Chapter 51
Holding an umbrella, Lin Song’an looked down at Tan Ning’s smiling face. “What’s got you so happy?”
Tan Ning shook his head, stretching his hand outside the umbrella to catch a few drops of rain, then flicked them onto Lin Song’an’s nose. Lin Song’an, unbothered, wrinkled his nose and pretended to bite him. Tan Ning tried to dodge but ended up being pulled into Lin Song’an’s embrace.
“Didn’t you drive?”
“No, I just wanted to walk with you in the rain.”
Tan Ning smiled softly without replying.
They walked toward the Tianhe Villa, passing through a street lined with food vendors. Tan Ning bought a roasted sweet potato, and Lin Song’an, under Tan Ning’s direction, bought a multi-grain pancake with sausage and egg. They took turns eating, sharing bites.
“Not bad,” Lin Song’an remarked, trying the pancake for the first time.
Tan Ning teased him for his lack of experience.
“My mom wouldn’t allow it. I used to crave spicy snacks, but the closest I got was the homemade kind our housekeeper made with beef tendon noodles. Anything from outside, my mom wouldn’t even let me near it.”
Feeling sorry for him, Tan Ning offered him some sweet potato.
“Why didn’t you buy it secretly?”
Lin Song’an leaned close to his ear and whispered, “I did.”
Tan Ning burst out laughing.
As the rain lessened, they slowed their pace. Tan Ning asked if Lin Song’an’s arm was tired and offered to hold the umbrella, but Lin Song’an refused, saying, “Whenever we walk together, I’ll be the one holding the umbrella.”
Tan Ning didn’t ask why.
He liked hearing Lin Song’an talk about the “future.”
When they first started dating, Lin Song’an had been too confident, making Tan Ning feel insecure. Hearing him say he “wasn’t in a relationship” had led Tan Ning to quickly end things, unwilling to take any risks. Back then, if Lin Song’an had said even once, “In the future, we’ll do this or that,” Tan Ning wouldn’t have left so abruptly.
They hadn’t really known how to love at that time.
“Lin Song’an, back then…” Tan Ning hesitated. “When I said we should break up, what did you think?”
Lin Song’an thought for a moment. “What did I think? I was going crazy, replaying everything to figure out what I did wrong. I wondered if I hadn’t been good enough to you. But you didn’t even give me a chance to make it up to you. You just deleted my contact without a word and refused to see me. You have no idea how much it hurt.”
Tan Ning pursed his lips.
“So, was that really the reason you broke up with me?” Lin Song’an always felt there was more to it.
Tan Ning paused, then shook his head.
“Are you a little rattle drum? Always shaking your head?”
“Because I don’t want to say.”
Tan Ning held many things inside: his father’s accident, his mother’s abandonment, years of neglect and isolation, and even his achievements, which he had no one to share with. These feelings had weighed on him, slowly dissipating over time, yet some memories still had thorns. Just thinking of them pricked his heart with pain.
“Lin Song’an, you were actually the worst,” he thought to himself. “From the beginning, I really wanted to be with you, but you were too much.”
Lin Song’an would forget what happened during his rut episodes. The physical suffering lasted two days and nights, after which he was fine. But the outbursts, loss of control, sudden personality changes, and harsh words lingered with Tan Ning, who remained fully conscious.
The first time Tan Ning helped Lin Song’an through an episode, he was so panicked he even fainted, so he hardly remembered it. The second time, he spent a long time preparing mentally, nervously slipping into Lin Song’an’s arms before it even began, shaking with anxiety.
He remembered it was a rainy day, and for some reason, Lin Song’an’s mood was low. Lin Song’an’s grip on Tan Ning was so tight he felt his waist might snap, and his legs ached until he could hardly move. When he tried to pull away, he only made it a few steps before Lin Song’an dragged him back.
