After the examination, Li Xuan removed his gloves.
Su Xingchuan quickly adjusted his clothes. Despite the brief intimacy behind the privacy screen, he was more concerned about his condition. Following Li Xuan, he asked, “Is my kidney stone serious?”
“It’s serious.”
“Huh?” Su Xingchuan was startled, but then felt confused. He had always maintained a healthy lifestyle—aside from the recent increase in work stress and social obligations due to a promotion opportunity. He kept up with his fitness routine and bathed daily, even in winter. Overall, he considered himself quite healthy.
It couldn’t be that serious.
He studied Li Xuan’s expression, then pulled a chair closer to sit beside him as Li Xuan typed another line on the screen.
Su Xingchuan couldn’t see it clearly and asked, “How serious is it?”
“Very serious.”
“You can’t just say that,” Su Xingchuan complained. “Be specific. Is it cancer?”
Li Xuan’s expression remained stern.
A chill ran down Su Xingchuan’s spine. “Is it really cancer?”
“Are you planning to get married soon?”
“What? Me—get married? Are you joking? I’ve been with you since I was twenty. What marriage?”
He saw Li Xuan’s eyelashes twitch slightly.
Clearly, Li Xuan wasn’t pleased with the phrase “been with you.”
“Not necessarily,” Li Xuan replied coldly.
“I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone,” Su Xingchuan huffed. “Do you think I’m as irresponsible as you?”
Li Xuan’s expression remained unchanged as he straightened his back. “So, you’re not planning to have children in the future?”
What does that have to do with children?
Putting aside that Su Xingchuan is gay and long abandoned thoughts of marriage and children, the mere mention of “kids” annoyed him.
Back then, he had cherished Li Xuan, pampered him, and treated him like a treasure. And in the end?
Ungrateful little thing.
Men need to love themselves, he thought.
But Li Xuan calmly continued, “Just because you don’t want them now doesn’t mean you won’t in the future. If you wait too long, you might not have the chance.”
His words startled Su Xingchuan. Could it really be cancer? Bladder cancer, prostate cancer, testicular cancer…
He listed every male cancer he could think of, even imagining kidney cancer. His face went pale, and he grabbed Li Xuan’s hand. “What’s really going on?”
“It’s nothing, just asking casually.”
“…”
Su Xingchuan was speechless.
Li Xuan finally revealed the diagnosis. “The stone is caused by inflammation. You can schedule surgery soon.”
“What’s the cause?”
“Disorderly sexual activity, poor dietary habits, or work stress. It could also be congenital.”
Su Xingchuan knew right away.
It had to be work stress.
But he wondered which reason Li Xuan had assumed for him.
Li Xuan turned and asked, “Do you want the surgery?”
“Will you be performing it?”
“Normally, it’s the attending doctor, but it could change depending on the schedule.”
“Is it complicated?”
“No, it’s minimally invasive.”
Su Xingchuan thought for a moment. “Then let’s do it.”
Li Xuan wrote out the order, and the printer buzzed. “Come in the day after tomorrow for the surgery.”
“Okay,” Su Xingchuan said, looking at Li Xuan’s cold, delicate profile. Remembering the earlier encounter, a mischievous thought crossed his mind, and he couldn’t help but ask, “Dr. Li, are you currently single?”
“How is that your business?”
“Of course it’s my business. The surgeon is my ex, and we didn’t exactly have an amicable breakup. It’s terrifying. When I’m lying on the operating table, knocked out by anesthesia, what if you take revenge on me? Who will ensure my happiness for the rest of my life?”
“I won’t. Doctors have professional ethics.”
Su Xingchuan smirked. “So you finally admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“That you’re my ex. You’ve been so cold, I thought you’d forgotten me. So heartless.”
Li Xuan didn’t want to engage further. After checking the form, he signed it. “Go pay the fee and arrange for your hospital stay.”
Su Xingchuan took the form and glanced at it.
It felt like a lifetime ago.
Li Xuan’s handwriting had matured significantly.
He finally wrote his name neatly. Li Xuan used to dislike his own name, “Xuan,” because he felt it didn’t suit him—he wasn’t soft or sunny as the name suggested. He would deliberately write the “Ri” radical as a straight line when signing his name. Su Xingchuan had corrected him many times, explaining why it was improper, but Li Xuan wouldn’t listen. He would just snuggle into Su Xingchuan’s arms, his eyes as calm as a serene lake, and stare at him silently. In the end, all Su Xingchuan could do was kiss him and say, “Fine, write it however you want.”
“Li Xuan,” Su Xingchuan suddenly called his name. Li Xuan paused as he was packing his things.
“Long time no see.”
Li Xuan’s reaction was still cold.
“Yeah,” he nodded briefly.
Before the clinic closed, Su Xingchuan quickly paid the fees for the consultation and surgery, collecting a stack of receipts.
He glanced back down the clinic hallway.
There were only a few scattered patients left, and the door to Li Xuan’s consultation room was closed.
Regrettably, he hadn’t exchanged contact information with him. Although he still remembered it, even after deleting everything back then in a fit of anger, he could still recite it when drunk.
But remembering didn’t mean he could just add it back.
The nurse asked him, “Is there anything else?”
Su Xingchuan smiled, “No, nothing.”
As he left, the rain that had been lingering for days finally cleared. Sunlight poured down, dispelling the cold atmosphere of the hospital.
The surgery was scheduled for the afternoon two days later, and he would be admitted tomorrow.
