Xu Zhengdong waited outside the private room for a while.
A server approached him, just about to speak, when Xu Zhengdong gestured for her to keep quiet, putting a finger to his lips. He motioned for the server to go in and pour water, then leaned slightly to peek through the gap in the door.
As expected, Su Xingchuan had moved to sit next to Li Xuan.
The two sat awkwardly, leaving a small gap between them, but their bodies tilted slightly toward each other. They seemed to be saying something, though he couldn’t make out the words.
Xu Zhengdong chuckled softly.
He had thought Su Xingchuan was more mature, but he was still just a young guy.
But that was fine—if he treated Xiao Xuan well, that was all that mattered.
Xu Zhengdong could tell Su Xingchuan had some hidden emotions and was acting out of spite, but Xiao Xuan didn’t seem to notice. Still, Xu Zhengdong didn’t plan to point it out directly. Matters of the heart were best left for people to figure out on their own; explaining it too clearly would take away the fun. Besides, this thin layer of ambiguity was just waiting to be broken. If they still couldn’t see it, then it just meant they weren’t meant to be.
He instructed the server to quietly close the door and not to disturb the guests inside. As he left, he added, “Pack up some of that Pipa Shrimp for me to take home; it smells quite nice.”
The door closed softly, and the footsteps in the restaurant hallway gradually faded, leaving the private room in even deeper silence.
Li Xuan’s quiet “I hate you” became especially clear.
Li Xuan always had a few catchphrases, each carrying multiple emotions that Su Xingchuan had to decipher.
“Hating me again?”
Su Xingchuan smiled helplessly. “Is there anything else you want to say to me besides that?”
“Your taste is bad,” Li Xuan said coldly.
“What?” Su Xingchuan didn’t quite understand.
But Li Xuan wasn’t willing to repeat himself. He slowly wiped his hands with a wet napkin and then picked up a shrimp with his chopsticks.
It took Su Xingchuan a moment to catch on.
“Are you talking about Xie Liang?” Su Xingchuan laughed lightly. “Why would you say my taste is bad? I think he’s great.”
Li Xuan’s face turned even darker.
“He has a good temperament, never loses his temper for no reason, works diligently, and doesn’t boss me around every day. As for his looks, well, they’re just not the same type as yours; it doesn’t mean he’s not attractive.” Su Xingchuan intentionally provoked Li Xuan and, turning to look at him, asked mischievously, “Do you not like him? What’s wrong with him?”
Li Xuan’s eyes welled up, almost to the point of tears.
Su Xingchuan’s words felt like needles piercing his heart. He had been spoiled by Su Xingchuan’s affection and had never realized how his own petty and unreasonable behavior might have bothered Su Xingchuan. After their breakup, whenever he thought back to those four months, he secretly regretted how much he had taken advantage of Su Xingchuan. After they parted, he couldn’t recall anything he had contributed to the relationship.
He had always been on the receiving end, and he feared that Su Xingchuan had come to resent him for it, found someone better, and forgotten about him.
The more he thought about it, the more upset he became, his stomach churning with bitterness.
“Drink some warm soup,” Su Xingchuan said, noticing Li Xuan’s slight frown. He placed a bowl of steaming chicken soup in front of him. “Where does it hurt?”
“None of your business.” Li Xuan turned his head away.
Su Xingchuan placed the bowl of hot soup in front of him.
The rising steam made Li Xuan’s eyes sting even more.
“How many surgeries did you do today?” Su Xingchuan, desperate for a topic, asked. They used to chat about anything and everything, but now all he could bring up was work. “You only have outpatient clinic hours on Wednesdays and Thursdays, right? When do you have lunch? Did you go the whole afternoon without eating?”
Hearing his words, Li Xuan suddenly felt hungry.
And with the hunger came a wave of sadness.
Li Xuan had never been one for snacks. Back when Su Xingchuan had a lot of afternoon classes, sometimes lasting until 5:30, he worried about Li Xuan getting hungry while waiting, so he would sneak two packets of cookies into his pocket. Li Xuan didn’t particularly like them and would only eat a couple of pieces when he was starving, then angrily text Su Xingchuan: [They’re so dry. My throat is clogged. You’re done for, Su Xingchuan.]
Receiving those messages during class always made Su Xingchuan struggle to keep a straight face. Although Li Xuan threatened him, Su Xingchuan knew the worst that would happen was giving him a few extra kisses—not exactly a punishment.
