Live Streaming Food Stall… But in Dog-Blooded Novels – CH16

Chapter 16

[Would you like to accept this side quest? Accept/Decline]

Jian Yunlan hesitated.

Taotie?

Which Taotie?

Was it the one from Shan Hai Jing, the ferocious and gluttonous beast?

As a small food stall owner, hiring a Taotie as an employee didn’t seem very reliable, no matter how he looked at it.

After some thought, Jian Yunlan clicked ‘Decline.’

[This side quest is mandatory and cannot be declined~]

[Side quest accepted.]

[Friendly reminder: Failing this quest will result in punishment—Dump Truck.]

[Countdown: 24:00:00]

Jian Yunlan: “…”

If he couldn’t refuse, why did the system even bother asking?!

Punishment: Dump Truck? Did that mean if he failed, he’d get run over?!

Forget it. Since it was a forced quest, he had no choice but to go with the flow.

First, sleep.

Tomorrow’s problem could wait until tomorrow.

Jian Yunlan collapsed onto his bed. A week of running his food stall had left him exhausted. He closed his eyes and fell asleep…

*

When he woke up.

[Countdown: 15:45:20]

Alright, he had slept for over eight hours. If he didn’t recruit this so-called Taotie within fifteen hours, he was done for.

Jian Yunlan smiled faintly.

He didn’t really want to live anyway.

…But he had only been running his food stall for a week. He wasn’t done yet.

Thinking about the eager gazes of his customers, Jian Yunlan begrudgingly climbed out of bed.

Since he had to recruit a Taotie… where was he supposed to find one? That kind of ancient mythical beast wasn’t just wandering around, was it?

Wearing his pajamas, he trudged downstairs, yawning non-stop.

The butler in a tailcoat bowed slightly. “Young Master, Mr. Taotie has arrived. He’s waiting in the guest lounge.”

Jian Yunlan: “Oh.”

“…”

Jian Yunlan: “Wait, who did you say is here?”

*

At the Jian family villa’s guest lounge.

Sunlight poured in through the floor-to-ceiling windows. The white sheer curtains swayed gently.

A man stood by the window.

He wore an intricate Warring States robe embroidered with Taotie patterns in gold thread, with a shoulder guard made of ox bone. His long robe trailed to the floor, exuding the violent aura of a battle-worn general from chaotic times.

His silver hair was tied into a high ponytail with a golden crown. His dark golden pupils had a distinct beast-like quality and locked onto Jian Yunlan lazily the moment he stepped into the room.

Sunlight and wind brushed against him, stirring his silver hair. His skin was darker than most, and the pale ox bone shoulder guard on his shoulder shifted as he turned to look at Jian Yunlan, carrying an eerie beauty.

…What a handsome Taotie.

A mix of deadly, bloodthirsty, and otherworldly elegance—like a character stepped out of a painting.

Jian Yunlan was dumbfounded, unable to put his shock into words.

Then, the next second, this ‘man from a painting’ reached out and tore down the sheer curtain—then began chewing on it.

Jian Yunlan: “?”

With a mouthful of fabric, Taotie chewed expressionlessly for two seconds. “Chew, chew, chew.”

“Not tasty.” He swallowed the curtain with disdain. “Tastes like drapery.”

Jian Yunlan: “…That was drapery.”

Taotie’s amber eyes narrowed as he glanced around. His gaze landed on a crystal ashtray on the coffee table.

He walked over and stuffed the entire ashtray into his mouth. “Chew, chew, chew.”

His absurdly beautiful face remained expressionless as he bit into the ashtray, making a crunching sound before swallowing. Then, he commented, “Not tasty. Tastes like an ashtray.”

Jian Yunlan: “…That was an ashtray.”

Taotie wandered around the guest lounge, tasting everything he could find, but nothing satisfied him.

Finally, his eyes landed on Jian Yunlan, his beast-like pupils contracting.

His gaze was… unsettling.

