Chapter 17
Lin Song’an’s car was parked at the entrance.
It was the same Land Rover that Tan Ning had ridden in when he first met him.
Leaning against the car, Lin Song’an wore a gray-black ribbed knit short-sleeve shirt and sleek black trousers. Like an elegant orchid or a jade tree, the dilapidated low walls of the street only accentuated the untouchable nobility of him and his car.
The wind tousled his hair, and he raised a hand to smooth it. Then he saw Tan Ning slowly walking out.
He couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow and curve his lips into a smile. “So unwilling? Did I wake you up?”
Tan Ning clenched the hem of his shirt, silently thinking: Changing clothes, washing his face, and combing his hair took a total of three and a half minutes—was that slow?
But he remained silent.
Lin Song’an walked over to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. It was a strong hug, and Tan Ning felt his heart being squeezed, yet his heartbeat kept accelerating.
“You never remember my birthday,” Lin Song’an sighed heavily, biting Tan Ning’s ear as if seeking praise. “Yet I let bygones be bygones and drove five hours to celebrate yours.”
His breath brushed against Tan Ning’s ear, making him shudder.
Before Tan Ning could react, Lin Song’an eagerly led him to the trunk of the car.
When he opened it, sparkling fairy lights and colorful balloons filled the space. After the balloons floated away, Tan Ning finally saw that there was a cake and three wrapped gift boxes inside.
“Choose one,” Lin Song’an said, holding Tan Ning’s waist and nudging him forward. “If you give me a kiss, you can have all three.”
Tan Ning just looked without reaching out.
This wasn’t the first time Lin Song’an had celebrated his birthday. Last year, Tan Ning had stayed on campus in July to earn tutoring fees and hadn’t gone home. Lin Song’an had taken him to a restaurant to celebrate. It was his twentieth birthday, and Tan Ning felt it didn’t matter whether he celebrated or not, but Lin Song’an said it was important.
Seeing that Tan Ning wasn’t taking any of the gifts, Lin Song’an was about to urge him when he heard Tan Ning say his first words of the night: “Thank you.”
Lin Song’an used his fingers to comb through Tan Ning’s hair, tucking the strands that had fallen over his face behind his ear.
Tan Ning suddenly saying “thank you” left Lin Song’an unsure how to respond. His heart softened for a moment, and he said, “I was just teasing. They’re all for you; you don’t have to choose.”
But Tan Ning shook his head and repeated, “Thank you.”
Sensing that Tan Ning wasn’t in a good mood, Lin Song’an pulled him back into his arms and gently patted his back.
“What happened?”
With his face buried in Lin Song’an’s shoulder, Tan Ning didn’t reply, and Lin Song’an didn’t press further.
Lin Song’an’s embrace was solid and warm.
Suddenly, Tan Ning recalled many years ago.
He was eight then, not yet so gloomy, with short-cropped hair. It was also a summer day, and he was holding an ice cream, waiting at the school gate for Yue Ying to pick him up.
Yue Ying arrived but was furious.
She grabbed his hand and dragged him onto an electric scooter, quickly riding to the entrance of an apartment complex. Before Tan Ning could react, she dragged him upstairs. Climbing to the fifth floor left Tan Ning out of breath, his little face flushed. He clung to Yue Ying’s arm, complaining, “Mom, what are you doing? I dropped my ice cream!”
“Ice cream? You’re about to lose your father, and you’re worried about ice cream?”
Tan Ning was stunned.
Yue Ying knocked on a door, and half a minute later, footsteps and a woman’s voice came from inside: “Who is it?”
As soon as the door opened, Yue Ying started shouting: “Tan Wenbin, you beast! You don’t come home, messing around with a married woman, living in her house—have you no shame? I brought your son here to see what kind of person his father is!”
For a moment, Tan Ning couldn’t understand her words. He only felt his heart pounding, and the ice cream he’d eaten churned uneasily in his stomach.
The woman couldn’t stop Yue Ying, who dragged Tan Ning inside. Yue Ying opened every door but didn’t find any sign of Tan Wenbin, though his shoes were indeed at the entrance.
Just as Yue Ying frowned, Tan Ning heard a very slight sound from the bedroom closet.
He stood on tiptoe and opened the wardrobe.
His father was hiding inside.
In that brief, panicked eye contact, Tan Ning couldn’t remember exactly what happened next. He only recalled Yue Ying rushing over, his father fleeing outside—a ridiculous farce. When Tan Ning chased downstairs, Yue Ying had cornered Tan Wenbin by the roadside, cursing him as a beast and shouting about divorce. As Tan Wenbin retreated, pleading bitterly, a black sedan sped down the road.
Sudden brakes, a loud crash.
Blood and flesh mangled.
Tan Ning felt a ringing in his ears.
At that moment, Yue Ying turned to look at him.
He abruptly stopped in his tracks, not understanding why she looked at him like that.
Why? Was it his fault?
Yes, it was his fault. He shouldn’t have opened that wardrobe.
It was his fault.
His world stopped in that summer when he was eight years old. Ever since, life had been a nightmare.
It was all his fault.
*
“Let’s have some cake first.”
Lin Song’an’s voice broke through Tan Ning’s memories. He looked up and saw the worry in Lin Song’an’s eyes.
Sensing Tan Ning’s distress, Lin Song’an touched his cheek. “Let’s eat the cake. No crying on your birthday.”
Tan Ning stared fixedly at Lin Song’an.