Both of them were probably thinking about similar memories.
Li Xuan muttered, “None of your business.”
Su Xingchuan, who had instinctively leaned closer to Li Xuan, slowly pulled back, continuing to peel shrimp. “I know, it’s none of my business.”
He placed the peeled shrimp into Li Xuan’s bowl.
Li Xuan lowered his head and drank the soup.
Suddenly, Su Xingchuan asked, “What’s Xu Zhengdong’s intention in leaving us alone here?”
Li Xuan mumbled, “I don’t know.”
After thinking for a moment, he frowned and asked, “Why do you call him by his name? He’s at least ten years older than you.”
Su Xingchuan’s hands paused mid-peel.
He thought he was pathetic.
How could someone be this pathetic?
Xu Zhengdong left him alone here, and he had actually come over, stubbornly peeling shrimp for Li Xuan, fussing over him.
Seven years had passed, and he had made no progress in love.
Hearing Li Xuan’s words, he felt a surge of frustration, a storm raging within him with no outlet.
It was almost unbearable.
Clenching his teeth, he asked, “Then what should I call him?”
Li Xuan looked confused. “Just call him what you should. Weren’t you calling him Mr. Xu earlier?”
Su Xingchuan couldn’t hold back any longer. The last trace of a smile vanished from his eyes. He abruptly stood up, his jaw clenched tighter. Grabbing a wet towel, he hastily wiped his hands, not wanting to say another word to Li Xuan. He pulled the chair aside and walked out.
Outside, the server was just about to bring in the final dessert when the door suddenly opened.
Su Xingchuan walked out quickly.
He exited the private dining restaurant and stepped into the crowded evening streets of Changting.
Changting—where the wilting grass stretches to the horizon, marking a place of farewells.
How fitting.
He felt a pang of bitterness toward Li Xuan. Why did he have to reappear? Giving him hope only to let him down again—just like seven years ago when he suddenly, without any reason, insisted on breaking up.
A love that ends abruptly is incredibly painful, like a roller coaster stuck at the peak, neither up nor down, unable to move forward or back.
It had taken him so long, filling his life with work to rescue himself, only for Li Xuan to reappear—how cruel.
His mind flashed through scenes, comparing moments from seven years ago with now. Li Xuan had changed in many ways, yet somehow, he hadn’t changed at all. Or perhaps it was Su Xingchuan himself who had changed. Had he misjudged Li Xuan all along?
He wanted to walk down Changting Street, to keep moving forward. But after walking a while, he found himself circling back.
Crunching over the fallen leaves, he returned to the entrance of the private dining restaurant.
And there, on the stone bench outside, he saw Li Xuan, clutching his briefcase, curled up in his oversized down jacket.
He used to hold Su Xingchuan’s bag like that.
Sitting by the basketball court, legs swinging.
Su Xingchuan stopped in front of him.
Li Xuan slowly raised his head, his eyes red.
Since their reunion, it was the first time he had dropped his cold facade in front of Su Xingchuan, showing his true emotions.
Su Xingchuan didn’t understand what Li Xuan was upset about, but he still felt a pang of pity. He squatted down in front of Li Xuan, reaching up to wipe away his tears with his thumb.
Li Xuan couldn’t hold it in any longer and choked out, “Su Xingchuan, do you really only like men now?”
So, Li Xuan wasn’t special, wasn’t important. Any other person—Wang Xuan, Chen Xuan—so long as they were a little sweet, a little clingy, could have made Su Xingchuan open his heart. Su Xingchuan had always been attracted to men, and Li Xuan was just someone who happened to show up at the right time. The rest of Su Xingchuan’s life had nothing to do with him.
Li Xuan didn’t want to face this reality.
“Is that all you care about?” Su Xingchuan was exasperated.
Li Xuan threw the briefcase at him, tears streaming down his face. “Yes, that’s exactly what I care about! I don’t care if you like me now; I just want to know how important I was to you back then. I only care about myself. I’m selfish and unreasonable!”
He stood up, gripping his sleeves tightly, hoping Su Xingchuan would say something, yet dreading the answer.
He walked away, his legs heavy as if filled with lead.
Then, he heard Su Xingchuan say, “Important.”
Tears streamed down Li Xuan’s face.
Hearing the answer he had longed for didn’t bring him joy; it deepened his sense of despair.
