Chapter 56: Cat Petting Techniques
After sunrise, the air was filled with the dry heat of early summer.
Han Min sat on the railing, propping himself up with his hands, his head drooping, looking like he was about to fall asleep.
Fu Xun tried to suppress the upturned corners of his mouth and continued to tease him: “Say it again.”
Han Min grunted twice but did not answer.
Fu Xun thought for a moment, then put his arm around his waist and coaxed him in a low voice, “If you call me that one more time, I’ll let you go back to sleep.”
Han Min came to his senses and remembered what he had said while being coaxed by him.
He raised an eyebrow slightly, his eyes still closed, and asked in a low voice, “What are you shouting for?”
“‘Elder brother’.”
“That’s what you’re going to call me?”
“Just call it that.”
“Then you have to be able to withstand it.”
Before Fu Xun could understand what he meant, Han Min brushed his hand away and jumped down from the railing.
He clasped his hands in a fist and said, “Brother.”
He deliberately lowered his voice, making it sound somewhat rough, reminiscent of Zhang Fei calling out to Liu Bei or Li Kui calling out to Song Jiang.
Han Min coughed twice, cleared his throat, and patted Fu Xun’s shoulder: “Can’t hold on any longer, huh?”
If he painted a black face and added a big beard, he could make Fu Xun shout until he never wanted to hear those two words again.
Fu Xun’s lips twitched, somewhat helplessly: “Let’s go back.”
Han Min, holding the paper and pen, raised an eyebrow at him smugly. But his cheeks were still stained with ink, making him look rather silly, like a dirty little animal.
Back at Funing Palace, Fu Xun changed out of his sweat-soaked clothes, and palace servants brought him clean clothes. Someone else brought hot water for Han Min to wash his face.
The king’s everyday clothes were simple yet elegant, and since it was summer, they were thin and fitted.
Fu Xun put on his clothes and walked behind Han Min, who was rubbing his face.
He sat on a small stool with a copper basin in front of him. A palace servant held up a small copper mirror so he could see where the dirt was.
Han Min lowered his head to splash water, and when he looked up, the person holding the bronze mirror had changed.
Summer clothes are thin, and Han Min’s official robes were also made of light and thin material. When he was playing with water, his sleeves slid up as he raised his hand, revealing his two fair arms.
Although he was thin and fair-skinned, clearly resembling a scholar, his attire made him look more like a commoner selling meat or blacksmithing in the marketplace.
He clasped his hands in a fist and said in a gruff voice, “Thank you, brother.”
Fu Xun frowned slightly: “Don’t be like that.”
“I know—” Han Min paused, then coughed hard, “Oh no, I can’t change it.”
Fu Xun patted his back and asked, “And now?”
Han Min coughed twice more: “It’s over, it’s over—” He changed his tone: “Hey, it’s fine again.”
Fu Xun said helplessly, “I won’t let you call me that anymore.”
Han Min smiled again: “I knew it would turn out this way.”
No one can gain an advantage from him, not even the emperor.
The king would rise early, practice in the martial arts field, change his clothes, and then begin his breakfast.
Although Han Min had eaten two pastries on his way here, he ate some more with him.
Then Fu Xun went to his study to review memorials, and Han Min sat to the side, jotting down a sentence on a piece of paper, and then had nothing to do.
He propped his head up and drew a little turtle.
If he were still studying at the academy, he would definitely have stuck the little turtle next to Fu Xun’s desk.
But that’s not possible now.
He squinted and added some ripples and pebbles around the little turtle.
Suddenly Fu Xun called out to him, and his hand trembled, ruining the drawing of a small fish.
He looked up and found that Fu Xun’s gaze was fixed on the paper in front of him.
Han Min took something else and covered the little turtle, then casually asked, “What are your orders, Your Majesty?”
Fu Xun asked, “Have you finished memorizing everything?”
“Yes.”
“No need to write it down, I’ve been here all morning, go and get some sleep.”
Han Min was more than happy to oblige, and rose to bow, saying, “Thank you, Your Majesty.”
Just as he was about to take his leave, Fu Xun said, “Go sleep in the inner room, and we’ll have lunch here.”
“Okay.”
To demonstrate diligence, a king’s study was usually equipped with a bed.
Fu Xun often slept here, and sometimes when Han Min was on duty and not late in the morning, he would see him here getting up and washing up.