Lin Song’an got angry. He was in the most excruciating part of his susceptibility, and Tan Ning had only partially relieved his pain, stirring up even stronger desires without fully satisfying him. Seeing Tan Ning trying to escape fueled his frustration.
He bit the back of Tan Ning’s neck.
Though Tan Ning had never been shown much love, he’d also never been physically hurt. He immediately burst into tears, struggling to push Lin Song’an away, swinging his fists wildly, though he stood no chance against an alpha. Lin Song’an easily pinned both his slender wrists to the pillow, resuming his advances. Tan Ning couldn’t tell if his face was wet with tears or sweat, feeling as if everything was a blur.
Near the end, Lin Song’an, exhausted and irrational, buried his face in Tan Ning’s neck. After biting down, he muttered, “Oh, right, you’re not an omega.”
Tan Ning froze.
He stared at the bedside lamp in disbelief.
A surge of bitterness spread through him like vines, filling every part of his heart. Looking at the red marks on his body, Lin Song’an’s words, “you’re not an omega,” replayed in his mind.
He knew Lin Song’an’s words during the rut were unfiltered, but he still couldn’t stop the sadness.
Even now, when he recalled those words, a moment of breathlessness overtook him.
He halted, looking up at Lin Song’an with teary amber eyes, filled with resentment.
Lin Song’an froze. “Ning Ning?”
The more Tan Ning thought about it, the angrier he felt, nearly stepping outside the umbrella’s cover before Lin Song’an pulled him back into his arms.
“What’s on your mind? Tell me, please?”
Tan Ning felt resigned. Sharing his inner troubles with Lin Song’an would only burden him, so there was no need.
He looked down at the scar on Lin Song’an’s hand from the broken porcelain, biting his lip.
Could he still bear to blame him?
He couldn’t.
Tan Ning calmed down on his own and replied icily, “Let’s go.”
Puzzled, Lin Song’an followed, oblivious to the storm in Tan Ning’s mind.
Back home, with Lin Song’an slightly wet from the rain, Tan Ning went to the kitchen to make flower tea, and they watched a movie together.
Lin Song’an mentioned that he had a business trip to Shanghai the next day, which would last about five days.
Tan Ning only gave a faint “hmm” and continued watching the movie, seemingly indifferent. Lin Song’an turned off the projector, and in the dim light of the living room, he could clearly see the discontent on Tan Ning’s face.
Little cat Tan wasn’t good at being alone.
Lin Song’an pulled him into his arms. “What am I going to do? Little cat Tan, I’m already missing you before I’ve even left.”
Tan Ning nestled against his chest, silent and sulking.
Lin Song’an kissed his cheek, his ear, feeling the warmth and smoothness of Tan Ning’s skin.
Then Tan Ning suddenly asked, “Lin Song’an, are you struggling now?”
Lin Song’an paused.
Since Fang Jin’s letter had thrust Lin Yexun into the spotlight, he’d been summoned for interviews with the Securities Regulatory Commission several times, Tianhe Group’s stock had plummeted, and there was the risk of major shareholders pulling out. Lin Song’an had been appointed acting chairman amid the chaos, facing a pile of complex issues. Though he didn’t say anything, Tan Ning knew how hard it must be.
Fang Jin hadn’t made things difficult for Tan Ning lately, likely out of consideration for Lin Song’an.
“Lin Song’an, how’s your dad doing now?”
“I can’t reach him.”
“Is everything going smoothly with you taking over?”
Fang Jin’s actions had taken down Lin Yexun, but they had also put Lin Song’an in a tough spot. The major shareholders couldn’t read the situation, unsure of which side this young heir was loyal to, and many veteran board members were openly dissatisfied with his age.
But Lin Song’an kissed Tan Ning’s forehead and said, “Ning Ning, whether things go smoothly or not, I’ll manage. Because you’re my anchor. As long as you’re here, I feel at peace.”
Tan Ning looked up, his gaze trailing slowly from Lin Song’an’s eyes to his nose and then to his lips.