As he walked to the parking lot, his colleague Xie Liang called, “Drinks tonight?”
Xie Liang was a colleague from the investment company where they both worked. They had partnered up before and had become friends due to their shared interests.
Pulling on his seatbelt, Su Xingchuan replied, “No drinks. I’m getting admitted tomorrow.”
“What?” Xie Liang sounded shocked. “Admitted? What happened to you?”
It was a little embarrassing for him to say, but since it wasn’t caused by any lifestyle habits but rather work stress, he admitted, “I have a stone. It’s no big deal—just too much pressure lately from negotiating prices with Zhongjin, staying up late every day. I overworked myself.”
“A stone? In your kidney?”
“…” Su Xingchuan stayed silent.
“Gallstone? Or oral?”
Xie Liang sensed something off from the long silence. “Don’t tell me it’s… you know, down there?”
“Shut up.”
Xie Liang burst into laughter, his voice echoing in the car. Su Xingchuan rubbed his forehead and pulled out of the parking lot.
Still laughing, Xie Liang teased, “I told you before, man. You need to get out more, socialize. If you don’t use it, you lose it. But you didn’t believe me, saying abstinence makes you freer. See? It’s come back to bite you.”
“Enough with the nonsense.”
“Which hospital is it? I’ll come with you tomorrow.”
“No need.”
“Your parents aren’t around, and you don’t have a partner. You should at least let me know before the surgery. Even a minor surgery needs someone outside the operating room.”
At first, he wanted to refuse, but he reconsidered.
What if his ex decided to mess with him during surgery?
Thinking of Li Xuan, a smile spread across his face.
On the other end, Xie Liang was startled. “What’s so funny? Did you meet a pretty nurse? Wait, are there male nurses?”
“No male nurses, but there is a male doctor.”
“Your taste is heavy, huh? Isn’t your first love supposed to look like a porcelain doll?”
Through the rearview mirror, he saw Li Xuan.
Li Xuan had changed out of his white coat into a short down jacket, carrying a black backpack. He left the hospital alone, picking a shared bike, scanning it, and riding off.
He looked solitary but endearingly so.
His cycling speed was slow, almost like an elderly person’s, his back straight as he carefully descended the slope.
Watching him, Su Xingchuan’s tongue brushed over his back teeth. An idea formed in his mind.
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
—
The next afternoon, Su Xingchuan arrived at the hospital, bringing a few changes of clothes and some personal items.
Since it was a minimally invasive surgery, he expected to stay less than three days.
He didn’t tell his parents. When his mother called last night to check on him, he simply said he was fine, just busy with work.
His mother chided him, “Don’t overwork yourself; you can’t make all the money in the world.”
Born into a middle-class family, his parents were both employed. When he was two, they moved into an apartment, and when he was ten, they upgraded to a better one near a school district. The family had a home and a car, and after retirement, his parents lived comfortably, playing small games of mahjong every day.
He never thought money was that important—until he met Li Xuan.
Li Xuan came from a wealthier family, with all his belongings branded. Although he didn’t pursue luxury, Su Xingchuan always felt he needed to provide more for him.
That’s when he first started thinking about saving money in college. Over the past few years, he had worked hard and saved up a lot. But as Xie Liang said—abstinence in the name of freedom eventually led to problems.
Money could buy happiness, but without someone to share it with, it was just a lonely race forward.
And deep down, he still couldn’t let go.
When he arrived at the ward, the nurse assigned him a room.
Luckily, it was a double room.
The nurse pointed to the bed on the left. “Get settled; Dr. Li will be here shortly.”
The right bed was already occupied, though its occupant was nowhere to be seen.
“Thank you.” He sent the room number to Xie Liang.
As he unpacked, his phone rang with a client still haggling over management fees. “Mr. Xu, please understand, if we lower the fee to 0.5%, we’d be left with nothing.”
After hanging up, he turned to find Li Xuan standing beside the bed in his white coat, startling him.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
Li Xuan opened the file and began discussing the surgery details. “The procedure is scheduled for 10:30 a.m. tomorrow. You need to fast for eight hours before the surgery—no food or water.”
“Got it.”
The nurse brought in the hospital gown.
Su Xingchuan touched the rough fabric and remarked, “You could never wear this, could you? You’d find it too scratchy.”
Li Xuan glanced at him, his mouth twitching slightly.
It was hard to tell if he was annoyed or upset.
When Li Xuan was about to leave, Su Xingchuan instinctively wanted to stall him. He casually asked, “Doctor, are there any side effects from this surgery?”
“Side effects?”
“For example, after the surgery,” he glanced downward, “will it still work? Will my ability decrease?”
Li Xuan also glanced down. “No.”
Feeling mischievous, Su Xingchuan said, “And if it doesn’t? Is there aftercare included? Can the doctor test it?”
He sat on the bed, casually watching Li Xuan.
This scene overlapped with memories from seven years ago when he used to tease Li Xuan the same way.
Li Xuan’s lips parted as if he were about to say something when someone knocked on the door. Xie Liang entered, talking as he did, “I was driving by, so I thought I’d check out the place. This room’s spacious and quiet, but the fruit shop downstairs is a rip-off. Apples are almost ten bucks a kilo, but I still got you some.”
Li Xuan looked at Xie Liang, then back at Su Xingchuan.
Su Xingchuan fell silent.
His previous remark, “What if it doesn’t work?” was still hanging in the air.
Li Xuan’s eyes darkened as he said, “If it doesn’t, you’ll be the bottom.”
“…”