The bed was very soft, and a fine, soft mat was laid on top of it. Han Min took off his outer robe and shoes, took out a thin quilt from the bed, spread it out, and lay down to sleep.
The system said resentfully, “Han Min—”
Han Min was lying comfortably on the couch when he was startled by the ghostly wail. He suddenly opened his eyes and looked around.
“What’s wrong?”
The system said angrily, “I told you just a few days ago not to have any private contact with him, why didn’t you listen again?”
Han Min hugged the corner of the blanket, completely relaxed: “I’m on duty, this is just official business.”
“Business contact, and then it escalated to bed?”
“Don’t make it sound so strange, Fu Xun wasn’t in bed.”
The system hated him for being such a dense blockhead.
Han Min added, “If I don’t sleep now, I’ll die of overwork. It’s okay, there won’t be a next time.”
The system sneered: “How many times have you slept here?”
“Not many times, really,” Han Min thought seriously. “But to have slept on the dragon bed several times, well, that’s certainly a bit—”
“You finally realize this isn’t good…”
Han Min joked, “As expected of me, one of the male empress candidates who suffers from insomnia at night and needs His Majesty’s help to fall asleep.”
Hearing him mention this made the whole system feel terrible.
He scoffed, “Who knows who the male empress is?”
“What if it’s me?”
“What if it’s not you?”
Han Min frowned, and after a long while, said, “System, when I talked to you about this before, you laughed and joked with me, and even said you wanted to upgrade the Scholar System to a Male Empress System. Why are you acting like this now?”
He had an all-seeing gaze: “System, you’re strange.”
The system simply said, “You should go to sleep.”
Han Min sensed something was wrong and asked again, “Do you know who Fu Xun’s male empress is?”
“I don’t know. You know how the control center is. They said a Duke of Ding would become emperor, but they didn’t tell us for years who the Duke of Ding was. We didn’t find out until Fu Xun was granted the title of Duke.”
“We’ll probably only find out who it is when Fu Xun officially names him Empress.”
Han Min stroked his chin: “That’s true. But there are only a few candidates. Do you have any people you suspect?”
“No.”
“Really not?”
“You…” the system asked tentatively, “Do you think you have a chance?”
Han Min thought about it seriously for a moment and answered honestly, “I don’t know.”
“Your competitiveness… is quite good. Do you feel confident?”
Han Min immediately laughed: “It’s not like we’re competing for the position, so why should I be confident? A scholar who doesn’t want to be the male empress’s personal attendant isn’t a good scholar.”
He rolled over, facing the wall: “Never mind, I’m so sleepy. This isn’t a power struggle like the succession battle, where you can use schemes to win. Let’s see who Fu Xun likes.”
Just as he was drifting off to sleep, the system whispered to him, “So, do you really want to?”
“I think….”
Han Min closed his eyes, calm and peaceful: “I think we should first stop family fights. If he promises not to fight me like before, we can move on to the next stage of consideration.”
“In the next stage, I remember he picked a scar off my arm, and I had to pick it back off first, and then we would consider further.”
“If only he didn’t play with my hair, and didn’t bully me…”
Han Min smacked his lips and fell asleep.
—
There was no incense in the study; the bedding was covered with the faint scent of ambergris from Fu Xun’s clothes.
Han Min slept very well, if he didn’t dream.
The dream was bizarre. It began with him waking up in his room at the Liu residence, and then Chu Yu—
In the dream, Chu Yu had already been promoted to Minister of Revenue, in charge of the national treasury.
Chu Yu came to him with a stack of bills: “It’s over, Min-Min. When it comes to settling the accounts at the end of the year, you won’t be able to pay back the money you owe the Emperor!”
At this moment, Chancellor Jiang Huan, accompanied by a group of guards, walked out from behind Chu Yu, looking as if he was about to arrest Han Min.
Han Min trembled as he hugged his cat: “Do I still have a chance?”
Chu Yu said, “There’s another opportunity. His Majesty said that there’s a high-paying, well-paid position that’s been vacant in the palace for many years. If you’re willing to go there…”
Han Min and his cat nodded vigorously: “Go, go, go, even if it means becoming a grand eunuch.”
Then the scene in the dream changed, and Han Min was holding his cat, dressed in red, sitting by the dragon bed that he jokingly said he had “slept on countless times”. Even his cat had a big red bow tied to it.
Then Fu Xun came in and pounced on him on the bed—
Play with his hair!
