That night, Su Xingchuan barely slept.
The pain from the incision was so intense that he couldn’t close his eyes, let alone move. He could only take deep breaths occasionally to ease the discomfort.
He was prepared to stay awake until dawn when the guy in the neighboring bed noticed his restlessness and struck up a conversation. “The first two days after surgery are always painful, and getting the catheter removed hurts even more. But that’s not the worst of it. The worst is when you go to the bathroom tomorrow—feels like pissing razor blades.”
Su Xingchuan’s face went pale.
The thought alone was unbearable.
“By the way, Xiao Su, why are you here alone? Where’s that guy from earlier? Why isn’t he here with you?”
“He’s a friend. He had social obligations tonight.”
“No partner?”
Su Xingchuan smiled. “No.”
“Come on, with your looks? Hard to believe you don’t have someone. Are your standards too high?”
Thinking of Li Xuan, Su Xingchuan replied, “I haven’t moved on from my last relationship yet. I’m not ready to start anything new.”
“Such a deep guy, huh?” the man said, his tone serious. “You should find someone. I’m telling you, having someone with you when you’re sick or in the hospital is way better than being alone.”
Su Xingchuan responded with a simple “Hmm” and didn’t elaborate.
He wasn’t lacking people to help—he could easily hire a nurse if needed. But finding someone to fill the void in his heart was far more difficult. The problem was that he couldn’t forget that one person.
He still couldn’t.
That night, he drifted in and out of sleep until morning.
In his half-awake state, he thought he felt someone standing by his bed, leaning down to hold his hand. But when he woke up at dawn, no one was there, only the sound of the neighbor snoring.
It must have been a dream.
Li Xuan arrived at nine in the morning to remove the catheter.
Even though they’d seen each other naked countless times and had just undergone surgery yesterday, when Li Xuan lifted the blanket and reached to pull down his pants, Su Xingchuan couldn’t help but clear his throat.
“Uh, hold on a second.”
Li Xuan paused.
“I have a question…” Su Xingchuan hesitated, glancing around before whispering, “You work in the urology department, and you’ve seen so many men and performed so many surgeries. Do you ever… lose interest in that sort of thing?”
“I do. I’m not interested in you.”
“…” Su Xingchuan felt defeated.
Li Xuan reached for him again, but just as his hand touched down, Su Xingchuan instinctively grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, give me a moment.”
The most severe injury Su Xingchuan had ever suffered before this was breaking his arm in middle school while playing basketball. At that age, all he cared about was getting back to school to play with friends, and the fracture didn’t seem like a big deal.
He thought he wasn’t afraid of pain.
But he had forgotten he was still holding Li Xuan’s wrist, his thumb unconsciously rubbing it, a sign of his unease. “Just give me thirty more seconds.”
Suddenly, Li Xuan asked, “Su Xingchuan, have you ever thought about me over the years?”
His mind went blank. “What?”
Li Xuan stood by the bed, leaning down slightly. From this angle, Su Xingchuan could clearly see his side profile and the curve of his nose.
What had he just said?
For the first time, their reunion felt real—it wasn’t just a one-man show. Li Xuan wasn’t just a spectator.
Before he could finish his thought, a sharp pain shot through his lower body.
Li Xuan had already removed the catheter.
Quick and precise, no hesitation.
A press, and a pull.
Su Xingchuan cried out, cold sweat breaking out on his forehead.
“All done. Just lie down for a while,” Li Xuan said.
“…”
Unable to hold back, he called after him, “Li Xuan, what did you mean by that just now?”
They had stopped pretending, addressing each other by name directly.
Li Xuan paused. “Just wanted to distract you.”
Su Xingchuan hated that cold, indifferent expression of his. Ignoring the pain, he asked, “Don’t you want to know if I’ve thought about you during these years apart?”
Li Xuan’s figure wavered slightly, no longer as composed as he had been a moment ago.
Just then, the young nurse rushed in. “I’m sorry, Mr. Su. I was supposed to remove your catheter at nine, but I got busy. Huh? Dr. Li, why did you do it yourself—”
The nurse stood frozen at the bedside. Li Xuan’s expression remained impassive. “It was convenient. You can go back to your work.”
