Chapter 59
After Tan Ning took the initiative just once, Lin Song’an kept him up all night.
By the time they were both utterly exhausted, Tan Ning, resting his head on Lin Song’an’s shoulder, thought helplessly: I’m never initiating again.
The next day, he was so tired that he fell asleep as soon as they got in the car, napping all the way to Ningjiang. They had lunch at Fang Jin’s house and then went home to pack—Tan Ning was about to head abroad.
Lin Song’an had prepared a medicine kit for him, filled with a variety of common medicines from back home, just in case. This was Tan Ning’s first time leaving the country, and he was quite clueless about everything. While Lin Song’an always seemed like a pampered young master with two attendants by his side, when it came to Tan Ning, he acted more like a responsible guardian.
“Ning Ning, bring over any documents you’ll need.”
So Tan Ning gathered his diploma, transcript, passport, and photo IDs—both originals and copies.
“Ning Ning, bring a few photos too—both passport and visa sizes.”
Tan Ning went back to his room to dig up the photos.
“As for adapter plugs and electronics, I’ve already asked a friend there to prepare them. I’ll go with you, and anything missing, we’ll buy there.”
Tan Ning nodded, a bit dazed. “Okay.”
He packed clothes for all four seasons and, while Lin Song’an wasn’t looking, snuck in one of Lin Song’an’s less-worn sets of pajamas. Leaning casually against the wardrobe, he said, “All done with clothes.”
“You don’t need to pack too much clothing; we can buy things there if needed.”
Lifting the suitcase, Lin Song’an tested its weight. “Not too heavy—but it’s okay if it is. I’ll be with you every time you come and go.”
Tan Ning felt a sudden tightness in his chest, looking down in silence.
Lin Song’an placed the suitcase by the door, noticing that Tan Ning seemed down. He was about to offer some comfort when Tan Ning walked alone to the kitchen and, without a word, began preparing dinner. Lin Song’an moved to approach him, but Tan Ning sidestepped away.
After rummaging through the fridge for a while, Lin Song’an asked what he was looking for, but Tan Ning simply dashed out the door.
Ten minutes later, Lin Song’an was about to go looking for him when Tan Ning returned, slightly out of breath, holding several packs of pickled mustard greens.
He made two bowls of pork and pickled mustard green noodles for Lin Song’an.
It reminded Lin Song’an of the last time Tan Ning made this dish for him, during the aftermath of a painful rut period.
During that time, even omegas would fear being with alphas because of the alpha’s lack of restraint and need to vent endlessly. Lin Song’an couldn’t imagine how Tan Ning endured it—getting hurt again and again, only to gather the courage to stay by his side and even get up in the middle of the night to make him noodles.
Watching Tan Ning from behind, Lin Song’an thought, For him, I’d do anything.
Tan Ning also fried two eggs and added boiled greens to the noodle bowls.
Lin Song’an sat at the table, waiting.
“To keep it simple, I just made noodles,” Tan Ning said, his voice firm, hiding any sentimental meaning behind the dish.
“This is my favorite.”
“You can’t even make it yourself.”
Lin Song’an chuckled, “I know how now—I watched you make it a few times.”
After a couple of bites, Tan Ning suddenly said, “Even if you can make it, don’t do it.”
Lin Song’an paused, confused.
“Don’t eat it often, or the noodles I make won’t be special anymore.”
Lin Song’an froze, then laughed, “All right, I’ll only eat the ones you make. If I get a craving, I’ll fly to England and wait in your apartment until you’re home to cook them for me. How about that?”
Tan Ning’s mood finally improved a bit.
Everything went smoothly in England. A friend of Lin Song’an’s picked them up and took them to Tan Ning’s apartment.
They had already visited it once when looking for a place, and Lin Song’an’s friend had arranged for it to be cleaned and prepped. Tan Ning could move right in.
They left the luggage in the living room, went out to eat with Lin Song’an’s friends, and took a stroll around campus. One friend enthusiastically pointed out landmarks and places to visit, but Tan Ning’s mind kept drifting back to Lin Song’an. Dressed simply, Lin Song’an still stood out, and Tan Ning found himself recalling their first encounter that night.
“Ning Ning.”
Tan Ning looked up to see Lin Song’an standing at a corner, smiling and holding out his hand.
He quickly ran over and clasped Lin Song’an’s hand tightly. Tan Ning didn’t want to admit how sad he felt, a sadness almost as intense as when Yue Ying had left him alone years ago.
He had grown used to being with Lin Song’an every day, used to falling asleep in his arms. He couldn’t imagine how he’d manage without him.
Thinking of this, he abruptly let go of Lin Song’an’s hand. Lin Song’an, baffled by this small show of temper, wrapped his arm around Tan Ning’s shoulders and asked, “What’s wrong, Ning Ning?”
