Chapter 169
The Halberd of Greed, Wrath, Delusion, and Arrogance—was a divine weapon unparalleled in the entire Shanhai Plane.
As the life-bound artifact of the ferocious beast Taotie, the Halberd was forged from the spiritual veins of the Shanhai Plane itself, refined by the countless dark desires of the mortal realm. Hundreds of elite blacksmiths secluded themselves for a thousand years to craft it, and only after a final blood sacrifice was this peerless weapon born.
From the moment it came into existence, the Halberd symbolized endless desire and endless slaughter.
Whether it was the razing of cities or the destruction of worlds, every time the Halberd appeared, the mortal realm would run red with blood, and ghosts would wail in lamentation. Countless renowned kings, generals, and ministers throughout history had been seduced by the Halberd’s allure. They massacred entire nations in sacrificial offerings—only to be abandoned by the weapon in the end.
It wasn’t until the rise of Taotie that the Halberd finally acknowledged a master and ceased its blood-soaked rampages.
Even so, whenever the Halberd reappeared in the world, the entire Shanhai realm would tremble. The low, thunderous hum that accompanied it was the cry of a thousand tormented souls. Crimson runes etched onto its pitch-black shaft, along with countless faintly struggling faces that surfaced and faded—
Some cried, some laughed, some cursed in rage, others pleaded in sorrow… Every soul the Halberd had reaped was sealed within, never to find release.
Even now, if one were to listen closely, they could still hear the chilling whispers from deep within the souls—matching the blood-red mouths gaping in the apocalyptic sky:
“Hungry… so hungry, so hungry, so hungry… so hungry…”
And yet, for such a peerless divine weapon, the full evaluation given by the God of Cookery System was:
“Use it to help boost Boss Jian’s snack stall business!”
Jian Yunlan: “Accurate. Objective.”
Taotie: “…”
Taotie was silent.
His golden pupils shimmered with unreadable emotion. After two seconds, his fingers trembled slightly before tapping on the Halberd’s skill tab:
[Skill 1: Yangzhou Fried Rice (Formerly: Devour the Heavens)]
[Skill 2: Spicy Hot Pot (Formerly: Flame of Reckless Calamity)]
[Skill 3: Century Egg and Lean Pork Congee (Formerly: Abyss of Nether Oblivion)]
…Is this an apocalypse or a damn menu!?
As if sensing its master’s existential breakdown, the Halberd gave a small tremble, seemingly protesting in aggrieved indignation. From the void, the ghostly faces twisted in anguish as dark blood-tears seeped from their eyes.
But in the next moment, Jian Yunlan bent down slightly and reached out to curiously touch the halberd’s shaft. “As expected of Lord Taotie’s life-bound artifact. It looks so imposing!”
Halberd: “Guu.”
Silence.
Not only did it go quiet, the terrifying visages on the Halberd actually froze.
A moment later, those ferocious faces slowly softened. A faint blush even spread across them, as if embarrassed. Then, in a shy, stammering whisper:
“Th-thank you for the praise… Guu… I like Little Jian…”
Taotie: “Shameless thing!”
Jian Yunlan: “Hehe. Good boy.”
…While the two were busy joking around, far in the distance, Yun Wen let out another thunderous roar, clearly displeased at being ignored.
The crimson sky darkened further, deepening to a black so dense it seemed solid. The yellow-green ooze raining down thickened into torrents, twisting like living things as they squirmed across the ground, slithering toward Jian Yunlan and Taotie.
The wind howled like a banshee, thick with rot.
The gaping maws in the sky cracked wide open, revealing blood-drenched smiles.
“Heeheeheehee—”
Those giant mouths continued to sink, dragging the entire sky down with them. Closer and closer they came to the earth.
From below, one could feel the pressure bearing down, as if the whole sky was about to collapse and crush all life in this giant furnace into a paste.
“…”
Jian Yunlan and Taotie exchanged a glance. No words were needed—they both knew time was running out.
“No more time to waste,” Jian Yunlan said. “Lord Taotie, let’s team up and deal with this mess first!”
Taotie gave a small nod. “Agreed.”
The next second, the two of them moved simultaneously.
Taotie held the Halberd of Greed, Wrath, Delusion, and Arrogance in one hand, the tip pointed to the ground, golden eyes glowing lazily. Bloodthirsty black mist and storm clouds coiled around his body, the jagged teeth of his ox-bone pauldrons creaking ominously. He strolled forward like a bored god of slaughter, chanting in a low voice:
“All Four Poisons present: Greed, Wrath, Delusion, Arrogance. All Five Aggregates are void: Heaven and Earth return to nothingness…”
At his side, Jian Yunlan raised his arms toward the sky, his gaze resolute. Tiny stars shimmered between his fingers, symbols of hope. A sudden breeze blew through, and a radiant light bathed his floral apron and the oversized cooking ladle in his hand. He grinned confidently and declared:
“Where light and hope intertwine, where love and courage converge, I will use my humble snack stall to save the world—bringing food to every hungry soul! Ba Lan Lan Energy!”
“What meteor-beast, what S-Class Pollutant… isn’t it just a really enthusiastic customer?!”
Taotie: “?”
Yun Wen in the sky: “…?”
One hailed from the Shanhai Plane, the other from an apocalypse-ridden dimension. Two fearsome bloodthirsty beings—both froze in stunned silence at the sheer absurdity of this twist.
—You… you said what kind of energy?!