Jian Yunlan felt a chill down his spine. “I—I don’t taste good! You—you better not come any closer.”

Taotie licked the corner of his mouth, his expression wicked, his killing intent clear. “How would I know if I don’t try?”

With a thunderous boom, an ominous wind howled through the room!

A blood-red aura churned around Taotie, his silver hair lifting as if caught in a storm. The ox bone shoulder guard took on a spectral glow, like the incarnation of some underworld beast.

Behind him, a massive phantom of an ancient Taotie emerged—a monstrous fusion of dragon, tiger, and ox. Its thick, blue-red scales gleamed like a dragon’s. Its massive, fanged mouth gaped open, exuding the stench of blood…

“I am an ancient beast from the Shan Hai dimension. For eons, I have dominated countless worlds.”

“I have grown tired of the delicacies of the myriad realms, so I came to this tiny world in search of a new feast.”

“Human, I shall start with you!”

Jian Yunlan had spent his whole life as a chef, yet he never thought he’d end up as the dish.

“Wait a minute.” Jian Yunlan hurriedly interrupted. “So, what you’re saying is… you’re hungry?”

Taotie: “That’s one way to put it.”

“I’ll cook for you!” Jian Yunlan’s eyes sparkled with excitement. Nothing woke him up faster than a customer. “I’m a great chef! My food is amazing! If you don’t try it, you’ll regret it.”

Taotie: “…”

“I have traveled across countless worlds for many years. What rare delicacy have I not tasted? Do you really think I’d be interested in the ordinary mortal food you cook?” Taotie clicked his tongue.

“Stop making excuses to stall for time. I am eating you now.”

What a real-life Diary of a Madman.

Jian Yunlan looked left and right. Between every line, all he could see were the words—Eat. People.

With a flattering tone, he said, “Lord Taotie, just give me fifteen minutes. If you’re still unsatisfied with my cooking after that, you can eat me then. No rush, right?”

Taotie narrowed his eyes, seemingly considering the feasibility of this proposal.

After a long moment, he finally snorted coldly. “Fine, I’ll spare you a quarter of an hour.”

The massive beastly shadow floating behind him withdrew slightly. The man in the Warring States robe sat down on the sofa with an arrogant posture. Seeing Jian Yunlan still standing there in a daze, he snapped angrily:

“What are you waiting for? Go!”

“Got it, old geezer,” Jian Yunlan responded swiftly and bolted toward the kitchen.

Taotie: “…?”

What did he just call me?!

Ignoring the fuming Taotie, Jian Yunlan rushed into the kitchen, quickly formulating a plan.

Judging by appearances, this Taotie was immensely powerful and seemed capable of ignoring the laws of physics. Calling the police or hiring bodyguards probably wouldn’t work.

But Jian Yunlan believed in his cooking skills.

Forget Taotie—if the Jade Emperor himself came down, he’d still kneel before Jian Yunlan’s spatula.

Fifteen minutes. Time was tight. Jian Yunlan grabbed the nearest ingredients—noodles, leftover shrimp from yesterday’s stall, eggs, and some greens.

Time was life. Speed was everything. Fortunately, the ingredients were pre-prepped.

He swiftly fried an egg, sautéed the shrimp shells for shrimp oil, poured in boiling water, added the noodles, shrimp, and greens, and finished with simple seasonings…

*

Fifteen minutes later.

Taotie lounged on the sofa, one leg crossed over the other, growing impatient.

Had that human broken his promise and fled?

He wouldn’t dare.

Just as irritation was building, the door swung open.

A wave of rich, mouthwatering fragrance surged in—the aroma of fresh shrimp, the rich umami of noodle broth, all enveloped in a rising cloud of steaming mist.

Jian Yunlan carefully carried in a freshly made bowl of shrimp noodles.

The broth had a luscious golden hue, with delicate oil droplets shimmering on the surface, releasing an intoxicating, savory scent. The noodles, each strand distinct, had a perfect elasticity. At the center of the bowl nestled a golden-fried egg, its yolk slightly runny—just one gentle poke, and the rich yolk would ooze into the broth, melding into an irresistible fusion.