Tan Ning wanted to say he didn’t want to waste time outside. He wanted to be alone with Lin Song’an.
Glaring at Lin Song’an, he noticed that Lin seemed oblivious, his usual intuition gone. Lin Song’an asked gently, “Ning Ning, are you tired?”
It seemed to Tan Ning that Lin Song’an was far too relaxed, as if the upcoming separation meant nothing to him.
A friend asked, “Song’an, how long are you staying?”
“Just until tomorrow. I have work back home.”
Tan Ning’s breath caught.
“Oh, that’s a pity. Zheng Xiao wanted to come from Italy to see you. Will you be back next weekend?”
Lin Song’an glanced at Tan Ning apologetically, “Next weekend might be tough. I should have some time at the end of the month.”
Tan Ning’s face fell. Nearly a month without seeing each other?
“Work is that busy? Has your dad handed everything over to you?”
“He’s supervising engineering, but the rest is my responsibility.”
“That must be exhausting.”
Lin Song’an nodded, “A bit, yes.”
Their friends chatted on, but Tan Ning couldn’t focus; his mind was spinning with thoughts of Lin Song’an’s absence for the whole month.
That night, Lin Song’an folded all of Tan Ning’s clothes and placed them in the closet. Once everything was organized, he showered and went to bed, thinking Tan Ning was studying in the living room and choosing not to disturb him.
Lin Song’an received a message from the doctor detailing pre- and post-surgery care:
“Mr. Lin, due to the level of your pheromones, your post-surgery isolation will last half a month.”
“Will I be able to leave the hospital within a month?”
“It should be possible; the procedure isn’t complex. The isolation is just a bit inconvenient. Is there an urgent matter after your discharge?”
“Yes, my boyfriend is alone in the UK. I don’t feel comfortable leaving him for long.”
“All right, I’ll adjust the schedule accordingly.”
Lin Song’an was about to set his phone down when he realized the living room was too quiet, so he went to check on Tan Ning.
He found Tan Ning curled up on the couch, knees to his chest, his gaze unfocused.
Lin Song’an reached for his hand and found it cold to the touch.
“Ning Ning, what’s wrong?”
Tan Ning buried his face in his arms, ignoring him.
Lin Song’an brushed his fingers through Tan Ning’s hair, breathing in the familiar, faint scent that was uniquely his. As he moved closer, pressing his nose to Tan Ning’s neck, Tan Ning pushed him away.
He turned, looking defensive.
“What’s going on?” Lin Song’an had a brief flash of guilt—had Tan Ning found something out?
Tan Ning remained silent.
Lin Song’an’s mind raced. He and the doctor had only spoken in person or over the phone, and there had only been one text, just a moment ago, so Tan Ning couldn’t know.
“Ning Ning…” Lin Song’an gently asked, “Why are you upset?”
Tan Ning pushed past him and headed for the door, but Lin Song’an quickly caught him, pinning him against the wall. Just as he was about to speak, he saw the tears welling in Tan Ning’s eyes.
“Why do you seem so unbothered?”
“I—”
“You’re leaving tomorrow, and won’t be back until the end of the month. Why does it feel like it doesn’t matter to you? You said you’d come often, but here we are, starting with an entire month apart.” His voice broke as he whispered, “You’re leaving me behind again.”
Lin Song’an hugged him tightly. “Why would I leave you behind? It’s just that work’s too hectic right now. The projects I coordinated on the last business trip are all moving forward, and it’s meeting after meeting. I really don’t have time.”
“Not even one afternoon?” Tan Ning asked, his voice shaking. “Just come on Sunday afternoons, fly here at noon, and leave that night. It wouldn’t take long.”
“That’s too troublesome. But once I finish things up, I’ll come every week. All right?”
Tan Ning buried his face in Lin Song’an’s shoulder, finally letting the tears flow.
He had never felt a month stretch so long. Deep down, he sensed something he couldn’t name. It had been gnawing at him since that night Lin Song’an had cut his hand with the broken porcelain shard.
In some moments, he felt he completely had Lin Song’an, and in others, he felt he couldn’t fully grasp him.
“Lin Song’an, can you come next week?” he choked out, “I’ll book your ticket. I’ll make the pork noodles.”
Lin Song’an stayed silent.
Tear-stained and desperate, Tan Ning held Lin Song’an’s face and whispered, using the endearment Lin Song’an had playfully begged him to use before, though he’d never actually done so.
“Come next week, please, husband?”
Lin Song’an avoided Tan Ning’s gaze and said, “I can’t, Ning Ning.”
MY BABIES ?????? My heart aches