Closeted?
Su Xingchuan had heard the term before, but it was the first time someone had linked it to him. He found it absurd.
Yu Qinglan looked at him with a complex expression.
Su Xingchuan chuckled dismissively, “How could that be?”
He waved off the idea and returned to the classroom, saying, “Let’s keep setting up. Finish by five, and then we can all go eat.”
The group responded enthusiastically.
Yu Qinglan raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
Although Su Xingchuan scoffed at the idea outwardly, he felt uneasy inside. Throughout the club’s anniversary event, he kept glancing at the door and windows, worried Li Xuan might be waiting outside for him.
Thankfully, Li Xuan didn’t show.
By the end of the event, Su Xingchuan was exhausted from joking around with his fellow club members. Sitting down to rest, he noticed Yu Qinglan chatting with the freshman who had sent him a friend request earlier. Yu Qinglan covered half her face with her hand, whispering something to the girl while frequently glancing at Su Xingchuan, clearly excited about whatever they were discussing.
Su Xingchuan shot her a sharp look.
Yu Qinglan noticed and, with a sheepish smile, excused herself from the conversation, walking over to him.
“What’s up?” Su Xingchuan asked, narrowing his eyes.
“You looked like one of those gossipy village elders just now. I feel like I’m already being slandered.”
Yu Qinglan laughed, “No, I was just praising you.”
“Even though I’m not interested in her, don’t go spreading nonsense and ruining my reputation.” Su Xingchuan rubbed his temples.
“I didn’t call you closeted, don’t worry.”
“…I’m not closeted,” Su Xingchuan said defensively. “He’s just a new friend. I’m good to all my friends, you know that.”
Yu Qinglan gave him a once-over and said, “But have you noticed that you’ve been distracted all evening?”
His comment hit a nerve. Su Xingchuan’s expression stiffened, but he pretended to stay calm. “I’m just tired today.”
Yu Qinglan crossed his arms and teased, “I hope that’s all. Otherwise, the freshman is in for a real disappointment.”
“Annoying,” Su Xingchuan muttered.
Back in his dorm room, Su Xingchuan lay on his bed with his arms behind his head, but his mind kept drifting to Li Xuan’s face.
No way.
I just think he’s cute and fun.
It can’t be that, right?
He closed his eyes.
That’s what he told himself, but the next day, he found himself subconsciously avoiding Li Xuan. Li Xuan usually went to the cafeteria around eleven and sat in the southeastern corner behind a pillar. To avoid him, Su Xingchuan made sure to eat earlier and sat on the opposite side.
But it didn’t work.
Halfway through his meal, Li Xuan appeared with a plate of shredded pork and sat beside him.
Without saying a word, the air around him radiated silent accusation.
Su Xingchuan almost choked.
Seeing Li Xuan’s pouty face, Su Xingchuan felt a twinge of guilt. “You’re here early.”
Li Xuan handed him a spoon, with a practiced familiarity, as if Su Xingchuan had become his personal caretaker.
“…Feed yourself,” Su Xingchuan said, frowning.
Li Xuan turned his head, refusing to speak.
Already anticipating his silent protest, Su Xingchuan teased, “You can’t eat a simple meal by yourself? It’s not like you’re paralyzed.”
Li Xuan placed his bandaged hand on Su Xingchuan’s arm.
The sudden contact made Su Xingchuan’s entire body jolt. The spot where Li Xuan touched him seemed to heat up and tingle, sending tiny electric shocks up to the back of his neck.
It was a strange feeling.
Li Xuan had done this a few times before, and Su Xingchuan had thought nothing of it, chalking it up to playful behavior. But now, it felt different.
Could this be… flirting?
It was normal for guys to put an arm around each other’s shoulders, but if a roommate did what Li Xuan was doing, Su Xingchuan would have definitely brushed him off. It wasn’t that he couldn’t tolerate it—just that it felt weird. Looking back, it was odd that he had allowed Li Xuan to get away with so much.
He pulled Li Xuan’s hand off and scolded, “It’s been a week already. Stop pretending you’re injured. It’s just a cut, no nerve or bone damage. I get worse injuries playing basketball. You’re way too pampered.”
Li Xuan slowly retracted his hand.
Su Xingchuan felt a pang of guilt again.
“I—” He hesitated.
“Sorry,” Li Xuan said unexpectedly. He tucked his injured hand into his pocket and got up to leave.
Su Xingchuan hadn’t even finished his meal before he rushed to follow him.
As he reached the door, he remembered to grab a takeout box, packing up Li Xuan’s food.
He hurried after him, spotting Li Xuan walking alone towards the woods.
Su Xingchuan caught up to him and grabbed his arm. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I was too harsh.”
Su Xingchuan didn’t know why he felt the need to apologize, but whenever he was around Li Xuan, he found himself softening.
Li Xuan stared at him. “You hate me.”
Su Xingchuan was startled and clumsily explained, “No, I don’t hate you. It’s just… I’ve never met a guy as pampered as you. It’s… strange.”
“What’s strange?”
Su Xingchuan couldn’t pinpoint it and worried he was overthinking. He changed the subject. “Let’s just eat first. I packed your food.”
But Li Xuan pressed on, “What’s strange?”
Su Xingchuan sighed. “Fine, it’s not strange. There’s nothing strange about being twenty years old and needing to be fed. What’s strange is that I’m going along with it. I’m the weird one, okay?”