“Oh… okay…” The nurse looked at him, still confused.
The man in the neighboring bed had returned, and the room became noisy again. The moment to express their feelings had been interrupted.
Li Xuan lingered at the foot of the bed for a few seconds.
Neither of them spoke.
Trying to lighten the mood, the nurse smiled and said, “Mr. Su, you’ll be able to discharge this afternoon.”
Su Xingchuan forced a smile, but he couldn’t muster any joy.
—
Just as he was recovering from the pain Li Xuan had inflicted, a new challenge awaited him.
Two hours later, he stood in the bathroom.
He now understood what it meant to “piss razor blades.”
He finally realized that the guy in the next bed wasn’t exaggerating.
This was worse than torture.
Stumbling, he braced himself against the wall, inhaling sharply. It was one pain after another, each more excruciating than the last.
A few minutes later.
He found his way to Li Xuan’s office. Li Xuan was alone, sorting through medical files when he knocked and walked in.
Li Xuan looked up, momentarily stunned.
Before he could speak, Su Xingchuan got straight to the point. “I’m peeing blood.”
“That’s normal.” Li Xuan continued writing.
“I—” He walked up to Li Xuan, feigning anger. “I think you’re taking revenge on me. You messed me up.”
“You can file a complaint.”
“Li Xuan, can you just talk to me properly?”
“I am talking properly.”
Li Xuan wouldn’t have responded like this in the past. When he used to get jealous or sarcastic, and Su Xingchuan asked if he could speak properly, he would pounce and bite him on the neck, saying things like, “I’m going to bite you to death and die with you.”
Su Xingchuan always thought Li Xuan was a little crazy, but he liked him. Now that Li Xuan had become normal, it felt unfamiliar—he missed the spoiled, wild side of him.
Li Xuan picked up his cup, about to drink, when Su Xingchuan stopped him. “With your heart issues, why are you drinking coffee?”
Li Xuan froze for a moment.
Li Xuan was born premature and had heart issues from a young age—arrhythmias, premature beats, anemia. Su Xingchuan knew his health better than his own, keeping track of what he could and couldn’t eat. That’s why he always said dating Li Xuan felt like raising a child.
“Why do you look so tired?” He noticed the dark circles under Li Xuan’s eyes. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”
Li Xuan set the cup down and turned away.
He didn’t want to answer.
The atmosphere grew awkward. Su Xingchuan, feeling he had overstepped, withdrew his hand. It was clear Li Xuan wasn’t responding to his attempts.
He couldn’t understand. Li Xuan had been the one to end things between them all those years ago, yet now, after seven years, he was the one trying to make amends. Was this his fate?
“I’m going to start the discharge process soon,” he muttered.
The nurse had informed him that he could leave in the afternoon and needed to complete the paperwork by 11:30.
“Okay.”
“Should I get some anti-inflammatory medication?”
“Yes.” Li Xuan wrote out the prescription. “Come back in a week to have the stent removed.”
“I have to go through this again?” His face fell.
Li Xuan nodded calmly.
“When’s my follow-up?”
“Four weeks.”
“Do I schedule with you?”
“Yes.”
He didn’t know what else to say. He stood there awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.
Li Xuan didn’t initiate any conversation.
So, he left.
He went to complete the discharge paperwork, which was quick—everything done in under half an hour.
Xie Liang messaged him: [Need me to pick you up?]
Su Xingchuan: [No need, I drove myself.]
Xie Liang: [How’s your ex?]
Su Xingchuan: [He can’t wait for me to leave.]
Xie Liang: [So harsh. Move on, man. There’s always a new beginning.]
Su Xingchuan: […]
A new beginning? He thought: I haven’t even moved past this one.
With two hours left until discharge, he felt restless. He got up to pack his things. The guy next door, who was set to be discharged tomorrow, had his wife peeling an orange, offering him a slice. He smiled, declining.
“Thanks, but I’m avoiding fruit for now.”
The man chuckled. “Just hang in there for a few more days.”