Fu Xun said, “If you can’t pay back the money you owe, you’ll have to use your own body to pay it for now.”
As he spoke, he braided a small braid for him.
After that, Han Min would play with the cat, and Fu Xun would play with him.
Fu Xun even specially learned the cat-petting technique from him, and used it specifically on him.
Originally, Han Min thought he could bear it for a while longer until the money was paid off.
As a result, Fu Xun’s technique was very bad, and it made him very uncomfortable.
As soon as Fu Xun touched him, he felt strange, as if he couldn’t muster any strength anywhere in his body, and it took a lot of effort to suppress the urge to run away.
This is intolerable.
Finally, Han Min struggled to escape from the dream, opened his eyes, and was facing the wall.
That terrified him.
He must have talked to the system about the male empress before going to sleep, and coupled with the money he owed Fu Xun recently, he connected the two things and had this strange dream.
He touched his chest with lingering fear, his heart pounding for a while.
Suddenly a small insect crawled in through the screen window and flew right in front of him.
He was still lost in thought and didn’t react when the little insect flew straight towards him and into his eye.
Han Min covered his eyes, jumped up from the bed, called out Fu Xun’s name, and rushed out.
Hearing him call out, Fu Xun quickly stood up and walked over to him: “What’s wrong?”
Han Min looked up, two tears streaming down his face: “I got a bug in my eye.”
Fu Xun cupped his face, pried open his eyes, blew on them a couple of times, and then pressed down on Han Min’s hand: “Don’t rub it anymore, is it okay now?”
Han Min blinked, tears still clinging to his cheeks: “It should be alright by now.”
He looked closely and suddenly saw that Chu Yu was also there.
Chu Yu wasn’t wearing official robes; he wasn’t there to be on duty.
Seeing Han Min looking over, he put the paper and pen in his sleeve.
He was gathering material for “A Few Things About the Emperor and His Record Officer,” and what just happened was quite good.
He’s already thought of a title for this chapter.
Two tears fell from the record keeper officer’s cheek; two stars hung in the Emperor’s heart.
Fu Xun raised his hand to wipe away Han Min’s tears and said, “Chu Yu has calculated the amount of money you owe.”
Han Min gasped.
This was exactly the same as what he had dreamed about.
He asked cautiously, “Can I afford it?”
“We can afford to pay it back.”
“That’s good.” Han Min breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s good that I don’t have to sell myself to pay off my debts.”
He spoke his last sentence softly, so softly that only he could hear it.
After all, Fu Xun’s grooming skills were just too, too bad!
If he were allowed to play with his hair all day long, Han Min felt he would definitely go bald.
He went back into the inner room, put on his clothes and shoes, and then came out again.
Then Chu Yu took an abacus and was about to calculate the debts he had accumulated over the past few days.
It’s the end of the month, please receive your monthly expense statement.
Han Min watched him move the abacus beads, and finally Chu Yu said, “The Ministry of Revenue will give you a minimum salary enough to support your family. Any extra money will have to be used to pay off debts. So, you’ll still need to work for the Emperor—”
Han Min blinked: “How long?”
“Three years.”
Han Min nodded. Fortunately, it was within his tolerance.
Chu Yu put away the abacus and whispered, “If you include the money for the storybooks, you’ll definitely be able to pay it off quickly.”
Han Min subconsciously turned around to look at Fu Xun, only to find him sitting in his seat reading the memorials without reacting, before turning back to him.
“Don’t talk about this here.”
“Okay, okay.”
Chu Yu rose, bowed, and took his leave.
Han Min felt relieved and sat back down next to Fu Xun, continuing to guard his post as the Imperial Record Officer.
After a long while, Fu Xun put down the memorial in his hand. The palace servants were already setting out the meal, and the two of them chatted casually.
Han Min asked, “Lord Chu comes from a wealthy merchant family. Will His Majesty appoint him to an official position in the Ministry of Revenue in the future?”
Fu Xun neither confirmed nor denied.
Han Min thought, if Chu Yu became an official in the Ministry of Revenue, wouldn’t that be exactly the same as his dream?
He touched his thick, black hair.
If he were to become a male empress, there would only be two solutions to keep his hair.
First, Fu Xun improved his grooming skills; second, he kept his distance.
—
A few days later, it was the end of April.
Han Min had taken leave earlier and wouldn’t need to go to the palace to work for the next few days so he went to check on the old house that morning.
The old house has been renovated and he can move in as soon as he brings his family back.
