Chapter 14
Qu Tongqiu woke in the middle of the night with ringing ears, a tight chest, and a dry throat. He was terribly thirsty. Groggily, he got out of bed and turned on the light, feeling around for the electric kettle to boil some water, only to realize it had started raining heavily outside at some point.
The wind roared like a beast, shaking the windows again and again as if the glass might shatter. The rain lashed sideways, pouring through the gaps of the old-style windows and flooding the floor.
Rain was rare back in his hometown. He had never seen anything like this. Stunned for a moment, he hurriedly found some old clothes and towels and stuffed them along the windowsill. Then he grabbed a bucket and mop, mopping again and again in a futile attempt to save the living room.
After struggling for a long time, it was useless. Water kept streaming down from the sill. Exhausted, dizzy, his vision darkening, with no food and a body growing cold, he couldn’t think of a solution. He gave up, trembling as he dried his hands and feet, drank some water, wrapped himself tightly in a blanket for warmth, and curled up on the bed.
Listening blankly to the endless wind and rain, he somehow thought of Ren Ningyuan again and suddenly felt utterly dejected.
His chest ached as if being twisted. Even after being violated by Zhuang Wei, he hadn’t felt this low. It was as if something was missing inside him, leaving him hollow and uneasy.
After sighing a few times, he drifted off again. He didn’t know how long passed before the ringtone of his phone woke him. Instinctively, he thought it was Ren Ningyuan and hurried to grab it—only to see it was Zhuang Wei calling.
“So how did it go after that last night? Did Ren Ningyuan scold you?”
Qu Tongqiu touched his burning forehead. “…It was alright.”
“Well, that’s on me too. Letting him see us like that—of course he’d be unhappy. But living together with him, a lot of things are inconvenient. He’s a clean freak.”
“…I’m not living at his place anymore.”
Zhuang Wei let out an “oh.” After a moment, he said, “Do you want to come stay with me? The apartment I rent is pretty big.”
Whether it was just his imagination or not, Qu Tongqiu felt there was something coaxing in his tone.
“No need. I have a company dorm. It’s fine.”
While talking on the phone, Qu Tongqiu looked at the windowsill where water was still streaming down and the wall soaked over a large area. He had no choice but to get up again to fetch the mop.
“You’re not still dwelling on that matter, are you?”
“… ”
What had happened was such a muddled, embarrassing affair that he found it hard to talk about. Zhuang Wei had argued him into a corner anyway, so he felt it was better not to bring it up again.
To be honest, living in this world, getting taken advantage of a little or swallowing some unfairness is unavoidable. He had long since lost the fiery temper to argue over every inch. Since Zhuang Wei had at least stepped back and admitted partial responsibility, then each giving a little was fine. After all, his favorite saying was simply, “Forget it.”
Still, after something like that happened, a shadow lingered in his heart. Thinking back to that incident more than ten years ago made him feel especially uncomfortable, and toward Zhuang Wei he couldn’t help but keep a wary, fearful guard up.
“Oh right, the typhoon’s affecting things today. The rain is really heavy.”
“Mm…”
“Is your dorm low-lying? Ground floors flood pretty fast.”
“I don’t live on the ground floor…”
“Hey, are you sure you don’t want to come over to my place and have a look?”
“No need…”
Hearing how dull and unresponsive he sounded, Zhuang Wei lost interest as well. After a bit of idle chatter, he hung up.
Qu Tongqiu sat curled up under the blanket for a while. He was so hungry he couldn’t stand it anymore, his whole body weak and hollow. Listening to the sounds outside, the rain was still heavy, but the wind had eased. He grabbed an umbrella and went out.
Just walking to the convenience store to buy two boxed meals, he was already half soaked. His pants were practically standing in water; the umbrella made little difference at all.
Blown by the wind, shivering with cold, legs weak and head dizzy, he stood at the store entrance and wolfed down half of one box first. He had no appetite, and the food only made his stomach feel worse, but at least he felt he’d regained a bit of strength.
Standing there waiting for the rain to let up, Qu Tongqiu suddenly thought that maybe Ren Ningyuan hadn’t eaten either. When he left, there wasn’t much left in the fridge. And Ren Ningyuan was such a spotless person—he wouldn’t go out in this kind of weather and get himself dirty. Just imagining him wading through filthy water felt wrong.
He thought it over again and again, then finally dialed the number he had looked at dozens of times.