Perhaps if the streetlights were brighter, or if Lin Song’an looked more closely, he might have seen the dependence in Tan Ning’s light amber eyes. But Tan Ning’s vulnerability was fleeting, and Lin Song’an always missed it.
Soon, Tan Ning looked away, reverting to his cold demeanor.
“Shall we find a place?” Lin Song’an glanced around.
Tan Ning led him to a small park. It was more of an open space with a few rusty exercise machines scattered around and a stone chess table.
“Why is it so chilly?” Lin Song’an remarked casually.
Tan Ning looked back and realized Lin Song’an was standing directly in the path of the alley’s draft. Though it was summer, the late-night breeze was cool.
Without a word, Tan Ning sat on a stone bench beside Lin Song’an, prompting Lin Song’an to sit opposite him.
Not noticing Tan Ning’s actions, Lin Song’an set down the cake and sat. “You took my seat.”
Muttering, Lin Song’an untied the bow on the cake box. Tan Ning glanced at him, then sternly looked away.
“You don’t like sweets, and I’m not big on cake either, so I didn’t get a large one.”
Lin Song’an had ordered a simple white cake with a chubby little cat perched on top. Beside the cat was a small card that read: “Happy Birthday to Little Cat Tan!”
Tan Ning frowned. Lin Song’an smiled and took out candles. “Little cat, do you want to light the candles yourself?”
“I’m not—”
“You’re not what?”
Sullenly, Tan Ning said, “I don’t like cats.”
He thought of the fluffy blue-golden shaded kitten he’d seen on Lin Song’an’s phone—the soft fur and pink paws always reminded him of Ye Ling.
“Alright, I’ll take back that nickname,” Lin Song’an said, helping him light the candles. “Classmate Tan Ning, make a wish.”
The cool breeze dispelled the stifling heat. In the middle of the overgrown grass, in a small open space surrounded by old residential buildings, under the dim streetlights, the weak candle flames danced as if they were performing.
Lin Song’an shielded the candles with his hand. “Hurry and make a wish. Or you can tell me—if it’s something God can’t grant, maybe I can.”
He grinned shamelessly.
Tan Ning stared blankly at him.
The next second, Tan Ning suddenly asked, “Lin Song’an, should I cut my hair?”
A question completely unrelated to the moment.
“Ah?” Lin Song’an was momentarily caught off guard. “Cut your hair? Why? You look great as you are.”
Tan Ning was startled, then a barely noticeable smile curved his lips.
He lowered his head, closed his eyes, and clasped his hands to make a wish.
With Lin Song’an’s company, fifteen minutes before midnight, Tan Ning blew out the candles and celebrated his twenty-first birthday.
Perhaps because of the atmosphere and the grievances he’d suffered during the day, Tan Ning felt more at ease. Lin Song’an was carefully cutting out the piece of cake with the little cat, and Tan Ning watched him earnestly, words on the tip of his tongue.
He had accumulated many things to say over the past year.
Maybe he could say them now.
Just as Tan Ning was about to speak, Lin Song’an handed him the slice of cake he’d cut.
Tan Ning noticed his watch.
He’d changed it again.
Clearly, the black strap and blue-dial mechanical watch Tan Ning had bought would have matched Lin Song’an’s outfit today—even matched his Land Rover. Tan Ning couldn’t fathom Lin Song’an’s preferences.
He subconsciously asked, “Why aren’t you wearing the watch with the blue dial?”
“The blue one…” Lin Song’an pondered for a moment. “Oh, you mean the one with the leather strap.”
Lin Song’an thought to himself: Every year, his mother gave him birthday gifts that seemed like freebies thrown in after spending millions at a boutique. She gave them to him as if they were thoughtful gifts, and he had to pretend to wear them occasionally to show filial piety.
He complained, “That was a gift from my mom. I don’t like it; the design isn’t appealing, and it’s too light on the wrist.”
Tan Ning’s heart sank bit by bit.
Like riding a roller coaster.
Fortunately, he hadn’t impulsively said anything.
“When did you start caring about my watches? Or are you suddenly interested in watches? You should’ve told me earlier; I thought you didn’t like them, so I specifically didn’t buy a watch as a gift.”
“No,” Tan Ning shook his head. “No.”
Lin Song’an felt that Tan Ning seemed to have something to say earlier, but now Tan Ning was focused on eating his cake, not paying him any attention.
“Is the cake good?”
Using the small spoon, Tan Ning poked at the cream cat and said, “It’s good.”
After finishing the cake, the sweetness made Tan Ning thirsty, so Lin Song’an returned to the car to fetch two bottles of mineral water. Tan Ning took one and said, “Thank you.”
Lin Song’an appeared a bit weary.
Tan Ning thought Lin Song’an might spend the night in the car. When he first stepped out earlier, for a few seconds, he even considered suggesting Lin Song’an park in a more secluded spot, but now it seemed Lin Song’an had no such intention.
There was a moment of silence between them.
They were still like this—having nothing to say when they weren’t in bed.
Tan Ning stood up to throw the cake box into a nearby trash can. When he returned, Lin Song’an pulled him close.
Lin Song’an buried his face in Tan Ning’s abdomen, breathing heavily.
Looking at the top of Lin Song’an’s head, Tan Ning reached out to touch his hair. When Lin Song’an looked up, he quickly withdrew his hand into his sleeve, pretending nothing had happened.
“My mom insisted on taking me for a pheromone test yesterday, drew two tubes of my blood, and today I drove five hours, so I’m a bit tired,” Lin Song’an tightened his arms around Tan Ning, his voice low. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gotten away tonight.”