But the highlight was the glistening shrimp—ruby-red shells, tender white flesh, soaking in the golden broth. One could easily imagine the entire soup infused with the natural sweetness of shrimp, bubbling hot and fragrant.

Taotie twitched his nose, eyes locked onto the bowl—

Though his expression remained disdainful.

“Hmph, all just for show.”

Despite his words, his hands moved instinctively. He grabbed the chopsticks and lifted the bowl.

He took a sip of the broth first, then picked up a bite of noodles and sent it into his mouth.

—The moment the rich seafood broth slid down his throat, a wave of warmth spread through his entire body. The piping hot, umami-packed flavor was so overwhelming that he almost let out an involuntary sigh.

The noodles were perfectly cooked—soft yet chewy, each strand absorbing the broth’s essence, delivering a satisfyingly firm bite.

Taotie’s eyes widened slightly. His refined eating movements became less and less composed.

The crispy-edged, golden-fried egg was the final touch. The contrast between the crunchy whites and the silky yolk blended beautifully with the shrimp-infused broth, creating such a delicate harmony of flavors that it made one want to swallow their own tongue.

And the shrimp—juicy, bouncy, brimming with umami—every bite was pure indulgence.

It had been so many years since he had eaten something this delicious.

Taotie had feasted on all the delicacies across the myriad worlds, yet he never expected that in this unremarkable small realm, he would encounter a bowl of shrimp noodles that was nothing short of divine.

Even the celestial ambrosia of the heavens paled in comparison.

The very purpose of Taotie’s existence was to eat.

Most of the time, he was irritable—because he could never find food that truly satisfied him. Hunger tormented him endlessly.

It would be a shame to eat such a skilled cook.

Taotie decided that once his sentence in this minor realm was over, he would take this human back to the Shan Hai realm as his personal chef!

Savoring a meal beyond his imagination, Taotie relaxed completely. His beast-like pupils half-lidded in satisfaction as he happily contemplated his future plans. The massive, floating beastly visage of Taotie flickered faintly in the air, on the verge of vanishing.

Suddenly, a voice rang in his ears:

“100% Obedience Collar!”

Taotie: “?”

The moment Jian Yunlan finished speaking, a small golden ring materialized out of thin air, flying straight toward him and snapping around his neck.

In an instant, the man in the Warring States robe disappeared—replaced by Taotie’s true form, towering three times the height of an average human.

His body was serpentine like a dragon, covered in scars and thick, bronze-like scales. Two long, crimson horns gleamed menacingly, and his blood-red eyes locked onto Jian Yunlan.

“ROAR!!!”

—Human! How dare you trick me?!

Furious beyond belief, Taotie let out a thunderous roar, struggling violently. The very sky darkened in response, storm clouds swirling into formation.

But no matter how much he fought, he could not resist the collar’s power. Under its influence, his massive body shrank—smaller and smaller—until he was about the same height as Jian Yunlan.

And then he kept shrinking…

“Awoo!”

A beautiful silver-furred dog now stood on the floor, glaring at Jian Yunlan in pure rage.

The dog bore a striking resemblance to a Samoyed—majestic yet adorable. Despite its fluffy appearance, it exuded a fierce aura, clad in bone-like battle armor. Its golden, flame-like eyes burned with fury, and streaks of deep blue and crimson wove through its silken fur like an oil painting.

“Awoo! Awooo!”

—What did you do to me?!

Jian Yunlan shrugged. “Lord Taotie, you were the one who wanted to eat me first. You can’t blame me for this.”

“If you behave, follow the law, and stop shouting about eating people all the time, I’ll even let you turn back into human form every now and then.”

Jian Yunlan laid down the rules: “Deal, Mao Mao?”

Taotie’s fury skyrocketed. His murderous intent flared. “Awooo—WOOF!”

—Who are you calling Mao Mao?!