The voice on the other end was as calm as always. “What is it?”
“Have you eaten? I happened to go out and bought some boxed meals. I can bring one over for you.”
There was a brief silence before the reply came. “You don’t have to do that. I’ve already decided to sell this place. There won’t be anywhere for you to stay.”
Qu Tongqiu froze for a moment. Panic rose in his chest and he hurriedly said, “That’s not why I—”
“That’s good then.” Ren Ningyuan paused. “You’re middle-aged now. You should rely on yourself in everything. Don’t expect things from me anymore.”
For the first time in days, Qu Tongqiu felt a sense of inferiority.
“I—I wasn’t after anything of yours.”
Ren Ningyuan gave an “mm” and hung up.
Qu Tongqiu stood there dazed for a while longer. The rain only grew heavier, and he felt chilled through to the bone.
When he finally came back to himself, he glanced at the time and thought of his daughter who had gone out. He wondered whether she had already returned to school by now or was still on the way.
Seeing how chaotic the traffic was, a father couldn’t help worrying. He made a call, but no one answered. He tried again several times, only to hear that the phone was powered off.
Unable to reach her, Qu Tongqiu grew uneasy. He told himself it was probably nothing, but his heart hung suspended, refusing to settle.
The convenience store TV was broadcasting live local news. The sudden typhoon impact had thrown the whole city into turmoil. Reporters in different areas repeated similar updates: trees down here, roads flooded there, a landslide at a scenic spot, and a long-distance bus on the highway crashing into a guardrail and overturning, several passengers injured and already sent to the hospital.
That last report frightened Qu Tongqiu badly. He immediately tried calling Qu Ke again—still switched off. Though he told himself it couldn’t be such a coincidence, that his daughter had probably already reached school, once he heard it was a bus coming from M City, he panicked and stopped caring about anything else. He tossed the boxed meal aside and staggered to the roadside to hail a car.
In weather like this, taxis were worth their weight in gold. Whenever an empty one appeared, people waiting by the roadside surged forward all at once, scrambling for it.
Qu Tongqiu couldn’t compete at all. After waiting for over an hour, he still hadn’t managed to flag one down. Anxious and desperate, he walked on and off along the road, limping through one intersection after another. He had already walked two or three stops’ worth of distance and still had no luck, completely at a loss.
Just as he was frantic, he finally saw a car pull over not far ahead. This time he didn’t dare hesitate. He rushed forward ahead of others, panting, and forced the door open to get in.
“XX Hospital,” he said.
The driver turned around and glared at him. “Hey, tell me—what about this car looks like a taxi?”
Qu Tongqiu was stunned. He looked around and then realized he had lost his head at the sight of a car willing to stop, mistaking someone’s Mercedes for a taxi.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
The driver, still annoyed at being insulted, snapped, “What were you looking at? Your eyesight that bad?”
Embarrassed and apologetic, with the seat already wet and no point wiping it, Qu Tongqiu opened the door and kept apologizing as he stepped out—only to hear someone ask, “Why are you going to the hospital?”
The voice was steady and emotionless. Qu Tongqiu felt as if he’d been shocked by electricity. He turned his head quickly and saw Ren Ningyuan sitting in the back, his face expressionless.
For a moment, Qu Tongqiu couldn’t tell what he was feeling. His head had been throbbing just now, but the moment he saw Ren Ningyuan, it felt as if all his ailments were cured—except his heart, which began pounding wildly, leaving him unable to speak.
Ren Ningyuan calmly asked again, “Why are you going to the hospital?”
“Ah—there was a long-distance bus accident on the highway. The injured were sent to the hospital. I can’t get in touch with Little Ke. She’s coming back from M City this afternoon. I’m afraid she might be on that bus…”
The driver cut in, “The hospital isn’t on our route.”
Qu Tongqiu didn’t care about pride anymore and pleaded, “Please just take me to XX Road ahead. It’s easier to get a cab there…”
“We’re supposed to turn at the next intersection.”
The silent Ren Ningyuan finally spoke from the back seat. “Make a detour. Take him there. Faster.”
The driver said nothing more. The car drove smoothly, not slow. Qu Tongqiu was still tense, sitting on pins and needles, constantly looking out the window, anxiously wondering how far it was to the hospital.
At that moment, his phone rang. Seeing the number, Qu Tongqiu fumbled in a panic. “Little Ke!”