The neighbor’s house, which they were moving out of, was also bought and is planned to be converted into a garden.
The family hasn’t moved all their belongings out yet; it will take some time before the garden is fully built.
After taking a walk around the courtyard and having some refreshments with the craftsmen, Han Min decided to return to the Liu residence to pack his things, as it was still early.
Han Min returned to his room, spread the blue cloth on the bed, and then picked out a few clothes from the box, folded them, and put them in.
When he came to Yong’an from Tongzhou, he was afraid that something might happen to Fu Xun, so he traveled at full speed without sleep, and it only took him four or five days.
If traveling normally by boat, it would take seven or eight days.
A few days earlier, he wrote a letter to his family to tell them about this and to tell them to pack their things first.
When we return, we may have to wait a little longer, considering Grandpa and Pei’er.
That’s alright, as long as the family can be together.
He hadn’t seen his family for several months. Although he often write letters and ask his cousin to help take care of them, he still miss them very much.
Han Min wonder if his brother still remembers to massage his legs every night when he’s home. The packet of ginseng roots he left for Grandpa when he left home must have been used up by now; he wonder if it’s even been used up.
Han Min was lost in thought, his hands still moving. Someone pushed open the door, walked silently behind him, and patted him on the shoulder.
“Min Min?”
Han Min turned around suddenly and called out, “Senior Brother.”
Liu Ting glanced at it: “Are you packing things?”
“Um.”
He put the clothes away and turned to rummage through the trunk for a few more pieces.
Liu Ting pressed down on his shoulder and sighed, “Silly Min Min.”
“Hum?”
“Why did you fold this in?”
Han Min asked, puzzled, “What?”
Liu Ting picked up a thick winter coat and waved it in front of him: “What’s this? Are you still going to spend the New Year in Tongzhou?”
Han Min blushed, took the cotton coat, and was about to put it back in the box: “It was a mistake, a mistake.”
Liu Ting walked to his side and rummaged through the box: “Sigh, I should have made you a couple more sets of clothes.”
He picked out two thin garments and then a thicker one.
“It might get cold on the river at night, and since you’re not very healthy, you should bring a thicker coat.”
Liu Ting hugged the clothes she had chosen and threw them onto the couch.
“If I hadn’t taken care of you on the way, you would have frozen to death!”
Han Min sat on the couch and said, “Thank you, Senior Brother.”
Liu Ting folded his clothes neatly, helped him pack his bags, and sat down beside him: “Were you feeling homesick just now?”
Han Min was a little embarrassed: “A little bit, I guess.”
“It’s alright, you’ll see them soon.”
Liu Ting put his arm around Han Min’s shoulder and rubbed his arm, then remembered that he hadn’t come of age yet and was still young.
He clearly still sees him as a junior disciple, yet he is able to be perfectly considerate in front of outsiders.
Liu Ting stroked his hair tenderly.
Just then, Little Jizi knocked on the door: “Young master, someone from the palace just came to say that when they were compiling the daily records at the end of the month, they found that one day was missing. They want you to go to the palace quickly to take a look.”
Liu Ting exclaimed “Oh no!” and quickly let go of his hand, urging him to go into the palace to take a look.
The matter was urgent, so Han Min didn’t even change out of his official robes. He just tidied his hair and rushed over.
—
When they arrived at Wenying Hall, Lord Yu and Chu Yu were both there.
When the two men saw Han Min arrive, they said repeatedly, “It’s alright, it was just a false alarm.”
Chu Yu pulled him back: “It was sandwiched between two pages of paper, and neither Lord Yu nor I saw it. We were a little worried, so we sent someone to call you over. Now it’s alright.”
“That’s good.”
Han Min sat down beside him and helped them organize their daily records.
Chu Yu asked, “Aren’t you going to Tongzhou tomorrow? Aren’t you going back to pack your things?”
“There’s not much to pack, just a few changes of clothes, which my senior brother just packed for me.”
“Then let’s go together later. I’ll treat you and Bianzhang to dinner.”
“Okay.”
Seeing that he looked unwell, Chu Yu put his arm around his shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong? I’ve never seen you so listless before. You’re about to meet your family, why are you still like this?”
“No.”
The more you worry about something, the more anxious and afraid you become when the time comes to see it.
The closer one gets to home, the more timid one becomes.
The three of them quickly tidied up their daily records, and Chu Yu and Han Min left together.