Li Xuan nodded seriously, “Yes, you are strange. You randomly get mad at me.”
“…” Su Xingchuan took a deep breath, feeling his blood pressure rise.
Fine.
He pulled Li Xuan to a nearby bench.
Once again, Su Xingchuan found himself feeding him, resigned to his fate.
As he ate, Li Xuan raised his bandaged hand in front of Su Xingchuan’s face, pitifully saying, “It hurts. Even touching it is painful. I can’t sleep because of it.”
For Li Xuan, playing the victim was as easy as breathing. Su Xingchuan said, “Aren’t I feeding you right now?”
“You said I was pretending to be hurt.”
“…” Su Xingchuan was speechless.
“Apologize first.”
Su Xingchuan was convinced he must have owed Li Xuan a huge debt in a past life because he seemed to be paying it off now.
Li Xuan’s tone was righteous.
Helpless, Su Xingchuan apologized while feeding him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said you were pretending.”
Satisfied, Li Xuan scooted closer, pressing against Su Xingchuan’s side.
That was how Li Xuan showed he was pleased.
Su Xingchuan pushed him away, but Li Xuan moved back again.
After a few rounds of this, Su Xingchuan gave up and let him stay. Li Xuan, feeling happy, began swinging his legs again. Occasionally, they brushed against Su Xingchuan’s, making his breathing falter. Su Xingchuan focused on the food instead—Li Xuan didn’t like onions, ginger, or eggs.
Li Xuan had a small appetite. Halfway through the meal, he pushed Su Xingchuan’s arm away, saying, “I’m done.”
Su Xingchuan handed him a napkin. “You spoiled brat.”
Li Xuan accepted the remark without protest.
“Did your parents feed you all the way through school? How can you still need someone to feed you at your age? Aren’t you embarrassed?”
Li Xuan turned away, silent.
“You’re doing this on purpose,” Su Xingchuan remarked, having figured it out.
Li Xuan pouted, a hint of mischief in his eyes.
Su Xingchuan threw the food container into a nearby trash can and sat back down beside Li Xuan.
Though the afternoon was hot, the dense canopy of leaves in the small grove blocked out the harsh sunlight and sent cool breezes their way, rustling through Li Xuan’s hair.
Li Xuan rested his bandaged hand on Su’s arm again, casually examining it and fidgeting with the frayed edges of the bandage. Su Xingchuan looked down at it, too.
In moments like this, Li Xuan was quiet.
Obedient, even. He wasn’t so bad.
Su Xingchuan suddenly thought of something and carefully asked, “Have you not made any friends at school?”
He had never seen Li Xuan with anyone else—not at the cafeteria or the library. Li Xuan was always by himself.
Li Xuan nodded. “No friends.”
“Why? Don’t you get along with your roommates?”
Li Xuan didn’t seem to like the topic but answered anyway, “I don’t want to spend the time.”
“Do you ever talk to them?”
“Occasionally.”
Su Xingchuan understood.
He guessed that the reason Li Xuan stuck to him so much was because he was lonely and had no friends at school.
Feeling a little sorry for him, Su Xingchuan gently suggested, “You could make the first move, bring them some snacks to share.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t like them. I don’t want to spend time with them.”
“But people need friends. You’ll get lonely.”
“I’m not lonely,” Li Xuan said, confused. “My parents, my uncle, my aunt—they’re all very good to me. If I have something to say, I can talk to them, and they’ll listen.”
It was the first time Su Xingchuan had heard Li Xuan talk about his family.
So, Li Xuan wasn’t some poor, lonely kid. He was just a slightly eccentric, self-centered kid raised in a loving and wealthy family.
Su Xingchuan had thought only neglected kids clung to others, but he realized he was wrong.
A bird called from the tree, and Li Xuan looked up.
Su Xingchuan found himself staring at Li Xuan’s profile.
His face was small, palm-sized, with delicate features—long lashes, expressive eyes, a straight nose, and soft lips. As he searched for the bird, his cheeks puffed slightly. Su Xingchuan, unable to resist, reached out and pinched his cheek.
It was soft and had a bit of baby fat.
He pinched it a few more times.
Li Xuan suddenly turned to look at him, and before Su Xingchuan could react, Li Xuan leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
Su Xingchuan froze for a full five seconds.
!!!
He jumped up as if electrocuted, his face alternating between red and white. He stammered, “Wh-what was that? What did you just do?”
Li Xuan’s eyes were innocent, as if startled by Su Xingchuan’s reaction, and he shifted back.
The unease he had felt these past few days, along with Yu Qinglan’s earlier remarks, all exploded at once. He knew it—he knew it.
The feeling on his cheek lingered.
He forced himself to calm down.
Suppressing his chaotic heartbeat, he sternly advised, “Li Xuan, listen to me. I’m not gay. I could never like a guy, let alone like you. If you are, then please stay away from me. I respect your orientation, but don’t burden others or make them uncomfortable. Don’t think that just because you’re good-looking, you can do whatever you want. I’m telling you—I will never, ever like a guy. I’m straight, okay? Straight! Got it?”
Li Xuan quietly listened to everything he said.
Then he nodded.
Su Xingchuan breathed a sigh of relief. Good thing I nipped this in the bud; otherwise, who knows what could’ve happened.
Just as he was about to steady his nerves, Li Xuan cautiously asked, “Can I kiss you again?”
“…”
Li Xuan earnestly added, “Just the cheek, not the lips.”