“Dad.”
Qu Tongqiu felt his heart leap into his throat. “Y-you… where are you now? Are you okay?”
“Hey, I got to school ages ago. I was tidying up just now and didn’t hear the phone. Sorry! My phone was dead too—I’m charging it now. Oh right, Dad, I was super lucky this time. I ran into that person from before. Her family had a car going back to T City, so she gave me a ride. It was so smooth, so fast…”
Qu Ke went on happily about her good luck, unaware of the scare her father had just been through. Qu Tongqiu finally let out a long breath. His body went limp all at once. Listening to her chatter, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her how frightened he’d been. He only murmured, “As long as it went smoothly, as long as you’re fine…”
After hanging up, Qu Tongqiu realized he was soaked through with sweat. He glanced at the man in the back seat through the rearview mirror but still couldn’t make out his expression.
The atmosphere in the car was a bit awkward. The driver slowed down, waiting for Ren Ningyuan’s instruction.
“R-really sorry to trouble you. I’ll get off here…”
Qu Tongqiu only got halfway through before swallowing the rest of his words with difficulty, his face looking unwell. The driver reacted even faster than he did and slammed on the brakes. Just in time, Qu Tongqiu pushed the door open and vomited by the roadside.
“What’s wrong?”
After retching for a while, his stomach still churning, Qu Tongqiu looked up. The world spun before his eyes. In a low voice, he said, “I feel a bit dizzy.”
Ren Ningyuan was silent for a moment, then said, “You’re really troublesome.”
Qu Tongqiu hadn’t expected to be told that to his face. Feeling awkward, he could only force a weak smile.
Ren Ningyuan’s calm indifference and lofty detachment made him feel small, hurt, and disappointed. Those emotions mixed together under suppression, slowly turning into a stifled, simmering anger.
The past two days had been especially miserable and muddled. He really had acted wretched and foolish.
But someone as capable and impressive as Ren Ningyuan—had he never had a fever or thrown up either?
He wanted to say that anyone can have moments when their brain shorts out. When luck is bad, who doesn’t run into trouble? When you’re worried about someone, who doesn’t make a fool of themselves? If his lowly posture begging for a ride looked laughable, that was because Ren Ningyuan had never been a father.
Of course, with Ren Ningyuan’s sense of superiority, it was only natural that he wouldn’t accept any of this.
“I’ll get off here. Thank you for today.”
Hearing his thanks, Ren Ningyuan looked at him.
“You’re welcome.”
“Thank you.”
Qu Tongqiu wasn’t being polite on purpose. Ever since Ren Ningyuan had said those words, their relationship really had grown distant.
Similar things had happened before. Back then, Ren Ningyuan had said he was relying on borrowed authority. He hadn’t felt much better than now, but he had still stubbornly chased after Ren Ningyuan.
When you’re in your teens, you can play dumb without restraint, shameless if needed. At that age, no matter how wretched things get, it can all be rationalized—because you’re young.
But once you reach your thirties, that way of being no longer works. Being mild and good-tempered may look similar, but an adult man is supposed to carry responsibility and the self-respect that comes with it.
He remembered a classmate back then who was addicted to video games. He was always broke, never had money left for meals, and whenever it was time to eat he would shamelessly go around mooching a bite or two. No matter how people chased him off, he would just grin and joke it away.
That was how he had treated Ren Ningyuan too—like that man treated his three daily meals—clinging on with a mix of embarrassment and thick-skinned persistence.
So many years later, having grown up, that classmate surely wouldn’t do something as begging for food even if his old habits returned and his pockets were empty. And Qu Tongqiu felt the same toward Ren Ningyuan.
At different ages, the amount of self-respect one needs to maintain is different. But Ren Ningyuan seemed never to have thought about this for him.
Ren Ningyuan reminding him not to harbor thoughts of taking advantage was perfectly reasonable.
Yet he had never felt so humiliated and disappointed before.
That short while he had spent spacing out in front of the convenience store today, he had been thinking that if only he were capable enough, he would repay every bit of kindness Ren Ningyuan had ever shown him.
“Wait,” Ren Ningyuan spoke again. “Do you have a fever?”
“Just a little. It’s nothing.”
“If you’re unwell, go to the hospital.”
“It’s a minor thing. No need for medicine.”