But there was no answer to their confusion.
In the pitch-black and deathly silent world, a sudden burst of cheerful, high-energy music rang out. A spotlight of rainbow-colored light, twinkling with stars and blooming flowers, descended from the heavens, enveloping Jian Yunlan completely.
A playful, cartoony mechanical voice announced:
“Magical Snack Stall Owner Boss Jian—Transformation!”
“Super Rainbow Shine—Chef God Domain, Activate!”
“Ba Lan Lan Energy—!”
As the peppy music played, a crack tore through the blood-drenched sky, and a spray of rainbow starlight cascaded down. A fantastical kitchen slowly materialized: fully-stocked utensils, every imaginable ingredient, spotless counters gleaming like new… and a signboard in bubbly letters:
“Chef God Domain”
Under the spotlight, Jian Yunlan’s apron began to glow, transforming into a splendid sky-blue chef’s uniform. Even the ladle in his hand now shimmered with rainbow light. His body lifted gracefully into the air, leaping into the Chef God Domain, eyes filled with unwavering conviction.
“…” Taotie was left speechless, staring blankly at the scene.
Meanwhile, the meteor-beast in the sky—Yunwen—snapped out of its stupor and became even more enraged!
Hundreds of massive mouths gaped open in a unified howl, and torrents of yellow-green slime poured down like a hurricane. Thankfully, Jian Yunlan had already transferred all his customers into his portable space; otherwise, anyone still on the ground would’ve been melted into mush.
One enormous mouth, pitch-black and wide as the sky, lunged toward the Chef God Domain, attempting to devour both Jian Yunlan and the entire floating kitchen in one gulp.
Just as Taotie prepared to act, he heard a familiar voice in his ear:
“Customer, your first dish—Yangzhou Fried Rice—is ready! I’ll have the waiter bring it out for you!”
Within the glowing Chef God Domain, Jian Yunlan, now clad in radiant chef attire and holding his oversized ladle, beamed with enthusiasm.
The next second, Taotie saw a steaming bowl of Yangzhou Fried Rice flying straight toward him.
The freshly-made dish was still steaming. Each golden grain of rice was coated in a glistening sheen of oil, tossed thoroughly and steeped in creamy white broth, making the shrimp, ham, and peas pop with mouthwatering appeal.
Taotie reflexively opened his mouth, fully intending to devour the whole bowl in one bite—
But Jian Yunlan called out again:
“Maomao, serve it!”
Taotie: “…”
“Devour the Heavens!”
With a million percent reluctance and boundless grievance, Taotie lifted the Halberd of Greed, Wrath, Delusion, and Arrogance. The blade tore a rift in space itself—and then—
BOOM!
The entire bowl of fried rice was hurled straight into the gaping maw in the sky!
Taotie’s expression darkened. “Wasteful.”
Such a divine fried rice—why give it to that thing and not to me? His eyes were filled with discontent. That damn beast wouldn’t even appreciate it—
But unexpectedly…
The massive mouth’s descent suddenly halted.
Yun Wen: “ROAR… KILLKILLKILL—What is this? %@#%… chomp chomp chomp… $#%…”
Every single mouth in the sky froze.
That tiny bowl of fried rice, compared to the giant maw that blocked out the sun, was barely even a speck of dust.
But somehow… that speck of dust had an effect.
Even though only one mouth was chewing, the rest began mimicking the motion—savoring the taste as if they too had food in their mouths. The constant stream of corrosive yellow-green slime abruptly stopped, replaced by clear drool.
“Slurp slurp slurp… delicious… so delicious, yummy yummy yummy… Yun Wen wants more…”
About half a minute passed. After seemingly savoring every grain of rice, Yun Wen smacked its lips contentedly for a long time… and then returned to its usual state.
But instead of calming down, it was clearly even more agitated now. Its gaping mouths cracked wider, surging toward Jian Yunlan with renewed ferocity.
From within the Chef God Domain, Jian Yunlan muttered:
“So what if it’s a mouth?”
Yes, in this moment, enveloped by the Chef God Domain, Jian Yunlan felt light as air. It was as if he’d awakened superpowers—his speed in chopping, washing, and stir-frying had multiplied a hundredfold.
Looking at the abyssal maws looming overhead, Jian Yunlan didn’t feel fear—only determination.
As a snack stall boss with a deep-seated need to feed others, what did he love most?
Hungry customers.
And right now—wasn’t this a ready-made customer? Sure, the mouth was a bit larger than normal, but…
So what if it’s big? Feed it until it’s full.
Jian Yunlan’s hands flew into motion, slicing and stir-frying at lightning speed. In mere seconds, countless dishes were ready. He glanced toward Taotie, eyes gleaming with resolve:
“Maomao, keep serving!”
Taotie, gripping the halberd, traced sharp arcs through the air and replied with bored indifference to Jian Yunlan’s command.
“Customer, your Spicy Hot Pot!”
“Flame of Reckless Calamity.”
“Customer, your Century Egg and Lean Pork Congee!”
“Abyss of Nether Oblivion.”
“Customer, your Yangzhou Fried Rice!”
“Devour the Heavens.”
Under their flawless teamwork, dish after dish shot through the air like meteors, crashing into the gaping mouths of the sky-bound monster.
*
Who knows how much time passed.
The rain of yellow-green slime finally stopped.
The countless mouths above fell silent for a moment… then let out an earth-shaking sound:
“Buuurp…”