He glanced at the clock in the room.
One hour left when his boss called, asking him to join the Zhongjin Group visit the day after tomorrow.
“Understood.”
After hanging up, he felt a wave of exhaustion.
Seeing Li Xuan in the hospital over the past few days made him feel like he was back in his student days, when his mind was filled with love. But in the adult world, love isn’t the only thing—there’s work, too.
If Li Xuan wasn’t interested in his attempts at reconciliation and insisted on keeping things distant, then maybe he shouldn’t push it.
Maybe that’s just how it is, he thought.
A few minutes later, Li Xuan showed up.
He had already packed, sitting on the edge of the bed while checking work emails on his phone.
The man next door greeted, “Dr. Li, what brings you here?”
“Just checking.”
As soon as he turned around, Li Xuan pulled the curtain and approached him. Caught off guard, he put down his phone and asked, “What’s up?”
“Does it still hurt?”
“Uh, a little.”
Li Xuan put on gloves. “Lie down. Let me check.”
He had just put on his pants, and now he had to take them off again. Something felt off. Li Xuan hadn’t responded to him in his office earlier, but now he was here.
Li Xuan’s fingertips were still cold.
Inevitably, his body reacted again.
“Doesn’t seem to hurt that much.”
“…”
It wasn’t his fault—single for seven years and confronted with his still-beautiful ex. What man could resist?
“The pain will gradually lessen in two days. If the bleeding continues, contact me.”
Feigning composure, he asked, “How do I contact you?”
He sat up to put his pants back on.
Li Xuan took out his phone. “WeChat.”
Hiding his excitement, he kept a calm expression as he opened his phone. “I thought you’d remember it, but it’s been seven years, after all.”
He pulled up the QR code, and Li Xuan scanned it.
Friend request accepted. Li Xuan’s WeChat name and profile picture hadn’t changed—just as he expected.
His name was still “Li Xuan,” and the picture was of a cat.
During sleepless nights, he’d often check to see if Li Xuan’s profile picture had changed, trying to gauge if he’d moved on.
His profile had remained the same, too.
Glancing at Li Xuan’s Moments feed, he saw that it was filled only with reposts from the hospital’s official account. Relieved, he casually put his phone away.
The checkup was done, and they had exchanged WeChat.
Li Xuan seemed to have no reason to stay any longer. After some thought, he finally came up with a topic to extend their time together. “Is there anything else I should pay attention to when I get home?”
The nurse had already told him, but he asked anyway.
“Keep the frequency of sexual activity low.”
He was stunned for a moment, then quickly stood up to explain, “I got this because of work stress.”
Li Xuan’s expression remained indifferent. “Oh, then take it easy with work and keep the frequency low.”
“…”
He raised his hand but put it down again.
He had so many things he wanted to say, but then he remembered what the nurse had mentioned—
“Last month, on his birthday, a handsome man brought him a cake and shared it with the doctors and nurses.”
Li Xuan’s preferences had always been boys, and he was the clingy type.
It was normal for him to have moved on after their breakup.
He shouldn’t have held onto false hope.
He knew Li Xuan had misunderstood his relationship with Xie Liang, and he had allowed it. He was still hung up, but being dumped out of the blue had bruised his pride, and he wanted to gain some ground back. But seeing Li Xuan’s indifference made it all seem pointless. Maybe he was the only one stuck in that winter seven years ago.
“Guess I’ll go.”
He grabbed his coat.
Li Xuan stepped back, making space for him.
His things were few, all fitting into a single bag. He didn’t pause as he passed Li Xuan.
Acting as casually as he had planned.
But as soon as he reached the parking lot, he regretted it.
He sat in his car, scrolling through Li Xuan’s Moments from start to finish. Unfortunately, Li Xuan had set his feed to display only the past year, so he couldn’t see everything.
The more he couldn’t see, the more frustrated he felt.
That evening, he couldn’t resist messaging Li Xuan.
Su Xingchuan: [Dr. Li, it hurts every time I go to the bathroom. What should I do?]
Li Xuan: [Hold it in.]
Su Xingchuan: […]