He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to them.
Lin Song’an leaned back, and suddenly, Tan Ning had him pinned on the sofa. Tan Ning’s hands rested on his shoulders, shyly stroking his neck with a slight awkwardness.
“Ning Ning, sit up a bit higher.”
Lin Song’an’s husky voice sounded close to his ear. Tan Ning’s whole body warmed as he felt Lin Song’an’s touch, traveling up his spine and reaching his heart. He let out a soft breath, only for Lin Song’an to catch it in a kiss.
Lin Song’an bit his lip gently, making Tan Ning shiver.
As Lin Song’an lifted his sweater hem, he touched the slim curve of Tan Ning’s waist.
“Ning Ning, when I get back from my trip, how about I take you to get a couple of suits tailored?”
Tan Ning, flustered, nodded vaguely.
“Then we’ll get your measurements: how slim your waist is, how…round your backside is—I’ll know it all.”
“What are you planning?”
Lin Song’an chuckled, watching Tan Ning’s flushed face, his rosy lips parting slightly. Caught in Lin Song’an’s gaze, he pressed his lips together shyly.
Though it was their first love for both of them, they’d moved quickly past the innocent stage. After a few hesitant touches, they’d become intimately familiar, though Tan Ning remained somewhat inexperienced.
Even after taking the initiative once when Lin Song’an’s hand was injured, he still needed Lin Song’an’s guidance each time.
He still had a lot to learn.
Good student Tan Ning might get shy or distracted, but he always had a good attitude about learning.
“What am I planning?” Lin Song’an gave his rear a playful squeeze. “Isn’t it obvious?”
Tan Ning instinctively looked away.
But Lin Song’an took hold of his chin, guiding his focus back. “Where are you looking? Shouldn’t you be looking at me right now?”
Tan Ning was too shy to meet his gaze, often distracted by objects in the room—the vase, the painting, or the leaves and half-moon outside the window—anything to avoid focusing entirely on the moment.
“Ning Ning, look at me.”
Tan Ning turned, meeting Lin Song’an’s gaze, feeling his heart skip and tingle.
“You’re at your most beautiful right now.” Lin Song’an traced Tan Ning’s cheek with his thumb, brushing against the small brown mole near his eye. Tan Ning, flushed and radiant, his long hair falling over his shoulder to reveal part of his collarbone, looked entirely disheveled.
Lin Song’an was still fully dressed, while Tan Ning wore only a bracelet on his wrist.
Lin Song’an took his hand and pressed a kiss into his palm, softly calling him “baby.”
Tan Ning couldn’t stand the affectionate nickname, but he clung to Lin Song’an tightly as he repeated it over and over, whispering sweet nothings.
“I love you so much,” Lin Song’an said.
Tan Ning’s lips brushed against his temple.
The temperature between them kept rising, and even pressing his lips together couldn’t contain the soft, breathy sounds slipping out.
“When I’m away, if I call you—a video call—will you answer, Ning Ning?”
He asked, already knowing the answer.
Tan Ning felt as if he’d been scattered into pieces and barely caught Lin Song’an’s words, only hearing the “will you” as he begged him to slow down. “I will, I will,” he said urgently.
“And whatever I ask Ning Ning to do, Ning Ning will do?”
Tan Ning bit his lip hard, nodding without hesitation.
“Even…take off your clothes?”
Panting softly, his chest heaving, he hadn’t yet recovered when Lin Song’an’s next question came: “Will you tell me you love me, that you miss me?”
Tan Ning froze. “No.”
Lin Song’an smirked. “Oh, that won’t do. You already agreed, little lawyer Tan—you can’t go back on a deal.”
Tan Ning wanted to tell him he was taking advantage of him, that the contract was void.
But Lin Song’an didn’t give him a chance to back out. He carried him into the bedroom and repeated each of those questions until Tan Ning buried his face in the blanket, sobbing, “Yes, yes.”