He had been important once, but now he had already been replaced.
Did he still have a chance? Could he still fight for it?
Li Xuan clenched his fists.
Watching Li Xuan’s quick departure, Su Xingchuan muttered to himself, “It really was important.”
So important that despite being so angry, despite never having considered liking a guy for the first twenty years of his life, despite all the rational voices telling him not to choose the hard path—he still, uncontrollably, fell for him.
Seven years ago, Yu Qinglan had said to Su Xingchuan, “You’re done for, Su Xingchuan. Haven’t you noticed how much you care about that boy?”
Su had shrugged it off. “Really? I don’t think so.”
He had always seen Li Xuan as a strange, needy boy until that one afternoon when, under the cool shade of the trees in the summer heat, Li Xuan leaned over and kissed his cheek.
Suddenly, the wind stopped, the forest stilled, and everything fell silent.
That night, for the first time in his 20 years, Su Xingchuan was unable to sleep. Not even the night before his college entrance exams had made him so anxious.
Although he had met boys with feminine qualities before and heard rumors that some liked men, he never paid attention. He never thought it had anything to do with him—until—
Li Xuan’s soft, warm lips pressed against his cheek.
Su Xingchuan took a deep breath.
He covered his forehead, trying to clear his thoughts, but the more he tried, the more vivid the memory became.
He couldn’t think about it too much.
That night, Su Xingchuan only managed to sleep for half an hour.
The next morning, he had three classes. Dazed, he made it through them and then went to the cafeteria with his roommates for lunch.
He silently hoped Li Xuan wouldn’t show up.
But not only did Li Xuan show up, he also brought a bowl of spicy beef and sat beside Su Xingchuan.
Su Xingchuan was instantly wide awake, frowning in irritation. Just as he was about to distance himself in front of his roommates, Li Xuan placed the bowl in front of him.
“Here, eat this.”
Su Xingchuan was taken aback, unsure of what he meant.
Li Xuan then pulled a box of chocolates from his pocket and handed it to Su Xingchuan. “These are good too.”
Su Xingchuan stood there, frozen.
After giving him the food, Li Xuan turned and left.
Was Li Xuan… trying to court him?
Su Xingchuan’s roommate watched Li Xuan for a moment, then turned to Su Xingchuan. “What’s going on?”
Su Xingchuan had no idea what was going on.
He decided to avoid Li Xuan.
He stopped going to the cafeteria, the basketball court, and even the library’s study room. He avoided any place where Li Xuan might find him. And when Li Xuan messaged him, he didn’t respond.
Cat: [Where are you?]
Cat: [Why aren’t you eating?]
Cat: [I don’t need you to feed me; I can eat by myself.]
Su Xingchuan scoffed, putting away his phone. Since when was you feeding yourself a reward for me? he thought.
Li Xuan continued messaging him.
Cat: [Are you mad at me? I’m sorry.]
Cat: [Talk to me.]
Cat: [I bought you a gift. Please talk to me.]
Cat: [You don’t want me to hate you, do you?]
When Su Xingchuan still didn’t respond, he received an audio message from Li Xuan that evening.
Cat: [I hate you.]
Su Xingchuan wasn’t surprised at all.
Li Xuan always had a spoiled, princely attitude.
He thought that by ignoring Li Xuan long enough, their relationship would naturally come to an end. But things didn’t go as planned.
A week later.
Su Xingchuan saw Li Xuan at the skateboarding club.
Su Xingchuan had joined two clubs: the debate club and the skateboarding club. Somehow, Li Xuan found out and showed up with his own skateboard.
The skateboarding club held activities every Wednesday and Sunday at 7 PM in front of the auditorium. Su Xingchuan attended occasionally.
Today, just as he was sitting down, he saw Li Xuan approaching with a long skateboard in his arms, his right hand wrapped in bandages.
Su Xingchuan thought: He’s such a clingy kid, impossible to shake off.
Just as he was about to stand up, the club senior walked over to greet Li Xuan. Su Xingchuan, with a stern expression, stayed seated.
He glanced over, noticing that the senior had a gentle face and spoke kindly—the type Li Xuan might like. Whatever the senior said, Li Xuan nodded frequently.
Under the streetlight, his eyes sparkled.
For some reason, Su Xingchuan felt an inexplicable annoyance.
So, Li Xuan looked at everyone with those same eyes.
