hugging him tightly, avoiding his intense gaze, and mumbled, “I want to know.”
He often spoke without a subject.
It sounded even sweeter.
In his dreams, it was always Li Xuan’s voice.
He loved acting spoiled too much, always speaking in a soft, lingering tone. Especially when he was holding onto Su Xingchuan, his breath tickled his ear, and he would move his body, his calves brushing against Su Xingchuan’s legs.
*
The memory would become vivid and then blur.
Seven years later, many details had faded.
He wanted to recall their first night at a hotel, but instead, the memory of their breakup replayed. He had held
Li Xuan’s arm, eyes red, asking, “What happened? Baby, whatever it is, we can work through it together. Let’s not break up, okay?”
Li Xuan’s tears fell before his own.
He seemed scared but refused to say what he was afraid of, only sobbing, “No, no…”
He struggled out of Su Xingchuan’s arms.
“Let’s break up, Su Xingchuan.”
“Li Xuan—”
Su Xingchuan opened his eyes, his breathing still ragged, a thin layer of cold sweat on his forehead. He saw the familiar ceiling.
It was his home, not the hotel room they had once stayed at in Jiang City, nor A University’s campus.
Just another dream.
.
It took Su Xingchuan a while to recall the phone alarm vibrating by his ear. He reached out to turn it off.
7:20. Time to get up for work.
A week had passed since the unpleasant dinner at the restaurant, and he was still stationed at Zhongjin for due diligence.
He and Xu Zhengdong hadn’t had the expected conflicts.
He was busy, and Xu Zhengdong was even busier, traveling for a few days and then being caught up in meetings for the company’s IPO.
Today, as Xu Zhengdong left the conference room, his secretary was on the phone with Su Xingchuan about market research.
Only then did Xu Zhengdong remember him.
He walked into the temporary office where Su Xingchuan was working, knocking on the door. Su Xingchuan was writing a report and immediately stood up, greeting, “Mr. Xu.”
He was polite but expressionless.
Though Xu Zhengdong didn’t expect him to call him uncle, he also didn’t anticipate such a cold “Mr. Xu.”
Xu Zhengdong hesitated, assuming that he and Li Xuan must have reconciled. Could it be—
Impossible. He had provided such a good environment for them to reconnect. If they still couldn’t make up, it just meant they weren’t meant to be.
Had he misjudged?
He pulled out a chair and sat down, asking a few questions about the IPO before getting straight to the point.
“Li Xuan went to Shenzhen for training these past few days—a training program for some integration project. He just returned yesterday.”
He was trying to find a topic.
But from Su Xingchuan’s perspective, it felt like Xu Zhengdong was showing off, trying to assert dominance.
He lowered his head to organize the paperwork. “Is that so? I didn’t know.”
Indeed, he didn’t know. They hadn’t been in contact these past few days. Even though he frequently dreamed of their past seven years ago, he had no grounds to disrupt Li Xuan’s life.
Seeing the despondency on Su Xingchuan’s face, Xu Zhengdong was momentarily at a loss.
He had guessed correctly.
They hadn’t reconciled.
So, this kid only dared to talk big in front of him but wouldn’t say a word in front of Li Xuan?
Xu Zhengdong’s blood pressure spiked.
There really was no such thing as a breakup without reason. This kid was clearly not right for Li Xuan.
He stood up abruptly, shaking his head. “A dead tree cannot be carved,” he muttered before leaving.
“…” Su Xingchuan was stunned.
He was utterly confused.
Just then, he received a message from Xie Liang: “Finally found a good date for the wedding with my in-laws and a fortune teller—set for the third day of the Lunar New Year.”
Su Xingchuan replied: “Congrats, soon-to-be groom.”
Xie Liang: “Enjoy your freedom while you can. My wife and I went for the premarital checkup, and she wants me to go to the andrology clinic today to check my sperm count. I really don’t want to go to such a place, but I have no choice. It’s stressing me out.”
Su Xingchuan consoled him: “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
Xie Liang: “Oh, I almost forgot. You were just there for surgery recently, and it was your ex who performed it, haha!”
Su Xingchuan: “…”
What was going on today? Why was everyone bringing up Li Xuan? It was already hard enough to forget, and now it hurt even more.
Sitting in his office chair, he looked out at the skyscrapers and then closed his eyes, rubbing his temples.
On the other side, Li Xuan had just finished surgery.
Exhausted, he sat down and rubbed his forehead.
He hadn’t been sleeping well lately.
Ever since breaking up with Su Xingchuan, he had felt incredibly insecure. He used to sleep anywhere, but now he could only fall asleep in his own bed, the one he had slept in for years.
Traveling had become a torment, leaving him tossing and turning through sleepless nights, especially with so much on his mind.
That day, when he asked Su Xingchuan, “I want to know how important I was to you back then,” Su Xingchuan’s response was, “You were important.”
He kept replaying those words during his sleepless nights.
But when he thought about whether he and Su Xingchuan still had a chance, he was overwhelmed with guilt and self-loathing. Even though Su Xingchuan was with someone else, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if he should fight for him—how unforgivable.
He rubbed his nose bridge repeatedly, trying to ease his headache.
But he couldn’t calm down.
Until another doctor called him to the outpatient department, saying the director wanted to see him. Li Xuan immediately got up.
He walked through the glass corridor of the andrology department to the outpatient area and headed for the elevator to the fifth floor. It was a workday, so the hospital wasn’t too crowded, and the lobby was relatively quiet.
Li Xuan wore a mask, his face serious, standing by the elevator.
After a few seconds, the elevator doors opened.
Inside were a man and a woman.
Li Xuan lowered his head as he stepped in, pressing the button for the fifth floor. Suddenly, as if something occurred to him, he looked up at the two people exiting the elevator.
Was that… Xie Liang?
Ignoring the closing elevator doors, he stepped out and walked a few steps to confirm.
It really was Xie Liang.
Xie Liang was walking with a young woman in a wool coat. The woman was holding Xie Liang’s arm, occasionally turning to chat with a smile. Xie Liang wrapped an arm around her waist.
Li Xuan stood frozen.
Xie Liang—wasn’t he supposed to be Su Xingchuan’s boyfriend?