In the past, if Ren Ningyuan told him to go east, he wouldn’t dare go west. This time, not complying immediately made Ren Ningyuan frown slightly.
“If you’re sick, you should go to the hospital.”
“Hey, really, there’s no need. I just drink a few big cups of hot water, sweat it out under the blankets, and I’m fine. These days, even a cold costs money once you register. It’s not worth it.”
Ren Ningyuan frowned. “Don’t be stingy. I’ll pay the medical fees. Can you walk?”
Qu Tongqiu froze for a moment, then hurriedly said, “It’s not that I can’t bear to spend the money…” He glanced at Ren Ningyuan and, in the end, sat properly and said no more.
He felt vaguely disappointed.
At the hospital, it didn’t take long for Qu Tongqiu to get fever medicine prescribed, and he even got an injection. After a shot, he should have felt better quickly, but as he followed Ren Ningyuan downstairs, his complexion only grew more ashen.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…”
“Your face is pale.”
Qu Tongqiu couldn’t hold out anymore. After hesitating for a bit, he said, “I’m in pain.”
“Where?”
Qu Tongqiu pointed awkwardly. After doing so, his body shrank in on itself in shame.
Ren Ningyuan seemed to grind his teeth lightly, then said calmly, “You should have more restraint.” After a pause, he added, “Come see another doctor with me.”
Qu Tongqiu was deeply embarrassed. But trying to argue “I wasn’t being unrestrained” didn’t sound right either. He fell silent for a while and could only ask, “Is it a doctor you know well?”
“Yes, we work together often.” Ren Ningyuan smiled. “All the staff at my place go to him.”
Qu Tongqiu paused again, then followed after him.
The doctor was clearly used to such things. With Ren Ningyuan standing right there, he casually told Qu Tongqiu to hurry up and take off his pants, then pushed a cold instrument inside. The sensation made his whole body tense uncomfortably, but more than that, Qu Tongqiu felt humiliated. He kept his mouth shut and lay there silently.
“Best to have surgery.”
“What?” Qu Tongqiu was startled. “I-is it that serious?”
“Don’t you feel pain?”
“…It’s okay…”
It did hurt, but someone as weak by nature as he was—if he showed too much sickness, people would just think he was overly pathetic.
“You’re pretty good at enduring it. But if you don’t do surgery, it’ll heal slowly. That’ll affect business, won’t it?”
Qu Tongqiu said awkwardly, “I-I don’t do that kind of work.”
“Huh? Sorry, sorry.” The doctor laughed. “Right, you were brought here personally by Ningyuan. Ningyuan, you look so refined, but you’re surprisingly rough.”
Qu Tongqiu was still lying there, too ashamed to speak, but hearing the misunderstanding, he still explained for Ren Ningyuan, “This has nothing to do with him.”
“Oh, my bad…”
After putting his pants back on and taking the prescription, Qu Tongqiu followed behind Ren Ningyuan as usual. After a few steps, he suddenly heard Ren Ningyuan ask, “What exactly happened?”
“What?”
“How did it get this bad? Zhuang Wei isn’t inexperienced.”
“…I don’t know.”
“Don’t tell me you were into S&M?”
Qu Tongqiu panicked and hurriedly said, “No, no. We were drinking together. I got drunk, and then it happened.” To him, it was clearly assault, but at this point, insisting on how wronged he was felt like shirking responsibility. “Zhuang Wei said I hinted first. I don’t remember. It was probably a misunderstanding.”
Ren Ningyuan looked at him without speaking. After a while, he said, “How can you even mess up something like this?”
Qu Tongqiu gave an awkward smile.
Anyone hearing it would think he was stupid. But who would guard against that kind of thing with an old acquaintance who had never once looked at him properly? And when drunk, how many people aren’t muddle-headed?
When they got into the car, he said, “Ren Ningyuan, I really didn’t dirty your place.”
Ren Ningyuan looked out the window. “I misunderstood.”
Qu Tongqiu murmured, “Mm.”
There was no sense of relief at all. He wasn’t disappointed in Ren Ningyuan—Ren Ningyuan was still perfect, all his admiration remained. It was just that the illusion of closeness had vanished.
He was a simple, transparent person. The misunderstandings people had about him came from their unwillingness to spend even a little extra effort to understand or verify things. Ren Ningyuan and Zhuang Wei were the same.
What he felt disappointed in was himself. From his smallness grew a sense of loneliness.