The two walked and talked.
Chu Yu said, “My family has a few shops along the way. I’ll write down their names for you later and let them know if you need anything, and see if they can help you.”
“Thank you.” Han Min cheered up and joked, “Young Master Chu’s family is so wealthy and powerful. If you were a girl, I would definitely fight tooth and nail to marry into the Chu family.”
Chu Yu looked him up and down: “If it were you, this would also work.”
He then added, “Then you immediately resign from your official post, stay at home to be a good wife and mother, and never talk back when scolded.”
Han Min waved his hand: “Sorry to bother you, sorry to bother you.”
As they passed in front of the Funing Palace, a palace servant came down the steps and bowed, saying, “His Majesty requests that Lord Han come in.”
Han Min paused, then said something to Chu Yu before following the palace servant.
Fu Xun was flipping through a book on the couch when he heard footsteps and looked up.
“You’re here?”
Han Min bowed and said, “Yes.”
Fu Xun pointed to the seat next to him and asked him to sit down.
He said casually, “I granted you leave, but you never come to the palace. You have no conscience. You’re leaving tomorrow, and you don’t even know to come to the palace to ask for a golden decree that allows you to travel freely everywhere. But it’s no wonder, you’ve always been rather foolish. You can’t even seize such a good opportunity to ask for favors.”
Look at the harsh words His Majesty the Emperor is saying!
Han Min didn’t know what he wanted to say, only thinking that he was bullying him. He pouted and said sullenly, “Your subject is dull-witted.”
But after a moment of silence, Fu Xun still didn’t hear him speak, so he had no choice but to look up at him again.
How come you can’t even pick up on hints when you’re usually so smart?
He had no choice but to say, “You should beg me quickly.”
That way I can give you what I’ve already prepared.
Han Min was not used to speaking to him, so after thinking for a moment, he said, “Then, Your Majesty, I beg you…” He tilted his head, “…to bestow something upon me?”
Okay, this counts as asking for help.
Fu Xun, who was charmed by Han Min’s tilted head, coughed to cover it up, and took the scroll that was lying on the table. Underneath it was a small gold token with the character “?” (Yu) cast on it.
He pushed the golden edict in front of Han Min: “Imperial edicts are unimpeded and can be issued in all directions. Seeing this edict is as if I were personally present. Take it and use it.”
This is quite valuable. Han Min held it up with both hands and said, “Thank you, Your Majesty.”
He looked at both sides of the token, even reading the small print on it.
Seeing his dazed expression, Fu Xun chuckled softly.
Han Min was quite honest: “I’m not on a mission to the Western Regions. I’ll be in Tongzhou for a month at most and then come back. I shouldn’t need such a thing.”
“It’s more convenient to carry it with you.”
“Thank you again, Your Majesty.”
Fu Xun then asked, “Remember to bring that sword with you. Will you be able to sleep at night?”
“It’s alright, if I’m holding the sword, then…”
He immediately stopped talking, having let slip that he had been sleeping with his sword.
But Fu Xun still heard it.
“Have you been sleeping with my sword every night for the past few months?”
“Not every day.”
Fu Xun wasn’t angry; instead, he smiled slightly. After thinking for a moment, he suddenly asked, “Would you like to hug something else?”
Han Min asked in confusion, “What?”
This is not a good time. Fu Xun rubbed his thumb against the hem of his sleeve and paused. “It’s nothing. Let’s talk about it when you come back from Tongzhou.”
“Okay.”
Fu Xun asked him a few more questions, and then Han Min said that Chu Yu was still waiting for him outside, and they would not have time to leave the palace, so Fu Xun let him go.
As he was leaving, his tone seemed somewhat sour: “Your literary friends are more important than me.”
He never spoke like that; it was rather sarcastic. Han Min didn’t know how to respond, so he bowed and left.
Fu Xun continued flipping through the book.
But it was getting dark, and no one knew how he read the book without turning on a lamp.
In the darkness, he placed his hand on the teacup that Han Min had used.
Because of the confiscation of the Han family’s property, he and Han Min were separated for two whole years. Now that they’ve come back, he doesn’t really want Han Min to leave his sight.
Unfortunately, the family in Tongzhou belonged to the Han family.
Fu Xun leaned against the soft pillow.
But not seeing Han Min for a month made him feel like he was about to die.
Author’s Note:
The tiger’s keeper is leaving, and the tiger is shedding tears. (Image)
